Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“If the tables were turned I wouldn't let this one thing from those early days”

LOL yeah I’m sure you wouldn’t be outraged at all to find out a guy was banging some other chick for two months while he was dating you. 🙄

It wouldn't be an issue for me either. I assume that the guys I go out with are having sex elsewhere until we are exclusive. If a coworker's friend said "Oh I hooked up with him until he got serious with someone else", I'd take that as a good sign of his character. This is a non-issue.

“Good character” is hooking up with multiple people now. 🙄

Good character is not seeing other people once exclusive and then informing said partners that you're off the market.

Also, I wish people would stop equating having sex for pleasure with morality.

Now the swingers are chiming in!

Nope, I'm actualy happily married in a monogomous relationship. I just don't have wierd hang-ups about sex (especially when women openly enjoy it). Slut shaming has to stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a man with feelings and his feeling are his truth and valid. That is all that matters. Feelings = truth. The bonus is that as a man with feelings he has overcome toxic masculinity. The problem here is that as soon as he expressed his truth many people on this post started to denigrate him for having those feelings. It is wrong to force your values onto him by telling him they were not exclusive etc. If he feels upset about it then #truth.

all of that can be true along with the fact that she did nothing wrong.

Yes, she did something wrong. She was wrong not to be completely straightforward with OP about her sleeping with other men even before she and OP were “exclusive”. He deserved to have that information so that he could express his opinion about it. If he breaks up with her now because she wasn’t totally honest up front, that’s on her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“If the tables were turned I wouldn't let this one thing from those early days”

LOL yeah I’m sure you wouldn’t be outraged at all to find out a guy was banging some other chick for two months while he was dating you. 🙄

It wouldn't be an issue for me either. I assume that the guys I go out with are having sex elsewhere until we are exclusive. If a coworker's friend said "Oh I hooked up with him until he got serious with someone else", I'd take that as a good sign of his character. This is a non-issue.

“Good character” is hooking up with multiple people now. 🙄

Good character is not seeing other people once exclusive and then informing said partners that you're off the market.

Also, I wish people would stop equating having sex for pleasure with morality.

Now the swingers are chiming in!

Anonymous wrote:He is a man with feelings and his feeling are his truth and valid. That is all that matters. Feelings = truth. The bonus is that as a man with feelings he has overcome toxic masculinity. The problem here is that as soon as he expressed his truth many people on this post started to denigrate him for having those feelings. It is wrong to force your values onto him by telling him they were not exclusive etc. If he feels upset about it then #truth.

all of that can be true along with the fact that she did nothing wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“If the tables were turned I wouldn't let this one thing from those early days”

LOL yeah I’m sure you wouldn’t be outraged at all to find out a guy was banging some other chick for two months while he was dating you. 🙄

It wouldn't be an issue for me either. I assume that the guys I go out with are having sex elsewhere until we are exclusive. If a coworker's friend said "Oh I hooked up with him until he got serious with someone else", I'd take that as a good sign of his character. This is a non-issue.

“Good character” is hooking up with multiple people now. 🙄

Good character is not seeing other people once exclusive and then informing said partners that you're off the market.

Also, I wish people would stop equating having sex for pleasure with morality.

He is a man with feelings and his feeling are his truth and valid. That is all that matters. Feelings = truth. The bonus is that as a man with feelings he has overcome toxic masculinity. The problem here is that as soon as he expressed his truth many people on this post started to denigrate him for having those feelings. It is wrong to force your values onto him by telling him they were not exclusive etc. If he feels upset about it then #truth.

OP, ultimately you have to decide if you can get over it. If you aren't sure that you were exclusive and you have been in a committed relationship since you had the official "talk" then whats the problem? Is she a good person otherwise? Only you can decide that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“If the tables were turned I wouldn't let this one thing from those early days”

LOL yeah I’m sure you wouldn’t be outraged at all to find out a guy was banging some other chick for two months while he was dating you. 🙄

It wouldn't be an issue for me either. I assume that the guys I go out with are having sex elsewhere until we are exclusive. If a coworker's friend said "Oh I hooked up with him until he got serious with someone else", I'd take that as a good sign of his character. This is a non-issue.

“Good character” is hooking up with multiple people now. 🙄

Good character is not seeing other people once exclusive and then informing said partners that you're off the market.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is tedious. She didn't cheat on him but he doesn't have to like it.

Coming on to say exactly this. There was nothing wrong with what she did under modern dating standards.

But he’s entitled to feel uncomfortable with it, and entitled to leave her for it, and that doesn’t make him a misogynist.

Except she didn't cheat on him. They weren't exclusive.

It's true that he doesn't have to like it, but he is a fool for feeling like the victim. He knows he loves this woman. Spinning this into something it's not will not benefit him.

I didn’t say she cheated. I’m saying she did something that -some- people may be uncomfortable with, and those feelings are not unreasonable. People can act certain ways in their relationships with others, and it may not be “wrong” (like cheating) but it may nonetheless be something someone else is entitled to be uncomfortable with.

He might be a fool for feeling like the victim (I agree) but feelings are feelings. If he's uncomfortable with the situation he can break up. And that's fine. If he decides to stick with her he shouldn't bring this up again, because it is in the past. And that's fine, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is tedious. She didn't cheat on him but he doesn't have to like it.

Coming on to say exactly this. There was nothing wrong with what she did under modern dating standards.

But he’s entitled to feel uncomfortable with it, and entitled to leave her for it, and that doesn’t make him a misogynist.

Except she didn't cheat on him. They weren't exclusive.

It's true that he doesn't have to like it, but he is a fool for feeling like the victim. He knows he loves this woman. Spinning this into something it's not will not benefit him.

I didn’t say she cheated. I’m saying she did something that -some- people may be uncomfortable with, and those feelings are not unreasonable. People can act certain ways in their relationships with others, and it may not be “wrong” (like cheating) but it may nonetheless be something someone else is entitled to be uncomfortable with.

I did I something very similar early in my relationship w DH. Except it was two guys (one a coworker and one an old fling) in the first two months of our relationship. We were not exclusive in the technical sense but I never ceased up to it. We have been married 10 years. I’ve never strayed or considered cheating. Do not let this ruin your life plan with this woman. Your friend is the dick for telling you as it was before you were serious/exclusive with your girlfriend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is tedious. She didn't cheat on him but he doesn't have to like it.

Coming on to say exactly this. There was nothing wrong with what she did under modern dating standards.

But he’s entitled to feel uncomfortable with it, and entitled to leave her for it, and that doesn’t make him a misogynist.

Except she didn't cheat on him. They weren't exclusive.

It's true that he doesn't have to like it, but he is a fool for feeling like the victim. He knows he loves this woman. Spinning this into something it's not will not benefit him.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is tedious. She didn't cheat on him but he doesn't have to like it.

Coming on to say exactly this. There was nothing wrong with what she did under modern dating standards.

But he’s entitled to feel uncomfortable with it, and entitled to leave her for it, and that doesn’t make him a misogynist.

No guy wants to have a friend to have been balls deep in his wife, ever.

^ this and she is most likely minimizing the truth. She admits to ha ING sex with the guy one time only. Sorry, I don't believe it. Overlapping sexual partners is not something anyone has to be OK with no matter how enlightened we are all supposed to be these days. A d may e she didn't overlap but I feel for OP to find out while he waited 5 dates, she was seeing this guy until something happened to end it.

Every woman I've been with quizzes the hell out of me about past partners, my relationship past and current with them, the last time I had sex with anyone before her... I don't know if OP had those conversations but if they did, she clearly lied by ommision.