Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 14:49     Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So when you were younger and your sibling would get more, bigger gifts than you for birthdays, Christmas, etc year after year - this wouldn't bother/hurt you?
Could you do this to your own kids ?

Not sure why this scenario is different just cause we're adults. Sorry, its rude of the parents at any age
(not to mention , they are rewarding the bum, and punishing the hard worker - so many wrongs).


Perfect analogy.


+1. Another analogy: how many of the pp’s repeating “it’s their money, they can do what they want” would do what OP’s parents did: favor the lazy bum among their own kids? OP isn’t talking about special needs, she’s talking about laziness.

Personally, if my two kids turn into a hard worker and a bum (let’s hope not!), I’d be tempted to give more to the hard worker because I’d think they’d use it wisely. But I’d split it 50/50 anyway.

Also, do OP or her brother have kids? (Sorry, haven’t had time to read the whole thread). OP’s kids may be getting shafted, too. Will the brother leave whatever he leaves behind, if anything, to her kids?

Traditionally, wills have gone one of two ways:
1) per stirpes (by the root), which means the kids get equal amounts without factoring in how many grandchildren each kid has
2) per capita, so that everybody, including the grandchildren, gets an equal amount.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 12:22     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?


It might bother me for a minute but I'm not about to let anybody rob me of my peace of mind.
If that was their choice - fine. I have a choice too. I can choose not to be dismayed by it.
He can have the greater handout. I'm satisfied with the greater sense of self-worth from all my hard work.


So we are all happy now? Good grief!


Well you've got a stick or something in your ass and obviously it's soured your mood, but me...yeah I'm happy.


Nice~

F.D.H.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 12:18     Subject: Unequal inheritance
I highly recommend that every see Knives Out. Really fun movie and puts some perspective to all this inheritance drama.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 12:16     Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
We are very happy where we are in life and if my parents wanted to give my sister more because she and her husband have way less than we do I’d be fine with it. My “half” would not really change my life. It’s my parents money and they don’t owe me anything. Now if my sister and her husband were lazy bums I might feel a bit different but I’d get over it. I have a great husband and kids and we have plenty of money so I have no need to complain.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 11:14     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?


It might bother me for a minute but I'm not about to let anybody rob me of my peace of mind.
If that was their choice - fine. I have a choice too. I can choose not to be dismayed by it.
He can have the greater handout. I'm satisfied with the greater sense of self-worth from all my hard work.


So we are all happy now? Good grief!


Well you've got a stick or something in your ass and obviously it's soured your mood, but me...yeah I'm happy.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 11:11     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with parents "adjusting" their inheritance based on where their grown kids are in life.


The problem with this is things change. What if you leave all your money to a kid with a low-paying job and none to another who married rich, and then the rich one ends up divorced? Or you give your money to a kid who won’t get a job instead of the one who has a well-paying job, and then that kid gets into an accident and can’t work anymore? People make their own choices in life. Some people work hard and build a career. Others choose to work retail or waitress so they can have lots of free time or travel. Neither choice should dictate how the parents treat those kids in a will. (And before a certain PP weighs in again, yes, oi know that parents can do whatever they want with their money, but that doesn’t mean there are no consequences to being unequal).


Things always change. That's a fact.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 11:00     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with parents "adjusting" their inheritance based on where their grown kids are in life.


The problem with this is things change. What if you leave all your money to a kid with a low-paying job and none to another who married rich, and then the rich one ends up divorced? Or you give your money to a kid who won’t get a job instead of the one who has a well-paying job, and then that kid gets into an accident and can’t work anymore? People make their own choices in life. Some people work hard and build a career. Others choose to work retail or waitress so they can have lots of free time or travel. Neither choice should dictate how the parents treat those kids in a will. (And before a certain PP weighs in again, yes, oi know that parents can do whatever they want with their money, but that doesn’t mean there are no consequences to being unequal).
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 10:59     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?


It might bother me for a minute but I'm not about to let anybody rob me of my peace of mind.
If that was their choice - fine. I have a choice too. I can choose not to be dismayed by it.
He can have the greater handout. I'm satisfied with the greater sense of self-worth from all my hard work.


So we are all happy now? Good grief!
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 10:58     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?


It might bother me for a minute but I'm not about to let anybody rob me of my peace of mind.
If that was their choice - fine. I have a choice too. I can choose not to be dismayed by it.
He can have the greater handout. I'm satisfied with the greater sense of self-worth from all my hard work.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 10:57     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with parents "adjusting" their inheritance based on where their grown kids are in life.


I disagree with leaving more to one than another offspring, for two reasons: (1) There is, more often than not, a lot of crippling level enabling going on between the parent and the favored offspring. In other words, the parent basically contributed to the problems, now the parent is making it that much worse (ie: creating and leaving a bad relationship for the grown children, amongst themselves, once the parent is six feet under) (2) When the parent dies, the grandkids are going to think that the grandparents (if they are not leaving equal assets/money/whatever) are absolute crap. Kids make up their own minds as they get older, and I have seen it. The grandparents who favor another child or grandchildren become persona non grata to the other grandchildren, because it looks like the grandparent had some score to settle.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 10:48     Subject: Unequal inheritance
I see nothing wrong with parents "adjusting" their inheritance based on where their grown kids are in life.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 10:48     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Here's another thought...

This brother is 50. He could VERY easily have his own health issue and then what happens?

I would guess the parents would be caring for him physically as well as financially.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 10:23     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My ILs have already send they plan to leave SIL's family more as a "reward" for being a SAHM.

Which is kind of ironic as my MIL was estranged from her half sister for YEARS due to perceived favoritism by their father.


Good for your in-laws. They’re doing what they want with THEIR money.


PP here. Oh they can absolutely do what they want. I come from a very working class background where there is little inheritance involved. I am crossing my fingers that my parents have enough for their retirement.

It’s just weird to me that my ILs would do this given the history. DH grew up not knowing his aunt because MIL was mad because her father left the half-sister more money. So staying outright that she plans to leave her daughter more makes me wonder if she’s trying to cause a similar rift between her two children. Her motives are always a bit murky to me.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 10:13     Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
It would piss me off because they are rewarding his laziness but they would not see it that way. They would see they have a son who is struggling and another child who is doing well. Life isn't fair and no one is owed an inheritance.
Anonymous
Post 12/31/2019 09:53     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:There are a range of families in this world and sadly many unfair situations. In the ideal “normal family” to which many aspire but none achieve, children will grow up to be productive members of society and will have healthy familial relationships. In this idealistic framework, parents leave their assets equally among their children.

The reality for many (most) families is that relationships are complicated and life isn’t fair. Some parents aren’t good parents, some children are not nice people. We all do our best to have the life we want but many are not successful.

Yes parents can do what they wants with their assets. What is legal and what is fair or right under society’s expectations are two diff diet things.

OP, only you can understand why your parents are doing this in your situation. Is it because their fear your brother Is incompetent and will become homeless or is it because they have always treated him as the favorite? Do you love your brother as a person and feel sorry for his shortcomings or is he a user narcissist that you will be happy to be estranged from when it finally happens. Find your peace and know that you are a happier person for being able to make your own way in life regardless of the why.



+1. nice post