Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 12:01     Subject: Anyone with experience with un-charming narcissist family member?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you like her or not? Trying to figure out "what" she is is pointless. If she's not fitting into your life, do something about it.

In my experience, people who go all in on narcissism diagnoses and trying to figure out "what kind of narcissists" people are are usually the narcissists themselves. THEY are the ones causing trouble, but they don't get it, so they have to try really hard to find out what kind of mental illness everyone else in their life has.

Trying to figure out if you’re living with a narcissist - just means … you are a narcissist? That sounds a bit like gaslighting to me.
If someone’s behavior is concerning / puzzling, I think it is healthy to figure out what is going on with them - especially if there is a child involved.


Well in a way, yes. The kind of people who put a lot of effort into diagnosing other people's "mental illnesses" are usually those who have relationship problems but have absolutely no sense that they are part of the problem. They just think all the problems must be due to this other person being "a narcissist." There are very few true narcissists in this world. Nobody even knows from this post what OP's sister-in-law really did "to her."


I agree that this can happen. But narcissists aren't that rare, like 1 in 100 people, and you hear about them a lot on discussion boards because they cause a lot of strife.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 11:55     Subject: Anyone with experience with un-charming narcissist family member?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you like her or not? Trying to figure out "what" she is is pointless. If she's not fitting into your life, do something about it.

In my experience, people who go all in on narcissism diagnoses and trying to figure out "what kind of narcissists" people are are usually the narcissists themselves. THEY are the ones causing trouble, but they don't get it, so they have to try really hard to find out what kind of mental illness everyone else in their life has.

Trying to figure out if you’re living with a narcissist - just means … you are a narcissist? That sounds a bit like gaslighting to me.
If someone’s behavior is concerning / puzzling, I think it is healthy to figure out what is going on with them - especially if there is a child involved.


Well in a way, yes. The kind of people who put a lot of effort into diagnosing other people's "mental illnesses" are usually those who have relationship problems but have absolutely no sense that they are part of the problem. They just think all the problems must be due to this other person being "a narcissist." There are very few true narcissists in this world. Nobody even knows from this post what OP's sister-in-law really did "to her."
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 11:51     Subject: Anyone with experience with un-charming narcissist family member?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you like her or not? Trying to figure out "what" she is is pointless. If she's not fitting into your life, do something about it.

In my experience, people who go all in on narcissism diagnoses and trying to figure out "what kind of narcissists" people are are usually the narcissists themselves. THEY are the ones causing trouble, but they don't get it, so they have to try really hard to find out what kind of mental illness everyone else in their life has.


Not true, person who has likely been called a narcissist.


Well, yes and no. My mother cut off every single person in her life (I am not kidding - me, sister, father, in laws, her own parents, neighbors) AND found a way to diagnose them ALL as some kind of narcissist. She is the only person I've known in real life who has gone down these internet rabbit holes of trying to find out what is "wrong" with other people, when really, she is the common denominator with the mental illness.

I don't think acutal pscyhologists care much about "covert narcissists" etc. It's a way for people with relationship problems to try and deflect attention away from themselves by trying to figure out exactly is "wrong" with everyone else.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 02:30     Subject: Anyone with experience with un-charming narcissist family member?
Anonymous wrote:Do you like her or not? Trying to figure out "what" she is is pointless. If she's not fitting into your life, do something about it.

In my experience, people who go all in on narcissism diagnoses and trying to figure out "what kind of narcissists" people are are usually the narcissists themselves. THEY are the ones causing trouble, but they don't get it, so they have to try really hard to find out what kind of mental illness everyone else in their life has.

Is it that you have been called a narcissist and so you are biased against people calling someone else a narcissist?
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 02:29     Subject: Anyone with experience with un-charming narcissist family member?
Anonymous wrote:Do you like her or not? Trying to figure out "what" she is is pointless. If she's not fitting into your life, do something about it.

In my experience, people who go all in on narcissism diagnoses and trying to figure out "what kind of narcissists" people are are usually the narcissists themselves. THEY are the ones causing trouble, but they don't get it, so they have to try really hard to find out what kind of mental illness everyone else in their life has.

Trying to figure out if you’re living with a narcissist - just means … you are a narcissist? That sounds a bit like gaslighting to me.
If someone’s behavior is concerning / puzzling, I think it is healthy to figure out what is going on with them - especially if there is a child involved.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 02:23     Subject: Re:Anyone with experience with un-charming narcissist family member?
Anonymous wrote:My BIL and my former boss.

I had to go to therapy for the boss because being in a subordinate position to them meant that a bought completely into their system of vulnerability and manipulation. It was like brain washing. I have not seen them in almost 6 years and I still sometimes become fearful they are displeased with me. It’s horrible.

However, in getting treatment I also discovered my BIL has vulnerable narcissist traits as well and it’s almost helpful. Because he is not in a position of authority over me. So I basically get constant practice with detaching from him when he dies this, which in a weird way helps me mentally with recovering from the abuse I experienced from my boss.

Hugs. I’m so sorry that you experienced this. I experienced something similar with a former boss. She hired me when I had just moved to the US and I felt so grateful - even though I was over qualified for the position. It took me a while to figure out that she is narcissist. It didn’t hit me how much it affected me until I started working for my current boss - who treats us with kindness and respect - and I find it almost disorienting sometimes.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2021 01:20     Subject: Anyone with experience with un-charming narcissist family member?
Anonymous wrote:Do you like her or not? Trying to figure out "what" she is is pointless. If she's not fitting into your life, do something about it.

In my experience, people who go all in on narcissism diagnoses and trying to figure out "what kind of narcissists" people are are usually the narcissists themselves. THEY are the ones causing trouble, but they don't get it, so they have to try really hard to find out what kind of mental illness everyone else in their life has.


Not true, person who has likely been called a narcissist.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 12:23     Subject: Anyone with experience with un-charming narcissist family member?
Do you like her or not? Trying to figure out "what" she is is pointless. If she's not fitting into your life, do something about it.

In my experience, people who go all in on narcissism diagnoses and trying to figure out "what kind of narcissists" people are are usually the narcissists themselves. THEY are the ones causing trouble, but they don't get it, so they have to try really hard to find out what kind of mental illness everyone else in their life has.