Anonymous wrote:Yeah, these people who think its ok to drag kids everywhere, screw with their naps and make everyone around them miserable are selfish. Babies need sleep like they need food. They don't need to be exposed to elaborate vacations, they need regularity and consistency. Any trips are for the parents not the kids. Once the smaller is out of nap age, then take a nice trip. In this case, I'd send dad and the older on their own.

Babies need sleep like they need food. Sure, babies sleep everywhere. Babies slept wherever and went wherever mother went all day long, for millennia and more. The new idea that baby can only nap in the crib, in their own room, with no disturbances around is creating these fussy babies. I speak the truth. My baby had insane gerd, never slept basically for 2 years, but we did ton of stuff. In fact that same baby went on a safari, she was happier there at 10 months old than in her own room. The fact is, op is a snowflake and she knows it.

^nothing about this is elaborate or disruptive.

Yeah, these people who think its ok to drag kids everywhere, screw with their naps and make everyone around them miserable are selfish. Babies need sleep like they need food. They don't need to be exposed to elaborate vacations, they need regularity and consistency. Any trips are for the parents not the kids. Once the smaller is out of nap age, then take a nice trip. In this case, I'd send dad and the older on their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Really surprised by all the people saying to go. It isn't just the naps that are the issue (which yes we can divide and conquer). With all of the other kids being so much older and a bit more flexible, dinner tends to be late vs. early and some of the activities just aren't great for a 1 year old like multi-hour boat trips (which I know they do almost daily), fishing, hiking, etc.

Unfortunately the baby does not nap well (or at all) in the stroller/carrier. She needs to be somewhere dark and quiet or won't sleep for more than 20 minutes and is a disaster. We have tried it many times. We do push her sometimes when we are home, but not for like 7 days straight. A cranky overtired baby is not fun for anyone to deal with for multiple days while on a trip.

Millions of people have 1 year olds and still go on trips. Don't be that parent.

Why? What earth shattering thing will happen if they don't go?
Millions of people also skip traveling with young kids. Some people prefer to keep their children on a good schedule and routine. She's right - crazy overtired babies aren't fun to deal with.
If these are good friends, likely they can go in future years when OP is more comfortable traveling.

Right? There is nothing more I love now than a vacation with my kid ... but when he was 1? Hell on earth.

Could not agree more. We just didn't find travel to be worth the stress and money. Now when the kids were 3ish and we didn't need to work around naps and waste half the day? Yep, let's go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Really surprised by all the people saying to go. It isn't just the naps that are the issue (which yes we can divide and conquer). With all of the other kids being so much older and a bit more flexible, dinner tends to be late vs. early and some of the activities just aren't great for a 1 year old like multi-hour boat trips (which I know they do almost daily), fishing, hiking, etc.

Unfortunately the baby does not nap well (or at all) in the stroller/carrier. She needs to be somewhere dark and quiet or won't sleep for more than 20 minutes and is a disaster. We have tried it many times. We do push her sometimes when we are home, but not for like 7 days straight. A cranky overtired baby is not fun for anyone to deal with for multiple days while on a trip.

Millions of people have 1 year olds and still go on trips. Don't be that parent.

Why? What earth shattering thing will happen if they don't go?
Millions of people also skip traveling with young kids. Some people prefer to keep their children on a good schedule and routine. She's right - crazy overtired babies aren't fun to deal with.
If these are good friends, likely they can go in future years when OP is more comfortable traveling.

Right? There is nothing more I love now than a vacation with my kid ... but when he was 1? Hell on earth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Really surprised by all the people saying to go. It isn't just the naps that are the issue (which yes we can divide and conquer). With all of the other kids being so much older and a bit more flexible, dinner tends to be late vs. early and some of the activities just aren't great for a 1 year old like multi-hour boat trips (which I know they do almost daily), fishing, hiking, etc.

Unfortunately the baby does not nap well (or at all) in the stroller/carrier. She needs to be somewhere dark and quiet or won't sleep for more than 20 minutes and is a disaster. We have tried it many times. We do push her sometimes when we are home, but not for like 7 days straight. A cranky overtired baby is not fun for anyone to deal with for multiple days while on a trip.

Millions of people have 1 year olds and still go on trips. Don't be that parent.

Why? What earth shattering thing will happen if they don't go?
Millions of people also skip traveling with young kids. Some people prefer to keep their children on a good schedule and routine. She's right - crazy overtired babies aren't fun to deal with.
If these are good friends, likely they can go in future years when OP is more comfortable traveling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP just now reading this last page of post. I actually did have a very difficult baby and we just learned how to work our lives around them so that they didn't stop. It wasn't always super fantastic fun times, but I would say 90% of the things we did when he was a terrible sleeper and a bad napper were well worth it

Then I don’t think your baby was as difficult as you think! My worst one screamed in the car the. Entire. Time. Like I actually drove to the Midwest and 20 out of 26 hours the kid screamed. Tried everything. We ended up not traveling for a couple years. It was neither relaxing or fair to other people on a flight.
This wasn’t my first child. I don’t think you can necessarily say because it usually worked out for you, it will for everyone.

OP only you know how your child travels, how your husband helps and whether you will get stuck behind and be resentful, and whether the hosts will be understanding. I don’t think you’re inflexible though. It’s smart to discuss it ahead of time. There are times we divided (like my husband took the other kids skiing while I stayed with the baby) or we left the youngest with a grandparent or brought a babysitter along. GL!

It is a good thing I didn't say that then. I said, the trips were worth the pain, for me. It tagged onto my previous post about trying to say yes whenever possible because things were 9/10 less worse than I imagined.

And a 26 hour drive is not a good example. ANYONE would be miserable in road trip that long. Come on. OP's concerns revolved around the baby's sleep and schedule at the destination, which is what most people are addressing.

Not sure if they are planning to drive or fly, but Maine is a heck of a drive! Point being, what works for some people doesn't work for others. Vacation should cause LESS stress, not more. So while people may think she's crazy not to go, I get it. We often found travel not worth the hassle in early years.

Dh is right. It’s not a bad idea. The issue here isn’t your kids or your husband. You don’t want to go. That’s fine, but don’t blame everyone else. Be honest.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Really surprised by all the people saying to go. It isn't just the naps that are the issue (which yes we can divide and conquer). With all of the other kids being so much older and a bit more flexible, dinner tends to be late vs. early and some of the activities just aren't great for a 1 year old like multi-hour boat trips (which I know they do almost daily), fishing, hiking, etc.

Unfortunately the baby does not nap well (or at all) in the stroller/carrier. She needs to be somewhere dark and quiet or won't sleep for more than 20 minutes and is a disaster. We have tried it many times. We do push her sometimes when we are home, but not for like 7 days straight. A cranky overtired baby is not fun for anyone to deal with for multiple days while on a trip.

Millions of people have 1 year olds and still go on trips. Don't be that parent.

why can't you just switch off? This seems like a no brainer....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP just now reading this last page of post. I actually did have a very difficult baby and we just learned how to work our lives around them so that they didn't stop. It wasn't always super fantastic fun times, but I would say 90% of the things we did when he was a terrible sleeper and a bad napper were well worth it

Then I don’t think your baby was as difficult as you think! My worst one screamed in the car the. Entire. Time. Like I actually drove to the Midwest and 20 out of 26 hours the kid screamed. Tried everything. We ended up not traveling for a couple years. It was neither relaxing or fair to other people on a flight.
This wasn’t my first child. I don’t think you can necessarily say because it usually worked out for you, it will for everyone.

OP only you know how your child travels, how your husband helps and whether you will get stuck behind and be resentful, and whether the hosts will be understanding. I don’t think you’re inflexible though. It’s smart to discuss it ahead of time. There are times we divided (like my husband took the other kids skiing while I stayed with the baby) or we left the youngest with a grandparent or brought a babysitter along. GL!

It is a good thing I didn't say that then. I said, the trips were worth the pain, for me. It tagged onto my previous post about trying to say yes whenever possible because things were 9/10 less worse than I imagined.

And a 26 hour drive is not a good example. ANYONE would be miserable in road trip that long. Come on. OP's concerns revolved around the baby's sleep and schedule at the destination, which is what most people are addressing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Really surprised by all the people saying to go. It isn't just the naps that are the issue (which yes we can divide and conquer). With all of the other kids being so much older and a bit more flexible, dinner tends to be late vs. early and some of the activities just aren't great for a 1 year old like multi-hour boat trips (which I know they do almost daily), fishing, hiking, etc.

Unfortunately the baby does not nap well (or at all) in the stroller/carrier. She needs to be somewhere dark and quiet or won't sleep for more than 20 minutes and is a disaster. We have tried it many times. We do push her sometimes when we are home, but not for like 7 days straight. A cranky overtired baby is not fun for anyone to deal with for multiple days while on a trip.

I still don't see the problem. You can switch off with your DH on who's on baby duty. You have a separate guest house on a beautiful property in Maine! You're getting a free vacation! Don't worry about meals, the person who's on baby duty should do meals separately and basically operate on a separate schedule. You just join in whenever schedules match up (breakfast, an hour or two at the beach) and leave whenever they don't. I would love this -- I always like some time to myself on vacation, so a mix of a couple days hanging out with baby (and reading) and a couple days with older kids and friends is great.

Seriously, the late dinner actually sounds like a perk to me! You can feed the baby early, put her to bed and enjoy dinner with friends every night! You probably won't even see your 5 yo with all those other kids to keep busy.

We go to Maine every year because we have family there & it is fantastic. My kids are 5 and 2 and each went for the first time at 3 months. They aren't nap anywhere kids, and when they were on the 2 nap a day schedule I would make sure we were home for one good one, and accept a car/stroller/carrier nap for the other. There are lots of opportunities to drive for an hour into some random town and find cool shops / lunch / hikes / scenery. Perfect for naps and also a good chance to catch up with a friend if you can get one to join you. You should go for sure.

Your worries are running what should be a fun event.

I’m an older mom and took this exact type of trip when my child was just about to turn one and only napped (and still only naps) in his bed in the dark. The next youngest was six or seven. The trip was awesome! It was so relaxed and we could pick and choose what to do. Sometimes things didn’t make sense for our family, so we either split up, participated for half the time (like the beach and boating-btw just ask people! They can plan to loop back and drop you guys off) relaxed or did our own thing. No biggie.

Nightime was so freeing. Everyone hung out, relaxed and some people had some drinks and just enjoyed adult time, while our kid slept and the older kids got tucked in with popcorn, treats and a movie.

Having all those adult (experienced) adult and older kid hands around was perfect. Our kid was entertained by all the kids playing and the adults would steal our guy sometimes and just enjoy a little one or demand we take a little time to ourselves to swim.

One of my favorite vacations ever. As long as you are clear about your needs versus suffering in silence you’ll be fine. Let them know the naps that are gonna have to take place, that you would like to hang out as much as you could (but understand sometimes the older kid are gonna wanna do non baby stuff) and what’s the best way to make that happen.

Just use your words.

Anonymous wrote:PP just now reading this last page of post. I actually did have a very difficult baby and we just learned how to work our lives around them so that they didn't stop. It wasn't always super fantastic fun times, but I would say 90% of the things we did when he was a terrible sleeper and a bad napper were well worth it

Then I don’t think your baby was as difficult as you think! My worst one screamed in the car the. Entire. Time. Like I actually drove to the Midwest and 20 out of 26 hours the kid screamed. Tried everything. We ended up not traveling for a couple years. It was neither relaxing or fair to other people on a flight.
This wasn’t my first child. I don’t think you can necessarily say because it usually worked out for you, it will for everyone.

OP only you know how your child travels, how your husband helps and whether you will get stuck behind and be resentful, and whether the hosts will be understanding. I don’t think you’re inflexible though. It’s smart to discuss it ahead of time. There are times we divided (like my husband took the other kids skiing while I stayed with the baby) or we left the youngest with a grandparent or brought a babysitter along. GL!

PP just now reading this last page of post. I actually did have a very difficult baby and we just learned how to work our lives around them so that they didn't stop. It wasn't always super fantastic fun times, but I would say 90% of the things we did when he was a terrible sleeper and a bad napper were well worth it