Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A comment came up somewhere here that men in unhappy marriages may choose to stay or not divorce because of their wife’s “free childcare.”
Meanwhile he generally ignores his wife and the relationship isn’t close nor intimate, possibly quite transactional with poor to little real verbal communication.

Is this an actual reason or true reason?

Do these men then file for divorce once the last kid is out of the house?

Do they think their lonely wife (or worse, neglected, abused) won’t divorce?

Maybe they want to be their kid's lives and not see them less frequent.

lol. My husband said he didn’t want to get a divorce, “because I want to be able to see my children when I want to.”

Next day he got served and now 3 years later he sees them once a month when convenient for him. It’s all about him. His wants, his needs, his image. It never was about the kids, not while married, separated or divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I know a man kind of in this situation. He was a complete a$$ to his wife. I witnessed it many times.

They have an older teen, but the dad now has to figure out carpooling, cooking, grocery store shopping etc...

He used to complain that his wife did nothing at home, but now I think he's seeing just how much she did cause he's having to do it all by himself now and finding it a challenge.

So men like him would stay for the childcare. She filed and left now he has to do some actual parenting some times.

Most guys like this get remarried super fast. The new wife usually wants kids of her own so she’s eager to take on childcare for his kids and “prove” herself as maternal and easygoing. Of course, all that goes out the window after she has her first baby and the reality of parenthood sets in. Then the cycle begins all over again. H

Anonymous wrote:I have never heard that.

This is a weird way of saying you’re staying “for the kids.”

Tons of ppl stay in miserable marriages because of the children. By the time the children are gone, they probably just give up on life and never make their move. If they are going to make a move, they wouldn't wait 5-20 years.

Anonymous wrote: I know a man kind of in this situation. He was a complete a$$ to his wife. I witnessed it many times.

They have an older teen, but the dad now has to figure out carpooling, cooking, grocery store shopping etc...

He used to complain that his wife did nothing at home, but now I think he's seeing just how much she did cause he's having to do it all by himself now and finding it a challenge.

So men like him would stay for the childcare. She filed and left now he has to do some actual parenting some times.

I really don't think this is a thing. Men who have these views are likely to only end up with their kids on the weekends and holidays if that in which they will employ their mother or sisters to help, or as pp said they will get a girlfriend or a new wife who is happy to take care of the childcare.

Now there are men who choose to stay because they don't want to split up the kid's home, but that's a different thing.

Divorce is hard and expensive and most men and women put up with crap marriages just to avoid it.

Anonymous wrote:I just posted. Men stay because they are lazy and deal with the status quo easier. Women file for about 70% of divorces. Women get more fed up with lack of any emotion than men.

Yes all men are lazy.

I just posted. Men stay because they are lazy and deal with the status quo easier. Women file for about 70% of divorces. Women get more fed up with lack of any emotion than men.

I think this could be a reason for a lot of men to stay, personally. But men usually stay out of convenience...and childcare, especially if a SAHM, is a big convenience.

A lot of people stay for practical reasons. Some women stay for the money. Some men stay for the convenience of house and kids being taken care of if they are both not working spouses. They might divorce later. They might not. There is no way of knowing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since men are usually willfully blind to all the ways women serve and accommodate them, I doubt it. What I see instead is that men assume they can handle it, only then realize how much weight the wife was pulling, then stepmom up.

Lol, martyr.

You don’t know who you’re accusing. But damn if this isn’t the dynamic with my dad and all his wives.

Anonymous wrote:Since men are usually willfully blind to all the ways women serve and accommodate them, I doubt it. What I see instead is that men assume they can handle it, only then realize how much weight the wife was pulling, then stepmom up.

Lol, martyr.

Since men are usually willfully blind to all the ways women serve and accommodate them, I doubt it. What I see instead is that men assume they can handle it, only then realize how much weight the wife was pulling, then stepmom up.

It’s more like men can’t take care of their own children.

I’m sure that they do. I can’t imagine anyone really admitting this though, even to themselves.

I just farted.