Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

I can’t wrap my head around these numbers, unless you had kids at 45

That whole post is so bonkers that I think it is someone mocking SAHMs.

You have to be joking. There is no way you live in a 1.8M house on that salary given taxes and utilities alone except if someone purchased it for you. And, no way your mortgage is $300 except if someone paid it off for you. I have refinanced and done two recasts and my mortgage is still $1200 as we have been heavily paying it off and my house is 1/5 what yours costs. There is no way you can mostly fund college and other things.

I assumed she meant mortgage is $300k. But yes, still very unrealistic.

I read this post as totally sarcastic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

I can’t wrap my head around these numbers, unless you had kids at 45

That whole post is so bonkers that I think it is someone mocking SAHMs.

You have to be joking. There is no way you live in a 1.8M house on that salary given taxes and utilities alone except if someone purchased it for you. And, no way your mortgage is $300 except if someone paid it off for you. I have refinanced and done two recasts and my mortgage is still $1200 as we have been heavily paying it off and my house is 1/5 what yours costs. There is no way you can mostly fund college and other things.

I assumed she meant mortgage is $300k. But yes, still very unrealistic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

I can’t wrap my head around these numbers, unless you had kids at 45

That whole post is so bonkers that I think it is someone mocking SAHMs.

You have to be joking. There is no way you live in a 1.8M house on that salary given taxes and utilities alone except if someone purchased it for you. And, no way your mortgage is $300 except if someone paid it off for you. I have refinanced and done two recasts and my mortgage is still $1200 as we have been heavily paying it off and my house is 1/5 what yours costs. There is no way you can mostly fund college and other things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is his salary. Saying middle class is silly. You can make it work.

68k. It is a very big struggle to exist on his salary alone and we live in a more affordable part of the DC area.

At that income, you might qualify for housing programs and other supports. If your income is less than that, by the time you pay taxes and everything, with a child it doesn't probably pay for you to work, sadly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

No, if you formula fed the first one and breastfed the others, that’s probably why the first one is dumb and socially awkward.

…oh wait, that’s also only true in crazy-person-land.

Lady, your first child is not less intelligent and less socially adept because you were working, unless you actually locked them in a box while you were gone. That assertion is nuts. You want to stay at home? Great, enjoy, go for it. But building an insane story to support your choice is not necessary or helpful, and certainly not helpful to your poor first child, who you’ve deemed inferior forevermore because - horrors! - they had a working mom for the first year of their life.

That poor first kid's only real problem is her totally nuts mom.

I think there must be a marked difference and she blames herself in that way. It's most likely not related to outside care but mom guilt will latch on to something to feel bad about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

I can’t wrap my head around these numbers, unless you had kids at 45

They didn’t buy their house with their own money.

Or perhaps no student loans.

Even with no student loans, unless there’s an inheritance, or she made like $500k for several years before having kids at 45, there is no way they could have that house and fully funded 529s for three kids!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

No, if you formula fed the first one and breastfed the others, that’s probably why the first one is dumb and socially awkward.

…oh wait, that’s also only true in crazy-person-land.

Lady, your first child is not less intelligent and less socially adept because you were working, unless you actually locked them in a box while you were gone. That assertion is nuts. You want to stay at home? Great, enjoy, go for it. But building an insane story to support your choice is not necessary or helpful, and certainly not helpful to your poor first child, who you’ve deemed inferior forevermore because - horrors! - they had a working mom for the first year of their life.

That poor first kid's only real problem is her totally nuts mom.

OP, I'm with you. I became a SAHP for the same reason when our DC was born even though DH "only" made around 90k. We already owned our home at the time and our mortgage was around 2800/mo. So it was very tight that first year. We never went out to eat, no babysitters basically ever, we got most baby stuff second hand for cheap or free.

But it got much, much better around 18 months. First, we were able to find very low cost (like practically free) part-time childcare by joining a play group co-op. I had volunteer days at the co-op, but most weeks would get 6-9 hours of childcare out of it. That enabled me earn some money doing freelance-type work for my former employer. It wasn't much money, about an extra 10k a year. But it was an extra 10k without having to pay for formal childcare, so all that money could go into savings or to pay for necessities (and the occasional date night). At 2.5, DC went into half day, 5 day a week PK. That obviously cost more, but since I was already established with freelance work I was able to dial that up to really take advantage of the time when DC was not home. So it was well worth the cost.

DH's income also went up about 10k/yr over this time. By the time DC was 3, I was making about 30k/year. So our income went up 40k over the course of about 3 years, all without ever having to shell out the 20k+ per year that we would have had to pay for full time childcare over the course of that same period in time. The most we have ever spent on childcare in a year is 10k, and was for part-time PK plus a full-time summer camp program.

Now DC is in public school and going to after-care 3 days a week. I am getting about 25 hrs/week of freelance work and have been able to boost my rate because I've been at it for 5 years and have a number of longtime clients. My job is incredibly flexible -- far more accommodating of having a young kid than what I was doing before. We definitely had some tricky months financially, but we never seriously worried about making our mortgage. We drive a 12 year old car and need to upgrade it soon, but we have the money now that I'm working so much more and DC is in school. We still have to pay for childcare in the summers, but it's manageable. We are not rich by DCUM standards but we live a nice, comfortable life in DC -- we take vacations, go out to eat, our kid has plenty of clothes and shoes, we save for retirement. And I can honestly say I don't think we'd be in a better financial situation if I'd stayed in my old job when DC was born. The cost of childcare around here for infants and toddler is just so high.

I would think that with twins, the economics work out even more in your favor, even though your DH's income is lower than mine's was. You just need to figure out how to get through the next couple years. Depending on where you are, you might even qualify for universal PK at 3 or 4. You can do it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is his salary. Saying middle class is silly. You can make it work.

68k. It is a very big struggle to exist on his salary alone and we live in a more affordable part of the DC area.

Got it. That sounds like it would take some planning but not undo-able. How old are your kids?

10-month-old twins.

OMG. You basically have no choice! I think you should just accept staying home for a few years as a necessity. Don’t try to do side projects, taking care of twins is already a full time job. Give yourself a few years time where you don’t even try to plan for work projects. Focus on your babies, research fun inexpensive family outings.

We have a little bit higher HHI than you but I found it pretty easy to live frugally with a baby — especially in Covid times. I have a 8 month old and an older child. I will say that all the baby classes are a complete waste of money. Probably until age 4/5 the classes are more for you than them.

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

No, if you formula fed the first one and breastfed the others, that’s probably why the first one is dumb and socially awkward.

…oh wait, that’s also only true in crazy-person-land.

Lady, your first child is not less intelligent and less socially adept because you were working, unless you actually locked them in a box while you were gone. That assertion is nuts. You want to stay at home? Great, enjoy, go for it. But building an insane story to support your choice is not necessary or helpful, and certainly not helpful to your poor first child, who you’ve deemed inferior forevermore because - horrors! - they had a working mom for the first year of their life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

I can’t wrap my head around these numbers, unless you had kids at 45

That whole post is so bonkers that I think it is someone mocking SAHMs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

I can’t wrap my head around these numbers, unless you had kids at 45

They didn’t buy their house with their own money.

Or perhaps no student loans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

I can’t wrap my head around these numbers, unless you had kids at 45

They didn’t buy their house with their own money.

Anonymous wrote:
Ok. DH makes 90k. We saved a lot before kids and bought a 1.8M house in a good school district. Mortgage is under $300. We rent out a room and that brings in 15K - that's my play money. Kid's colleges are almost funded, but we're also saving for grad school.

I really wanted to quit but didn't think DH would be okay with it. Turns out, he really wanted me to stay home as well. I worked the first year after our first child was born and our other children, so I spent more time with, are much smarter and less socially awkward. I regret working when the first was a baby!

My kids can do so much with me that other kids miss out on. So many nature activities, trips, and even just snuggles make a difference. Playdates and preschool give them social interaction.

I can’t wrap my head around these numbers, unless you had kids at 45

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is his salary. Saying middle class is silly. You can make it work.

68k. It is a very big struggle to exist on his salary alone and we live in a more affordable part of the DC area.

I am really impressed you are making it on 68k. That is so little in the DC area, and yet you make too much to qualify for SNAP and medicaid.

School bus drivers can bring their kids to work with them. Full benefits for part-time work in Fairfax County, maybe elsewhere.
https://www.fcps.edu/careers/career-opportunities/bus-driver-employment-opportunities