OP here. Can I talk about how my sister dresses like me, has similar hobbies to me and tries to out do me.

Some examples. A few years ago I was bored of my non-profit job and I wanted to do something else. After researching, I decided I may way to work in the small tech industry in the DC area. I started interviewing at places and was not much successful. Then I heard that my sister, who was in Sales, suddenly switched a job to tech company in DC...Literally right after I told her about my plans. As luck would have it, she got the job while my interviews did not go anywhere.

I got into cooking and baking hardcore and have an instagram food blog. Suddenly she is into cooking. She likes to make 7 course meals over weekends after buying various cookbooks.

I have a particular style of dress. Lo and behold, she literally copies my styles head to toe.

I am an English major and read classics in school. I am a major architecture and museum buff. I go spend hours visiting old historic homes and museums and it was my dream to get married in one. My sister who is a business major who doesn't know the difference between baroque and beaux arts is suddenly coveting the exact same building for her wedding! WHY?

I am so sick of her being a shadow. I need my own life without her copying and outdoing me. Maybe this is in my head. I need an appointment with my therapist.

Better hide your baby name list OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - Your sister is a self-centered B. No question about that. And I say that as someone with two sisters.

The issue is where you go from here, how do you choose to feel about this. Do you want to let her get to you? You are choosing to make this mean something that causes you to feel bad. I would talk to a therapist about how to reframe this in your mind so it does not drive you crazy. You are giving her power over your feelings. Wouldn't it be great to be able to not give a crap about this at all and laugh at her for her pettiness and total lack of creativity? Wouldn't it be great to have her money and beauty AND be able to think for yourself. Too bad for her that she is so pathetic.

Well, speaking of therapy...

It’s not like OPs wedding ideas were super original... it’s an existing venue, and a Pinterest board, ffs.

This is making OP crazy and this is a long standing pattern of her relationship with her sister, if she went into all the details of the long standing pattern we would call her crazy, but that doesn't mean it is not true. I think choosing a place your sister wanted to get married to get married is petty and self-centered, the fact that 50 other weddings take place there a year doesn't mean it is not different when your sister does it. All I am suggesting is that she take back control of her feelings from her sister and figure out how to not care and see her sister for as small as she is. I am suggesting that she take the power over her feelings away from her sister. Being dismissive of the OP's feelings is also not a path to resolving them.

NP. There is no evidence that OP’s sister knew that OP had coveted this wedding venue before. From OP’s last post, it sounds like her sister was surprised to hear that from OP. And it hardly matters now for OP — she’s already married, so it’s not like she’s ever going to host her own wedding there, unless she’s willing to divorce and start over. OP may have hurt feelings because she couldn’t afford that venue back when she was getting married, but it’s not like her sister caused that or could resolve it for her.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sister sent me a text this morning about the venue and sent me pictures telling me how beautiful it is. I said wow it looks beautiful! Funny, I wanted to get married there too.

She said oh well now you can attend a venue there!

I didn't even know what to say. Like is that going to make me feel better?

Real question - what *could* she have said to make you feel better?

Back in reality, you are depressed about your wedding 5+ years after it happened. That's pretty screwed up, and you may want to talk to someone about it, as well as your obvious jealousy issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - Your sister is a self-centered B. No question about that. And I say that as someone with two sisters.

The issue is where you go from here, how do you choose to feel about this. Do you want to let her get to you? You are choosing to make this mean something that causes you to feel bad. I would talk to a therapist about how to reframe this in your mind so it does not drive you crazy. You are giving her power over your feelings. Wouldn't it be great to be able to not give a crap about this at all and laugh at her for her pettiness and total lack of creativity? Wouldn't it be great to have her money and beauty AND be able to think for yourself. Too bad for her that she is so pathetic.

Well, speaking of therapy...

It’s not like OPs wedding ideas were super original... it’s an existing venue, and a Pinterest board, ffs.

This is making OP crazy and this is a long standing pattern of her relationship with her sister, if she went into all the details of the long standing pattern we would call her crazy, but that doesn't mean it is not true. I think choosing a place your sister wanted to get married to get married is petty and self-centered, the fact that 50 other weddings take place there a year doesn't mean it is not different when your sister does it. All I am suggesting is that she take back control of her feelings from her sister and figure out how to not care and see her sister for as small as she is. I am suggesting that she take the power over her feelings away from her sister. Being dismissive of the OP's feelings is also not a path to resolving them.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sister sent me a text this morning about the venue and sent me pictures telling me how beautiful it is. I said wow it looks beautiful! Funny, I wanted to get married there too.

She said oh well now you can attend a venue there!

I didn't even know what to say. Like is that going to make me feel better?

So what are you going to do to get back at her — wear a white dress to her wedding and chat up all the guests about how you wanted to have your wedding there?

You’re married, so how does her wedding at that venue take anything away from you now? It sounds like you’ve got some really long-standing sibling rivalry going on that you never learned how to deal with and rise above. Just drop the rope already, OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP - Your sister is a self-centered B. No question about that. And I say that as someone with two sisters.

The issue is where you go from here, how do you choose to feel about this. Do you want to let her get to you? You are choosing to make this mean something that causes you to feel bad. I would talk to a therapist about how to reframe this in your mind so it does not drive you crazy. You are giving her power over your feelings. Wouldn't it be great to be able to not give a crap about this at all and laugh at her for her pettiness and total lack of creativity? Wouldn't it be great to have her money and beauty AND be able to think for yourself. Too bad for her that she is so pathetic.

Well, speaking of therapy...

It’s not like OPs wedding ideas were super original... it’s an existing venue, and a Pinterest board, ffs.

OP - Your sister is a self-centered B. No question about that. And I say that as someone with two sisters.

The issue is where you go from here, how do you choose to feel about this. Do you want to let her get to you? You are choosing to make this mean something that causes you to feel bad. I would talk to a therapist about how to reframe this in your mind so it does not drive you crazy. You are giving her power over your feelings. Wouldn't it be great to be able to not give a crap about this at all and laugh at her for her pettiness and total lack of creativity? Wouldn't it be great to have her money and beauty AND be able to think for yourself. Too bad for her that she is so pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sister sent me a text this morning about the venue and sent me pictures telling me how beautiful it is. I said wow it looks beautiful! Funny, I wanted to get married there too.

She said oh well now you can attend a venue there!

I didn't even know what to say. Like is that going to make me feel better?

You should have said it was beautiful, full stop.

You shouldn't have made it about you, but somehow you did.

What else COULD she say? Well, it's a wedding venue and I booked it, because I can afford it. Sorry you couldn't afford it? Like, what?

YOU made it awkward, she did the best she could to navigate your awkward-ass remark. Grow up.

Seriously, OP, how old are you and how long ago was your own wedding? And how ild is your sister?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sister sent me a text this morning about the venue and sent me pictures telling me how beautiful it is. I said wow it looks beautiful! Funny, I wanted to get married there too.

She said oh well now you can attend a venue there!

I didn't even know what to say. Like is that going to make me feel better?

You should have said it was beautiful, full stop.

You shouldn't have made it about you, but somehow you did.

What else COULD she say? Well, it's a wedding venue and I booked it, because I can afford it. Sorry you couldn't afford it? Like, what?

YOU made it awkward, she did the best she could to navigate your awkward-ass remark. Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this obsession with weddings as the ultimate party where everything has to be perfect and unique and also expensive. Hopefully, one's marriage lasts for decades. Why is the perfect party at the beginning of it so important to some people?!! Seems to me that if you're going to throw a perfect party, throw a great anniversary party to celebrate because you've made it together to a certain point. That is what takes the real work, anyway - not swooning over a romantic fantasy when you're newly in love that is just made up by the wedding industry.

OP, maybe work with a therapist on this? Or at least take a walk and calm down.

PS - All this is not to say that your sister might not be an a**hole but that clearly the wedding venue bit is something you're using to create drama for yourself. Let your sister go be her own one-upping self and let this go. You'll feel better in the long run.

I don't get this obsession with weddings as the ultimate party where everything has to be perfect and unique and also expensive. Hopefully, one's marriage lasts for decades. Why is the perfect party at the beginning of it so important to some people?!! Seems to me that if you're going to throw a perfect party, throw a great anniversary party to celebrate because you've made it together to a certain point. That is what takes the real work, anyway - not swooning over a romantic fantasy when you're newly in love that is just made up by the wedding industry.

OP, maybe work with a therapist on this? Or at least take a walk and calm down.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sister sent me a text this morning about the venue and sent me pictures telling me how beautiful it is. I said wow it looks beautiful! Funny, I wanted to get married there too.

She said oh well now you can attend a venue there!

I didn't even know what to say. Like is that going to make me feel better?

OP, you need to stop ruminating over this. It’s a place, where, presumedly lots of other people celebrate their lives. It’s not like you designed the architecture and built it, and your sister is trying to get her name on the cornerstone.

You’re jealous because you didn’t get to have your weeding where you wanted to, and that’s okay. It’s okay to be jealous, but you have to work through it. Your sister is not the enemy because she gets what you didn’t. I trust if your relationship was better, yes, you’d be super pumped that at least she could elaborate there.

So, sulk for a day, then get in on enjoying the venue. Help your sister plan an awesome wedding that you still get to be part of.

OP here. Sister sent me a text this morning about the venue and sent me pictures telling me how beautiful it is. I said wow it looks beautiful! Funny, I wanted to get married there too.

She said oh well now you can attend a venue there!

I didn't even know what to say. Like is that going to make me feel better?

I feel like this is the story being told by the the siblings or cousins of royal families and those they marry.

But I wanted to be married in Westminster Abby! I wanted to be married wearing Crown Jewels! I wanted a horse drawn carriage through the city afterwards! Why does she get to have a title and I don’t?