Well, when we were on leave with my third, my husband asked if I would mind if he took a third week off from work not to help me with the baby, but to hang out in the backyard… building a fancy new swingset for our children…

So, I vote for your husband is a jerk.

OP here, still following. I think he really is just clueless. I nursed our first all of maternity leave (wouldn’t take a bottle until starting daycare) so he has no idea. I’m leaning toward suggesting his friends do a night at the MGM instead. I don’t see why he needs to fly out to Vegas again when he was just there, but I don’t care if he wants to go out for a night to the casino.

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Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human.

Literally half the planet has done it since the dawn of time? I know that much. And 99%+ of those have done it under a whole hell of a lot more duress than “my husband went to Vegas for 2.5 days” and left me in my suburban, air-conditioned, well-appointed 5000 square foot home with two kids. Get over yourselves.

Well...certain type of victim woman will take a lot of shit from their DH. The DH who wrote above is married to a woman with low self-esteem and can get away by doing these kinds of things.

Feel sorry for the children who are raised in such shitty marriages.

[b]
+1000

Wait, let me get this straight. We have low self esteem and shitty marriages because we facilitate our DHs weekend trip with friends?

Do you hear yourself?

Girl, are you okay?

Ones who brush off the difficulty of caring for a newborn and a toddler alone as not a big deal? And who apparently don’t have a clue that one person caring for them alone is not something that has been done since the dawn of time and that throughout most of history and still in most cultures mothers have help? If you are married to somebody like this, I do feel bad for you. You are letting your husband get away with being an ass.

Maybe I'm just more competent at mothering but no, I do not think a newborn and toddler are all that difficult. I have had three children close in age while my husband traveled extensively for work. Now he makes a fortune. You don't have to feel sorry for me. Just FYI, doubling down as you are confirms my suspicions that you're projecting your shitty marriage issues here. I hope your husband is okay. Good luck in your divorce.

First, I’m not the PP. Second, this isn’t about how hard it is for you. It’s about a man, who in all likelihood hasn’t ever taken care of a newborn and a three year old alone (but who definitely has no clue how difficult OP’s kids are), flippantly saying that somebody who thinks it’s hard is being dramatic. It’s rude and it’s ignorant. The guy is a jerk and it’s weird that you’re defending a random internet dude who is probably a massive misogynist.

I'm not defending the mansplainer.

I'm defending those of us that facilitate our husband's leisure time even while we have young kids and newborns against PP who surmised that we have low self esteem and shitty marriages.

Note that lots of comments in this thread said “personally I would be fine with that” and the nobody accused them of having low self-esteem and shitty marriages. The comment in question comes from a man who is a special kind of douchebag, and your coming in and identifying with his wife and defending your self-esteem, as opposed to saying “hey dude that’s a shitty thing to say,” was really off-base. Especially when you started making comments about your superior parenting abilities, your superior marriage, and your husbands large income.

I genuinely think you should examine your internalized misogyny.

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Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human.

Literally half the planet has done it since the dawn of time? I know that much. And 99%+ of those have done it under a whole hell of a lot more duress than “my husband went to Vegas for 2.5 days” and left me in my suburban, air-conditioned, well-appointed 5000 square foot home with two kids. Get over yourselves.

Well...certain type of victim woman will take a lot of shit from their DH. The DH who wrote above is married to a woman with low self-esteem and can get away by doing these kinds of things.

Feel sorry for the children who are raised in such shitty marriages.

[b]
+1000

Wait, let me get this straight. We have low self esteem and shitty marriages because we facilitate our DHs weekend trip with friends?

Do you hear yourself?

Girl, are you okay?

Ones who brush off the difficulty of caring for a newborn and a toddler alone as not a big deal? And who apparently don’t have a clue that one person caring for them alone is not something that has been done since the dawn of time and that throughout most of history and still in most cultures mothers have help? If you are married to somebody like this, I do feel bad for you. You are letting your husband get away with being an ass.

Maybe I'm just more competent at mothering but no, I do not think a newborn and toddler are all that difficult. I have had three children close in age while my husband traveled extensively for work. Now he makes a fortune. You don't have to feel sorry for me. Just FYI, doubling down as you are confirms my suspicions that you're projecting your shitty marriage issues here. I hope your husband is okay. Good luck in your divorce.

First, I’m not the PP. Second, this isn’t about how hard it is for you. It’s about a man, who in all likelihood hasn’t ever taken care of a newborn and a three year old alone (but who definitely has no clue how difficult OP’s kids are), flippantly saying that somebody who thinks it’s hard is being dramatic. It’s rude and it’s ignorant. The guy is a jerk and it’s weird that you’re defending a random internet dude who is probably a massive misogynist.

I'm not defending the mansplainer.

I'm defending those of us that facilitate our husband's leisure time even while we have young kids and newborns against PP who surmised that we have low self esteem and shitty marriages.

My H and I both went to Vegas when I had a 3 Month old and a 3 year old.

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Anonymous wrote:Omg no. I would never allow this. He is supposed to be on paternity leave to HELP YOU and bond with his children. He might not be a jerk, but he is honestly clueless. Yea, you CAN take care of a newborn and 3 yo if you have to, and only because your husband is on a very important business trip/at a funeral/whatever. But for a fun weekend? Absolutely no way.

The hypocrisy is astounding.

So it's okay for work or a wedding but not okay for a fun weekend in Vegas.

Got it.

What hypocrisy....? If it's for something really important, then yes, he can go. (I didn't actually say wedding... I said funeral....). You don't see the difference between a vacation and work trip/funeral...?

Leisure time is really important and work trip and funerals can be fun too.

Absolutely but let’s not pretend they’re all of the same priority.

OP - you still there? What happened?

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Do others’ husbands ask to do similar things when their wife is on maternity leave? Did I marry a jerk?

My DH can be selfish in a lot of ways but there is no way he'd ask to do this. Also, the fact that he JUST went to Vegas raises red flags for me. Did he go with this same group of friends? Are most of his friends childless? It's just different now that he has two kids! and he has to recognize that. I'm sorry, OP.

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Anonymous wrote:Omg no. I would never allow this. He is supposed to be on paternity leave to HELP YOU and bond with his children. He might not be a jerk, but he is honestly clueless. Yea, you CAN take care of a newborn and 3 yo if you have to, and only because your husband is on a very important business trip/at a funeral/whatever. But for a fun weekend? Absolutely no way.

The hypocrisy is astounding.

So it's okay for work or a wedding but not okay for a fun weekend in Vegas.

Got it.

What hypocrisy....? If it's for something really important, then yes, he can go. (I didn't actually say wedding... I said funeral....). You don't see the difference between a vacation and work trip/funeral...?

Leisure time is really important and work trip and funerals can be fun too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

That’s cool! Also how was it taking care of a newborn and a 3 year old all by yourself? I bet it was hard but you came out fine, right?

Please unknown man who has never been a mother, come tell us about something you have never done but somehow know more about than the women you’re addressing.

It’s almost like no one has seen a really great example of mansplaining on the internet recently and needed something to quote.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel for a weekend and leave your H with both kids and a bunch of breastmilk. Or even one night. Then see if he still thinks he should go.

I agree with whoever said the most troubling part is that he wants to go to Vegas twice in 4 months.

This is dumb. Her baby is ONE MONTH OLD. She probably doesn't even WANT to leave her baby at one month.

Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t. I would worry about milk drying up and I would want to take the time to bond. Of course you could take a rain check and do it while the baby is nine months old or whatever but then it’s just a lot easier so it’s not like his trip at one month is the same as her trip at nine months.

I don't think asking makes him a jerk, just clueless. The sulking about it when she says no makes him a jerk.

I probably would have been OK with DH taking a weekend trip when I had a newborn and toddler but I had really easy kids and the toddler always slept the whole night. But we don't know how easy or difficult OPs baby and 3 year old are. And, I'd have a big problem with significant $$ being spent on going to Vegas every 4 months. He can spend a day hanging out in town with his friends, he doesn't need to go to Vegas. That's not even considering the potential to catch covid and bring it home to the un-vax'd kids. But, I guess if he did that 4 mos ago they aren't really concerned about that.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Omg no. I would never allow this. He is supposed to be on paternity leave to HELP YOU and bond with his children. He might not be a jerk, but he is honestly clueless. Yea, you CAN take care of a newborn and 3 yo if you have to, and only because your husband is on a very important business trip/at a funeral/whatever. But for a fun weekend? Absolutely no way.

The hypocrisy is astounding.

So it's okay for work or a wedding but not okay for a fun weekend in Vegas.

Got it.

What hypocrisy....? If it's for something really important, then yes, he can go. (I didn't actually say wedding... I said funeral....). You don't see the difference between a vacation and work trip/funeral...?

Grandpa’s funeral, strip club night in Vegas, what’s the difference?

Anonymous wrote:What is the real issue here? You list a bunch of things, but what's the deepest one?

Is it the money?

Is it the crushing responsibility of a newborn + toddler?

Or is it just....anger that he is able to have an independent life in a way that you can't as a postpartum nursing mom?

Answer that question and then it will be clearer how to move forward.

I don’t think she has to have just one problem with this.

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel for a weekend and leave your H with both kids and a bunch of breastmilk. Or even one night. Then see if he still thinks he should go.

I agree with whoever said the most troubling part is that he wants to go to Vegas twice in 4 months.

This is dumb. Her baby is ONE MONTH OLD. She probably doesn't even WANT to leave her baby at one month.