Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that way sometimes. We do have a kid. But one of the reasons we divorced was bc he would not do anything to make it feel like a marriage—no engagement ring, no wedding ring, no wedding, no house, no shared financial plan, little to no teamwork, no shared social life, no traveling and no holidays.

Gentlemen: notice how half the things she describes are material items, that are all to be paid for by the husband?

I'm 12:41. I don't think those are necessarily materialistic. I never wanted an expensive ring or wedding, I just wanted some sort of acknowledgement that he was excited and committed to building a life with me. Hell, even a few nice words when we signed the marriage paperwork would have been nice, instead he just left it out on the kitchen counter for me to sign.

I would rather have a very cheap engagement ring and wedding that a man put thought and effort into, rather than expensive ones he just threw my way with little to no effort. And shared financial plans are standard for marriage, from my experience couples who are territorial over their own money don't last very long.

It's very sad you view marriage that way. For sure, there are some women who are materialistic, just like there are some men who view marriage solely as a way to get sex and housekeeping. But most people don't feel that way, most people want to build a shared life together.

Yup. We got married because we accidentally got pregnant. I was young with a low paying job and no health insurance, so I felt I had to play it cool and basically ask for nothing in order for him to marry me so I'd have some security and insurance.

But like PP, no engagement ring, no wedding, no wedding ring, no shared financial plan, no teamwork, no social life, no travel, no holidays.....we were basically two people living completely separate lives under the same roof and failing at raising a child together. Of course, he expected all the perks of marriage for him, such as sex and having a live-in housemaid. All the while making me feel like I was such a worthless POS, I should just be grateful for whatever scraps he threw my way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I shouldn’t have married my ex. I’m glad I did for a certain reason, but I feel no connection to him, and it’s like it never even happened. I feel closer to other ex boyfriends. It’s very strange.

OP here. Exactly the same for me.

You don’t feel a connection through your kids? The ones you have to raise together for 18 years?

No. Not at all.

Maybe you have short term memory loss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I shouldn’t have married my ex. I’m glad I did for a certain reason, but I feel no connection to him, and it’s like it never even happened. I feel closer to other ex boyfriends. It’s very strange.

OP here. Exactly the same for me.

You don’t feel a connection through your kids? The ones you have to raise together for 18 years?

Yes he’s an empty suit at home and w the family. He’s a showman with anyone outside the house, we have to deal w the aftermath

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that way sometimes. We do have a kid. But one of the reasons we divorced was bc he would not do anything to make it feel like a marriage—no engagement ring, no wedding ring, no wedding, no house, no shared financial plan, little to no teamwork, no shared social life, no traveling and no holidays.

Gentlemen: notice how half the things she describes are material items, that are all to be paid for by the husband?

That is not how I read this...you are forgetting half the post. And you are assuming a lot. Many people pay for half of all of those things except an engagement ring. There is no law that says man pays for all of this and in my experience, that is not the norm at all. Those things are shared.

What is bolded does not even matter at all long-term...it is what was NOT bolded that is reallyl the problem: little to no teamwork, no shared social life, no traveling and no holidays.

OP here. I had none of the non-bolded things except the awkward holidays. The bolded things were paid by each of us except engagement ring, which I could have cared less about.

I don't think this post is a reason to make assumptions that men pay for everything...they don't. The problem in this post (and with me) was the complete lack of a shared life, vision or goals. It was like to him, having a wife was an accessory (a working wife).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that way sometimes. We do have a kid. But one of the reasons we divorced was bc he would not do anything to make it feel like a marriage—no engagement ring, no wedding ring, no wedding, no house, no shared financial plan, little to no teamwork, no shared social life, no traveling and no holidays.

Gentlemen: notice how half the things she describes are material items, that are all to be paid for by the husband?

Who said they have to be paid for by the husband??? My engagement ring is from a family member, my wedding we paid for and my parents helped significantly, I paid for our house, our financial plan is from both of us and our jobs ... I don't know why you'd assume that is things that only a husband would pay for, UNLESS you agreed with your spouse that the husband is the one who would provide those things.

Anonymous wrote:I can relate, married 17 years, officially divorced 1 and looking back i don’t recognize myself back then at all, it certainly was not a real marriage no matter how much I pretended and wanted it to be. I used to look at married couples and yearn for that type of partnership and connection. I thought if I tried hard enough I could have that too, that I had something I could build on. Now I reloaded I never had it not even one bit, the emperor had no clothes.

OP here. Same. Thanks for chiming in. Nice to know I am not alone.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I shouldn’t have married my ex. I’m glad I did for a certain reason, but I feel no connection to him, and it’s like it never even happened. I feel closer to other ex boyfriends. It’s very strange.

OP here. Exactly the same for me.

Anonymous wrote:I feel that way sometimes. We do have a kid. But one of the reasons we divorced was bc he would not do anything to make it feel like a marriage—no engagement ring, no wedding ring, no wedding, no house, no shared financial plan, little to no teamwork, no shared social life, no traveling and no holidays.

Gentlemen: notice how half the things she describes are material items, that are all to be paid for by the husband?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh yes, married at 22, she had an affair at 23, divorced at 24. That was 28 years ago and the marriage was just a blur but I still have some good memories. Sadly, her life has been bad since then and mine has been very good.

Bad how?

Married and divorced twice.

I met my ex husband in medical school and I was 22. We got married when I was 25. We were married for 24 years.

We’ve been divorced for 3 years. I seriously can’t remember a time without him. But so many years are a blur to me. I was raising the kids and his practice was so busy.

He woke up before us and came home after the kids were in bed. I was very lonely. It was not a great life for any of us.

I can relate, married 17 years, officially divorced 1 and looking back i don’t recognize myself back then at all, it certainly was not a real marriage no matter how much I pretended and wanted it to be. I used to look at married couples and yearn for that type of partnership and connection. I thought if I tried hard enough I could have that too, that I had something I could build on. Now I reloaded I never had it not even one bit, the emperor had no clothes.

Yes, I shouldn’t have married my ex. I’m glad I did for a certain reason, but I feel no connection to him, and it’s like it never even happened. I feel closer to other ex boyfriends. It’s very strange.