I read through this entire thread and I think the issue for most of the “I regret having kids” posters is that you need MORE CHILDCARE!! You need a proper break from your kids (and no, work does not count!). I would be so miserable if I didn’t get to sleep in, go get a pedicure or blowout, take a walk, or watch TV alone. So I would strongly urge you posters to use your village - get family to visit frequently or move near them / hire babysitters / leave them with DH / trade date nights with friends. Life is too short to be in an unhappy situation.

Oh, and I hope all of the “I had kids for the public good” posters are joking. Not having kids is just as valid a choice as having kids. It’s not like the human race is going extinct. I used to do so much more volunteering before kids, but I hope to get back into it, ideally with them, after they get bigger.y

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Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, one of whom is a very difficult child. There are times when I experience what I feel is regret, but when I really think about it, I realize it's not my children themselves whom I regret, but rather the situation. There are definitely times when I wonder what the heck I've done by having kids, but I don't think that's regret. I have regrets around how I handled some things or situations for sure.

+1. Anyone suffering with long-term regrets about raising children is most likely clinically depressed.

Wrong. Maybe they just don't like parenting. It's not for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old and it's just miserable. Somebody is melting down at all times. Today I realized we had a "good moment" and it lasted literally 5 minutes. I live for these 5 minute flashes of not being miserable. What kind of life is this? Look at this forum, it's just complaint after complaint. It's never ending. I think about the traveling, the sleeping, the eating, the drinking that my husband and I could be doing otherwise. The jobs we could have, the moves we could make, the freedom. And for what? Adult kids seem fun and all but like, I see my own mom 3x per year. That kind of pay off seems kind of pathetic in comparison to how much I've given my life up for these kids.

I love my kids to death and I am going to be the best mom to them I can be but honestly I can't say with certainty that I would go back and do it all over again.

Thank god this is an anonymous forum. I'd never say this with my real name.

You are not alone. But I admit this to my friends and my family knows. However, my kids were unplanned. The "it gets better with age" is true to some degree, but overall, no, I am not happier. It gets easier with age, but for me not happier. I love them, but I would not do it over again. I would not have missed having kids if I never had them to begin with. I was completely happy before and my life has been unhappier since. Frankly, it has always felt like a very long prison sentence. And I will never be able to live the life I had planned to because of unexpected kids. To me personally, just not worth the sacrifices.

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Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Agree - I have a couple of married friends and I cannot imagine what the heck they do with all their time. In both cases the wife does not even work.....does not volunteer anywhere......what an empty, self-centered life.....

Don't be jealous. Or judgy. Why are you friends if these people if you are so contemptuous of them?

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Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Agree - I have a couple of married friends and I cannot imagine what the heck they do with all their time. In both cases the wife does not even work.....does not volunteer anywhere......what an empty, self-centered life.....

I am one of those people pp...I was not able to have kids due to infertility (saw this thread on recent topics). I have several chronic health problems, had to stop working, get sick easily, and have to eat a restricted diet to curb inflammation. Would love to volunteer somewhere but people in the DC area can't seem to stay at home when they are sick, even adults.

Our money goes to doctors, eating fresh food, and everything it takes to keep us healthy. Was interested in this thread because I hoped it would make me feel better about the choices I had to make.

One thing: kids will know they aren't wanted, my mom tried not to let me know but she couldn't quite pull it off. Don't do this.

And some of us out here would love to adopt your kids if you don't want them.

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Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Agree - I have a couple of married friends and I cannot imagine what the heck they do with all their time. In both cases the wife does not even work.....does not volunteer anywhere......what an empty, self-centered life.....

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Anonymous wrote:I was just thinking yesterday that I can’t wait to be an empty nester and get what remains of my life back. No career, destroyed body, aged face, all decisions revolving around them. I would do things differently if I could.

Same. I am literally counting down the years until my oldest is out of the house for college.

To be fair a lot of women blame things on kids.

Career - don’t quit. Work hard. Continue to be promoted

Aged face - get Botox , fillers

Destroyed body - lose weight.

All decisions - this is true. However you can still hire a sitter and get out of the house

Not OP. But these are not decisions for me. I have to work, have no money for fillers etc, too wiped out to exercise. I’m completely burned out.

OP my third (not planned) baby is 4 months. My other two are almost 6 and almost 4. It was hard when the second was a baby and it is very hard now, but I know it will pass. Things were nice and easy before the third arrived. My second was (and in some ways still is) a very hard baby, but by the time she was 1.5/2 she started finally sleeping through the night and playing with her sister. The older two are inseparable and play together all the time. We were able to do a lot as a family after the second turned 1 or so. I don’t like the baby phase and can’t wait until it’s over.
You (like me) still have a few more difficult months ahead, but it will get better. You will love seeing the relationship and love your children will have with each other. As a bonus, they will be each other’s playmates so you wonMt have to entertain as much... good luck

It’s ok sweets, you are in the thick of it!! A 3 year old and 3 month old? F that. Mine just turned 3 and is getting easy... we miiiiiight try for another but not sure

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OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Shocker! Other people may think differently than you.

We childless married couples do more than go out to eat, sleep in, drink and travel. We work in our communities to make the world a better place (while we sleep on the piles of money we saved from not having kids).

How exactly? Community service is nothing compared to the legacy of having children.

Oh honey, you really want to go there? Trust me, there are 1300 people a month who are better off for what I provide to my organization (not a worker but a donor who provides the facility rent-free) . Each month. For the past year and into the future until I die and will them the property. Can your DC claim that? I’m partially doing that because I don’t have children.

You were once somebody’s child.

-NP

Oh I’m still someone’s child. I decided not to have children at 12 years old but it’s just as well because I probably cannot biologically anyway (never tried).

Point being, we childless are not heartless. Sometimes we use our time and resources to help others.

Why are we on DCUM? I look at it to see how miserable ppl are in their relationships. Kind of edifying, I am ashamed to say.

I think I understand how you feel OP. My just turned 4 and 1, so our kids are about the same distance, and let me tell you, the time period you're describing was ROUGH as hell. There were some baaaad moments.

Somehow, I kept muddling through, because like you, I do love my kids more than anything, but goodness, I do know the feelings you're talking about.

Right now, I'm almost starting to see a twinkling of light at the end of the tunnel. I mean not really, I still have years and years to go, but things are better than they were at 3 years and 3.5 months. It's not a linear progression, there's definitely ups and downs, but things are slowly getting easier.

We don't have a ton of extra money, but it has helped immensely to hire a high school kid to come watch the kids for a couple of hours - even a few times a month on Saturday mornings so my husband and I can both be free. It's amazing how much that helps me get through the weekend. I hope you are able to do that sometime too.

But I hear you, and I empathize, immensely. I never verbalize it, but sometimes I wonder if it was a mistake to have a second kid (one was sooo much easier and fun!). Then I look at my 2nd kid's face and wonder how I could think that. But it's just a feeling, it comes and goes, and that's OK.

The dark times are like ocean waves, they come and go. You're in a particularly stormy port right now, but I do have a lot of hope for you that things will start to even out. My 3 year old was melt down city when baby was 3-6 months old, my marriage was super stressed (worst fight ever when 2nd baby was around 2 months old). Ugh. It sucked.

But it feels marginally better know.

We just have to keep going. One foot in front of the other. You can do it. It will get better.

Signed,
Someone's whose been there (and may still be there on some days - but not every day!)

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OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Shocker! Other people may think differently than you.

We childless married couples do more than go out to eat, sleep in, drink and travel. We work in our communities to make the world a better place (while we sleep on the piles of money we saved from not having kids).

How exactly? Community service is nothing compared to the legacy of having children.

Oh honey, you really want to go there? Trust me, there are 1300 people a month who are better off for what I provide to my organization (not a worker but a donor who provides the facility rent-free) . Each month. For the past year and into the future until I die and will them the property. Can your DC claim that? I’m partially doing that because I don’t have children.

You were once somebody’s child.

-NP

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OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Shocker! Other people may think differently than you.

We childless married couples do more than go out to eat, sleep in, drink and travel. We work in our communities to make the world a better place (while we sleep on the piles of money we saved from not having kids).

How exactly? Community service is nothing compared to the legacy of having children.

Oh honey, you really want to go there? Trust me, there are 1300 people a month who are better off for what I provide to my organization (not a worker but a donor who provides the facility rent-free) . Each month. For the past year and into the future until I die and will them the property. Can your DC claim that? I’m partially doing that because I don’t have children.

You were once somebody’s child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

+1. I had a hard time when the second baby came along and had a variety of issues and I do think that society underplays what an adjustment it can be to have kids, but some of these posts seem really far off in terms of describing kid behavior and level of parental resentment. OP, 3 and 3 months is really hard. If you can swing it, hire some help for a while. We were never meant to raise kids without help. It really most likely will get a lot better.

Why are childless people in this forum. “dc urbanMOM