Anonymous wrote:She needs to at least make an appearance. I was young when my dad remarried- he just eloped with his long term girlfriend then let us know that he was married.

I resent, to this day, that he didn't think his children were important enough to be present at his wedding. It also permanently damaged my relationship with my step mom because I feel like if *I* married someone with kids from a previous marriage, I would make it a huge priority to include them and make them feel very central to our lives.

I think your DD doesn't need to know that her presence isn't a big priority for her dad (timing, not being a part of the wedding, etc. as you point out). She needs to feel important and included, whether it's reality or not- even if she doesn't remember the event, she will remember that she was there. It can cause immense negative feelings toward you, her dad and her stepmom when she knows she wasn't there.

Anonymous wrote:She needs to at least make an appearance. I was young when my dad remarried- he just eloped with his long term girlfriend then let us know that he was married.

I resent, to this day, that he didn't think his children were important enough to be present at his wedding. It also permanently damaged my relationship with my step mom because I feel like if *I* married someone with kids from a previous marriage, I would make it a huge priority to include them and make them feel very central to our lives.

I think your DD doesn't need to know that her presence isn't a big priority for her dad (timing, not being a part of the wedding, etc. as you point out). She needs to feel important and included, whether it's reality or not- even if she doesn't remember the event, she will remember that she was there. It can cause immense negative feelings toward you, her dad and her stepmom when she knows she wasn't there.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. OP you made the right decision. A 3 year old is not a prop for pictures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The wedding was Tuesday evening and DD did not attend. I did give it some serious thought and talked with her dad about his plan for the evening. A couple of factors that influenced my decision: As I suspected, his new MIL did not know her babysitting services were being offered for a child she has not met before. Also, the reception was a sit-down served dinner and it seemed to me like a lot to ask of a 3 year old at bedtime to sit down for dinner. Finally, DD would not be present for the photos. ExH wanted me to drop her off at the front of the hotel and pick her up again in an hour.

Holy moly.

+1. What exactly was the point of her coming if she wasn't even going to be in the photos???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The wedding was Tuesday evening and DD did not attend. I did give it some serious thought and talked with her dad about his plan for the evening. A couple of factors that influenced my decision: As I suspected, his new MIL did not know her babysitting services were being offered for a child she has not met before. Also, the reception was a sit-down served dinner and it seemed to me like a lot to ask of a 3 year old at bedtime to sit down for dinner. Finally, DD would not be present for the photos. ExH wanted me to drop her off at the front of the hotel and pick her up again in an hour.

Holy moly.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The wedding was Tuesday evening and DD did not attend. I did give it some serious thought and talked with her dad about his plan for the evening. A couple of factors that influenced my decision: As I suspected, his new MIL did not know her babysitting services were being offered for a child she has not met before. Also, the reception was a sit-down served dinner and it seemed to me like a lot to ask of a 3 year old at bedtime to sit down for dinner. Finally, DD would not be present for the photos. ExH wanted me to drop her off at the front of the hotel and pick her up again in an hour.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You take DD to the wedding, wear a nice dress, and stay to keep an eye on her. They'll probably take a few pictures and gratefully hand her back to you. Hopefully you can snap a quick pic of DD and Dad on your phone, so she'll have that when she's older. Say congratulations and leave. I bet you can be in and out in 20 minutes.

It's sucks, but do for your DD. It's one night, and it's her father's wedding.

And Op is not invited to the wedding so if she attends she would be crashing it. If she doesn't attend, then she would be handing her daughter off to strange adults to watch.

It's a ridiculous situation and if this guy had been serious about having his daughter in attendance, he would have worked out these logistics well before now. Wanting his daughter there was clearly an afterthought on his part because he's an idiot.

Anonymous wrote:You take DD to the wedding, wear a nice dress, and stay to keep an eye on her. They'll probably take a few pictures and gratefully hand her back to you. Hopefully you can snap a quick pic of DD and Dad on your phone, so she'll have that when she's older. Say congratulations and leave. I bet you can be in and out in 20 minutes.

It's sucks, but do for your DD. It's one night, and it's her father's wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly just drop her off, let the grandma take care of her, and stay nearby and tell them your cell in case they need you. It’s not fair to you but the amount of time that will take for you is less than the energy and time you will spend on saying no and pushing back

Have you even read a single response? Nobody would be supervising the 3 year old. She’s an unwanted afterthought. What kind of parent are you, that you’d still drop her off anyway?

Op said the grandma had agreed to look after her.