Anonymous wrote:That you can post this list with a straight face is mind boggling. DH and i both work full time and both contribute sizably to $800k HHI (i think he's at $450k and me $350k).


preparing meals- 3-5 hours/wk -- WE SPLIT. AND THIS ISN'T 'MEAL PREP'. THIS IS JUST MAKING DINNER AND CLEAN UP DURING THE WEEK TIME.
school volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk -- ALMOST NONE. WITH RARE EXCEPTION, I HAVE NEVER SEEN AN IMPORTANT SCHOOL VOLUNTEER JOB THAT ISN'T MAKE WORK FOR THE SAHMS.
other volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk -- NONE.
grocery shopping - 1-2 hours/wk - WE SPLIT
general cleaning the house - 3-5 hours/wk - HOUSECLEANER SPENDS 6 HOURS EVERY SECOND WEEK
shuttling kids around to doctor/dentist/orthodontist or going to school play etc - 2-3 hours/wk - THIS NUMBER IS SUPER INFLATED. I HANDLE IT FOR MY MODERATELY SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD. DURING SCHOOL HOURS, IT'S 2-3 HOURS A MONTH.
general errands (new clothes, running to target, post office, etc) - 1-2 hours/wk - THIS IS CALLED INTERNET SURFING. IF YOU THINK YOU DESERVE ALIMONY FOR THIS, YOU ARE NUTS.
laundry - 2-3 hours/wk - 30 MINUTES A WEEK SPREAD OUT OVER 2 MINUTE INCREMENTS.
yard work (mowing, planting flowers, shoveling snow, etc) - 2-3 hours/wk - YEAH RIGHT YOU DO THIS.
general paperwork, managing finances - 1-2 hours/wk - 30 MINUTES A MONTH. DH HANDLES.
organizing/decorating house (moving out seasonal clothing, getting rid of junk, painting, etc) - 2-4 hours/wk YOU ARE A LOON.

So the "during the school day" stuff is the 6 hours every two weeks for housecleaner, 2-3 hours a month for my special needs kid, 30 minutes of laundry a week, 30 minutes of paperwork. i'm not including meals because that's dumb. That's a total of 16 hours of work every month. so you think you deserve lifetime alimony by adding 16 hours a month of ease to your working spouse's life?
exercise - 3-5 hours/wk

NP here. You are way underestimating the amount of time it takes to do things. 30 minutes a week for laundry? GTFO.

The PP may be overestimating in parts. But I can say that my DW went back to working very part-time (usually about 10-15 hours a week), and that really takes away time from doing household stuff. Also, pre-covid, my DW was home to be with the kids after school, able to take them to school in the mornings (walking), and just generally more available. All of that is super important to us -- maybe not to you -- but it takes a lot of time and attention.

That you can post this list with a straight face is mind boggling. DH and i both work full time and both contribute sizably to $800k HHI (i think he's at $450k and me $350k).


preparing meals- 3-5 hours/wk -- WE SPLIT. AND THIS ISN'T 'MEAL PREP'. THIS IS JUST MAKING DINNER AND CLEAN UP DURING THE WEEK TIME.
school volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk -- ALMOST NONE. WITH RARE EXCEPTION, I HAVE NEVER SEEN AN IMPORTANT SCHOOL VOLUNTEER JOB THAT ISN'T MAKE WORK FOR THE SAHMS.
other volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk -- NONE.
grocery shopping - 1-2 hours/wk - WE SPLIT
general cleaning the house - 3-5 hours/wk - HOUSECLEANER SPENDS 6 HOURS EVERY SECOND WEEK
shuttling kids around to doctor/dentist/orthodontist or going to school play etc - 2-3 hours/wk - THIS NUMBER IS SUPER INFLATED. I HANDLE IT FOR MY MODERATELY SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD. DURING SCHOOL HOURS, IT'S 2-3 HOURS A MONTH.
general errands (new clothes, running to target, post office, etc) - 1-2 hours/wk - THIS IS CALLED INTERNET SURFING. IF YOU THINK YOU DESERVE ALIMONY FOR THIS, YOU ARE NUTS.
laundry - 2-3 hours/wk - 30 MINUTES A WEEK SPREAD OUT OVER 2 MINUTE INCREMENTS.
yard work (mowing, planting flowers, shoveling snow, etc) - 2-3 hours/wk - YEAH RIGHT YOU DO THIS.
general paperwork, managing finances - 1-2 hours/wk - 30 MINUTES A MONTH. DH HANDLES.
organizing/decorating house (moving out seasonal clothing, getting rid of junk, painting, etc) - 2-4 hours/wk YOU ARE A LOON.

So the "during the school day" stuff is the 6 hours every two weeks for housecleaner, 2-3 hours a month for my special needs kid, 30 minutes of laundry a week, 30 minutes of paperwork. i'm not including meals because that's dumb. That's a total of 16 hours of work every month. so you think you deserve lifetime alimony by adding 16 hours a month of ease to your working spouse's life?
exercise - 3-5 hours/wk

Pre-pandemic:
I work full time. My DH works full time. this is about right, but split.

preparing meals- 3-5 hours/wk Me
school volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk Him
other volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk Him
grocery shopping - 1-2 hours/wk him
general cleaning the house - 3-5 hours/wk Me
shuttling kids around to doctor/dentist/orthodontist or going to school play etc - 1-2 hours/wk Me
general errands (new clothes, running to target, post office, etc) - 1-2 hours/wk Him/Me
laundry - 2-3 hours/wk Me
yard work (mowing, planting flowers, shoveling snow, etc) - 2-3 hours/wk me
general paperwork, managing finances - 1-2 hours/wk Him
organizing/decorating house (moving out seasonal clothing, getting rid of junk, painting, etc) - 2-4 hours/wk Me
exercise - 3-5 hours/wk Me, emphatically not him

But I think some of the estimates are high ... I might just mow the lawn and it's an hour, hour and a half ...? Organizing the house doesn't take 2-4 hours a week EVERY week. more like, once in a while. And errands are often bundled with grocery shopping, or online. Takes no time. Making food might take an hour a day. Dentist/orthodontist/music lessons/sports that does take up some time!! Yipes. But less now that pandemic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ so many of us working moms do all of those SAHM chores as well—the meals, school volunteering, grocery shopping and shuttling and many of the spouses pitch in as well. That argument never resonated with me. I think many SAHMs have serious time management issues coupled with inherent laziness—especially the ones that never go back to work.

This kind of drives me crazy. Very likely you either don't do it, or you have real help.

If you are a SAHM with kid in school, that's about 30 hours a week on your own.

preparing meals- 3-5 hours/wk
school volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
other volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
grocery shopping - 1-2 hours/wk
general cleaning the house - 3-5 hours/wk
shuttling kids around to doctor/dentist/orthodontist or going to school play etc - 2-3 hours/wk
general errands (new clothes, running to target, post office, etc) - 1-2 hours/wk
laundry - 2-3 hours/wk
yard work (mowing, planting flowers, shoveling snow, etc) - 2-3 hours/wk
general paperwork, managing finances - 1-2 hours/wk
organizing/decorating house (moving out seasonal clothing, getting rid of junk, painting, etc) - 2-4 hours/wk
exercise - 3-5 hours/wk

So, that's 24-40 hours/wk that is mostly outside of actual childcare (if you take out exercise it's 21-35 hours/wk). If you are doing this while working, then either your entire evenings and much of your weekends are devoted to these things, you aren't actually getting some things done, or you have someone else (spouse, housekeeper, parent, etc) who is doing a lot of it for you.

Your proving prior poster’s point. Time management issues. Exercise and volunteering are both optional and not SAHP specific so there is 8-12 hours a week of time.

Laundry - 2-3 hours/wk- Do you stare at the machine while it’s running? It takes two minutes to load and switch to the dryer. Folding is ten minutes max per load and cut it down by having the kids do their own.
Grocery Shopping- 1-2 hours/wk - order it online and delivered. List auto populated with frequent items and new list is maximum ten minutes to add items
Meal Prep- 3-5 hrs - make quicker 30 min meals.
General Errands- 2-3 hours - don’t need new clothes or to go to Target, takes 5 mins to order necessary items online. I go to the post office maybe 3x a year.
General House keeping- 3-5 hours - most SAHPs I know have but-weekly housekeepers, if your scrubbing floors the 1-2 hours a week sounds right.
Paperwork- 1-2 hours...bills are largely on autopay. There are school forms that every parent working or not takes 30
Seconds to fill out. Are you reading SEC filings for your day trading business?
Yard Work- 2-3 hrs a week - we don’t believe you spend hours shoveling snow in the winter.
Organizing - 2-4 hours a week- no way, seasonal clothes is 2-3 hours a year and touch up paint the same and how does organizing differ from general cleaning that you apparently spend 5 hours a week on
Shuttling kids - those appointments are 2x a year unless one of your DCs are chronically ill. All parents go to the school play ...2x
A year at most. Same with drop off ...it’s not a SAHP exclusive.

Why would other people's life choices bother you?

That's what I find strange, and you dwelling on it.

I don’t care what people choose to do but when someone contends they are too busy with their SAHM responsibilities to work based on an inflated schedule of responsibilities then they invite responses pointing out the holes in this belief.

Of course you don't have to do any of it, and of course not only SAHM's do it. As I said in the previous post, you can
a) not actually do it
b) spend all of your free time doing it
c) have help from your spouse/mom/housekeeper/nanny in getting it done

But the numbers really aren't that inflated. And I didn't say that I wasn't too busy to work, only that I am not inherently lazy or poor at time management.

Volunteering at the school- if you do library duty or lunch duty it's usually 2 hours/wk or 4 hours every other week. If you are on the PTA, there is usually a monthly meeting and some other responsibility.

Other volunteering - most SAHMs do something. I would say 1/2 day every other week is pretty average.

Laundry - No. I do not stare at the machine. It takes 2 minutes to sort and put it in the machine, 10 minutes to fold it, and 3 minutes to put it away (longer to oversee kids putting it away). That's 15 minutes/load x 10 loads/wk (2 for each adult, 1 for each of four kids, a load of towels, and a load of sheets) = 2.5 hours/wk.

Grocery Shopping- 10 minutes to add items, 10 minutes to clean out your fridge, 10 minutes to put stuff away. That's at least 30 minutes. I said 1 hour. You win by getting your groceries delivered. (although I would argue that's getting someone else to do it)

Meal Prep- 30 minute meals x 7 days/wk is 3.5 hours. Math.

General Errands- I don't know why you never need clothes or spend more than 5 minutes on anything. This week we had a child with a birthday, so I purchased presents. Next week is Father's Day. In May we were doing a lot of gardening and had to go to the hardware store. Kids needed summer clothes, so we went through what fit and ordered more. I don't know. None of these things takes forever, but I would say if you add it up 2 hours/wk seems fair.

General House keeping- Most SAHPs do not have weekly housekeepers. And it takes more than 1 hour a week to clean a house.

Paperwork- I do not have a day trading business. And I also have bills on autopay. I guess the difference is that I check to see what they are. Once a month, I update a spreadsheet of our income and expenses for the month so that we can see where money is coming in and where it's going. We use it to budget for bigger expenses. Quarterly, I go over our retirement accounts. This takes me roughly 4 hours (or 1 hour/wk), although I am sure that you could do it in 5 seconds. Then there are also camp forms, school paperwork, random bills that need to be paid by check, the birthday card for Great Aunt Rose, etc. That's why I said 1-2 hours/wk.

Yard Work- Sure. There isn't as much in the winter, but there is some. And for every month that I don't do much yardwork, there is probably a day that I spend 8 hours planting, putting down mulch, cleaning beds, raking up leaves, etc. I think it evens out to 2-3 hours/wk.

Organizing/decorating the house- I always just feel like something needs done. Last week, my daughter was waking up early because she couldn't sleep. So, we took down the old blinds and put up a new curtain rod and black out shades. That took about 2 hours. Some weeks maybe there is nothing, but some weeks I might decide to declutter the entire house, or pull down the ugly old wallpaper in the playroom, so there is quite a bit.

Shuttling kids - I have to say that I never noticed this until I started staying at home. Partly because I just didn't actually do most of it. But Dentist twice a year, orthodontist whenever, doctor once a year (more if sick), school stuff all SAH parents are expected to go to several times a year multiplied by whatever number of kids you have = quite a bit of time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is dead honest about how much free time she has and how little she does. It's a joke. Her husband teases her.

I respect her because she owns it. What I can't stand are the SAHMs that do nothing (older kids in school) and they try to make everyone believe they work so hard and will supply some schedule with stuff that really nobody does daily and that most working people are able to do and knock out in no time.

I will be honest that I preferred having a WAH full-time job to being a SAHM so I could outsource cleaning and all the homemaker tasks I hate. I also really like my job which is in the field I received my grad degree.

Well that goes for anyone that gives you a BS story. How they have a great marriage when you know it isn't and so fourth.

I didn't work for a number of years before we had kids. He traveled and it was a good way for us to see other countries, that way I was available. It worked perfectly for us.
I never sensed anything negative, actually just the opposite. Of course I was honest about how much fun I was having!

"so forth"

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is dead honest about how much free time she has and how little she does. It's a joke. Her husband teases her.

I respect her because she owns it. What I can't stand are the SAHMs that do nothing (older kids in school) and they try to make everyone believe they work so hard and will supply some schedule with stuff that really nobody does daily and that most working people are able to do and knock out in no time.

I will be honest that I preferred having a WAH full-time job to being a SAHM so I could outsource cleaning and all the homemaker tasks I hate. I also really like my job which is in the field I received my grad degree.

Well that goes for anyone that gives you a BS story. How they have a great marriage when you know it isn't and so fourth.

I didn't work for a number of years before we had kids. He traveled and it was a good way for us to see other countries, that way I was available. It worked perfectly for us.
I never sensed anything negative, actually just the opposite. Of course I was honest about how much fun I was having!

My best friend is dead honest about how much free time she has and how little she does. It's a joke. Her husband teases her.

I respect her because she owns it. What I can't stand are the SAHMs that do nothing (older kids in school) and they try to make everyone believe they work so hard and will supply some schedule with stuff that really nobody does daily and that most working people are able to do and knock out in no time.

I will be honest that I preferred having a WAH full-time job to being a SAHM so I could outsource cleaning and all the homemaker tasks I hate. I also really like my job which is in the field I received my grad degree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Explain to us exactly what incredible thing you did while married that now you should be paid in perpetuity by your former spouse? Are you still doing his laundry? Cooking him meals? Sleeping with him? Doing the job of a SAHM? If you’ve stopped rendering your SAHM services to him, why is he forced to invest his time

You can’t be serious. I can give you an example (not me, but someone I know very well). DH and DW met at top law school. Both worked at law firms after graduation, DH at mid-sized firm and DW at big, prestigious firm. After having two kids, DW worked part-time (agreed to by both spouses), but still long hours/some late nights and still out-earned DH. Going part-time took DW off partner track. DH wanted to be partner, could not be parent staying home when kids were sick or leaving at night to relieve nanny. Also needed to travel frequently. Spouses agreed DW would stay home to relieve pressure on entire family, but especially DH. DW quit job after 10+ years, and DH/DW decided to have one more kid. DH eventually made partner, became very high earner ($1m+ per year). After 30 years of marriage, youngest DC graduates and DH/DW are almost 60. DW now has been out of working world for years and is close to retirement age. No prospects at all in her former chosen field. DH still making crazy money. Why don’t you explain why DW should NOT get spousal support?

Clearly this woman is smart and educated and should have a full time job. There is no way that he should be forced to work to pay her she she doesn’t have to work. If she’s working 60+ stressful hours per week like him, and she still can’t make ends meet, perhaps then he might kick in a few $$.

Even in your example, her SAHM role does not justify he works his ass off while she plays tennis. Sorry: fulltime job for her.

Probably if he would have cut back, lived on less, and played more tennis, they wouldn't be getting a divorce.
Why do men work 60+ hour weeks at stressful jobs while their relationships disintegrate?

Why do women who surf the internet all day think this "contribution" entitles them to a perpetual piece of his hard earned income?

That posters schedule is within what I would have thought.

My kids are grown and I have a ton of time now, and yes enjoy it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ so many of us working moms do all of those SAHM chores as well—the meals, school volunteering, grocery shopping and shuttling and many of the spouses pitch in as well. That argument never resonated with me. I think many SAHMs have serious time management issues coupled with inherent laziness—especially the ones that never go back to work.

This kind of drives me crazy. Very likely you either don't do it, or you have real help.

If you are a SAHM with kid in school, that's about 30 hours a week on your own.

preparing meals- 3-5 hours/wk
school volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
other volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
grocery shopping - 1-2 hours/wk
general cleaning the house - 3-5 hours/wk
shuttling kids around to doctor/dentist/orthodontist or going to school play etc - 2-3 hours/wk
general errands (new clothes, running to target, post office, etc) - 1-2 hours/wk
laundry - 2-3 hours/wk
yard work (mowing, planting flowers, shoveling snow, etc) - 2-3 hours/wk
general paperwork, managing finances - 1-2 hours/wk
organizing/decorating house (moving out seasonal clothing, getting rid of junk, painting, etc) - 2-4 hours/wk
exercise - 3-5 hours/wk

So, that's 24-40 hours/wk that is mostly outside of actual childcare (if you take out exercise it's 21-35 hours/wk). If you are doing this while working, then either your entire evenings and much of your weekends are devoted to these things, you aren't actually getting some things done, or you have someone else (spouse, housekeeper, parent, etc) who is doing a lot of it for you.

Your proving prior poster’s point. Time management issues. Exercise and volunteering are both optional and not SAHP specific so there is 8-12 hours a week of time.

Laundry - 2-3 hours/wk- Do you stare at the machine while it’s running? It takes two minutes to load and switch to the dryer. Folding is ten minutes max per load and cut it down by having the kids do their own.
Grocery Shopping- 1-2 hours/wk - order it online and delivered. List auto populated with frequent items and new list is maximum ten minutes to add items
Meal Prep- 3-5 hrs - make quicker 30 min meals.
General Errands- 2-3 hours - don’t need new clothes or to go to Target, takes 5 mins to order necessary items online. I go to the post office maybe 3x a year.
General House keeping- 3-5 hours - most SAHPs I know have but-weekly housekeepers, if your scrubbing floors the 1-2 hours a week sounds right.
Paperwork- 1-2 hours...bills are largely on autopay. There are school forms that every parent working or not takes 30
Seconds to fill out. Are you reading SEC filings for your day trading business?
Yard Work- 2-3 hrs a week - we don’t believe you spend hours shoveling snow in the winter.
Organizing - 2-4 hours a week- no way, seasonal clothes is 2-3 hours a year and touch up paint the same and how does organizing differ from general cleaning that you apparently spend 5 hours a week on
Shuttling kids - those appointments are 2x a year unless one of your DCs are chronically ill. All parents go to the school play ...2x
A year at most. Same with drop off ...it’s not a SAHP exclusive.

Why would other people's life choices bother you?

That's what I find strange, and you dwelling on it.

I don’t care what people choose to do but when someone contends they are too busy with their SAHM responsibilities to work based on an inflated schedule of responsibilities then they invite responses pointing out the holes in this belief.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Explain to us exactly what incredible thing you did while married that now you should be paid in perpetuity by your former spouse? Are you still doing his laundry? Cooking him meals? Sleeping with him? Doing the job of a SAHM? If you’ve stopped rendering your SAHM services to him, why is he forced to invest his time

You can’t be serious. I can give you an example (not me, but someone I know very well). DH and DW met at top law school. Both worked at law firms after graduation, DH at mid-sized firm and DW at big, prestigious firm. After having two kids, DW worked part-time (agreed to by both spouses), but still long hours/some late nights and still out-earned DH. Going part-time took DW off partner track. DH wanted to be partner, could not be parent staying home when kids were sick or leaving at night to relieve nanny. Also needed to travel frequently. Spouses agreed DW would stay home to relieve pressure on entire family, but especially DH. DW quit job after 10+ years, and DH/DW decided to have one more kid. DH eventually made partner, became very high earner ($1m+ per year). After 30 years of marriage, youngest DC graduates and DH/DW are almost 60. DW now has been out of working world for years and is close to retirement age. No prospects at all in her former chosen field. DH still making crazy money. Why don’t you explain why DW should NOT get spousal support?

Clearly this woman is smart and educated and should have a full time job. There is no way that he should be forced to work to pay her she she doesn’t have to work. If she’s working 60+ stressful hours per week like him, and she still can’t make ends meet, perhaps then he might kick in a few $$.

Even in your example, her SAHM role does not justify he works his ass off while she plays tennis. Sorry: fulltime job for her.

Clearly it is their marriage and up to them, not you!!!

Sorry, but it will be up to her whether she goes back to work or not. From PP above post they are still together and looking forward to the golden years.

I'm thinking the few angry people on here HATE their jobs. I don't know what else could make them envious of SAHMs.

I'm thinking OP is writing here as a fantasy of what she WISHES would happen to this woman she knows. Not actually what's happening.

That could be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ so many of us working moms do all of those SAHM chores as well—the meals, school volunteering, grocery shopping and shuttling and many of the spouses pitch in as well. That argument never resonated with me. I think many SAHMs have serious time management issues coupled with inherent laziness—especially the ones that never go back to work.

This kind of drives me crazy. Very likely you either don't do it, or you have real help.

If you are a SAHM with kid in school, that's about 30 hours a week on your own.

preparing meals- 3-5 hours/wk
school volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
other volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
grocery shopping - 1-2 hours/wk
general cleaning the house - 3-5 hours/wk
shuttling kids around to doctor/dentist/orthodontist or going to school play etc - 2-3 hours/wk
general errands (new clothes, running to target, post office, etc) - 1-2 hours/wk
laundry - 2-3 hours/wk
yard work (mowing, planting flowers, shoveling snow, etc) - 2-3 hours/wk
general paperwork, managing finances - 1-2 hours/wk
organizing/decorating house (moving out seasonal clothing, getting rid of junk, painting, etc) - 2-4 hours/wk
exercise - 3-5 hours/wk

So, that's 24-40 hours/wk that is mostly outside of actual childcare (if you take out exercise it's 21-35 hours/wk). If you are doing this while working, then either your entire evenings and much of your weekends are devoted to these things, you aren't actually getting some things done, or you have someone else (spouse, housekeeper, parent, etc) who is doing a lot of it for you.

Your proving prior poster’s point. Time management issues. Exercise and volunteering are both optional and not SAHP specific so there is 8-12 hours a week of time.

Laundry - 2-3 hours/wk- Do you stare at the machine while it’s running? It takes two minutes to load and switch to the dryer. Folding is ten minutes max per load and cut it down by having the kids do their own.
Grocery Shopping- 1-2 hours/wk - order it online and delivered. List auto populated with frequent items and new list is maximum ten minutes to add items
Meal Prep- 3-5 hrs - make quicker 30 min meals.
General Errands- 2-3 hours - don’t need new clothes or to go to Target, takes 5 mins to order necessary items online. I go to the post office maybe 3x a year.
General House keeping- 3-5 hours - most SAHPs I know have but-weekly housekeepers, if your scrubbing floors the 1-2 hours a week sounds right.
Paperwork- 1-2 hours...bills are largely on autopay. There are school forms that every parent working or not takes 30
Seconds to fill out. Are you reading SEC filings for your day trading business?
Yard Work- 2-3 hrs a week - we don’t believe you spend hours shoveling snow in the winter.
Organizing - 2-4 hours a week- no way, seasonal clothes is 2-3 hours a year and touch up paint the same and how does organizing differ from general cleaning that you apparently spend 5 hours a week on
Shuttling kids - those appointments are 2x a year unless one of your DCs are chronically ill. All parents go to the school play ...2x
A year at most. Same with drop off ...it’s not a SAHP exclusive.

Why would other people's life choices bother you?

That's what I find strange, and you dwelling on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ so many of us working moms do all of those SAHM chores as well—the meals, school volunteering, grocery shopping and shuttling and many of the spouses pitch in as well. That argument never resonated with me. I think many SAHMs have serious time management issues coupled with inherent laziness—especially the ones that never go back to work.

This kind of drives me crazy. Very likely you either don't do it, or you have real help.

If you are a SAHM with kid in school, that's about 30 hours a week on your own.

preparing meals- 3-5 hours/wk
school volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
other volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
grocery shopping - 1-2 hours/wk
general cleaning the house - 3-5 hours/wk
shuttling kids around to doctor/dentist/orthodontist or going to school play etc - 2-3 hours/wk
general errands (new clothes, running to target, post office, etc) - 1-2 hours/wk
laundry - 2-3 hours/wk
yard work (mowing, planting flowers, shoveling snow, etc) - 2-3 hours/wk
general paperwork, managing finances - 1-2 hours/wk
organizing/decorating house (moving out seasonal clothing, getting rid of junk, painting, etc) - 2-4 hours/wk
exercise - 3-5 hours/wk

So, that's 24-40 hours/wk that is mostly outside of actual childcare (if you take out exercise it's 21-35 hours/wk). If you are doing this while working, then either your entire evenings and much of your weekends are devoted to these things, you aren't actually getting some things done, or you have someone else (spouse, housekeeper, parent, etc) who is doing a lot of it for you.

Your proving prior poster’s point. Time management issues. Exercise and volunteering are both optional and not SAHP specific so there is 8-12 hours a week of time.

Laundry - 2-3 hours/wk- Do you stare at the machine while it’s running? It takes two minutes to load and switch to the dryer. Folding is ten minutes max per load and cut it down by having the kids do their own.
Grocery Shopping- 1-2 hours/wk - order it online and delivered. List auto populated with frequent items and new list is maximum ten minutes to add items
Meal Prep- 3-5 hrs - make quicker 30 min meals.
General Errands- 2-3 hours - don’t need new clothes or to go to Target, takes 5 mins to order necessary items online. I go to the post office maybe 3x a year.
General House keeping- 3-5 hours - most SAHPs I know have but-weekly housekeepers, if your scrubbing floors the 1-2 hours a week sounds right.
Paperwork- 1-2 hours...bills are largely on autopay. There are school forms that every parent working or not takes 30
Seconds to fill out. Are you reading SEC filings for your day trading business?
Yard Work- 2-3 hrs a week - we don’t believe you spend hours shoveling snow in the winter.
Organizing - 2-4 hours a week- no way, seasonal clothes is 2-3 hours a year and touch up paint the same and how does organizing differ from general cleaning that you apparently spend 5 hours a week on
Shuttling kids - those appointments are 2x a year unless one of your DCs are chronically ill. All parents go to the school play ...2x
A year at most. Same with drop off ...it’s not a SAHP exclusive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ so many of us working moms do all of those SAHM chores as well—the meals, school volunteering, grocery shopping and shuttling and many of the spouses pitch in as well. That argument never resonated with me. I think many SAHMs have serious time management issues coupled with inherent laziness—especially the ones that never go back to work.

This kind of drives me crazy. Very likely you either don't do it, or you have real help.

If you are a SAHM with kid in school, that's about 30 hours a week on your own.

preparing meals- 3-5 hours/wk
school volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
other volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk
grocery shopping - 1-2 hours/wk
general cleaning the house - 3-5 hours/wk
shuttling kids around to doctor/dentist/orthodontist or going to school play etc - 2-3 hours/wk
general errands (new clothes, running to target, post office, etc) - 1-2 hours/wk
laundry - 2-3 hours/wk
yard work (mowing, planting flowers, shoveling snow, etc) - 2-3 hours/wk
general paperwork, managing finances - 1-2 hours/wk
organizing/decorating house (moving out seasonal clothing, getting rid of junk, painting, etc) - 2-4 hours/wk
exercise - 3-5 hours/wk

So, that's 24-40 hours/wk that is mostly outside of actual childcare (if you take out exercise it's 21-35 hours/wk). If you are doing this while working, then either your entire evenings and much of your weekends are devoted to these things, you aren't actually getting some things done, or you have someone else (spouse, housekeeper, parent, etc) who is doing a lot of it for you.

I work from home and do pretty much all of those things. My job is 40 hours per week from home. $190k. What it means is that I am on the go the minute I wake up and will make up missed hours after kids are in bed.

Plus- like most SAHMs- much of that listed isn't daily events. Most of my friends get up and workout at 5:30am or at night too.

So, then your mornings, evenings, and weekends are spent just keeping up with day to day life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Explain to us exactly what incredible thing you did while married that now you should be paid in perpetuity by your former spouse? Are you still doing his laundry? Cooking him meals? Sleeping with him? Doing the job of a SAHM? If you’ve stopped rendering your SAHM services to him, why is he forced to invest his time

You can’t be serious. I can give you an example (not me, but someone I know very well). DH and DW met at top law school. Both worked at law firms after graduation, DH at mid-sized firm and DW at big, prestigious firm. After having two kids, DW worked part-time (agreed to by both spouses), but still long hours/some late nights and still out-earned DH. Going part-time took DW off partner track. DH wanted to be partner, could not be parent staying home when kids were sick or leaving at night to relieve nanny. Also needed to travel frequently. Spouses agreed DW would stay home to relieve pressure on entire family, but especially DH. DW quit job after 10+ years, and DH/DW decided to have one more kid. DH eventually made partner, became very high earner ($1m+ per year). After 30 years of marriage, youngest DC graduates and DH/DW are almost 60. DW now has been out of working world for years and is close to retirement age. No prospects at all in her former chosen field. DH still making crazy money. Why don’t you explain why DW should NOT get spousal support?

Clearly this woman is smart and educated and should have a full time job. There is no way that he should be forced to work to pay her she she doesn’t have to work. If she’s working 60+ stressful hours per week like him, and she still can’t make ends meet, perhaps then he might kick in a few $$.

Even in your example, her SAHM role does not justify he works his ass off while she plays tennis. Sorry: fulltime job for her.

Clearly it is their marriage and up to them, not you!!!

Sorry, but it will be up to her whether she goes back to work or not. From PP above post they are still together and looking forward to the golden years.

I'm thinking the few angry people on here HATE their jobs. I don't know what else could make them envious of SAHMs.

I'm thinking OP is writing here as a fantasy of what she WISHES would happen to this woman she knows. Not actually what's happening.