Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh this is not bad at all! Just requires some intervention.

I have a friend with cystic fibrosis (makes men sterile) and he has two biological children.

This comment is misinformed and frankly, flippant. There are some conditions that can be solved via intervention and some (look at one of the posters above) that will not result in biological children.

Of course! But again, it isn't the end of the world. Not at all. He'll of a lot better than ***shrug*** we have no idea what is wrong with you, good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Oh this is not bad at all! Just requires some intervention.

I have a friend with cystic fibrosis (makes men sterile) and he has two biological children.

This comment is misinformed and frankly, flippant. There are some conditions that can be solved via intervention and some (look at one of the posters above) that will not result in biological children.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, I’ve been there. My husband had that same diagnosis. We even went up to see the big guns in NYC at Weill-Cornell and had the exploratory surgery to see if they could retrieve even one sperm. There was nothing.

We were devastated. We ended up using a sperm donor and had a DD 11 years ago. She is the absolute light of my husband’s life. He has even said, “I am kind of glad I couldn’t have a biological child because I can’t imagine one any better than ours. I wouldn’t trade her for anything and wouldn’t go back and change things even if I could.” She has picked up aspects of his personality, and they are as close as any father/daughter pair.

I know you are grieving the children that you envisioned. This is not at all what you expected. It is hard to wrap your brain around it. It is hard to know what to say to your own husband. I wish I knew you IRL because I know how isolating it can feel. I wish you the very best as you decide your future path.

I ❤️ that! She was destined to be your dd.

Oh this is not bad at all! Just requires some intervention.

I have a friend with cystic fibrosis (makes men sterile) and he has two biological children.

Oh, OP, I’ve been there. My husband had that same diagnosis. We even went up to see the big guns in NYC at Weill-Cornell and had the exploratory surgery to see if they could retrieve even one sperm. There was nothing.

We were devastated. We ended up using a sperm donor and had a DD 11 years ago. She is the absolute light of my husband’s life. He has even said, “I am kind of glad I couldn’t have a biological child because I can’t imagine one any better than ours. I wouldn’t trade her for anything and wouldn’t go back and change things even if I could.” She has picked up aspects of his personality, and they are as close as any father/daughter pair.

I know you are grieving the children that you envisioned. This is not at all what you expected. It is hard to wrap your brain around it. It is hard to know what to say to your own husband. I wish I knew you IRL because I know how isolating it can feel. I wish you the very best as you decide your future path.

PP here - looks like Shady Grove has a male fertility practice.
I would start here, not with an ordinary urologist (I can't recall from your original post whether the urologist referral was for someone who specializes in male fertility or not - at first we got a general endocrinologist referral and wasted about a year on treatments that weren't targeted enough) - https://www.shadygrovefertility.com/treatments-success/advanced-treatments/male-fertility/

And for those saying "just adopt" or "just use a sperm donor." Please understand how hard that choice is. It is a long, expensive road to adopt, and medical issues may disqualify you. As for using a sperm donor, that has its own issues. People are allowed to want their own biological children and grieve when they can't have them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry to hear this, OP. After the briefing process, I recommend you consider adoption.

WTAF? Why? Do you know how hard and expensive it is to adopt? If OP has no issues using donor sperm is one of the easiest and cheapest routes to pregnancy with infertility. People are allowed to want to have their own biological children.

Both of you just settle down. It's entirely possible that OP's husband does produce sperm, but that there's a block or a cut in the vas deferens. That was the case with my husband - plenty of sperm, just no way for it to get out naturally. OP, if that's the case, the good news is that it is entirely possible, through IVF, for you to have biological children. They just go in and get the sperm, perform ICSI, and you stand an excellent chance of having a child. My There's no reason to jump to any conclusions.

Anonymous wrote:So sorry to hear this, OP. After the briefing process, I recommend you consider adoption.

WTAF? Why? Do you know how hard and expensive it is to adopt? If OP has no issues using donor sperm is one of the easiest and cheapest routes to pregnancy with infertility. People are allowed to want to have their own biological children.

You may need to see an andrologist/reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in male infertility in addition to a urologist. The go to andrologist used to be Richard Sherins at Columbia Fertility, who did the original research on restoring male fertility. Not sure who is the best doctor now.

OP, don't lose hope - my DH had azoospermia following cancer treatment. He was treated with a fertility meds for more than a year, and we were able to get sufficient sperm for IVF with ICSI (because the ones he did produce had low motility). We have twins who are now 12.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that your upset, but your husband must be devastated too. I would be sure to remind him regardless of this diagnosis that you love him regardless if you can/cannot have biological children. See what the doc says and then examine your options. You both need to support each other. Best of luck!

I'm sure he's devastated that he spent years being careful only to realize he never had to.

As someone who was never able to conceive with my own genes, please shut the h*ll up. Men grieve the loss of genetic children just like women, and no, all of those wasted years on birth control are not one of the things you grieve when confronted with that news.

Just because you're experience is different doesn't make PP's comment less accurate. Different people react differently.

Get outta here with your vague rationalization. That comment was glib, tone deaf, unhelpful and totally unnecessary. OP already shared that her dh couldn’t talk about it yet. He’s hurting. He’s not flippant about it.

Your emotionality on an anonymous message board suggests that therapy would be a good idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that your upset, but your husband must be devastated too. I would be sure to remind him regardless of this diagnosis that you love him regardless if you can/cannot have biological children. See what the doc says and then examine your options. You both need to support each other. Best of luck!

I'm sure he's devastated that he spent years being careful only to realize he never had to.

As someone who was never able to conceive with my own genes, please shut the h*ll up. Men grieve the loss of genetic children just like women, and no, all of those wasted years on birth control are not one of the things you grieve when confronted with that news.

Just because you're experience is different doesn't make PP's comment less accurate. Different people react differently.

Get outta here with your vague rationalization. That comment was glib, tone deaf, unhelpful and totally unnecessary. OP already shared that her dh couldn’t talk about it yet. He’s hurting. He’s not flippant about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that your upset, but your husband must be devastated too. I would be sure to remind him regardless of this diagnosis that you love him regardless if you can/cannot have biological children. See what the doc says and then examine your options. You both need to support each other. Best of luck!

I'm sure he's devastated that he spent years being careful only to realize he never had to.

As someone who was never able to conceive with my own genes, please shut the h*ll up. Men grieve the loss of genetic children just like women, and no, all of those wasted years on birth control are not one of the things you grieve when confronted with that news.

Just because you're experience is different doesn't make PP's comment less accurate. Different people react differently.

Your clinic can likely connect you to social workers or therapists with expertise working with couples with a variety of fertility issues. It is a big help to talk to someone who gets your feelings and can help you process.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that your upset, but your husband must be devastated too. I would be sure to remind him regardless of this diagnosis that you love him regardless if you can/cannot have biological children. See what the doc says and then examine your options. You both need to support each other. Best of luck!

I'm sure he's devastated that he spent years being careful only to realize he never had to.

As someone who was never able to conceive with my own genes, please shut the h*ll up. Men grieve the loss of genetic children just like women, and no, all of those wasted years on birth control are not one of the things you grieve when confronted with that news.

Anonymous wrote:I get that your upset, but your husband must be devastated too. I would be sure to remind him regardless of this diagnosis that you love him regardless if you can/cannot have biological children. See what the doc says and then examine your options. You both need to support each other. Best of luck!

I'm sure he's devastated that he spent years being careful only to realize he never had to.