Mine is having a hard time. I’m letting her decide if she wants to come home and take the year. Deciding now.

mine is having a hard time too. trying to help her focus on & prioritize her own self-care. I do hope it will settle down soon.

Anonymous wrote:I was the nerdy freshman in a rowdy dorm. I never drank or was part of drinking in HS. However only two other students from HS went to the same college that I did. I was insecure and went to frat parties with my dorm mates to fit in. It was horrible. For my DD, I really wanted her in an interest based dorm with kids who aren’t like that. So far so good.

OP- I’m so sorry for your DD. It’s hard. I know this is drastic but is there anyway she can move to another dorm?

This is a good point. I was just thinking that next year she either will be in an apartment or can choose her roommates while knowing more about them, so this problem should go away. She stayed in last night and texted me at 4 AM that she was just going to bed because she was helping a girl she doesn't even know who was throwing up for three hours in their hall bathroom. Just crazy what these girls are doing to themselves.

I was the nerdy freshman in a rowdy dorm. I never drank or was part of drinking in HS. However only two other students from HS went to the same college that I did. I was insecure and went to frat parties with my dorm mates to fit in. It was horrible. For my DD, I really wanted her in an interest based dorm with kids who aren’t like that. So far so good.

OP- I’m so sorry for your DD. It’s hard. I know this is drastic but is there anyway she can move to another dorm?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy stuff already?

Seems like maybe she should use this time to focus more on her class work? Organizing her calendar around the course syllabi. Maybe forming a study group? Checking out the Writing Center. Really, she sounds like she is focused on the wrong stuff.

This is OP and yes this is absolutely the case and I know it. Trying to emphasize that she needs to become acquainted with the libraries, not the bars haha. She is very social as I said, and wants to meet everyone and be friends with everyone. She is a people pleaser unfortunately. This will be a great growth experience for her, but has to get through it for now.

I was a nerdy kid in college without much friends throughout four years and it was not a pleasant experience. I determined not to have history repeat itself thirty years later.

My oldest DD is currently a freshman @Virginia Tech and she has plenty of things to do there. When she is not studying, she either practices guitar, piano or go to play a round of golf at Virginia Tech Pete Dye River golf course. She has already made friends who are also interested in music and golf.

OP's daughter should pickup a hobby and she will find many friends on campus who have the same interest like she does.

She’ll get there, OP. She just needs to seek out other friends and groups. Please encourage her to stay and give her new ideas on where to find more like minded people.

My youngest brother transferred out his freshman year to a much lesser school just to be with my other brother. My youngest brother regrets that decision to this day.

Anonymous wrote:Boy stuff already?

Seems like maybe she should use this time to focus more on her class work? Organizing her calendar around the course syllabi. Maybe forming a study group? Checking out the Writing Center. Really, she sounds like she is focused on the wrong stuff.

+100 the more you post,OP, the worse your DD’s judgement sounds. She sounds immature. If she ACTUALLY is concerned about these things, she will create more academically oriented friend through studying and not being around these drinking fests.

Your child said they were having a mental breakdown. Steer your child to a campus mental health professional or get a therapist who can do telehealth appointments for the next few weeks. This is a cry for help which should not be ignored.

What school is this?

She needs to not go out with the group. She should stay in this weekend, watch whatever trash tv she likes and eat ice cream. If she props her door open while she does this, she'll find another girl or two that like the same show and she'll have new friends.

College sucks and is way overrated.

Honestly, if you don’t get a good fit somewhere, take a gap year or two

Anonymous wrote:Boy stuff already?

Seems like maybe she should use this time to focus more on her class work? Organizing her calendar around the course syllabi. Maybe forming a study group? Checking out the Writing Center. Really, she sounds like she is focused on the wrong stuff.

This is OP and yes this is absolutely the case and I know it. Trying to emphasize that she needs to become acquainted with the libraries, not the bars haha. She is very social as I said, and wants to meet everyone and be friends with everyone. She is a people pleaser unfortunately. This will be a great growth experience for her, but has to get through it for now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It doesn't help probably that she is older, she is 19 in a month. Her roommate just turned 18... so there is a maturity gap for sure.

That is not the problem. The problem is that your daughter is doing things she doesn't want to do rather than figure out what she does want to do.

I can't believe your kid is in college and you're still congratulating yourself for redshirting her.

I am? In Virginia there is a Sept. 30th cut off, so she was simply not able to start school yet because she has mid October birthday. But ok.. sure if that's what you think.

Anonymous wrote:
It doesn't help probably that she is older, she is 19 in a month. Her roommate just turned 18... so there is a maturity gap for sure.

That is not the problem. The problem is that your daughter is doing things she doesn't want to do rather than figure out what she does want to do.

I can't believe your kid is in college and you're still congratulating yourself for redshirting her.

The drinking thing will settle down in time. They are all freshmen, so it will become stale in a week or two, particularly as academics pick up.

I really wouldn't worry about this.