Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren’t fat at all but we are not thin enough for MIL. I think she is trying to get us to lose a few pounds while we visit them, as well as demonstrate her own bizarre “discipline”. She does not serve lunch and has wine for dinner mostly.

better than our situation. We go visit for a week and all they eat or serve is breakfast and an small early dinner. They come stay with us and eat 3-4 meals a day, snack constantly, and want dessert immediately after each dinner. Sweet tooth.

Haha! I relate to this too!

So what do you do when you visit and want to eat? Get a take out or go somewhere to eat out?
Honestly you all must be saints, I would not stay silent on the disparity between how they eat when they visit and how you're restricted when you visit - I would say something or stop the visits.

NP here. I don’t think my MIL thinks we are fat, but they are shop every day people and they only buy exactly what they need for the day (so no delicious fruit bowl for when we arrive outside an appointed meal time having traveled across the country and perhaps our 4 year just can’t wait until dinner at that point). We now bring snacks for the kids so they aren’t hangry. Then the next thing we do is take a family trip to the grocery store because we now know, after many years of this, that dinner will be one chicken drumstick and 1/6 of a can of green beans per person. My husband is 6 and a half feet tall, he would faint on the diet they try to feed him when we visit. He claims they never used to be this odd about food, and I admit it has gotten worse, but I noticed strange habits around food from the first time I visited nearly 20 years ago now. They also do what PP said and gorge themselves at our house. If it’s not nailed down it’s eaten and it seems like a challenge to them. If we’ve just gone to the Costco and therefore have a 3 pack of bacon in the fridge, they’ll see it and say “oh, lots of bacon needs to get eaten, we’ll help you take care of that.” And they will. 3 packs of bacon gone almost instantly and then they grumble wondering why there isn’t more bacon. My FIL is notorious for eating dinner ingredients. I’ve taken to putting the dinner for the night into stapled shut brown bags and writing “dinner ingredients 7/8/19” on them so that I don’t come home from work only to find the ground beef is all gone and I’ve got to run to the store or order take out to now cover dinner.

They sound stingy, not wanting to spend their own money on food? Or traumatized by depression-era parents? Do they thrift and coupon a lot?

No, in fact they are quite wealthy. They think nothing of going out and buying two BMWs in one fell swoop, but then have very strange spending rules around piddly little things.

I used to think that my ILs are weird with food, but apparently it’s the whole cultural thing. I am from different culture and in my parents house feeding happens constantly, and there is always food in the fridge. And my parents are not rich typical middle class. My husband’s parents have 0 food, never offer to eat when we are visiting, we pretty much on our own for dinner and stuff. MIL eats toast for every meal and that’s it, while buys very high end clothing etc.
I was always puzzled about food thing.

I’m just reading all of this in fascination. We don’t really consider ourselves guests at our parents houses, nor are they guests at ours. We are family. When we visit MIL we go to the store and buy food. Then we cook whatever we want and offer it to her too if she’s interested. I would never leave dishes in the sink or crumbs, how rude. When she comes she doesn’t get a car so I ask what she wants in the house or take her shopping so she can have what she wants. Anybody goes into any kitchen as if they live there.

Anonymous wrote:Not 4th related, but my in-laws arrive for two weeks tomorrow. They are wonderful parents to my DH, and wonderful grandparents to DD.

They’re in our home, but I will tiptoe over everything. I jut spend three weeks with the overseas a month ago.

Sandwiches are a bun, (usually pork) meat, pickles, and mustard only. If you want cheese, lettuce, or anything else, it’s not really acceptable.

Breakfast is a buttered pretzel and coffee, or half a muffin and coffee. Do not deviate.

Dinner must be as plain as possible. No spices. 1/4 a tap of cumin in a pot of soup will be noticed. Meat must be accompanied at all times with gravy. Dinner should be meat + gravy + starch, and one of two vegetables.

Do you know why? I had no idea there are so many people with eating disorders ...

^^ above seems like a good hostess plan. Kids and oldsters eat on different schedules.

Not 4th related, but my in-laws arrive for two weeks tomorrow. They are wonderful parents to my DH, and wonderful grandparents to DD.

They’re in our home, but I will tiptoe over everything. I jut spend three weeks with the overseas a month ago.

Sandwiches are a bun, (usually pork) meat, pickles, and mustard only. If you want cheese, lettuce, or anything else, it’s not really acceptable.

Breakfast is a buttered pretzel and coffee, or half a muffin and coffee. Do not deviate.

Dinner must be as plain as possible. No spices. 1/4 a tap of cumin in a pot of soup will be noticed. Meat must be accompanied at all times with gravy. Dinner should be meat + gravy + starch, and one of two vegetables.

Anonymous wrote:For all of you who have kitchen closed relatives, why do you continue to stay with them?

I have a kitchen is closed MIL and other than when we visit them in the winter at their cabin for skiing, we never stay with them. It's just easier to maintain a peaceful relationship if we don't stay with them.

I mean, when we go to their cabin for skiing, that's usually just a long weekend and it's hard enough to bite my tongue then. I can't imagine having to do it for longer than 3-4 days.

My MIL is one who allows you to have water (no other drinks) all day but food can only be consumed at mealtimes, which are 7 am, 1 pm, and 6 pm. She has zero flexibility, either. If a kid slept in past once breakfast had been cleaned up, no breakfast for them. And we're not talking elaborate spreads, either. Breakfast is always 2 or 3 boxes of cereal sat out, the milk jug sat out, and the OJ jug sat out. She always complains that she doesn't get to see her grandkids as much as "the other grandparents" yet she gets defensive when she's told that it's because it's too expensive for some of them to visit and stay in a hotel (they live in a summer vacation destination) and too stressful to stay at their house. My SIL is the only one who stays with them because she has no kids and is slightly as insane about food as MIL.

Why don't you bring your own food and tell her she can eat what she likes but you will eat the way you like? My parents aren't like this at all but they don't typically buy enough for us or for what we want (the kids don't like Lactaid milk that my mom drinks, they want regular milk; my mom thinks 1 dozen eggs will feed 10 people for 3 days because she doesn't eat eggs, but the rest of us do, etc). So when we get there, we settle in and then that evening I make a run to the grocery store. We don't want to eat up all their food and we want to be able to eat when we want to and not make my mom have to cook something. My parents like to do brunch at 11, snack at 4, and dinner at 8 pm. With a 2 year old and a 5 year old we prefer to do breakfast around 7:30 or 8, then go out for a morning activity -- not conducive to brunch -- and then do lunch around 12:30 or 1 and dinner by 7 so the kids can be in bed by 8:30. My sister's kids are slightly younger and have similar schedules and we all try to visit together, so often there are 4 kids under 5 running around. I'm not going to make my mom cook around our schedule, so I do it myself. She will either join us or not -- usually she joins us for company even if she isn't eating. It's easier that way.

My MIL on the other hand wants to do all the cooking so she asks for a list of food and schedules and is willing to accommodate us even though I've told her we're happy to do it, she doesn't have to put herself out. That's her preference so that's what we do, and it's fine.

When people come to my house I will confess, I don't usually think to offer food if it's not a meal time, but of course if someone asked for a snack I'd be happy to make them one or list the contents of the cabinet. And when we have visitors we always ask for a list of what they want. I guess I'm like my MIL that way.

This is so unhealthy to eat with such gaps. Slows down your metabolism.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why everyone is criticizing. I also close my kitchen after meals. I make hearty meals - there’s no need to go into the kitchen every couple of hours. I agree with the previous poster who said this is why there’s an obesity problem in this country.

The one relative I have who does what you do this is massively obese. This is a control issue.

Same. My uncle, who does all of the cooking in his family, has a closed kitchen because he makes "hearty" meals and he's morbidly obese. A normal breakfast for him each day is 3 eggs, bacon, those biscuits in a tube, apple sauce, bananas, and coffee. He'll then go until 1 or 2 before he's hungry again. His lunch will be a big sub, chips, crackers, cookies, a powerbar of some sort, and fruit. Then dinner, which usually happens at 7 or later, is another huge meal, like meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, rolls, and then dessert.

It's like my cousin who did some kind of weird 12 hour diet where she could eat whatever she wanted for one hour every 12 hours. She didn't understand why she wasn't losing weight. Um, because ONE meal consisted of two McDonald's breakfast sandwiches, 2 hash browns, a large sugar filled OJ, snack cakes, bag of chips, cheese sticks, and Go-gurts. You can't lose weight if you eat 2,000 calories twice a day!

Old people who are slim ear practically nothing. MIL would let us eat anything we could find but the shelves were bare. Some lettuce and celery sticks. Some canned soup.

Gosh your relatives found hungry.

Anonymous wrote:My ILs don’t “close” the kitchen but they never have any food at the house. And they all fat. I really don’t know how that possible as MIL always orders salad, eats like a bird and always judge me if I clear the plate.

This is a special kind of person who “diets” when you are there. Once your are gone it’s back to the chips and ice cream.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever close my kitchen, but.....my FIL makes me wish I did. I will chop up ingredients for dinner, the turn to the other counter to chop more, he will come in and start eating what I chopped up. And then,poof, my dinner ingredients are gone,


Dude. I have so much food in my house. Please stop eating my ingredients.

Ha ha. My grandmother used to chase my grandfather out of the kitchen - usually on holidays! Now my mom and I do this to my dad - he'll be in there picking at the dressing, etc.

I close the kitchen to my kids every once in a while when they are out of control with snacks.

For all of you who have kitchen closed relatives, why do you continue to stay with them?

I have a kitchen is closed MIL and other than when we visit them in the winter at their cabin for skiing, we never stay with them. It's just easier to maintain a peaceful relationship if we don't stay with them.

I mean, when we go to their cabin for skiing, that's usually just a long weekend and it's hard enough to bite my tongue then. I can't imagine having to do it for longer than 3-4 days.

My MIL is one who allows you to have water (no other drinks) all day but food can only be consumed at mealtimes, which are 7 am, 1 pm, and 6 pm. She has zero flexibility, either. If a kid slept in past once breakfast had been cleaned up, no breakfast for them. And we're not talking elaborate spreads, either. Breakfast is always 2 or 3 boxes of cereal sat out, the milk jug sat out, and the OJ jug sat out. She always complains that she doesn't get to see her grandkids as much as "the other grandparents" yet she gets defensive when she's told that it's because it's too expensive for some of them to visit and stay in a hotel (they live in a summer vacation destination) and too stressful to stay at their house. My SIL is the only one who stays with them because she has no kids and is slightly as insane about food as MIL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren’t fat at all but we are not thin enough for MIL. I think she is trying to get us to lose a few pounds while we visit them, as well as demonstrate her own bizarre “discipline”. She does not serve lunch and has wine for dinner mostly.

better than our situation. We go visit for a week and all they eat or serve is breakfast and an small early dinner. They come stay with us and eat 3-4 meals a day, snack constantly, and want dessert immediately after each dinner. Sweet tooth.

Haha! I relate to this too!

So what do you do when you visit and want to eat? Get a take out or go somewhere to eat out?
Honestly you all must be saints, I would not stay silent on the disparity between how they eat when they visit and how you're restricted when you visit - I would say something or stop the visits.

NP here. I don’t think my MIL thinks we are fat, but they are shop every day people and they only buy exactly what they need for the day (so no delicious fruit bowl for when we arrive outside an appointed meal time having traveled across the country and perhaps our 4 year just can’t wait until dinner at that point). We now bring snacks for the kids so they aren’t hangry. Then the next thing we do is take a family trip to the grocery store because we now know, after many years of this, that dinner will be one chicken drumstick and 1/6 of a can of green beans per person. My husband is 6 and a half feet tall, he would faint on the diet they try to feed him when we visit. He claims they never used to be this odd about food, and I admit it has gotten worse, but I noticed strange habits around food from the first time I visited nearly 20 years ago now. They also do what PP said and gorge themselves at our house. If it’s not nailed down it’s eaten and it seems like a challenge to them. If we’ve just gone to the Costco and therefore have a 3 pack of bacon in the fridge, they’ll see it and say “oh, lots of bacon needs to get eaten, we’ll help you take care of that.” And they will. 3 packs of bacon gone almost instantly and then they grumble wondering why there isn’t more bacon. My FIL is notorious for eating dinner ingredients. I’ve taken to putting the dinner for the night into stapled shut brown bags and writing “dinner ingredients 7/8/19” on them so that I don’t come home from work only to find the ground beef is all gone and I’ve got to run to the store or order take out to now cover dinner.

They sound stingy, not wanting to spend their own money on food? Or traumatized by depression-era parents? Do they thrift and coupon a lot?