I’ve been home for 10.5 years. I can’t even get an interview for jobs that are much, much lower level than I used to have in my old field and am having trouble even while also attempting to pivot to a less competitive, lower-paying field.

Yes, I’ve had absolutely amazing, unforgettable years “at home” but now feel trapped and depressed by my lack of ability to provide any financial contributions now when DH’s company is struggling.

Anonymous wrote:If you quit your job and stayed home while you have 2-3 kids, did you find returning to work easy or hard? Do you wish you would have continued to work PT?

I would have liked to stay part time. If that is an option, try to keep it as long as you can.

Anonymous wrote:OP, how chaotic of a home do your want? How much chaos is okay for your children to experience from day to day? How often is it okay to drop the ball on making sure your family runs well? How much confusion and anxiety do you want to inflict on your children? Because working full time means chaos, confusion and stress runs your home first and foremost. Your employer always comes first -- that's the truth. Your kids know that, but they can work it out with extensive therapy after they grow up, I guess.

Your either put your children first or yourself first. If you want well-adjusted children, you put them first. Always.

Oh, puh-lease.

Anonymous wrote:OP, how chaotic of a home do your want? How much chaos is okay for your children to experience from day to day? How often is it okay to drop the ball on making sure your family runs well? How much confusion and anxiety do you want to inflict on your children? Because working full time means chaos, confusion and stress runs your home first and foremost. Your employer always comes first -- that's the truth. Your kids know that, but they can work it out with extensive therapy after they grow up, I guess.

Your either put your children first or yourself first. If you want well-adjusted children, you put them first. Always.

Ding ding ding found the SAHM with no prospects whose love revolves around the color of the table runner!!!!

Anonymous wrote:OP, how chaotic of a home do your want? How much chaos is okay for your children to experience from day to day? How often is it okay to drop the ball on making sure your family runs well? How much confusion and anxiety do you want to inflict on your children? Because working full time means chaos, confusion and stress runs your home first and foremost. Your employer always comes first -- that's the truth. Your kids know that, but they can work it out with extensive therapy after they grow up, I guess.

Your either put your children first or yourself first. If you want well-adjusted children, you put them first. Always.

You can put your kids first and still have a job. It’s much easier to put them first if you are a sahm.

I’ve been home 13 years. I’m terrified to go back and truly don’t think I’m capable any more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love being home, you can afford for you to be home, your husband supports it, there is your answer. No regrets staying home. Degrees are great, have a few but degrees shouldn't define you or push you in a direction that isn't best for you.

OP here. I do love being at home but I do miss work and want to go back at some point.

Then, compromise and go back part time if you can.

Don’t go part time. You’ll be working 90% of the time for half the pay. It’s a much better plan to just half ass your job.

I was a SAHM for 15 years and am now happily back working a mostly flexible part-time job that pays decently well. I got the job by seeking out volunteer work that developed and used technical/computer skills. Specifically, I ran communications, including updating the website and creating a social media presence, for a large volunteer organization. From there it was just a matter of networking and waiting for the right time to go back to work (after my kids could drive). I know a couple of other women who also were able to parlay volunteering into a meaningful second career. The freelance route also works.

I quit a couple months after returning from my maternity leave because our childcare situation was a massive stress and work was not being accommodating of it, or of me needing to pump at work. I contemplated staying and fighting the situation through HR, but I was a new mom and just sick of it and wanted to just be home with my baby and not dealing with the BS at work. It was tight for our family money wise, but we knew it would solve several other issues including the fact that I hated my job, so I quit.

But I always kept a toe in by doing freelance work. I think unless you are certain you never want to return to your previous industry/career, you have to do something like this. Even if it's volunteering at a conference once a year or something. Just anything that keeps you connected to former colleagues and forces you to stay current on developments in the field. Even with my freelance work, it was challenging when I decided I wanted to go back because it took me over a year to feel like I was back to a comfortable hold on the industry and wasn't playing catch up. If I'd stayed out entirely, I think that obstacle might have been too daunting to overcome.

There are some confidence issues that come up when you return. You are older and feel like a different person -- in many ways you are because motherhood alters your values system and personality somewhat (it is not anti-feminist to say this, it's just the truth that motherhood changes you). It feels a bit like entering the workforce for the first time again, only the expectations are so much higher because of you age and level. Most people will not cut you slack the way they would a new college grad. Plus you do still have kids, and have to balance that, and the whole thing can feel a bit like walking a tightrope.

But keeping up freelance work during the years I was out helped a ton. I had friends and colleagues I could call and ask questions if I needed to, I was able to reference freelance projects I'd done when approaching to work projects and offer useful insight based on recent experience, even though I hadn't been full time in the industry for many years. It just helped me feel like I belonged and like I could do it. Plus, doing freelance work while being a full time SAHM with minimal childcare for many years made working a full-time job with full-time childcare feel like an incredible luxury. If you've written reports in the 2.5 hour window that your oldest is in preschool while your youngest takes the morning nap (the whole time praying nothing goes wrong with either kid), then having an 8 hour work day with no kids at all feels like an amazing luxury. I'm so productive and efficient!

My recommendation is to maintain a connection to your work life, even if it is just minor and occasional. It really makes a difference later.

Sorry for all those typos

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love being home, you can afford for you to be home, your husband supports it, there is your answer. No regrets staying home. Degrees are great, have a few but degrees shouldn't define you or push you in a direction that isn't best for you.

OP here. I do love being at home but I do miss work and want to go back at some point.

NP here: OP, what field are you in? Is there a way to do some volunteer work get part time to keep your foot in the door and have something to add to your experience? Some part-time job that relates to your field but has very clear boundaries? The issue most part-time working moms experience is that they still do all the hone life responsibilities of a SAHM but also have the pressure from their work life to actually do more than was was agreed to as part-time. It can. Actually be more stressful than working full time. That’s why the right volunteer position can be a better option if money isn’t an issue.

Anonymous wrote:Love it! Kids are having the idyllic childhood I had and what I would wish for them. I’m so fulfilled with caring for them seeing friends volunteering and taking care of myself. Would like to go back to work but unfortunately employers aren’t interested in flexible part time roles for moms. It’s kind of a crime.

I’ll add I was hysterically sobbing in my car missing my babies and to me that was a “sign”. What’s driving your decision?

Love it! Kids are having the idyllic childhood I had and what I would wish for them. I’m so fulfilled with caring for them seeing friends volunteering and taking care of myself. Would like to go back to work but unfortunately employers aren’t interested in flexible part time roles for moms. It’s kind of a crime.

I’ve stayed home for 8 years and just went back three weeks ago but I think now that I have been fortunate to spend so much time with them and doing so much for them I consider it time for me to do something for myself and show them that women can work too. Was not hard at all to go back. I was looking forward to it. They’re ready to go back to school and I’m leaving in the morning now too.

I quit for about 2 years. I would have rather stayed part time but my job didn’t allow that. I did find it hard to get a new job after SAH, but I think that might be from looking in the wrong places and underestimating myself. I did get a flexible job but it doesn’t pay what I would like.