Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the aunt I would ask for nothing.

As the parent, I would offer rent.

As the aunt, I would decline the money.

As the parent, I would give my daughter money for her own food. I would also get a grocery store gift card for aunt along with another nice thank you. And have daughter treat aunt to a nice meal out.

+ 1

Very nice.

In my immigrant family, this is how it would play out, though it is not very different in spirit to what you have written.
- Neither the aunt nor the parent would ask or offer anything. To do so would be insulting in our culture.
- The parents would send some nice expensive personal gifts to the aunt with the niece (perfume, skincare from la mer, designer handbag, sunglasses etc), and in subsequent months, they would find ways to repay back in some ways - restaurant meal, flowers, gift cards, a maid service, food gifts, gift certs for manicures, massages, tickets for movies or a show etc. Amazon prime or even doordash meals every few days etc.
- The niece would be a helpful guest and be respectful and neat. She would keep the aunt appraised of her whereabouts. She would pick up groceries in a way that it would not be insulting to the aunt - "I was just passing by the grocery store, and thought I would make my signature dish for you. I picked up some other stuff too, since I was already there. I hope you do not mind ."
- The aunt would be a caring and responsible hostess making sure that the niece is safe, secure and basics were provided.
- If niece borrowed a vehicle from aunt, she would get it serviced and professionally detailed. She would make sure that the gas is full.

Unless you and OP are from the same culture, this is irrelevant.
- The aunt would be a caring and responsible hostess making sure that the niece is safe, secure and basics were provided.
- If niece borrowed a vehicle from aunt, she would get it serviced and professionally detailed. She would make sure that the gas is full.

Same culture? Not a chance in hell!! This kind of selfish, shameless, money grabbing, anti-family and anti-social behavior is WASPy American behavior. No one else is that messed up in the whole world!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the aunt I would ask for nothing.

As the parent, I would offer rent.

As the aunt, I would decline the money.

As the parent, I would give my daughter money for her own food. I would also get a grocery store gift card for aunt along with another nice thank you. And have daughter treat aunt to a nice meal out.

+ 1

Very nice.

In my immigrant family, this is how it would play out, though it is not very different in spirit to what you have written.
- Neither the aunt nor the parent would ask or offer anything. To do so would be insulting in our culture.
- The parents would send some nice expensive personal gifts to the aunt with the niece (perfume, skincare from la mer, designer handbag, sunglasses etc), and in subsequent months, they would find ways to repay back in some ways - restaurant meal, flowers, gift cards, a maid service, food gifts, gift certs for manicures, massages, tickets for movies or a show etc. Amazon prime or even doordash meals every few days etc.
- The niece would be a helpful guest and be respectful and neat. She would keep the aunt appraised of her whereabouts. She would pick up groceries in a way that it would not be insulting to the aunt - "I was just passing by the grocery store, and thought I would make my signature dish for you. I picked up some other stuff too, since I was already there. I hope you do not mind ."
- The aunt would be a caring and responsible hostess making sure that the niece is safe, secure and basics were provided.
- If niece borrowed a vehicle from aunt, she would get it serviced and professionally detailed. She would make sure that the gas is full.

Unless you and OP are from the same culture, this is irrelevant.
- The aunt would be a caring and responsible hostess making sure that the niece is safe, secure and basics were provided.
- If niece borrowed a vehicle from aunt, she would get it serviced and professionally detailed. She would make sure that the gas is full.

Anonymous wrote:OP I speak as a parent of 2 kids with Asperger’s. There is a lot of individual variation in life skills. I think you need to have a conversation with the parents to understand what kind of support your niece may need during this internship. It would help to clarify expectations for everyone. If she has a counselor she works with at school, does she need to find someone locally to fill that role or will you be the one assisting her in thinking through social expectations/ situations.

I would ask about the groceries in the same vein/ joking with my sibling about my own shopping habits/ budget and asking if how niece handles those things at school. I would also ask about other preferences like shampoo/ towels etc. I like to be a good host, but it also serves to remind the parents of the needs/ complexities of their child.

Since these challenges run in families I have seen wildly varying expectations on all sides, so open conversations are definitely the way to go. I often send gift cards to people who are hosting my kids to cover incidentals. Nobody agrees to take money in advance, but my DD needs strawberries with her breakfast in the morning and I would rather defray those weird costs than have someone feel resentful. I also send my kids with enough spending money to buy dinner and instructions to clean up after home- cooked meals in any way possible.

But my Aspie who is very particular about dishwasher losing is instructed to help clear the table and load/ unload the car, entertain young children. Because nobody needs feedback from a guest about dishwasher losing.

Good luck! This can be a great experience for you and your niece!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest stayed with my sister for four months. She didn’t want me to send any money. I insisted on sending $300 a month to cover part of the grocery bill.

People who don't have kids in their homes have no idea how expensive they really are. Op's utilities, food bill, transportation costs are all going to go up. I would never not send some money to help cover that for one my kids.

Finally some common sense. You are a good parent!

She can take the metro or bus and parents can pay. Utilities will be slightly more but not that much. OP buys what she normally buys and kid can buy what ever extra she wants. We have teens stay for weeks. The utility bills and grocery bill don't go up that much. For us its a space issue, and the expectation we pay for activities and back to school clothing. And, when we eat out, us paying for two extra adult meals every time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the aunt I would ask for nothing.

As the parent, I would offer rent.

As the aunt, I would decline the money.

As the parent, I would give my daughter money for her own food. I would also get a grocery store gift card for aunt along with another nice thank you. And have daughter treat aunt to a nice meal out.

+ 1

Very nice.

In my immigrant family, this is how it would play out, though it is not very different in spirit to what you have written.
- Neither the aunt nor the parent would ask or offer anything. To do so would be insulting in our culture.
- The parents would send some nice expensive personal gifts to the aunt with the niece (perfume, skincare from la mer, designer handbag, sunglasses etc), and in subsequent months, they would find ways to repay back in some ways - restaurant meal, flowers, gift cards, a maid service, food gifts, gift certs for manicures, massages, tickets for movies or a show etc. Amazon prime or even doordash meals every few days etc.
- The niece would be a helpful guest and be respectful and neat. She would keep the aunt appraised of her whereabouts. She would pick up groceries in a way that it would not be insulting to the aunt - "I was just passing by the grocery store, and thought I would make my signature dish for you. I picked up some other stuff too, since I was already there. I hope you do not mind ."

Unless you and OP are from the same culture, this is irrelevant.
- The aunt would be a caring and responsible hostess making sure that the niece is safe, secure and basics were provided.
- If niece borrowed a vehicle from aunt, she would get it serviced and professionally detailed. She would make sure that the gas is full.