Anonymous wrote:I’m more tired of working parents complaining.

You think that's a choice for most?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have found the opposite...people are constantly questioning how I do it or referring to me as a saint (I’m not). It’s not that much more difficult than two kids (transition to one was actually the hardest). I don’t over schedule my kids, balance one-on-one time between my spouse, myself, and children, and realize certain days will suck the life out of me. Looking forward to holidays when they’re older and hopefully have their own families...focusing on raising good, strong people and realize that can’t happen if I paint myself as a martyr. I feel society sort of expects mom’s of 2+ to be exhausted all the time and to complain; my kids were all planned and I don’t need sympathy.

This is the key given 1-2 of them at any given time probably get ignored or the oldest parents the other ones. Saying you don't over schedule means they don't get to do activities they want to do and its really all about you.

this is the best argument for having 3 or more. no matter how many kids you have you are not supposed to sign them up for everything they want and be with them every time they want to. also, way too many kids do way too many activities poorly. they dabble in five different sports and 3 languages and four instruments without ever leaning to stick with anything. I know a single ting with grandparents who is signed up for everything but my kids play whatever they do much better. but they stick to what they started rather starting three new things every year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have found the opposite...people are constantly questioning how I do it or referring to me as a saint (I’m not). It’s not that much more difficult than two kids (transition to one was actually the hardest). I don’t over schedule my kids, balance one-on-one time between my spouse, myself, and children, and realize certain days will suck the life out of me. Looking forward to holidays when they’re older and hopefully have their own families...focusing on raising good, strong people and realize that can’t happen if I paint myself as a martyr. I feel society sort of expects mom’s of 2+ to be exhausted all the time and to complain; my kids were all planned and I don’t need sympathy.

This is the key given 1-2 of them at any given time probably get ignored or the oldest parents the other ones. Saying you don't over schedule means they don't get to do activities they want to do and its really all about you.

I’m the pp here and totally not the case. The oldest knows she’s never obligated to watch her younger siblings and won’t be blamed if they do something “wrong” around her if I’m not there for a minute. The kids all have activities, but they aren’t every day nor all weekend long. The kids have done so many sports and are signed up for appropriate summer camps and schools (both different locations because they have different personalities/needs). I’m also not afraid to tell my kid that, should they say they’re bored, they can help me clean or go read a book. As I said, I’m trying to raise decent people; that won’t happen if they get everything they want, when they want it. My hobbies (and probably my marriage a bit) suffer because I have three children, but the kids have all they need to be engaged.

*yawn* Another secularist, anti-natalist rant against people with “large” families. I’ll bet OP considers herself “pro-choice”, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have found the opposite...people are constantly questioning how I do it or referring to me as a saint (I’m not). It’s not that much more difficult than two kids (transition to one was actually the hardest). I don’t over schedule my kids, balance one-on-one time between my spouse, myself, and children, and realize certain days will suck the life out of me. Looking forward to holidays when they’re older and hopefully have their own families...focusing on raising good, strong people and realize that can’t happen if I paint myself as a martyr. I feel society sort of expects mom’s of 2+ to be exhausted all the time and to complain; my kids were all planned and I don’t need sympathy.

This is the key given 1-2 of them at any given time probably get ignored or the oldest parents the other ones. Saying you don't over schedule means they don't get to do activities they want to do and its really all about you.

LOL I grew up as one of three and my mom said explicitly limited how many activities we could do until we were out of elementary. (I think as a young kid mine were piano and Girl Scouts, didn't get into sports until middle school.) I thought that was totally valid, spent a lot of time reading both great and trashy books and playing imaginatively with my siblings and best friend in the neighborhood, and actually pitied my friends who were super busy with organized activities. As an adult I don't think the pity was justified, but I also think unstructured time is important and constant parental attention isn't the only way to live.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys need to grow up.

If you don’t want to help someone else, use your big girl words and say “That doesn’t work for me.” If you’re having a conversation and someone else is complaining too much, end the conversation “It’s been nice catching up, but I need to get going now” then leave.

It really is that simple. Time to be an adult. If you don’t like the choices you’re making about YOUR life, make different ones. Nobody is forcing you to babysit someone else’s kid or listen to them complain. You’re choosing that. Own your choices.

I think we all agree here. Own your choices.

+1

UNDERSTATEMENT.

+1,000,0000

Could this be the standard response for most DCUM posts

all people are doing on here is b%^&ing about crappy choices they have made

from husbands, to their body weight to real estate locations

own your f%^&ing choices ladies.

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read the whole thread but I agree. We tried for years to have a third and it didn’t work and the friends I have that tell me how much harder they have it because there is impossible really frustrates me, especially when it is in the context of how much harder they have it than the people like me who have two kids.

Can you not admit that parents of 2 have a less demanding carpooling/sports/birthday party weekend schedule than families with 3 or 4 kids? That's all they're saying, pp. No need to project and take it personally.

I love shutting down trying hard for the Life Difficulty Olympics by simply handing them their gold medal.

"You're right, I don't know how hard it is with three; and I don't want to know. That's why I had two--so my life would be easier! Hats off to you for choosing something hard, if that's what you want."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have found the opposite...people are constantly questioning how I do it or referring to me as a saint (I’m not). It’s not that much more difficult than two kids (transition to one was actually the hardest). I don’t over schedule my kids, balance one-on-one time between my spouse, myself, and children, and realize certain days will suck the life out of me. Looking forward to holidays when they’re older and hopefully have their own families...focusing on raising good, strong people and realize that can’t happen if I paint myself as a martyr. I feel society sort of expects mom’s of 2+ to be exhausted all the time and to complain; my kids were all planned and I don’t need sympathy.

This is the key given 1-2 of them at any given time probably get ignored or the oldest parents the other ones. Saying you don't over schedule means they don't get to do activities they want to do and its really all about you.

DP, but letting kids do everything they want to do and giving them every conceivable advantage isn't a healthy way to raise kids. It's normal in life to be ignored sometimes or be bored or have to do something you don't want to do. You learn to be creative, to entertain yourself, to advocate for yourself, and to be a team player. I'm also a mom of three planned kids who does a lot similar to the above PP (though I do think three kids is significantly more work than two). I want my kids to be productive members of society, and that's not going to happen if their dad and I let them have everything they want all the time.

This!

I'm one of 4, born in the 70s. This is my parenting philosophy, too. I constantly have to remind my DH who only has one sibling and was pretty much raised as the center of attention that we weren't out on this earth to constantly entertain children. He's learned, and boy can you see the difference as kids get older (needy snowflakes vs cool independent kids).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have found the opposite...people are constantly questioning how I do it or referring to me as a saint (I’m not). It’s not that much more difficult than two kids (transition to one was actually the hardest). I don’t over schedule my kids, balance one-on-one time between my spouse, myself, and children, and realize certain days will suck the life out of me. Looking forward to holidays when they’re older and hopefully have their own families...focusing on raising good, strong people and realize that can’t happen if I paint myself as a martyr. I feel society sort of expects mom’s of 2+ to be exhausted all the time and to complain; my kids were all planned and I don’t need sympathy.

This is the key given 1-2 of them at any given time probably get ignored or the oldest parents the other ones. Saying you don't over schedule means they don't get to do activities they want to do and its really all about you.

Interestingly, I find parents of 1 or 2 kids are the ones bragging/pontificating about not overscheduling. I'm pretty sure it's a dig at me since my 4 kids play multiple sports or are on multiple teams at any given time. And these same parents are the ones who are constantly doing their own sport/hobby (golf/cycling/drinking/traveling).

And FTR, my oldest has never parented the younger siblings. The kids aren't ignored. Honestly, I've found that most parents with 3 or more kids love kids and prefer to be with their family nights and weekends as opposed to out on their own or with their friends doing their own hobby/sport/drinking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have found the opposite...people are constantly questioning how I do it or referring to me as a saint (I’m not). It’s not that much more difficult than two kids (transition to one was actually the hardest). I don’t over schedule my kids, balance one-on-one time between my spouse, myself, and children, and realize certain days will suck the life out of me. Looking forward to holidays when they’re older and hopefully have their own families...focusing on raising good, strong people and realize that can’t happen if I paint myself as a martyr. I feel society sort of expects mom’s of 2+ to be exhausted all the time and to complain; my kids were all planned and I don’t need sympathy.

This is the key given 1-2 of them at any given time probably get ignored or the oldest parents the other ones. Saying you don't over schedule means they don't get to do activities they want to do and its really all about you.

DP, but letting kids do everything they want to do and giving them every conceivable advantage isn't a healthy way to raise kids. It's normal in life to be ignored sometimes or be bored or have to do something you don't want to do. You learn to be creative, to entertain yourself, to advocate for yourself, and to be a team player. I'm also a mom of three planned kids who does a lot similar to the above PP (though I do think three kids is significantly more work than two). I want my kids to be productive members of society, and that's not going to happen if their dad and I let them have everything they want all the time.

I haven’t read the whole thread but I agree. We tried for years to have a third and it didn’t work and the friends I have that tell me how much harder they have it because there is impossible really frustrates me, especially when it is in the context of how much harder they have it than the people like me who have two kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have found the opposite...people are constantly questioning how I do it or referring to me as a saint (I’m not). It’s not that much more difficult than two kids (transition to one was actually the hardest). I don’t over schedule my kids, balance one-on-one time between my spouse, myself, and children, and realize certain days will suck the life out of me. Looking forward to holidays when they’re older and hopefully have their own families...focusing on raising good, strong people and realize that can’t happen if I paint myself as a martyr. I feel society sort of expects mom’s of 2+ to be exhausted all the time and to complain; my kids were all planned and I don’t need sympathy.

This is the key given 1-2 of them at any given time probably get ignored or the oldest parents the other ones. Saying you don't over schedule means they don't get to do activities they want to do and its really all about you.

OMG, you are a jerk! New poster.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have found the opposite...people are constantly questioning how I do it or referring to me as a saint (I’m not). It’s not that much more difficult than two kids (transition to one was actually the hardest). I don’t over schedule my kids, balance one-on-one time between my spouse, myself, and children, and realize certain days will suck the life out of me. Looking forward to holidays when they’re older and hopefully have their own families...focusing on raising good, strong people and realize that can’t happen if I paint myself as a martyr. I feel society sort of expects mom’s of 2+ to be exhausted all the time and to complain; my kids were all planned and I don’t need sympathy.

This is the key given 1-2 of them at any given time probably get ignored or the oldest parents the other ones. Saying you don't over schedule means they don't get to do activities they want to do and its really all about you.

Rude. She didn’t specify what activities each child does or doesn’t do for you to make those judgments.

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and have found the opposite...people are constantly questioning how I do it or referring to me as a saint (I’m not). It’s not that much more difficult than two kids (transition to one was actually the hardest). I don’t over schedule my kids, balance one-on-one time between my spouse, myself, and children, and realize certain days will suck the life out of me. Looking forward to holidays when they’re older and hopefully have their own families...focusing on raising good, strong people and realize that can’t happen if I paint myself as a martyr. I feel society sort of expects mom’s of 2+ to be exhausted all the time and to complain; my kids were all planned and I don’t need sympathy.

This is the key given 1-2 of them at any given time probably get ignored or the oldest parents the other ones. Saying you don't over schedule means they don't get to do activities they want to do and its really all about you.