Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 15:33     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:But do you hear yourself? The "weird sorority," the "fat sorority"

Who wants to subject their teen daughter, living away from home for the first time in their life, to this twisted culture. Where young adults are racked and stacked according to their perceived worthiness.


Not PP, but that’s how the students refer to the sororities (and fraternities, too, to an extent). But the overall point is that if joining A Sorority - ANY sorority - is important to you - for the friendship, networking, housing, socials, for any reason - you can make it happen at most schools if you keep an open mind and don’t discount the houses that are perceived as “bottom tier.” If joining a certain sorority or a “top tier” house is what’s important to you, then yes that’s a lot more difficult, and you do have the potential to be dropped if you only bother to rank, like, the top 5 out of a typical 10-12 houses at a typical large public state university. If you rank all the houses that you’re invited to after each round you will guarantee yourself a bid SOMEWHERE at MOST schools. Not all schools, and maybe it was not done this way in the past, but it is generally now.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 14:34     Subject: Rush at UVA
Remaining on good terms, or advancing in status in a group dynamic requires a different social skill set than establishing and nurturing one-on-one more intimate friendships. Both are needed skills. An unbalanced focus on either is undesirable. Some of the meanness observed w/groups, comes from the members losing that balance. Too much of their feelings of social acceptance is dictated by the group dynamic.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 14:32     Subject: Re:Rush at UVA
There is a lot of implicit bias that many sorority folks overlook- wealthy kids have a big advantage as it is easy to have style and look cute if you have money. Also, your Instagram will look amazing as you can travel to amazing places and take great selfies while wearing stylish clothes. Private schooling also helps kids learn polish so they come across as confident and impressive. Just another way to self select hanging out with your type of crowd
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:51     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:They don’t consider themselves mean girls. They think they are simply looking for girls “like them” that they “click” with and don’t understand how that is toxic as noted above. I think some are probably actually mean with how they select and rank. But most are probs just trying to pick the girls that the cute frats would want to mix with. In effect the boys really dictate who gets in. That’s a whole other issue!!!


Sororities look for grades first and leadership second. Then they look for women who fit with the group and who they would want as a friend. Who the boys want to mix with is way, way down on the list, if it's considered at all.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:47     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:But do you hear yourself? The "weird sorority," the "fat sorority"

Who wants to subject their teen daughter, living away from home for the first time in their life, to this twisted culture. Where young adults are racked and stacked according to their perceived worthiness.


I was a member of the "weird/fat" sorority and I think a young woman can have a great experience in any group. It's the potential new members who judge the sororities in that way. The judging that you talk about flows from potential new members to groups.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:43     Subject: Rush at UVA
Just to give you a different frame of reference, at Parents Orientation when my daughter entered a SLAC, they posted the traits they aspire to cultivating in their graduates. One was kindness. They also emphasize inclusivity.

Oh, did I mention that no fraternities or sororities are permitted at that school. Culture matter, and I felt lucky that my child had chosen an environment that displayed such values.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:41     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:But do you hear yourself? The "weird sorority," the "fat sorority"

Who wants to subject their teen daughter, living away from home for the first time in their life, to this twisted culture. Where young adults are racked and stacked according to their perceived worthiness.


She really doesn’t. You’re talking to the wall. She doesn’t see the rejection, the broken hearts, the snakes that some women can be and often are. She already drank the kool aid and it’s too late to save her.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:40     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:One more time: if you stay in the process, you are guaranteed a spot in a sorority.

This is all computer run now.

The scenario where you won’t get a bid:
-you suicide (only list one house in the matching program as a preference when you were supposed to list more)
-you drop out

This is how it works TODAY. Your experiences 5, 10, or 20 years ago are not relevant, but I’m not sure some of you care that things have changed. Get over it.


why do you keep leaving out the scenario where a girl isn’t invited back to any houses on a certain day and is thereby dismissed?
It happens currently and often.



The three most patronizing things sorority girls and alumni say to girls who are not picked during rush:

1. “Everyone gets a bid if you maximize your options”. It’s not like the girls who are dropped from a bunch of houses are assigned randomly the other houses. These girls who say this would actually never join or socialize with the houses to which these fortunate option maximizing rushers are invited. Especially not the ones that are an assembly of anyone who other houses passed over. Many times these are the houses that other girls don’t want or even struggling chapters that can’t fill and may not being around by graduation. .

2. “It all works out! You will end up in the house that’s right for you”. I think this just means the house where the girls are just as pretty and rich or athletic as you. And who is “just right” for the leftovers house described above?!?! They didn’t even pick each other.

3. “It’s ok if you didn’t get into a sorority because you can join a club”. Um ok so if it’s no big deal vs a club why are you still talking about your affiliation and lifelong sisters 50 years later. People ain’t talking about their student events or newspaper affiliation in their retirement homes lol. Also when do you see girls writing “yearbook committee” with a buncha hearts in their social media profiles or wearing yearbook committee hoodies and attending yearbook committee formals?

4. “Maybe Greek life is not for you”. Um... except what if it was but they were oversubscribed and didn’t have room for you. Or if it’s more like you weren’t right for Greek life.

Please ladies acknowledge that it sucks for girls that really wanted to enjoy the benefits and sisterhood of sorority life but instead to have to watch it for four years through the shop window! They’re 18 year olds who may have dreamed of a sisterhood of soul compatible philanthropy-minded women that apparently lasts a lifetime if you read grownup women’s Facebook posts.

We get that not everyone is pretty or popular enough to get into these clubs. But acknowledge reality and show some true empathy. Especially if you’re the type that has a rush coach or you’re the third generation of kappa kappa dus in your family and would transfer if you didn’t get a bid.


1-3 may be true and crappy but that doesn't mean #4 is. I dropped out of UVA rush in 2003 the night of prefs because I just couldn't see myself joining either of the houses to which I was invited. I thought they were "second tier" and thus not worth it. In hindsight, I probably could have had a great 'sisterhood' experience had I embraced one of them, but in the grand scheme of 'sliding door' moments, it doesn't even crack the top 10. A decade years later, my sister rushed (successfully!) at UVA and accepted a bid at what would have been my dream house. It was her third choice and she was deflated to be cut from the other two. I think she'd say her Greek experience was mostly positive, but she wasn't/isn't a big partier, and has really only leveraged the alumnae network to find roommates in her current city.

OP, I think you're right to be a supportive sounding board for your child. But I would caution you from encouraging/exacerbating/buying into the over-inflation of Greek life importance.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:36     Subject: Rush at UVA
But do you hear yourself? The "weird sorority," the "fat sorority"

Who wants to subject their teen daughter, living away from home for the first time in their life, to this twisted culture. Where young adults are racked and stacked according to their perceived worthiness.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:31     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What if you don't get invited to join any sorority? Then you'd feel like the biggest loser. Why are they so exclusive? So that they can feel superior?


Far more students go through rush than there are openings. And yes, if you go through to the end and get no bids, it is pretty awful. DD1 specifically chose a school with no Greek life, but that doesn’t seem to be DD2’s plan. Dreading it.


This is not true any longer. Any young woman who completes the recruitment process is guaranteed a spot. No one goes bidless. They may not get the bid they want, but every potential new member will be given a bid. (The only school where this is not true is Indiana. They are special snowflakes.)


+1 How many times has this been explained since the first page?

I think some people have baggage from their college days and can't let it go. Times have changed. If you can't get over parts of your college experience, talk to a professional to process it and don't burden your kids with this outdated information.


That may be the case at UVA, but it is not true at all schools. At my daughter’s college, they post the data after rush each year. Last year 7 girls didn’t get bids. The previous year, it was 17.


Can you read? I said "any young woman who COMPLETES the recruitment process." Potential new members are dropped for a variety of reasons, but to get dropped by every group, you have to have 1) bad grades or 2)bad morals or 3) a mean, mean personality. If you're not dumb or a total slut or a total bitch, you will be fine. Ordinary potential new members will get a bid.


You are really not making a great case for sororities here.


1. You have a “mean, mean personality” So does that mean you got dropped?

2. You’re wrong. Girls get dropped because they’re quiet, or because they’re not dressed “right” or because they don’t know the right people. You are naive to assume that every campus is just like the one you attended. There are plenty that have many more PNMs than available slots.

3. You don’t make any sense. How can a girl complete the process if she is dismissed from the process against her own wishes?
The sorority jargon makes everything sound fair and absolutely pleasant and it’s just not. It’s a dirty and judgmental process. There’s no way around it.


This is a myth. The only campus that has this rule is Indiana. Every other campus practices RFIM, which sets the number of available slots on the basis of the number of women who complete recruitment. If you are invited to a preference party (the last round of recruitment), you are guaranteed a bid. If 200 women start recruitment, and 200 finish recruitment, then every single one of them is guaranteed a bid on every campus in America, except for Indiana. They make spaces for them.

In practice, very few women are dropped by every single sorority. At a big school, it's usually a handful (1-6) of women. It's far more common for young women to drop out because they don't like their remaining choices and then say that they were dropped. Lots of young will get to the invitation rounds, not get invited back to their first choice, and then drop out. They will tell their mothers and friends that they were dropped. It's a lot easier for them to play the victim than admit that they didn't think their remaining choices were good enough. They don't won't to join the "weird sorority" or the "fat sorority" or be in the "bottom tier." The majority of women who don't finish are women who dropped because they were being judgmental about the sororities who ware willing to consider them as members.

Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:24     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents against sororities just have their own baggage because they wouldn't have gotten an invite and don't think their kids will.

Plenty of people pledge sororities and end up dropping out because they realize how stupid they are once they’re on the other side. Plenty of people spend 4 years in a sorority and only later realize how stupid they are once they step out of their sheltered bubble.


What does that have to do with my post?


It’s not just parents who weren’t in sororities who are against sororities.


Um, ok. But what does that have to do with I said? I'm talking about parents, not others.

Sounds like you didn't get an invite?


I didn’t. And when I come across people like you, I thank my lucky stars.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:20     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents against sororities just have their own baggage because they wouldn't have gotten an invite and don't think their kids will.

Plenty of people pledge sororities and end up dropping out because they realize how stupid they are once they’re on the other side. Plenty of people spend 4 years in a sorority and only later realize how stupid they are once they step out of their sheltered bubble.


What does that have to do with my post?


It’s not just parents who weren’t in sororities who are against sororities.


Um, ok. But what does that have to do with I said? I'm talking about parents, not others.

Sounds like you didn't get an invite?
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:18     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents against sororities just have their own baggage because they wouldn't have gotten an invite and don't think their kids will.

Plenty of people pledge sororities and end up dropping out because they realize how stupid they are once they’re on the other side. Plenty of people spend 4 years in a sorority and only later realize how stupid they are once they step out of their sheltered bubble.


What does that have to do with my post?


It’s not just parents who weren’t in sororities who are against sororities.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:12     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:Parents against sororities just have their own baggage because they wouldn't have gotten an invite and don't think their kids will.


Oh yeah, it has nothing to do with the rape and hazing. We are all just jealous
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2020 13:11     Subject: Rush at UVA
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents against sororities just have their own baggage because they wouldn't have gotten an invite and don't think their kids will.

Plenty of people pledge sororities and end up dropping out because they realize how stupid they are once they’re on the other side. Plenty of people spend 4 years in a sorority and only later realize how stupid they are once they step out of their sheltered bubble.


What does that have to do with my post?