Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents were the only ones in their families to go to college. They grew up working on farms in the South. On my dating list there were many non-negotiables: must have MA or higher, must speak at least 3 languages, must have traveled extensively, must have had a classical education, no kids, no pets, never married, healthy, ambitious, good with money, high standards for future children. It is similar to the process of deciding where to live: my family did not sacrifice so that I could feel driven to live in the ghetto out of guilt. Give me the best or a passel of lively cats. I had scholarships for undergrad and grad school. I had a good job before DH and I met. I have never needed a man.

Trolling too obviously

Wow. That is a huge compliment. I am actually real and everything I wrote is true except the part about giving me a passel of cats, which I meant only figuratively as I am allergic. But I am unusually picky and specific in my expectations. There was an article in The Atlantic a few years ago in which women were advised to settle but people who settle end up miserable.

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a man.

Here are the things from your list about positives about yourself that no successful UMC man cares about (and maybe even no man at all cares about):
- I am a good and kind sister, daughter
- I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place
- I was a live-in nanny for a few years
- I completed prestigious unpaid internships
- I know how to host dinner parties
- I am goal oriented

Here are things a man might care about from your list:
- clear eyed about what I want (men can't stand wishy washy behavior)
- I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy. (always good to have fun)
- am a wonderful cook (semi-bonus)
- I waited until marriage to have sex at 29 (shows you didn't piss away your 20s boozing and sleeping around, a strong negative for wife material)
- I am cultured and well traveled. (potential positive but certainly not necessary)

Here are things a man definitely cares about:
- I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day.

You've got some positives but it's worth noting that you listed an equal number of things that a man most likely doesn't care about at all as your marketable positives. Does it mean you are overperceiving your value by 50%? You be the judge.

Another man here, and I agree with this. I also chuckle at posters recommending OP meet men at book clubs. I could never imagine one of my guy friends saying "Hey, let's go to the book club on Friday!" or church. There are single men in church, but all the ones I've come into contact with there are weirdos.

The issue is you're looking for:
a) what everyone else is looking for
and
b) there just aren't that many of them

For example, let's take your requirement that they be college-educated. Not much of an ask, right? Well most universities at undergrad-level are 60-65% female, so just out of the gate, there's 3 women for every 2 men graduating. Then you want a person who is UMC, so by definition that includes the majority of people (as they are MC) and everyone below them too.

Fine.. you want what you want. Just realize it's not easy to find.

As to where to look, among all my friends who are 30s and 40s men and UMC to UC, none of them use the dating apps you mention. Some are on sugar dating sites (the only sites out there where women outnumber men), and others meet socially. These days, if you want to meet someone socially, you'll need to make the first move and be very clear about it (maybe even asking the person out). A lot of men I know are wary at doing this at networking/work events for fear of the metoo stuff. At a purely social event, it's less of a concern, but just realize this if it's a professional event.

Why are you getting divorced? Why not work on your marriage? Or does your husband earn under 120k so you are going to dump him?

When I met my husband he was an electrician. So according to your standards -a blue collar worker who isn't acceptable. Later after dating a while I found out the incredibly nice guy I met actually owned his own electric company and has several employees. They wire commercial buildings. He has a degree. He makes well over 120k. He is amazing with our kids. He coaches their sports teams, helps them with science fairs, reads books at night to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you look like? Are you a catch? Or are you one of those frumpy girls who put too much time into their masters degrees? Are you a workaholic?

Also, define UMC. Does age/race/height matter?

Hi, Op here. I think I am a catch. I was raised conservatively so I waited until marriage to have sex at 29. I am cultured and well traveled. I am a good and kind sister, daughter and friend. I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place although I wish I earned more. I was a live-in nanny for a few years as I completed prestigious unpaid internships and raising those kids was some of the best and most fulfilling times I have had. My parents are what you would say are "nice" people. I know how to host dinner parties and am a wonderful cook. I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day. I am goal oriented and clear eyed about what I want. I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy.

I don't care so much about race but I want a clean cut well education man with goals and a good head on his shoulders. Someone who wants a family and has high standards for himself and those around him. Salary should be over 120k at least, if we are going to be living locally.

OP, I mean this as kindly as possible, but you really need to grow up and learn to stand on your own two feet. You keep bragging about the fact that you're well traveled, but you clearly can't afford to fund that yourself. I'm sure you have a lot to offer, but you're in your 30's, not your 20's now. Being a doe-eyed innocent looking to depend on a man financially is harder to swing at your age. Get that new career you say you're targeting and learn to support yourself. Finish that divorce. Then go ahead and start dating once you're not so desperate to land a guy to support you. You'll feel better abut yourself and you'll attract a better pool of guys. Take care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, the women who get married in mid to late 20's are usually the ones with no ambition beyond 'landing a man'. THe ones who got married in grad school never finished the degree or got a job in their field. Instead, a lot of them still work as glorified research assistants for their husbands, who publish the papers and get the credit. Um, no thanks.

I'd also worry about any guy who was looking for that in a woman. Like those lawyers in the 1950's who married their secretaries.

I literally know no one in my social circle like this and we all got married mid to late 20s.

+1

I was thinking the same thing. Sounds like she has someone specific in mind, like her APs wife. Lol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to look for.guys 40+ OP.

+1. And be ok with being a step-mom. But you can still definitely have a family of your own too.

Single never married attractive late 30sf no kids why would I be ok being a stepmom and the buttload of drama that could bring?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you look like? Are you a catch? Or are you one of those frumpy girls who put too much time into their masters degrees? Are you a workaholic?

Also, define UMC. Does age/race/height matter?

Hi, Op here. I think I am a catch. I was raised conservatively so I waited until marriage to have sex at 29. I am cultured and well traveled. I am a good and kind sister, daughter and friend. I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place although I wish I earned more. I was a live-in nanny for a few years as I completed prestigious unpaid internships and raising those kids was some of the best and most fulfilling times I have had. My parents are what you would say are "nice" people. I know how to host dinner parties and am a wonderful cook. I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day. I am goal oriented and clear eyed about what I want. I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy.

I don't care so much about race but I want a clean cut well education man with goals and a good head on his shoulders. Someone who wants a family and has high standards for himself and those around him. Salary should be over 120k at least, if we are going to be living locally.

You had me, OP, until your salary requirements.

m

Salary requirement is very doable in this area. She should be also meeting this requirement or she is not the catch she thinks she is.

No she doesn't need to meet the salary req. Professional guys look for professional women but I've met more than a few who date poorer women and sometimes go as far as bringing in women from other countries to marry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you look like? Are you a catch? Or are you one of those frumpy girls who put too much time into their masters degrees? Are you a workaholic?

Also, define UMC. Does age/race/height matter?

Hi, Op here. I think I am a catch. I was raised conservatively so I waited until marriage to have sex at 29. I am cultured and well traveled. I am a good and kind sister, daughter and friend. I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place although I wish I earned more. I was a live-in nanny for a few years as I completed prestigious unpaid internships and raising those kids was some of the best and most fulfilling times I have had. My parents are what you would say are "nice" people. I know how to host dinner parties and am a wonderful cook. I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day. I am goal oriented and clear eyed about what I want. I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy.

I don't care so much about race but I want a clean cut well education man with goals and a good head on his shoulders. Someone who wants a family and has high standards for himself and those around him. Salary should be over 120k at least, if we are going to be living locally.

I'm a man.

Here are the things from your list about positives about yourself that no successful UMC man cares about (and maybe even no man at all cares about):
- I am a good and kind sister, daughter
- I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place
- I was a live-in nanny for a few years
- I completed prestigious unpaid internships
- I know how to host dinner parties
- I am goal oriented

Here are things a man might care about from your list:
- clear eyed about what I want (men can't stand wishy washy behavior)
- I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy. (always good to have fun)
- am a wonderful cook (semi-bonus)
- I waited until marriage to have sex at 29 (shows you didn't piss away your 20s boozing and sleeping around, a strong negative for wife material)
- I am cultured and well traveled. (potential positive but certainly not necessary)

Here are things a man definitely cares about:
- I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day.

You've got some positives but it's worth noting that you listed an equal number of things that a man most likely doesn't care about at all as your marketable positives. Does it mean you are overperceiving your value by 50%? You be the judge.

I agree. Know what you want and be clear on what you expect. If you know what you want, you have a better chance of getting it. I knew the type of guy I wanted would probably not go on a dating app, so I focused on networking and asking friends to set me up. It worked.

I don't have friends though. All my friends turned out to be major flakes. I'm a very young looking late 30s f never married who 20 somethings always mistake me for their age. Younger men frequently hit on me but I'd like someone single mature and settled and a little closer to my age. If I look at guys in their 40s they look like my father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you look like? Are you a catch? Or are you one of those frumpy girls who put too much time into their masters degrees? Are you a workaholic?

Also, define UMC. Does age/race/height matter?

Hi, Op here. I think I am a catch. I was raised conservatively so I waited until marriage to have sex at 29. I am cultured and well traveled. I am a good and kind sister, daughter and friend. I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place although I wish I earned more. I was a live-in nanny for a few years as I completed prestigious unpaid internships and raising those kids was some of the best and most fulfilling times I have had. My parents are what you would say are "nice" people. I know how to host dinner parties and am a wonderful cook. I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day. I am goal oriented and clear eyed about what I want. I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy.

I don't care so much about race but I want a clean cut well education man with goals and a good head on his shoulders. Someone who wants a family and has high standards for himself and those around him. Salary should be over 120k at least, if we are going to be living locally.

I'm a man.

Here are the things from your list about positives about yourself that no successful UMC man cares about (and maybe even no man at all cares about):
- I am a good and kind sister, daughter
- I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place
- I was a live-in nanny for a few years
- I completed prestigious unpaid internships
- I know how to host dinner parties
- I am goal oriented

Here are things a man might care about from your list:
- clear eyed about what I want (men can't stand wishy washy behavior)
- I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy. (always good to have fun)
- am a wonderful cook (semi-bonus)
- I waited until marriage to have sex at 29 (shows you didn't piss away your 20s boozing and sleeping around, a strong negative for wife material)
- I am cultured and well traveled. (potential positive but certainly not necessary)

Here are things a man definitely cares about:
- I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day.

You've got some positives but it's worth noting that you listed an equal number of things that a man most likely doesn't care about at all as your marketable positives. Does it mean you are overperceiving your value by 50%? You be the judge.

I agree. Know what you want and be clear on what you expect. If you know what you want, you have a better chance of getting it. I knew the type of guy I wanted would probably not go on a dating app, so I focused on networking and asking friends to set me up. It worked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you look like? Are you a catch? Or are you one of those frumpy girls who put too much time into their masters degrees? Are you a workaholic?

Also, define UMC. Does age/race/height matter?

Hi, Op here. I think I am a catch. I was raised conservatively so I waited until marriage to have sex at 29. I am cultured and well traveled. I am a good and kind sister, daughter and friend. I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place although I wish I earned more. I was a live-in nanny for a few years as I completed prestigious unpaid internships and raising those kids was some of the best and most fulfilling times I have had. My parents are what you would say are "nice" people. I know how to host dinner parties and am a wonderful cook. I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day. I am goal oriented and clear eyed about what I want. I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy.

I don't care so much about race but I want a clean cut well education man with goals and a good head on his shoulders. Someone who wants a family and has high standards for himself and those around him. Salary should be over 120k at least, if we are going to be living locally.

You had me, OP, until your salary requirements.

When does 120,000 in the DMV equal UC/UMC? It is a respectable salary, but definitely not UC

+1 OP is a poseur. There's no way that she's used to an UC lifestyle or even witnessed it as a nanny if she thinks that a combined income of well under $200K in the DMV is upper class.
Methinks she's really poor and is hoping to bag an established guy to raise her status. Hungry tiger strikes again!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.I am recently separated and would like to meet a similar minded professional guy to build a family with.

When do you expect to be divorced? Why the rush into another relationship when you only just separated?

Thank you for stating the obvious! She's a married woman on a dating site! Of course she's attracting weirdos and losers. Not to mention she's putting too much personal info. in her profile.

Take out anything sex related or too personal. State some interests and hobbies. Then end it with "looking for a friend first that will transition into a LTR." Much classier, but AFTER the divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, the women who get married in mid to late 20's are usually the ones with no ambition beyond 'landing a man'. THe ones who got married in grad school never finished the degree or got a job in their field. Instead, a lot of them still work as glorified research assistants for their husbands, who publish the papers and get the credit. Um, no thanks.

I'd also worry about any guy who was looking for that in a woman. Like those lawyers in the 1950's who married their secretaries.

I literally know no one in my social circle like this and we all got married mid to late 20s.

Seriously! All the power couples I know met in college or grad school and got married either right before it right after graduation - so late 20’s.

It’s the ones who got married much later it much younger who tend to have imbalanced relationships with a SAHM dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:Op, where is the line between MC and UMC in your eyes?

I think its is more cultural than financial. More how you choose to spend your time. What are your interests. How aware of the larger world you are.

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, the women who get married in mid to late 20's are usually the ones with no ambition beyond 'landing a man'. THe ones who got married in grad school never finished the degree or got a job in their field. Instead, a lot of them still work as glorified research assistants for their husbands, who publish the papers and get the credit. Um, no thanks.

I'd also worry about any guy who was looking for that in a woman. Like those lawyers in the 1950's who married their secretaries.

Huh? I finished grad school at 25. Married at 28. Met husband on an east coast beach (after starting work, not in grad school ) but we both lived in Northern va. I work in finance & now own my own business. DH works in international affairs and now has his own business. Life is good. Married 22 yrs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you look like? Are you a catch? Or are you one of those frumpy girls who put too much time into their masters degrees? Are you a workaholic?

Also, define UMC. Does age/race/height matter?

Hi, Op here. I think I am a catch. I was raised conservatively so I waited until marriage to have sex at 29. I am cultured and well traveled. I am a good and kind sister, daughter and friend. I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place although I wish I earned more. I was a live-in nanny for a few years as I completed prestigious unpaid internships and raising those kids was some of the best and most fulfilling times I have had. My parents are what you would say are "nice" people. I know how to host dinner parties and am a wonderful cook. I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day. I am goal oriented and clear eyed about what I want. I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy.

I don't care so much about race but I want a clean cut well education man with goals and a good head on his shoulders. Someone who wants a family and has high standards for himself and those around him. Salary should be over 120k at least, if we are going to be living locally.

You had me, OP, until your salary requirements.

When does 120,000 in the DMV equal UC/UMC? It is a respectable salary, but definitely not UC