Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 21:22     Subject: Re:How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dude, you aren’t that rich. $400k is not huge salary around here with kids.

How many kids? $40-50k/year private school for each. $6k each for travel sports.

$2 million for a house in any great neighborhood.

I make what you do. I’m a woman.


Same. OP you suffer from minor to large delusions of grandeur. Forget luring some woman into this ludicrous arrangement; I'm not even hearing that you can afford the life you want. SAH spouse with kid(s) undoubtedly in private school and household help in the right neighborhood in the DC area? Unless you already own the house or have socked away a small fortune, come back when you add a zero to that income.


My husband supports our family on $164,000. It means public school and a crappy house, but it can be done. No prenup, though.
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 21:14     Subject: How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.


OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.


You want her to give up any chance of getting back into the job market at her current level with no assurances that she’ll be taken care of when you dump her? Wow!


OP here. I said I’m open to a woman who wants to put her career on hold to raise kids and then go back to work once they are school aged.

The prenup will be for my businesses and my assets. Any money that we make after we are married will be considered “our” money and she is entitled to. She is welcome to handle the finances as well. She will have full access to all accounts that is ours and can spends as she pleases.


Lead with wanting the wife to be home for at least the first year. I was surprised that I loved it!
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 21:12     Subject: How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why can't you cut back OP? You are apparently a super-wealthy owner of several busines, why can't you cut back a bit so your kids aren't with nannies all day? It's the modern millennial millionaire way to parent and partner.


OP here. My hope is to work while they are little and set their up for a great future. Fully funded colleges, first cars, nice family vacations, etc. My mom raised us and did the bulk of the work while my dad worked. He worked a lot until we were 7/8 and then he was able to go to our school plays, games, go on fallibly trips, etc. I want this lifestyle for my children. I want a wife who knows she doesn’t haven’t to stress about money or finding childcare, etc.


You're idealizing your upbringing where your Mom & Dad were on equal footing economically. You aren't starting your marriage on equal footing and this may cause trouble for you.

Your pre-nup benefits only you. You need to craft a deal that benefits your wife as well.
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 21:10     Subject: How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:OP, meet someone, fall in love, decide TOGETHER what arrangements work best for your lives/marriage.

Even if I wanted to be a SAHM, I would not want to be with someone who has already decided what the division of labor regarding childcare/home will be, when I will be allowed to work, my primary responsibilities, etc. You sound like you want to manage your wife. It would be a hell no for me. Find someone you love and work together to plan your lives.


Yes. I broke up with an ex for many reasons. One of them was that I would * only* have to wash the towels every three days. His mom washed them daily and her house was scary-clean, so I can see how a 20 yo dude meant that to be reassuring, but it was not. You want a SAHM. You will figure out the details together.
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 21:10     Subject: Re:How To Find A SAHM?
OP here. Okay. Tell me what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it to attract a woman with these qualities

Age: 30-35. A little younger is fine but I do not want a woman younger than 28. I need to have things in common and need a mature woman who has a good amount of life experience. I want a woman who knows what she wants.

Career: A woman who wants to be a lifelong SAHM or out her career on hold at least PT to be home with the kids when they need FT care.

Wife: I want a true partner. An actual marriage with respect and love. I do not want a mail order bride.

A woman ideally willing to sign a prenup relinquishing any rights to my businesses. It’s not unreasonable for me to protect my assets.

I will be involved as I can. I plan to be an involved parent and spouse.

Most of the women I attract now either do not want to a SAHM or are gold diggers and get upset when I bring up a prenup.





Wow. I fit all of these criteria and more. Are you kind?








You actually don't want any of that. Good luck to the idiot that marries you , and I say that as a SAHM .
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 21:03     Subject: Re:How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay. Tell me what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it to attract a woman with these qualities

Age: 30-35. A little younger is fine but I do not want a woman younger than 28. I need to have things in common and need a mature woman who has a good amount of life experience. I want a woman who knows what she wants.

Career: A woman who wants to be a lifelong SAHM or out her career on hold at least PT to be home with the kids when they need FT care.

Wife: I want a true partner. An actual marriage with respect and love. I do not want a mail order bride.

A woman ideally willing to sign a prenup relinquishing any rights to my businesses. It’s not unreasonable for me to protect my assets.

I will be involved as I can. I plan to be an involved parent and spouse.

Most of the women I attract now either do not want to a SAHM or are gold diggers and get upset when I bring up a prenup.


I am not a gold digger. I married for love, and am now a SAHM. We were in our 30s, but religious. I will likely spend 20 years raising kids. If I were to sign a prenup, I would expect $x to be deposited into a retirement account for me each month, in case of a divorce, as I am no longer able to contribute to my 403b. I have heard of women raising the kids, getting divorced, and having almost nothing because they got half the house, but he got to keep his retirement account. Are you proactively protecting her? Not vague promises, but an account, with her name on it?
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 21:02     Subject: Re:How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dude, you aren’t that rich. $400k is not huge salary around here with kids.

How many kids? $40-50k/year private school for each. $6k each for travel sports.

$2 million for a house in any great neighborhood.

I make what you do. I’m a woman.


Same. OP you suffer from minor to large delusions of grandeur. Forget luring some woman into this ludicrous arrangement; I'm not even hearing that you can afford the life you want. SAH spouse with kid(s) undoubtedly in private school and household help in the right neighborhood in the DC area? Unless you already own the house or have socked away a small fortune, come back when you add a zero to that income.


I'm in NYC and dying over the thought that some nearly 40 dork thinks 400k is good enough for a SAHM and a kid. If he's still under 500k at this point it's only going to go down.
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 20:59     Subject: Re:How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 20:59     Subject: How To Find A SAHM?
Is it only me, or 400k is just not enough money to expect a wife that does not work? It is good money, but if the wife does not work and has some help, that won’t give you a very confortabile lifestyle. I am guessing you want to have 2 or 3 kids. You probably want to send them to Private school and have them do sports and camps, etc... unless you make 800+ your wife should be working so you can have that comfortable lifestyle.
The housewives someone mentioned you could meet at charity events and private schools have hisband’s that make milltions
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 20:58     Subject: How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I get where you are coming from and don’t think you are crazy. Protecting a business that you have built seems like an okay goal. But you are approaching this like the woman won’t be giving up things, too. Divorced women with children are a very financially vulnerable population and you seem to forget that someone who gives us their career isn’t just giving up their salary, they are giving up many years of salary growth and ability to renewer the workforce and support herself.

Your pre-nup needs to account for that trade-off.

I think many women enjoy staying home with the kids but without assurance that they won’t be living in a 2-bedroom apartment barely holding things together if you decide you are ready for something new, it’s not going to be a good proposition for the “smart” woman you are hoping to find.


This.

If I were OP's gf, I'd demand a pre-nup. But it would state that in the event of a divorce, I'd be set for life.


I suspect OP can provide a nice life, but when it comes to ensuring someone is set for life he can't actually do that. A 400k/year "billionaire".
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 20:58     Subject: How To Find A SAHM?
Why not share everything that you make after you are married to her 50-50?

Do you intend to divorce her or have your kids live in a broken home?

Why do you think that your wife will not love you or want to remain married to you? If you love and respect her and are a good husband, why would she want to leave you? You are going about it in the wrong way. If you think women will marry you only for your money, then you should not look for a SAHM. You should look for a woman who wants to have kids and a supportive partner but also have her own career.

Also, hire a home manager and nanny.
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 20:58     Subject: How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I get where you are coming from and don’t think you are crazy. Protecting a business that you have built seems like an okay goal. But you are approaching this like the woman won’t be giving up things, too. Divorced women with children are a very financially vulnerable population and you seem to forget that someone who gives us their career isn’t just giving up their salary, they are giving up many years of salary growth and ability to renewer the workforce and support herself.

Your pre-nup needs to account for that trade-off.

I think many women enjoy staying home with the kids but without assurance that they won’t be living in a 2-bedroom apartment barely holding things together if you decide you are ready for something new, it’s not going to be a good proposition for the “smart” woman you are hoping to find.


This.

If I were OP's gf, I'd demand a pre-nup. But it would state that in the event of a divorce, I'd be set for life.


Yup. 200k/year for each year married for first 5 years. Subject to going up from there to adjust for inflation and COL.



Yes OP, would you be willing to sign a prenup?
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 20:58     Subject: Re:How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Dude, you aren’t that rich. $400k is not huge salary around here with kids.

How many kids? $40-50k/year private school for each. $6k each for travel sports.

$2 million for a house in any great neighborhood.

I make what you do. I’m a woman.


Same. OP you suffer from minor to large delusions of grandeur. Forget luring some woman into this ludicrous arrangement; I'm not even hearing that you can afford the life you want. SAH spouse with kid(s) undoubtedly in private school and household help in the right neighborhood in the DC area? Unless you already own the house or have socked away a small fortune, come back when you add a zero to that income.
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 20:57     Subject: How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Serious question - why have kids if you don't really want anything to do with them?

If you want to be hands-off and continue working 80 hour weeks, just stay a bachelor and become an awesome uncle.

It's not okay to bring children into this world if you're not totally invested in it. And I don't mean financially - children would rather have an involved parent than college tuition or a car.



Oh he plans to be involved with them, when they're like 8, you know go to games and school plays.


But really it's an image thing. guys like OP want to be able to sell a certain image a wife and kids helps with that.
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2020 20:57     Subject: How To Find A SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I get where you are coming from and don’t think you are crazy. Protecting a business that you have built seems like an okay goal. But you are approaching this like the woman won’t be giving up things, too. Divorced women with children are a very financially vulnerable population and you seem to forget that someone who gives us their career isn’t just giving up their salary, they are giving up many years of salary growth and ability to renewer the workforce and support herself.

Your pre-nup needs to account for that trade-off.

I think many women enjoy staying home with the kids but without assurance that they won’t be living in a 2-bedroom apartment barely holding things together if you decide you are ready for something new, it’s not going to be a good proposition for the “smart” woman you are hoping to find.


This.

If I were OP's gf, I'd demand a pre-nup. But it would state that in the event of a divorce, I'd be set for life.


Yup. 200k/year for each year married for first 5 years. Subject to going up from there to adjust for inflation and COL.