Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name as their middle, my husbands as their last. So they have both names.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic example of the DCUM thread category that I like to call "I'm incapable of understanding how/why other people view things differently than I do." There are always a multitude of, to me, obvious reasons why people do X thing differently, but also a lot of people who are apparently incapable of coming up with these obvious reasons on their own. Often, like in this thread, it comes across as a not-very-subtle way for the OP to proselytize about the way things ought to be or provide a platform to criticize the group they're supposedly trying to "understand." But, no, they're not criticizing or engaging in moral/political propaganda. They really, innocently, in good faith "don't understand." I don't know if it's one or a small group of posters who love to do this. I would hope there aren't really that many obtuse people ...

Best post in the thread right here

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic example of the DCUM thread category that I like to call "I'm incapable of understanding how/why other people view things differently than I do." There are always a multitude of, to me, obvious reasons why people do X thing differently, but also a lot of people who are apparently incapable of coming up with these obvious reasons on their own. Often, like in this thread, it comes across as a not-very-subtle way for the OP to proselytize about the way things ought to be or provide a platform to criticize the group they're supposedly trying to "understand." But, no, they're not criticizing or engaging in moral/political propaganda. They really, innocently, in good faith "don't understand." I don't know if it's one or a small group of posters who love to do this. I would hope there aren't really that many obtuse people ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

I think it’s because a lot of men/husbands feel strongly that kids get their name so women/wives just go along with that. Hopefully one day it won’t be like that anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Don't pretend it is a bizarre question.

Not pretending. I find it completely bizarre that anyone would care what someone else chose to do with their name or the names of their children (unless the parents in question name their kid something gossip-worthy, like Inspektor Pilot). Why do you care? Are you the name police?

NP stop pretending it’s not interesting. Other cultures put names on names together. Other cultures favor the mothers family name or ascribe more importance to the maternal line. It’s incredibly interesting or maybe you have no intellectual curiosity? Agree I don’t care what other people do (in terms of controlling them) but the topic is fascinating, in part bc there’s no clear answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

Me too. Wonder how much love (or lack thereof) of your family plays into it for most people. My guess is it correlates strongly.

I'm sorry, what? Are you saying that women who choose to change their name don't love their families?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

Me too. Wonder how much love (or lack thereof) of your family plays into it for most people. My guess is it correlates strongly.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I especially find this interesting when the women are SAHM’s, of which I know several.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Don't pretend it is a bizarre question.

Not pretending. I find it completely bizarre that anyone would care what someone else chose to do with their name or the names of their children (unless the parents in question name their kid something gossip-worthy, like Inspektor Pilot). Why do you care? Are you the name police?

Anonymous wrote:
Im not saying you’re not a feminist bc your kids have your husbands name. That’s absurd. Im a feminist and my kids have my husbands name too. I’m saying it’s strange that more people (including me!) don’t question this particular tradition and are so defensive of their choice to give kids dad’s name.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

It's actually a pretty simple concept! Some women like their names. That doesn't mean they don't like their husband's name! It's possible to simultaneously like your name and also like giving your child a different last name.

Why do you assume it was a default decision? My husband was open to giving the kids my name, but we made the decision for practical purposes because his is easier to spell.

Uh what? I didn't assume any "default." The entire point is that it's possible to like your name and also like your spouse's name! Do what y'all like.