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Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Agreed, OP this was over the top, especially since it was a forced outing

Completely disagree. IF they do not have any support around pursuing college you are letting them know that you are a person in their lives that is available and interested in that goal for them should they want it. I would continue to give them this message throughout their teens.

At 9/10/12? And walking through a college and buying shirts for a photo op? No, that’s over the top

I get the gesture but this isn’t the Big Brother/Big Sister Program. No one likes to feel like they need someone to swoop in and “rescue” them from their circumstances.

How is auntie being interested in their thoughts about the future and even little conversations about college "swooping in to rescue them from circumstances" those are entirely normal conversations to have with nieces and nephews in my extended family. They normally last all of 5 minutes like most other tween conversations.

This wasn’t 5 minutes of conversation. Sounds more like 90 minutes.

I think complaining about walking was their way of expressing that they didn’t want to do the activity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Agreed, OP this was over the top, especially since it was a forced outing

Completely disagree. IF they do not have any support around pursuing college you are letting them know that you are a person in their lives that is available and interested in that goal for them should they want it. I would continue to give them this message throughout their teens.

At 9/10/12? And walking through a college and buying shirts for a photo op? No, that’s over the top

I get the gesture but this isn’t the Big Brother/Big Sister Program. No one likes to feel like they need someone to swoop in and “rescue” them from their circumstances.

How is auntie being interested in their thoughts about the future and even little conversations about college "swooping in to rescue them from circumstances" those are entirely normal conversations to have with nieces and nephews in my extended family. They normally last all of 5 minutes like most other tween conversations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Agreed, OP this was over the top, especially since it was a forced outing

Completely disagree. IF they do not have any support around pursuing college you are letting them know that you are a person in their lives that is available and interested in that goal for them should they want it. I would continue to give them this message throughout their teens.

FA=Loans unless you are at an Ivy basically. OP better step up and pay. The nieces’ pessimistic attitude toward college is reality unfortunately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Agreed, OP this was over the top, especially since it was a forced outing

Completely disagree. IF they do not have any support around pursuing college you are letting them know that you are a person in their lives that is available and interested in that goal for them should they want it. I would continue to give them this message throughout their teens.

At 9/10/12? And walking through a college and buying shirts for a photo op? No, that’s over the top

I get the gesture but this isn’t the Big Brother/Big Sister Program. No one likes to feel like they need someone to swoop in and “rescue” them from their circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Agreed, OP this was over the top, especially since it was a forced outing

Completely disagree. IF they do not have any support around pursuing college you are letting them know that you are a person in their lives that is available and interested in that goal for them should they want it. I would continue to give them this message throughout their teens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Agreed, OP this was over the top, especially since it was a forced outing

Completely disagree. IF they do not have any support around pursuing college you are letting them know that you are a person in their lives that is available and interested in that goal for them should they want it. I would continue to give them this message throughout their teens.

At 9/10/12? And walking through a college and buying shirts for a photo op? No, that’s over the top

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Agreed, OP this was over the top, especially since it was a forced outing

Completely disagree. IF they do not have any support around pursuing college you are letting them know that you are a person in their lives that is available and interested in that goal for them should they want it. I would continue to give them this message throughout their teens.

At 9/10/12? And walking through a college and buying shirts for a photo op? No, that’s over the top

Anonymous wrote:It’s bratty and almost strange that they felt comfortable/empowered enough to do that to an aunt. Must be you are close? I can see my tween acting that way for DH and I but never an aunt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Agreed, OP this was over the top, especially since it was a forced outing

Completely disagree. IF they do not have any support around pursuing college you are letting them know that you are a person in their lives that is available and interested in that goal for them should they want it. I would continue to give them this message throughout their teens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Agreed, OP this was over the top, especially since it was a forced outing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Yikes. OP, I know you think you were doing the right thing but in one fell swoop you let your (negative) judgement about them and their thoughts/dreams come shining through. No wonder they were tweening it up with you. No one likes to feel judged. You had the right intentions but you went about it completely the wrong way. I am the mom of middle school girls and I am a middle school teacher btw.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you want to be handed a medal for having your nieces and showing them, gasp, a college. My 12yo would not more be interested in touring a college than she would be in shooting a hole in her head. I feel you are out of touch with this age demographic AND also mag have some issues/problems with this family you are not getting into here, like you expected them to treat you as a hero for taking them to a Tweetsie Railroad type of place and a college? Yeah, tweens are way more complicated and HONEST than toddlers and will call it as they see it.

I could totally see them getting flat out offended by the college tour.

Op here. Ok so more background-DH and I both work at the university and it’s one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen.

What we did was talk about what each of them wanted to be when they grow up. One said teacher, the other said flight attendant, the other said a nanny. We tried to brainstorm other ideas/thoughts and then walked to the respective colleges to do pics in front of them, thinking someday maybe they would go to this university and that’s where they would study. So we took pics in front of the college of education for the one that wanted to be a teacher, etc.

They did not know what a university is, or what college is, or even when you go there. And then they said they can’t go to college because they can’t afford it. We were telling them yes you can!! There are scholarships, financial aid, etc. and we told them we would help them apply and figure it all out.

I guess I didn’t expect this would be thrilling but I feel like it’s important. I can’t remember when I knew about college but it was definitely by age 12......

Anonymous wrote:Um yeah tweens want to go to Starbucks even if they had it yesterday. You need to manage their expectations like the PP suggested above.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people are trying to excuse this behavior. I have teen girls and at that age, if they weren’t offering to clear off the table after dinner, making their beds, saying thank-you and asking how they could help out around the house/ with the small cousins, I would be LIVID with my girls.

OP, are they still there or is the weekend over? I definitely think you need to have a kind, direct conversation with them about expectations.