Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

This happened to me. The parents’ behavior made an awful situation worse.

My step son (20) got my 14 YO intoxicated & raped her while she was in & out of consciousness. His mother is insistent that my daughter is lying & that her DS is the victim here. It's insane what she is doing to further harm my daughter while trying to justify what her son did. FYI that the son ADMITTED to both drinking & sexual contact with my 14 YO & the laws are very clear, but her son said that y 14 YO child "wanted it" and she is hellbent on trying to get him to not have any consequences. My child did not consent, nor can a 14 YO consent, nor can an intoxicated person (adult or child) can consent, nor can someone unconscious (adult or child) consent. Right after this came out, rapist momma got her son a kitten because we got kittens at our house & she felt like he was being excluded. She then dropped this 20 YO rapist off at a local high school a few days later to hang out with underage girls, one of which he hooked up with when he was 19 & she was "14/15" according to text messages he sent himself, & now he is currently dating another underage girl with his momma's full approval. The police will have a hayday with her response to his behaviors. His dad, my partner, on the other hand, is really torn. He sees the damage done to my child but also fears for his son's future, and I think it has been almost impossible for him to fully accept, but he has accepted some of those things. It's hard to reconcile that the baby boy you loved and who can buy his mom flowers for mothers day or who you can laugh with at the dinner table can also have a dark side that is capable of harming a child in this way. It's a difficult position to be in as the parent of the rapist when the rapist hurt your partner's youngest child. With that said, time will tell what direction they all go & how it will impact the family as the detectives are wrapping up interviews & their investigations probably within the next month & that is going to be very telling. I am hopeful that my partner will convince his son to just admit what he did so they can negotiate a fair plea. I loved this young man as my own son for several years that I have been in their family, but the ex wife absolutely raised him to be this way-- never any accountability or consequences & a strong sense of entitlement that he obviously got from her. She is a mamma bear and will walk through fire for him to protect him from the consequences of his own actions even if it means destroying a traumatized young girl who never wanted this. My child is having extreme trauma responses because as a child who already had ADHD & social anxiety, she already is below her age with emotional regulation so throwing childhood trauma from a trusted & loved family member has completely destroyed her. She can't even handle basic conflict or redirection without a full meltdown. I have taken so much time off work to help her that I no longer have vacation or sick days. It's an impossibly difficult situation and we are barely getting by. And time will tell if my partner will step up for what is right while also hoping for some mercy for his son or if he will crumble & follow his ex wife's manipulative insanity where she guilts him to "do anything to protect his son or he's a bad father" Sorry lady. He's only a bad father if he tries to cover up rape. If he helps his son accept accountability & gives him love through the process, that is what will make him a good father. But good parents expect accountability, even when it is hard. So all you parents saying you would "protect" your son. F*** you all if you won't include accountability in that because love without accountability is not love at all. All I know is that I'm watching. And if I see anyone betray my daughter to protect someone who caused such harm, I will cut ties & sink ships before you know it. With that said, again, I loved this young man for years as my own & I hope that he gets fairness & an opportunity to have sex offender reprogramming so he can hopefully have a future that benefits society instead of harming it.

--Stressed & sad mother of a childhood rape victim

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Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

You wouldn't consider any evidence?

Well I’m certain my son wouldn’t commit classic rape, and, as a previous poster noted, I’m not convinced by these modern drunken sex acts college students and people in the military are doing is so criminal. I have a daughter too and it’s been drilled into her to not get into these situations. But the girls need to take some responsibility for getting hammered and sleeping over a frat guys room then when she does the walk of shame pretending she didn’t consent.

I'm sorry but this outdated narrative doesn't exist the way you think it does anymore. Women aren't out there lying to "protect their reputation" and are afraid of wearing the scarlet letter for a walk of shame. That term is a joke and laughable and has been for 20 years, women don't GAF if someone is a misogynist and tries to slut shame them. That shit might fly at Liberty University or some shit but college women now are just not bathed in this culture of trying to "protect their reputation" by lying about assault. Women who lie about assault are deeply, deeply disturbed women and statistically a TINY fraction of the population

I know 4 women who told me they were raped (not sure what "classically raped" means, they all knew their assaulter and all were physically held through the acts or made very afraid to push back) and not one told authorities. That's anecdote, not data- but guess what, its also what the data says

Anonymous wrote:I’m reading this awful article in Vanity Fair about an assault at St. Paul’s in the early 90s and thinking what would I do if I knew/thought my son had done something like that. As a survivor of assault, myself, it makes me physically ill to think about. There is a lot I could forgive my sons for, but not sure I could ever get over that.

No idea. We are not from Trump's, Duggar's, Kavanough's or Brock Turner's family - so we are not well versed in this issue.

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Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

This is terrifying. I mean I know this is what people do, but still, to read someone saying it outright gives me the chills.

The problem with this response IMO is that the first response doesn't answer the actual question. The question it answers is "what would you do if your son was accused of sexual assault?"... which is why the "i wouldn't believe it..." part comes in first. And I don't think that is a crazy response necessarily I can't imagine a scenario in which I believe that about my son either, it just would be as weird as me trying to believe my daughter stabbed someone or the like- never in their character.

But the post asked a different question- it asked what would you do if this happened- I read it to mean what would you do if you KNEW this happened, not an accusation you have to deal with but if you somehow were able to know 100% that it happened.

Now the respondent might actually be answering that question, she might be self aware enough and willing to admit anonymously that she would be in denial and not be willing to believe it (remember the question is if this DID happen) and proceed. But I think a LOT of the answers to this thread are answering 2 different questions.

Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

This is terrifying. I mean I know this is what people do, but still, to read someone saying it outright gives me the chills.

I would be somewhat skeptical due to the fact that I know two different friends who were wrongfully accused of rape. One of the accusers did time for the false accusation, but the other one was never prosecuted.

I would immediately hire a lawyer for my son. Then I would phone in an anonymous tip. I couldn’t stand by and do nothing, but neither could I be the one to publicly implicate my child (I assume police would take a confession to the parent as practically verbatim; they can do the work to follow the trail).

Anonymous wrote:You will be surprised but most of the parents will be either in denial that their child would ever do something like that, or go into a full protective mode (top lawyers, etc.). I've never seen any parent turning their child in, and I worked in a criminal system for many years.

Being honest I know I wouldn't call myself. I think I could walk away and disown if I had to (thinking about that makes me ill), but even then I know I would stop short of turning in. Just being honest.

I see those taking a position that it "happens all the time" haven't read the article liked above, in the previous page or so.

Typical.

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Anonymous wrote:What if your daughter got drunk and hooked up with a college guy, then the next day her friends were all gossiping so she decides to say she was raped because she was drunk and so she said she couldn’t consent. Then the boy gets kicked out of college. Happens every day. The girl needs to take responsibility for this. Too many ruined boys from retroactive guilt or embarrassment.

FU, no it doesn't! You're making stuff up that has no bearing in reality. The reality is that the overwhelming majority of campus rapes go unreported.

-- Person who was raped in college and didn't report it

+1
I've been raped twice and didn't report either. You have no idea what victims go through.

If you don’t report it, you lose the right to bitch about nothing being done to perpetrator.

Wow. You clearly have never dealt with our justice system.

Yep. Victims get raked through the mud in those proceedings. The PP just before is a despicable pig.

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Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? It’s my child. I would use every last dollar and whatever influence I can bring to bear to protect him. That doesn’t mean the conduct is not wrong; maybe he’s actually guilty (though I doubt I’d ever believe that unless he confessed, because I know my son).

But it’s not the parent’s job to deal out justice on behalf of society. I’m in my kid’s corner no matter what and without condition. I don’t only protect them when they are behaving well.

The law, society, the DA, etc rightly have a different set of motives and priorities. So be it. But if you think I would abandon my son and not deploy every resource I have to keep him safe you are crazy and don’t share our concept of family.

You can love every member of your family and still love them as they are rightfully prosecuted for rape. You can love a rapist without allowing them to be free to keep raping people.

Sorry, my son has one life. I would not permit it to be ruined by something like this, if it were in any way in my capacity to stop it. Also, not for nothing, but there are many of us who feel that the definition of “rape” - particularly as it relates to incapacity to give affirmative consent in the context of a drunken college hookup— has exceeded rational bounds.

You should be very very careful before you decide to protect your son this way. Many many years ago I was a public defender who represented a young kid (19) on three separate rape charges (each set of charges involved 5-6 charges, including use of a firearm, forcible sodomy, rape, etc.). Each rape was brutal and there were plenty evidence, including DNA. I worked out a great deal for my client that would let him out of jail before he turns 38. His mama got involved, hired him a private attorney who represented him on one set of charges. The boy was found guilty at the jury trial and convicted and sentenced to 100+ life in prison. They lost the case on appeal, so his is still serving his life sentence without any chance to ever get out of prison. You remind me a lot of that mama.

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Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what parents do. And then, they find out about the other girls or years later, the women in college and in his office.

I know of around three guys who were accused in what were BS cases and in each case it really left a mark on the boys. They each ended up getting happily married and would never get themselves into a situation like that again. It takes two.

It takes two in order for one of them to be raped? What the actual f*ck?

It depends on how you define rape. But yes. -mom of teen girls

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Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

And if he raped a 6 year old would this still be your view? If not, why does the age change your opinion?

It would make me think he was also rsped as a child so yes.

But if he raped a woman you wouldn't think he was raped? I'm starting to see why you have your opinion. Your DH probably did something messed up to your son and you never had an appropriate outlet for your anger, so you would try to "ruin" another person because of all the hurt your family went though.

In short: a bad mother who doesn't protect her children when they actually need protection.

Np: that is an astronomical leap, you obviously have an agenda here...were you assaulted as a child and your mother didn’t protect you?

So you accusing me of making an astronomical leap and now you're making the same leap? Hm.

There's something very "off" about a woman who would try to "ruin" a girl for reporting a rape. I'm just trying to figure out what messed her up.

PP: I didn’t make a leap, I asked a question. Yours was a statement, not a question; thus, the huge leap/assumption.

Did your DS or DH rape a child?

PP: no, to both — how is that question relevant?

I was simply asking a question.

PP: And I answered it and didn’t accuse you of leaping, only asking relevance...my original question wasn’t answered, just attacked.

You obviously have an agenda here.

Pp: I have no agenda, whatsoever, no matter how much you would like to think so.

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Anonymous wrote:If it were my son I wouldn’t believe it and I would get the best defense and investigators and try to ruin the girl. Just being honest.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what parents do. And then, they find out about the other girls or years later, the women in college and in his office.

I know of around three guys who were accused in what were BS cases and in each case it really left a mark on the boys. They each ended up getting happily married and would never get themselves into a situation like that again. It takes two.

It takes two in order for one of them to be raped? What the actual f*ck?