Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 21:59     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I agree.

It's ridiculous. It also appears to be a very American trend.

Thankfully, we are not American and our family and friends' weddings are full of joyful kids. I have fond memories of my little nieces and nephews stealing the show at my wedding, and my 2 year old son dancing at other people's weddings.



Yeah, I hate the weddings that you described. I would have left those weddings you described early.


OP - I am American but yes, other cultures are so much closer. I guess American weddings are ridiculous to me in their entirety, not just this issue. I mean, the matching dresses, expensive venue, registries and everything are so over the top. FWIW I didn’t have a wedding - we eloped.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 21:47     Subject: No kids weddings rant
I love kids at weddings.

I think it's selfish and short-sighted not to have kids at your wedding.

While I completely respect that it's an individual decision, I just remember all of those brides on "the Knot" talking about how much they hate babies. So weird.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 21:46     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
I agree.

It's ridiculous. It also appears to be a very American trend.

Thankfully, we are not American and our family and friends' weddings are full of joyful kids. I have fond memories of my little nieces and nephews stealing the show at my wedding, and my 2 year old son dancing at other people's weddings.



Yeah, I hate the weddings that you described. I would have left those weddings you described early.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 21:42     Subject: Re:No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I love kids at weddings. Had tons of kids at ours, love seeing them at others. (Actually, I hate weddings, so kids are the best part ...)

My cousin is getting married this summer in our hometown but he scheduled the wedding for late enough that my 2 and 5 year olds can't go. Well, the 5 year old might make it, but no way on the 2 year old. It's his prerogative and he can do what he wants, and he did not expressly say no kids, but I am not the only one a tad miffed. Literally everyone else in the family has kids 6 and under, including his own sister. He is the youngest cousin and the last to be married. We will probably wind up leaving the kids with my inlaws several hours away, but it's a shame because if we brought them they could see their cousins and my grandparents, who are 92 and don't get out much. But if we bring them we have to find sitters for multiple days for all the non-kid-friendly wedding events (late rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch at non-kid-friendly restaurant, etc).

Obviously this is my own problem and I wouldn't say anything. Still, I am not the only one who wishes someone had told him to take this into consideration. It's why we scheduled our own wedding for 4 pm, because when I got married 10 years ago it was my cousins on the other side with young kids and we wanted to be sensitive to that. For us, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc are all about family. Well, except for this one cousin!


Not everyone wants a lame brunch wedding or a boring early evening wedding.


And they can have whatever they want. I quite enjoyed my boring early evening wedding in which no one got shitfaced and there was a fantastic klezmer band, lots of dancing kids, and the joyful union of two families. It's been 10 years and my parents still happily host my inlaws and my sister's inlaws for all holidays. And their dogs, too.

Just saying, against our family background, my cousin is the one being a bit of a douche. (Same cousin who was literally the only family member -- out of 60 people -- not to attend my grandfather's 90th birthday weekend. DH and I drove 2 days with a 3 year old and a 4 month old. Cousin's sister and her fiance flew in from CA. Cousin couldn't make it because he decided to attend a bachelor party instead. He's a nice guy but at 32 he still acts like college kid.)
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 21:34     Subject: Re:No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:I love kids at weddings. Had tons of kids at ours, love seeing them at others. (Actually, I hate weddings, so kids are the best part ...)

My cousin is getting married this summer in our hometown but he scheduled the wedding for late enough that my 2 and 5 year olds can't go. Well, the 5 year old might make it, but no way on the 2 year old. It's his prerogative and he can do what he wants, and he did not expressly say no kids, but I am not the only one a tad miffed. Literally everyone else in the family has kids 6 and under, including his own sister. He is the youngest cousin and the last to be married. We will probably wind up leaving the kids with my inlaws several hours away, but it's a shame because if we brought them they could see their cousins and my grandparents, who are 92 and don't get out much. But if we bring them we have to find sitters for multiple days for all the non-kid-friendly wedding events (late rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch at non-kid-friendly restaurant, etc).

Obviously this is my own problem and I wouldn't say anything. Still, I am not the only one who wishes someone had told him to take this into consideration. It's why we scheduled our own wedding for 4 pm, because when I got married 10 years ago it was my cousins on the other side with young kids and we wanted to be sensitive to that. For us, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc are all about family. Well, except for this one cousin!


Not everyone wants a lame brunch wedding or a boring early evening wedding.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 21:31     Subject: No kids weddings rant
We had kids at our wedding and had a great time. I've been to weddings without kids and had a great time. I firmly am in the camp of this is unto the couple getting married and the kind of event they want. I have kids now. I am not bothered by people who have events that my kids aren't invited to. It's their event that they are paying/hosting. It is interesting to me to hear how entitled all these parents sound complaining about how entitled the couple is. If your kids aren't invited and you can't figure out a way to go, then don't. You're worried too much about what other people think about you and what you do (and probably putting more thought into it than anyone else is).
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 21:27     Subject: Re:No kids weddings rant
I love kids at weddings. Had tons of kids at ours, love seeing them at others. (Actually, I hate weddings, so kids are the best part ...)

My cousin is getting married this summer in our hometown but he scheduled the wedding for late enough that my 2 and 5 year olds can't go. Well, the 5 year old might make it, but no way on the 2 year old. It's his prerogative and he can do what he wants, and he did not expressly say no kids, but I am not the only one a tad miffed. Literally everyone else in the family has kids 6 and under, including his own sister. He is the youngest cousin and the last to be married. We will probably wind up leaving the kids with my inlaws several hours away, but it's a shame because if we brought them they could see their cousins and my grandparents, who are 92 and don't get out much. But if we bring them we have to find sitters for multiple days for all the non-kid-friendly wedding events (late rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch at non-kid-friendly restaurant, etc).

Obviously this is my own problem and I wouldn't say anything. Still, I am not the only one who wishes someone had told him to take this into consideration. It's why we scheduled our own wedding for 4 pm, because when I got married 10 years ago it was my cousins on the other side with young kids and we wanted to be sensitive to that. For us, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc are all about family. Well, except for this one cousin!
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 21:17     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Not everyone sees a wedding as a family reunion. If it doesn't work for you, don't go.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 21:10     Subject: No kids weddings rant
They’re footing the bill. You can choose not to go. The works does not revolve around your family.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 20:59     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.


We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.


So you did have kids at the wedding. Maybe you haven’t been to a wedding in a while, but the recent trend is NO kids.

I don’t think anyone really believes that their friends from college should be bringing their kids. Get a babysitter or don’t come. Whatever. The issue is close relatives of the bride and groom, first cousins, nieces and nephews, etc. There are no longer flower girls or ring bearers, etc. And it is really inconvenient. Because when you are this close to the couple being married, 1) you have to go, 2) the people who would normally watch you kid will be there, and 3) you are expected to attend all of the pre-wedding rehearsals and things, so it’s a three day event, not an evening out.

Honestly, I think the OP is lucky that she had a set of grandparents willing to look after them. I had to cobble together three or four different people to cover during my sister’s wedding.


This! My cousin was getting married and was fine with having kids at the wedding but his fiancé did not. He called and apologized profusely. She didn’t even want kids at the hotel! My mom was dying of cancer and it was the last time we would all likely be together as an extended family. my sister had just moved and live far away from her husbands family and there was no one to watch her kids, My son has special needs. We took our kids for the weekend (I brought our special needs nanny and got a plane ticket and hotel room for her). Sister found a local sitter for her kids. I thought fiancé was rude to request we not even bring our kids for the weekend. It was really tough for my sister and I to honor that request and rude of her to to ask that. Kids were no where near any formal wedding event. I kinda never forgave her especially since she knew our situation.


You could have accepted the invitation but (gasp!) **stayed in a different hotel.** You chose not to. That's on you. Or you could have declined the invitation.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 20:45     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.


We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.


So you did have kids at the wedding. Maybe you haven’t been to a wedding in a while, but the recent trend is NO kids.

I don’t think anyone really believes that their friends from college should be bringing their kids. Get a babysitter or don’t come. Whatever. The issue is close relatives of the bride and groom, first cousins, nieces and nephews, etc. There are no longer flower girls or ring bearers, etc. And it is really inconvenient. Because when you are this close to the couple being married, 1) you have to go, 2) the people who would normally watch you kid will be there, and 3) you are expected to attend all of the pre-wedding rehearsals and things, so it’s a three day event, not an evening out.

Honestly, I think the OP is lucky that she had a set of grandparents willing to look after them. I had to cobble together three or four different people to cover during my sister’s wedding.


This! My cousin was getting married and was fine with having kids at the wedding but his fiancé did not. He called and apologized profusely. She didn’t even want kids at the hotel! My mom was dying of cancer and it was the last time we would all likely be together as an extended family. my sister had just moved and live far away from her husbands family and there was no one to watch her kids, My son has special needs. We took our kids for the weekend (I brought our special needs nanny and got a plane ticket and hotel room for her). Sister found a local sitter for her kids. I thought fiancé was rude to request we not even bring our kids for the weekend. It was really tough for my sister and I to honor that request and rude of her to to ask that. Kids were no where near any formal wedding event. I kinda never forgave her especially since she knew our situation.


If you want a family reunion, plan that: a FAMILY REUNION. Where everyone pays equally and gets equal say. There's no reason why you and other family members didn't plan a family reunion for your mother to say goodbye. But don't try to bogart off of someone else's occasion. They have every right to have a wedding exactly the way they want it without turning it into something else.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 20:42     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate kids on the dance floor.


LOL me too. Everyone sitting around with frozen smiles watching kids being maniacs on the dance floor is so annoying.


OP - um bc drunk 20 year olds grinding, 40 year olds dancing to “I like big butts” or 60 year olds doing the macarena is so attractive?


Your weddings are a lot different than the ones I attend. Live bands, packed dance floors of adults who know how to dance and open bars. I haven’t ever seen a Macarena at a wedding.

I don’t want my kids to be invited.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 20:40     Subject: No kids weddings rant
You can’t let your cousins kids come but not your friend’s kids. People will get upset that they shelled out for a babysitter but your second cousin got to bring her kids.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 20:37     Subject: No kids weddings rant

I agree.

It's ridiculous. It also appears to be a very American trend.

Thankfully, we are not American and our family and friends' weddings are full of joyful kids. I have fond memories of my little nieces and nephews stealing the show at my wedding, and my 2 year old son dancing at other people's weddings.

Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 20:32     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate kids on the dance floor.


LOL me too. Everyone sitting around with frozen smiles watching kids being maniacs on the dance floor is so annoying.


OP - um bc drunk 20 year olds grinding, 40 year olds dancing to “I like big butts” or 60 year olds doing the macarena is so attractive?