Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can tell there are a few single and/or childless and bitter 30, 40 and 50-somethings in this thread.

You can tell there are a few people unfamiliar with the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) in this thread.

FERPA does not protect your snowflake from somebody calling and saying she is off the tracks.

I'm confused are you advocating that schools be more forthcoming or arguing that parents need to perhaps do more due diligence in deciding what school they send their kids to?

I mean the "I'm paying for it" argument is pretty prevalent here so I'm wondering why don't mommy and daddy pay for their kid to go to a school that's meets their communication criteria?
Folks on here acting like somebody is MAKING their kid go to a school that is doesn't tell them when little Johnny is showing up to classes drunk.
No, you have a choice mommy and daddy send Johnny to someplace that will alert you if he so much as fails to flush the toilet if that's what you need to get a peaceful nights sleep.
After all..."You're paying for it!"

Anonymous wrote:I was out of control fresh year and I wish someone would have notified my parents. I shouldn't have been allowed to go back in January but my parents didn't know about any of the trouble from the fall. Drugs and liquor handles found in our room (after multiple warnings), an MIP ticket, meetings with the dean, barely attending classes. My grades were awful but I just BS'd my folks about adjustment period and promised I'd do better. I didn't do better. Winter semester I was blacking out so much, ended up being sexually assaulted by an upperclassman. I basically quit attending classes and failed all but one course that semester.

In retrospect a large college wasn't for me. But also, if I knew my parents would be notified of infractions and interactions, I wouldn't have indulged so much. Kids absolutely go extra crazy because they know their parents are 100% in the dark.

If my parents had been called and tried to drag me home I would have refused to go. I would have gotten a job in my college town and shared a crappy apartment with other young people. I would not have gone back home because I loved where I was and I was having a blast.

Should I have gone home? Well, I guess it would have been the responsible thing to do. But, looking back, as much as I screwed up, I really apparently needed to learn things the hard way. Some kids do.

Thankfully my life has turned out really well in spite of my wild and crazy college career.

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine what the guys from the Greatest Generation would think of todays helicoptering parents. The 18 year
olds from the Greatest Generation went off to fight World War II. I have to think these brave men would think the parents
of today very soft.

I'm thankful my parents raised me and my siblings to function
on our own.

Hello dumbass... soldiers in WW2 were on average 26 years old.

you're thinking of Vietnam... and we know how well that went.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is the perfect response to that recent thread asking what causes failure to launch.

IT'S THIS. PARENTS LIKE OP CAUSE FAILURE TO LAUNCH.

Because they can't address issues when they arrive and then a few years later ... it's too late.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can tell there are a few single and/or childless and bitter 30, 40 and 50-somethings in this thread.

You can tell there are a few people unfamiliar with the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) in this thread.

FERPA does not protect your snowflake from somebody calling and saying she is off the tracks.

I was out of control fresh year and I wish someone would have notified my parents. I shouldn't have been allowed to go back in January but my parents didn't know about any of the trouble from the fall. Drugs and liquor handles found in our room (after multiple warnings), an MIP ticket, meetings with the dean, barely attending classes. My grades were awful but I just BS'd my folks about adjustment period and promised I'd do better. I didn't do better. Winter semester I was blacking out so much, ended up being sexually assaulted by an upperclassman. I basically quit attending classes and failed all but one course that semester.

In retrospect a large college wasn't for me. But also, if I knew my parents would be notified of infractions and interactions, I wouldn't have indulged so much. Kids absolutely go extra crazy because they know their parents are 100% in the dark.

This thread is the perfect response to that recent thread asking what causes failure to launch.

IT'S THIS. PARENTS LIKE OP CAUSE FAILURE TO LAUNCH.

I went to a big state school...I remember when I got caught smoking weed in the dorms freshman year, they told me they were going to call my parents so I might as well tell them. They never called.

Most people moved off campus after freshman year, so you're on your own at that point. What's the school going to do if your kid gets wasted at an off-campus party? Even if they get a DUI or an underage drinking charge, they aren't going to call the parents...because the students are legal adults. If the school had called my parents every time I came back to the dorms drunk freshman year...hahaha. Their phone would have been ringing every night.

Don't raise a dumb or totally sheltered kid and they'll be fine. They have to learn to fend for themselves some day, unless you plan for them to live with you forever after college. If you've done them the disservice of not having them learn some personal responsibility before college, then college is when they have to learn.

This is why higher status families pay a premium for private. Huge public universities do not care about your child. Big public universities are a bureaucrat money machine employing thousands of incestuous wackos. Your kid is meaningless to them. Look at that Michigan State U scandal with their sports doctor, dean, president, athletic director and all the sexual assaults by their student-athletes swept under the rug. Ended up being a $1 billion (with a B!) civil settlement against the college.

Anonymous wrote:You can tell there are a few single and/or childless and bitter 30, 40 and 50-somethings in this thread.

You can tell there are a few people unfamiliar with the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) in this thread.

You can tell there are a few single and/or childless and bitter 30, 40 and 50-somethings in this thread.

Anonymous wrote:OP. You will only get this type of notification if your 18+ child is attending a very small private LAC....i.e.,, Roanoke College, St. John's College. Even then, they don't technically have to tell you anything as your child is an adult. However, small private LACs tend to offer a more "TLC"approach.

If you want to know what kind of trouble your kids are getting into a small private LAC is the way to go.

At my son’s liberal arts college a minor alcohol infraction will be dealt with through the university challenges. Anything bigger is referred to the local police and other college sanctions, which could include expulsions (parents are notified of that).

Arrest records are public and your student will probably need to hire an attorney. Pretty sure that will tip you off to a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At orientation my DCs state university said parents would be notified of any ethics violations and drugs are that.

What school?

This should be standard. The strawman that crazy helicopter parents want medical records after a rape emailed to them is so low watt. What parents should receive are automatic emails about any student conduct violations or concerns. We don't receive those because, let's be clear here, the university wants to be in COMPLETE control of our kids.

Don't landlords receive notification if EMS came to their house or a noise violation was issued because of partying? Landlords get more info than parents paying for a dorm room? If I'm writing that $15,000 room check per year, I want to know what if any violations have occurred in that room.

You apparently are really, really worried about what will happen when Aiden and Claire go off to college, aren't you?

No landlords do not receive this information.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why money gives you the right to more information about your adult son or daughter.

Most 18-year olds do not go to a residential college. Our students are outliers and have the same rights as an 18-year old in the workforce, or who is self-supporting or in the military.

Military freedom != 50,000 student university freedom where a kid can binge drink or do heroin all day, cut their wrists, not show up to any courses, and nobody at the college will phone home to the parents

You are unhinged. You are paying a college to provide your son/daughter an education (which they do, but your son/daughter must hold up their end of the bargain and work), and a space to live.

You are not paying for babysitting. No one is forcing you to pay for college, or to enroll your son/daughter. Opt out if you don’t like the rules.

Alternatively just move to where they are attend schooling and monitor from across the street.