Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 12:37     Subject: Does anger mgmt courses work for aspergers adult?
Anonymous wrote:The loud anger outbursts triggered by an accumulation of anything are scaring the children, and myself. I can’t stop them and I can’t tell when he’s about to blow.
Today was a nice day, out of the house, mix of things. Then at dinner basically I start to ask something after not even being around and he cuts me off, raises his voice, name calls, etc all in front of the children. I hadnt even asked my question. Then starts with his blame game and ends with rewriting the whole situation, in front of the children. One child ran off upset. The other heard his re-version twice of what just went down and asked to go the bathroom. I told him his temper is scaring everyone, which he blamed on me and a child earlier asking to do something.

Do anger mgmt classes work for this profile of person? Parenting classes didn’t help.
How do I get him to take the classes? I guess court ordered ones are only via a separation?


https://www.theneurotypical.com/rage-cycle-in-hfa.html

Sounds like a No.

I'm sorry, I have a good friend miles away who sometimes brings this up with her situation. She doesn't know what to do as they have kids. My heart goes out with her. I haven't read up much on living with someone with this condition, but from what little I did, it seems very difficult. I wish I could help her and you all.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 08:37     Subject: Does anger mgmt courses work for aspergers adult?
Anonymous wrote:Wait, so these guys can hold it together at work or behave appropriately if the police stop them for speeding, but not when you ask them a simple question? Face it, they can exhibit control when they need to. This is abuse. This behavior is damaging your children.


You mean masking? Yes it’s real and makes them come home on empty and let out their stresses.

Your second point, yes it is emotional and psychological abuse.

Now ask the tough question. Do family courts and judges care? Or make 18 years of hell for you and the kids?
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 08:34     Subject: Does anger mgmt courses work for aspergers adult?
Anonymous wrote:
Ugh. Going through this now. Every time he's out of his routine, he becomes seriously hyper-controlling and yells. A few days ago, he made all of us cry.

It's awful. And then when he feels fine again, he totally forgets how terrible he acted before. He refuses to seek therapy. If he went by himself, he wouldn't be able to recount events accurately anyway, since he rewrites history. He'd tell the therapist how his wife constantly provokes him deliberately and how she turns the children against him so they take her side. I mean, MAJOR delusion.


The delusions are frightening and psychotic. Denying what just happened, what he just said, making up things.
It’s clear his brain is operating on another planet with its own made up definitions of words and blocks out things that happen or were said. It’s crazy. The kids don’t know what to make of it, they are too young to say anything (and don’t want to get shouted out once he flies off the handle) or they just go about believing totally false inaccurate things and feeling off (gaslighting).
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 06:07     Subject: Does anger mgmt courses work for aspergers adult?
Wait, so these guys can hold it together at work or behave appropriately if the police stop them for speeding, but not when you ask them a simple question? Face it, they can exhibit control when they need to. This is abuse. This behavior is damaging your children.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 00:55     Subject: Re:Does anger mgmt courses work for aspergers adult?
Anonymous wrote:"Today was a nice day, out of the house, mix of things. Then at dinner . . ."

An Asperger's adult cannot spend all day in a family social setting. A time bomb waiting to blow.

My mother would force family outings with my Asperger's father, it NEVER ended well. She refused to care he could not handle it. Then she got to gloat about what a martyr she was to put up with him - no thought to what I, as a kid, was subjected from either's behavior.

Don't believe much can be done to make stressful social situations more palpable to HFA parent. The other parent needs counseling to understand how to cause less damage to their children. My "normal" mother's behaviour caused more stress and damage to our family.


Are you sure that he didn’t demand to take along? My aspie does, to keep his external image going.
If he didn’t want to go, he should have stayed home and it been forced to go out.
I stopped trying to get my aspie involved in household and parenting responsibilities, since he’d shutdown or get angry or do things quite carelessly. Now with nothing on his plate and 1000% focus in work he still has tantrums on us. It’s a terrible situation.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 00:40     Subject: Does anger mgmt courses work for aspergers adult?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Jesus why do you marry these creatures?


Ignoring your dehumanizing language I assume it's desperation to b married, the behavior described in this thread can't be asked, especially if the dating relationship was more than a whirlwind romance to get down the aisle. AS someone with a lot of family members with Asperger's/HFA all across the spectrum you will never convince me that you were just blindsided.


This is all covered by Dr Tony Attwood, Baron Cohen and other leaders in the field years ago. I’m surprised you are unfamiliar given your family’s background.