Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:29     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Fall birthdays are usually the oldest in the class, OP.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:24     Subject: Re:It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry but you have some really distorted thinking about this. Did you/do you see a therapist for your anxiety? They might be able to help you sort out and process the trauma associated with what you went through.


Calling the one year delay of college a trauma is a misuse of the word and does a real disservice to victims of actual trauma.


Trauma doesn’t always result from something big or violent or scary. The body and brain doesn’t know the difference between trauma resulting from major events or something like having to drop out of school due to mental illness. It’s still a stressful event that changes your sense of self and ideas about yourself, which is obviously going on here if OP feels this level of resentment hearing about kids not turning 21 until their senior year (!).


A trauma is a a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. If delaying school for a year was a deeply distressing or disturbing experience, that's pretty pathetic.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:21     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a very strange post.


+1

Navel-gazing too much.


I think OP has posted about this before, and it's a persisting perseveration.


Don't all perseverations persist? Hence: perseveration?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:20     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to find some perspective on this. There will always be people who've had it rougher or easier than you, and it's irrelevant for your life, in any case.

My husband didn't go to college until his late 20s because his parents were uneducated and didn't know how to guide him along that path. Left alone, he joined a gang and endured a beating to break out of it. He could have easily ended up dead, like many of his childhood friends.

Get some therapy or at least do some volunteer work with people less privileged. It will help with perspective.


Totally not the point of your post, but please ask your husband to do an AMA about his former gang life?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:17     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People with fall birthdays are usually the ones who have this experience as they usually turn 18 their freshman year and 21 their senior year.

OP what school district are you coming from? When I was growing up in the DMV and the cutoff dates were Jan 1, this was the case. I had one of those fall birthdays and I went to college at age 17. But now, most school districts use Sept 1 so what you're describing doesn't happen much.

I think you're conflating people's light conversation about bar-hopping and your reflections on the straight vs. crooked path. Some people take a gap year, which is very different from dropping out from college due to anxiety. Others go to the military, and don't even enter college until they are 21. If your friend's son is unhappy that he can't go to bars, maybe it's simply that the son feels left out. You of all people should have some empathy for a person who feels left out. Also, some people just need to vent. It's not always about victimization. They are just letting off steam. You don't need to take them too seriously, or argue with them, or get too upset about what they say.


Yes, all of this^. Nobody thinks you’re lucky to have suffered intense anxiety, but have you considered the possibility that you were lucky in some ways? You still had the opportunity to go to college. You were able to earn a degree. Either your anxiety lessened or you picked up more coping skills. Focus more on the ways that things did work out for you. It will make you a much happier person.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:17     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
OP, you need to find some perspective on this. There will always be people who've had it rougher or easier than you, and it's irrelevant for your life, in any case.

My husband didn't go to college until his late 20s because his parents were uneducated and didn't know how to guide him along that path. Left alone, he joined a gang and endured a beating to break out of it. He could have easily ended up dead, like many of his childhood friends.

Get some therapy or at least do some volunteer work with people less privileged. It will help with perspective.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:16     Subject: Re:It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
I turned 21 in the fall of senior year. Truly wasn't a big deal, and I didn't feel sorry for myself or ask anyone else to feel sorry for me.

I'm sorry you had issues. Hopefully you are sympathetic to the current crop of college students who are taking classes from the homes or dorm rooms, taking gap semesters or years, and have not able to have a typical college experience.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:11     Subject: Re:It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry but you have some really distorted thinking about this. Did you/do you see a therapist for your anxiety? They might be able to help you sort out and process the trauma associated with what you went through.


Calling the one year delay of college a trauma is a misuse of the word and does a real disservice to victims of actual trauma.


Trauma doesn’t always result from something big or violent or scary. The body and brain doesn’t know the difference between trauma resulting from major events or something like having to drop out of school due to mental illness. It’s still a stressful event that changes your sense of self and ideas about yourself, which is obviously going on here if OP feels this level of resentment hearing about kids not turning 21 until their senior year (!).
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:04     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a very strange post.


+1

Navel-gazing too much.


I think OP has posted about this before, and it's a persisting perseveration.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:02     Subject: Re:It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
You're obviously very young. By the time you're 30, nobody will care when you graduated from college. Start now on letting this go. It doesn't matter.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 11:58     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People with fall birthdays are usually the ones who have this experience as they usually turn 18 their freshman year and 21 their senior year.

OP what school district are you coming from? When I was growing up in the DMV and the cutoff dates were Jan 1, this was the case. I had one of those fall birthdays and I went to college at age 17. But now, most school districts use Sept 1 so what you're describing doesn't happen much.

I think you're conflating people's light conversation about bar-hopping and your reflections on the straight vs. crooked path. Some people take a gap year, which is very different from dropping out from college due to anxiety. Others go to the military, and don't even enter college until they are 21. If your friend's son is unhappy that he can't go to bars, maybe it's simply that the son feels left out. You of all people should have some empathy for a person who feels left out. Also, some people just need to vent. It's not always about victimization. They are just letting off steam. You don't need to take them too seriously, or argue with them, or get too upset about what they say.


The only person who can choose how to feel about flippant comments around turning 21 is you. You asked your family friend how their son was and they responded with his experience. That has nothing to do with you and it would have been self centered of you to ask the question you considered so it's good you were able to stop yourself. I would encourage you to find a place where you can allow others to expressing their feelings or experience and not hear it as commentary or comparison point on your experience because this is a slippery slope of a game to play. As a previous poster stated, there are all sorts of challenges in life from mere inconveniences, to hurdles, to trauma - and playing the - don't complain about X because it could have been Y game (within reason because of course there are people who complain too much and people who are truly insensitive about the experiences of others) is problematic.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 11:52     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a very strange post.


+1

Navel-gazing too much.


+2. I clicked on it because I turned 21 in the fall of my senior year, but didn't expect the initial post to go that way.


I graduated shortly before my 21st birthday. anyone feel sorry for me?


I had a fall birthday and graduated in 3 years at 20.
OP, you should feel really bad for me, you jerk!!!
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 11:36     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Um, honey, I hate to break it out to you, but most college students under 21 can get alcohol almost anywhere in their college town.
Fact: my then 18 year old got sodden drunk a few times, nobody ever asked her for her ID.
And your friends don't actually mean it. They are just saying this to make you feel better for being older.
You lack comprehension of social cues, no?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 11:23     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
I have a summer BD. I turned 21 just before my senior year. Most schools have a September cut-off so I don’t understand “mid way through senior year” and I imagine birthdays that fall that late are rare. I was one of the youngest I knew for my year in my sorority.

I can’t see that this is even an issue in the middle of a pandemic. What bars are kids going out to? When I was in college we mostly went to house parties because we were broke.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 11:16     Subject: It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a very strange post.


+1

Navel-gazing too much.


+2. I clicked on it because I turned 21 in the fall of my senior year, but didn't expect the initial post to go that way.


I graduated shortly before my 21st birthday. anyone feel sorry for me?