If you are not a troll, and I believe you are not because I know people like this, it seems obvious: you are obsessed with status and put others down, and your son has a kind heart and a healthy distaste for this $(@* and as a result he's rebelling against your preferences because he finds your ethos distasteful. I do too, especially when you put people into two buckets: well-off, or maladjusted (I'm paraphrasing, but you did). I bet that in his fancy private school you were so BLESSED to afford he felt like he didn't truly belong...like you were "playing a part" and obsessed with wealth and he found it super icky.

This may turn out fine for your DS, or he may find it's limiting his social circle if it's holding him back financially. Either way, totally makes sense. Deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you consider that your child is being rejected by these peers you fawn over (and their parents)?

It's this. They rejected him in middle school, so he found friends with other kids.

This is OP. Yes he has said he did not fit in and was bullied in middle school by mean rich kids. This seemed to have extended into high school where he found a friend group with some kids from rich families who were nice to him but with whom he no longer keeps in touch. I’m college he befriended the kids from other poor families and in his adult life it’s persisted. He does not befriend other professionals and seems to think his people are the blue collar and other middle class people he encounters.

My daughter seems to be on the opposite trajectory where she only befriended other wealthy girls and now married a rich guy. She seems to have blended in effortlessly.

Anonymous wrote:Did you consider that your child is being rejected by these peers you fawn over (and their parents)?

It's this. They rejected him in middle school, so he found friends with other kids.

I grew up in a MC suburb on the west coast and went to college at a small, expensive, private on the east coast because I thought that is what I wanted. A year later I transferred to a large public school. It was extremely difficult to relate to the people at my school and, in my eyes, they were spoiled, entitled and had such a narrow and protected world view. I was much happier once I transferred and met people who had experienced something as basic as working an hourly job. I think your son probably just dislikes these people you want him to be friends with. Let him be

We grew up poor and now have a seven figure income. We send our kids to an excellent public school. They are amongst their peers. We also want our kids to have opportunities we didn’t have.

You need to know your kid.

To be fair, rich people skew asshole and rich kids even more so. Your son probably has good character.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are hardworking people and when my husband made some money, I just wanted my children to have better than we did. We sent him to private since middle school and did not have too much left over for international trips or others. I enrolled him in cotillion and made sure he had private gold lessons since he was a little kid.

My older daughter was sent to public school but is now married to a rich man from a wealthy family. She now lives in Bethesda and is friends with people I'd like my son to associate with. I don't know why he has such little self esteem.

For those of us who didn’t grow up rich…what are gold lessons??

Clearly my group gold lessons were insufficient—mom and dad should have sprung for private!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are hardworking people and when my husband made some money, I just wanted my children to have better than we did. We sent him to private since middle school and did not have too much left over for international trips or others. I enrolled him in cotillion and made sure he had private gold lessons since he was a little kid.

My older daughter was sent to public school but is now married to a rich man from a wealthy family. She now lives in Bethesda and is friends with people I'd like my son to associate with. I don't know why he has such little self esteem.

You seem to be a very simple thinker. You know that a "rich man from a wealthy family" can be an alcoholic, wife-beater who has a gambling problem and cheats on his wife, right? And a public school teacher can be the most upstanding citizen who treats his wife respectfully and lovingly. Get your priorities straight.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are hardworking people and when my husband made some money, I just wanted my children to have better than we did. We sent him to private since middle school and did not have too much left over for international trips or others. I enrolled him in cotillion and made sure he had private gold lessons since he was a little kid.

My older daughter was sent to public school but is now married to a rich man from a wealthy family. She now lives in Bethesda and is friends with people I'd like my son to associate with. I don't know why he has such little self esteem.

For those of us who didn’t grow up rich…what are gold lessons??

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are hardworking people and when my husband made some money, I just wanted my children to have better than we did. We sent him to private since middle school and did not have too much left over for international trips or others. I enrolled him in cotillion and made sure he had private gold lessons since he was a little kid.

My older daughter was sent to public school but is now married to a rich man from a wealthy family. She now lives in Bethesda and is friends with people I'd like my son to associate with. I don't know why he has such little self esteem.

Honey, it's pretty clear you're the one with low self-esteem.

Your sense of self-worth is tied to how much money your family has and who you associate with, and your ego is bruised by your son's rejection of your materialistic values and snobbishness. Sounds like your son is doing just fine in the self-esteem department, in spite of growing up saddled by your endless social climbing and social engineering.


That said, I hope this is a troll. In that case, though, the low self-esteem thing still applies. You can't have much of a sense of self-worth if lurking behind your keyboard, riling up people online all day, is what gives you satisfaction.

This isn't even a good troll. Meh.

OP here. We are hardworking people and when my husband made some money, I just wanted my children to have better than we did. We sent him to private since middle school and did not have too much left over for international trips or others. I enrolled him in cotillion and made sure he had private gold lessons since he was a little kid.

My older daughter was sent to public school but is now married to a rich man from a wealthy family. She now lives in Bethesda and is friends with people I'd like my son to associate with. I don't know why he has such little self esteem.

You failed, OP. You're responsible for making upper middle/upper class friends and then setting up playdates. Did you join a country club? Send him to elite summer camps? No? You failed your child.

Troll Scale= 1 to 5. Your troll level is 1. No one fell for it.

He’s rebelling against your overt social climbing.

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should’ve moved to a nice area and sent him to public school.

This. You likely didn’t fit into the private school scene for reasons you may not understand. Not saying it’s right, but …