Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband here - with two careers and three kids and everything that entails sex 1-2 times a week is very reasonable.

Wife here. Personally I agree and I have always made sure it happened in our marriage at least once a week even when our kids were infants and waking up multiple times every night. What bothers me is when he complains that he “never” gets sex and doesn’t get enough when we’ve always had it at least once or twice a week.

Why do middle aged people with demanding careers and multiple children think their sex lives are you g to resemble that if carefree young adults?

I am with you that twice per week is solid. From a man's perspective (even an objectively GGG man) sex just does not take a great deal of time or effort, it's free, it feels good, strengthens the marriage, and there is like zero downside. Seriously add up all the pregame+foreplay+private_bit_bumping+afterglow, repeat this twice per week, total investment of time = 1 episode of Love Island. The demographic of that show being ... middle aged wives with demanding careers and multiple children. So then... why not?

I don't get it either. It isn't that much time or effort. It takes more effort for me to run four baskets of laundry from our third floor to the basement.

If you aren't having sex with your partner at least once per week, and they desire to, you are neglecting them purposefully. It is a simple and basic need and easy to meet.

Read the OP. This thread isn’t about less than once a week, it’s about more than twice a week.
Twice a week is about all most women with young kids have to give. I think it’s reasonable.

Ah yes. I was getting sex posts confused. In this case, Im not sure what OP is talking about. I don't think there are any middle aged men with kids out there that are seriously upset about not having sex more than twice per week. 99% of men in the thick of careers and kids and such would be perfectly fine and accepting of this, even if in their dream world they would want sex daily.

Anonymous wrote:

And
Help with the homework
Make lunches
Do the bills
Make and take kids to doctors’ and dentist appointments
Research and make travel arrangements
Work out the summer camp /other coverage
Shop for kids’ clothes
While working out, getting hair or whatever else done and staying on a strict diet so that despite menopause you make sure not to gain any weight or look any older than you did when you met DH

You left out taking the time to get the air in your tires rotated. You are choosing to prioritize “research and make travel arrangements” and doing the bills. That’s your choice to put sex with your husband last, and then it’s his choice to deprioritize you. Cause, effect.

And we’re supposed to feel sorry for you because you need to watch your weight? What do you think the rest of us are doing?

Whatever. No man wants to put the air in the tires of his wife’s car or buy clothes for his kids.
He doesn’t want her to make sex a higher priority and make these things lower priority. He doesn’t want to trade taking some things off her plate. He wants her to do all of this AND be up for sex. The only things most men want their wives to make a lower priority are their careers (if it doesn’t come with significantly more money) and their free time.

And
Help with the homework
Make lunches
Do the bills
Make and take kids to doctors’ and dentist appointments
Research and make travel arrangements
Work out the summer camp /other coverage
Shop for kids’ clothes
While working out, getting hair or whatever else done and staying on a strict diet so that despite menopause you make sure not to gain any weight or look any older than you did when you met DH

You left out taking the time to get the air in your tires rotated. You are choosing to prioritize “research and make travel arrangements” and doing the bills. That’s your choice to put sex with your husband last, and then it’s his choice to deprioritize you. Cause, effect.

And we’re supposed to feel sorry for you because you need to watch your weight? What do you think the rest of us are doing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband here - with two careers and three kids and everything that entails sex 1-2 times a week is very reasonable.

Wife here. Personally I agree and I have always made sure it happened in our marriage at least once a week even when our kids were infants and waking up multiple times every night. What bothers me is when he complains that he “never” gets sex and doesn’t get enough when we’ve always had it at least once or twice a week.

Why do middle aged people with demanding careers and multiple children think their sex lives are you g to resemble that if carefree young adults?

I am with you that twice per week is solid. From a man's perspective (even an objectively GGG man) sex just does not take a great deal of time or effort, it's free, it feels good, strengthens the marriage, and there is like zero downside. Seriously add up all the pregame+foreplay+private_bit_bumping+afterglow, repeat this twice per week, total investment of time = 1 episode of Love Island. The demographic of that show being ... middle aged wives with demanding careers and multiple children. So then... why not?

I don't get it either. It isn't that much time or effort. It takes more effort for me to run four baskets of laundry from our third floor to the basement.

If you aren't having sex with your partner at least once per week, and they desire to, you are neglecting them purposefully. It is a simple and basic need and easy to meet.

Read the OP. This thread isn’t about less than once a week, it’s about more than twice a week.
Twice a week is about all most women with young kids have to give. I think it’s reasonable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband here - with two careers and three kids and everything that entails sex 1-2 times a week is very reasonable.

Wife here. Personally I agree and I have always made sure it happened in our marriage at least once a week even when our kids were infants and waking up multiple times every night. What bothers me is when he complains that he “never” gets sex and doesn’t get enough when we’ve always had it at least once or twice a week.

Why do middle aged people with demanding careers and multiple children think their sex lives are you g to resemble that if carefree young adults?

I am with you that twice per week is solid. From a man's perspective (even an objectively GGG man) sex just does not take a great deal of time or effort, it's free, it feels good, strengthens the marriage, and there is like zero downside. Seriously add up all the pregame+foreplay+private_bit_bumping+afterglow, repeat this twice per week, total investment of time = 1 episode of Love Island. The demographic of that show being ... middle aged wives with demanding careers and multiple children. So then... why not?

I don't get it either. It isn't that much time or effort. It takes more effort for me to run four baskets of laundry from our third floor to the basement.

If you aren't having sex with your partner at least once per week, and they desire to, you are neglecting them purposefully. It is a simple and basic need and easy to meet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband here - with two careers and three kids and everything that entails sex 1-2 times a week is very reasonable.

Wife here. Personally I agree and I have always made sure it happened in our marriage at least once a week even when our kids were infants and waking up multiple times every night. What bothers me is when he complains that he “never” gets sex and doesn’t get enough when we’ve always had it at least once or twice a week.

Why do middle aged people with demanding careers and multiple children think their sex lives are you g to resemble that if carefree young adults?

I am with you that twice per week is solid. From a man's perspective (even an objectively GGG man) sex just does not take a great deal of time or effort, it's free, it feels good, strengthens the marriage, and there is like zero downside. Seriously add up all the pregame+foreplay+private_bit_bumping+afterglow, repeat this twice per week, total investment of time = 1 episode of Love Island. The demographic of that show being ... middle aged wives with demanding careers and multiple children. So then... why not?

Pro tip: If something is effortless on your part, then someone else is putting in the effort.

Maybe if you didn’t think of sex as easy, effortless, and taking almost no time, then your wife would be more interested in having sex more than twice a week.
I’m sure that you put some modicum of effort into having sex with her when you first met.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband here - with two careers and three kids and everything that entails sex 1-2 times a week is very reasonable.

So you send cards to her parents for each birthday, anniversary
You send cards or email your SIL, BIL, their kids for special occasions?
you buy them all gifts
You handle the friend Bday parties and gifts
you plan and organize and oversee your kids Bday parties
You do the laundry for the kids
You cook for the family
You field all calls from the school
You find, plan, pay for and take the kids to their extracuriculars
You attend all school functions and meetings
You grocery shop

You’re being a mommy martyr. Don’t do all those things. Let the kids play outside. Don’t send cards to in-laws. Have the kids do laundry. Don’t volunteer to do anything at church you don’t have time to do. Don’t attend all school meetings if you don’t have time. Have the kids and their dad figure out birthday gifts.

And
Help with the homework
Make lunches
Do the bills
Make and take kids to doctors’ and dentist appointments
Research and make travel arrangements
Work out the summer camp /other coverage
Shop for kids’ clothes
While working out, getting hair or whatever else done and staying on a strict diet so that despite menopause you make sure not to gain any weight or look any older than you did when you met DH

I believe that you do all of this stuff.
I do about 70% of it, and we have sex more frequently. I think my DH would honestly trade. He gets pissed that I don’t have a planned agenda for vacations, don’t tell him well in advance about school functions, don’t have the house decorated, don’t make a hot breakfast every day, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband here - with two careers and three kids and everything that entails sex 1-2 times a week is very reasonable.

So you send cards to her parents for each birthday, anniversary
You send cards or email your SIL, BIL, their kids for special occasions?
you buy them all gifts
You handle the friend Bday parties and gifts
you plan and organize and oversee your kids Bday parties
You do the laundry for the kids
You cook for the family
You field all calls from the school
You find, plan, pay for and take the kids to their extracuriculars
You attend all school functions and meetings
You grocery shop

You’re being a mommy martyr. Don’t do all those things. Let the kids play outside. Don’t send cards to in-laws. Have the kids do laundry. Don’t volunteer to do anything at church you don’t have time to do. Don’t attend all school meetings if you don’t have time. Have the kids and their dad figure out birthday gifts.

And
Help with the homework
Make lunches
Do the bills
Make and take kids to doctors’ and dentist appointments
Research and make travel arrangements
Work out the summer camp /other coverage
Shop for kids’ clothes
While working out, getting hair or whatever else done and staying on a strict diet so that despite menopause you make sure not to gain any weight or look any older than you did when you met DH

WE are a solid 1x per week, sometimes 2 depending on work schedules.
I could use less, he could use more. Sometimes he masterbates while feeling my body and I am fine with that.
When we were young and crazy we would do it 3 times before lunch. Totally not a sustainable amount long term.

You have to define what's considered reasonable. Down to 1-2x a week, 30 minutes or so? Seems reasonable and if you can't do that you aren't holding up your end of the bargian. Demanding the same frequency that you had in your pre-marriage 20s? Unrealistic.

Figure out where you are then you can answer AITA.

Anonymous wrote:When you lose your sex drive, either for your partner or in general, sex is a chore. Another thing on the to do list. Sometimes it's his fault, often times it's not.

It's frustrating for woman too, you know. Like we had any idea our hormones and kids would zap our libido.

If he is kind to me I will psych myself up for sex, but again it's not what I want to be doing. If I was single again and had my own place, a new person and time to regroup mentally I would want sex again.

It's not personal.

Ummm.....

Men always reduce marriage to the amount of sex they get. I challenge them to find a girlfriend who will do everything in their relationship a life does and still wants to lay him four times a week. the only reason all of these men are getting side action is because that woman has to do literally nothing for him except have sex. Literally my relationship in my early twenties with DH. If that's all men want then just don't get married. Just keep dating your entire life and have sex as many times a day as you can. But don't come in here playing the victim when lives change careers change kids are added to an equation but you don't want your sex life to change from when you were 21. Grow up

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love island doesn't whine I don't watch it enough and doesn't put 80 percent of house crap on me

You married a man baby whiner who does nothing around the house? No wonder you don't want sex! Divorce that useless loser.

He doesn’t want a divorce, otherwise he’d divorce the uninterested wife who doesn’t even touch him. Almost like there is more to a marriage than sex!

Anonymous wrote:Love island doesn't whine I don't watch it enough and doesn't put 80 percent of house crap on me

Ha!
It also initiates and doesn't care if I just lay there. And when I'm ready to go to sleep, I can turn it off even it if isn't finished yet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love island doesn't whine I don't watch it enough and doesn't put 80 percent of house crap on me

You married a man baby whiner who does nothing around the house? No wonder you don't want sex! Divorce that useless loser.

And do 100% of the chores around the house? Take the kids father away from them? Use our HHI to support two households?