Anonymous
04/27/2020 00:31
Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:OP sounds ill-equipped to be a mother.
She sounds exhausted and overwhelmed.
Anonymous
04/27/2020 00:24
Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Your husband should quit his job. This situation is not sustainable. You are not feeling well, mentally or physically. You have three very young dependents whose safety and health could be at risk if they are not attended to moment to moment. Sorry, but there is something to do here. He is the one who needs to step up and fix this.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 22:39
Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would not be comfortable with my kids eating junk and watching tv all day. Nor would I be comfortable with a husband who worked that much - and it sounds like he’s always worked that much.
OP doesn’t seem to take any personal responsibility for the situation she finds herself in.
Huh?
Sympathy for the OP that finds difficulty in this situation yet OP went in for 3rd kid knowing that DH is busy working 7 days a week, already has done this rodeo twice and should know how newborns and are, her young kids don't need any "worksheets" so yeah needs to own responsibility for her choices. Look around and find comfort that you are much better off with DH earning so you can afford to worry about your preschoolers worksheets and not be those who have lost their jobs and worry about feeding their kids.
+1. By kid #3 you know how it works and what type of co-parent you have.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 21:02
Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can DH take more paternity leave? COVID leave? My guess is that he could take more time off he just feels pressure (internal or external) not to.
Another poster that doesn’t understand law firm culture.
I guess that I also don't understand this. His wife is depressed. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in women post partum, and, frankly, OP seems high risk. What is he going to do if she dies, and he has to take care of the kids? He really cannot possibly take any time off?
The solution isn’t him losing his job, it’s to get help...OP needs to get a virtual therapist she can meet with when DCs are asleep and she needs to cut out the night feedings. She also should hire someone to live-in even if it’s for 3 months. Put the crib in her room.
Why can't he do any of these things? Find live-in help? Find a therapist?
He had enough time to father three children...
You really cannot delegate finding a therapist to someone else. And, as a Mother...no way would I trust DH to pick out a caregiver on his own...just no.
Yes you can delegate finding a therapist to someone else.
And I am confident that this man is sufficiently type A to find a quality caregiver for his children. This is not unreasonable in any way.
My husband found my therapist for me. Even called her first and had an initial chat. It was a huge gift when I needed it. My husband would never just let me drown like this.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 20:35
Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:I'm up with a newborn too honey while my olders are snoring it away; it will get better. Listen to the rain and breathe.
Before I say anything else, here's a virtual hug.
Do you have a basic schedule set up, one with breaks? This might help get the momentum back up and also give you a bit more balance. If you don't mind me asking, what are the ages, numbers of children that are older than newborn? I'd love to try to unpack the monster of being overwhelmed with you.
You sound so nice. If I had a newborn, i’d love to have you as a friend!
Anonymous
04/26/2020 19:13
Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don’t understand the therapy suggestion. OP will say my husband works too much and doesn’t help with the kids, and the therapist will say...? Unless you mean a marriage counselor who will knock some sense into the DH.
I believe OP stated that she thinks she has PPD. A therapist could help.
This is not a situation where talking through her feelings or medicating will help. She needs action, aka childcare help. Unless her therapist will make that happen, they are not much use.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 18:38
Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
It’s been mentioned 10x and you haven’t responded - you need to hire help. All but one of my friends have full time help - the one who doesn’t USA so miserable - the rest of us are doing ok bc we need to work and have young kids - find someone who is taking social distancing seriously - honestly you need a full time nanny if you are planning to start working again - and everyone else wants one now too - our dh in charge of finding someone ASAP
Anonymous
04/26/2020 18:36
Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
OP, I've got older teens and I came to the same conclusion as you. It just took a lot of pressure off them, and me.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 18:32
Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would not be comfortable with my kids eating junk and watching tv all day. Nor would I be comfortable with a husband who worked that much - and it sounds like he’s always worked that much.
OP doesn’t seem to take any personal responsibility for the situation she finds herself in.
Huh?
Sympathy for the OP that finds difficulty in this situation yet OP went in for 3rd kid knowing that DH is busy working 7 days a week, already has done this rodeo twice and should know how newborns and are, her young kids don't need any "worksheets" so yeah needs to own responsibility for her choices. Look around and find comfort that you are much better off with DH earning so you can afford to worry about your preschoolers worksheets and not be those who have lost their jobs and worry about feeding their kids.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 16:58
Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Quarantine with a newborn is pretty much life with any newborn. It kind of sucks but you can watch tv and read a book and the baby is just going to be there. Quarantine with a 3 and a 5 year old - THAT is the worst thing imaginable. Mine have spent a lot of time on screens and eat far more fast food than I ever thought imaginable. But life will go on.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 16:54
Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Quarantine is hard. Quarantine with a newborn is the absolutely most torturous thing I can imagine. You have all my sympathies.
Actually I think with a newborn it's much easier (if there are no other kids). They don't need to be cooked for, they don't care where you walk with them, they don't care if you watch TV...
Anonymous
04/26/2020 16:04
Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don’t understand the therapy suggestion. OP will say my husband works too much and doesn’t help with the kids, and the therapist will say...? Unless you mean a marriage counselor who will knock some sense into the DH.
I believe OP stated that she thinks she has PPD. A therapist could help.
I’d get a nanny before a therapist. Just having someone take over some of the burden can help the depression.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 16:03
Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can DH take more paternity leave? COVID leave? My guess is that he could take more time off he just feels pressure (internal or external) not to.
Another poster that doesn’t understand law firm culture.
I guess that I also don't understand this. His wife is depressed. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in women post partum, and, frankly, OP seems high risk. What is he going to do if she dies, and he has to take care of the kids? He really cannot possibly take any time off?
He’ll marry within 6 months, so his kids have a new caretaker.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 16:00
Subject: Re:I am done - literally don’t care anymore
Anonymous wrote:Don’t understand the therapy suggestion. OP will say my husband works too much and doesn’t help with the kids, and the therapist will say...? Unless you mean a marriage counselor who will knock some sense into the DH.
I believe OP stated that she thinks she has PPD. A therapist could help.
Anonymous
04/26/2020 16:00
Subject: I am done - literally don’t care anymore
OP - see if your husbands firm offers emergency back up nanny service. If so, I’d use that while looking for a more permanent nanny.