Anonymous wrote:This is your wake up call. YOU need counseling to keep your hands off your kid.

FFS.

Now you know there are consequences for not being able to control yourself. If your dh were that reactive and slapped you, would that be any more okay?? You hit your son. Now you pay the consequences, and I'm glad. Let it be a lesson to any of you who hit your kids. Get help instead being reactive and losing your shit. It's not acceptable and there is no excuse.

Anonymous wrote:PP, what did you report to CPS?
My neighbor was reported by camp councelor over smth that her child said (she didn’t give the details). She always seemed a nice mom to me, a bit quirky but her kid seemed happy and attached to her. She then pulled her daughter out of that camp (free stuff for a high farms school) and she basically had to hang out with mom who was doing odd jobs like housecleaning and doordashing. The mom also went to homeschool her which I thought she was not equipped to do.
In this case I think the report has done more harm than good.

Suspicion of abuse. There were pretty obvious signs that someone in this child's life was abusing them. But my job, as a mandatory reporter, is not to investigate these things. It is to report to authorities, full stop.

It's also not my job to figure out if a report will do more harm than good. Like I said, I'm a mandatory reporter. I can be fired (or worse) if I fail to report.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And- I don’t want him to go there anymore. He can see a therapist with me from now on.

This won’t seem suspicious at all.

I know it does.
Thing is, I don’t want police coming to investigate slapping, and having to explain this to my kid isn’t fun. He is spoiled rotten. Hurling things across the room and cussing because of a pinched finger? I know I should have just taken the screen away from him for a week. Will do better next time.

Really? Where do you think he learned to act out and not control his temper? He was at the end of his rope as you say too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you are shaken as it is was nerve wracking to have the police there. BUT

The system worked exactly as it should have. Your son should keep talking to the counsellor and he needs to tell her if he is being hit at home. If you can't control it, you need to get help for your anger issues. Your son needs the support. Don't take that away from him because you don't want the counsellor doing her job or any oversight of your actions.

I am not sure who called the wrong person? Is there a another parent at the school with an identical name? Was this someone you knew? I am not clear on the name confusion aspect.

If I was abusing the kid why would I request counseling for him??
There is another person in the same town by the same name as me, and she called me and told me the police came to her first and told her as much as they had a cps call and my son’s name. Why would they do that???

You need some self awareness. Your son is in counseling because you abuse him and are unable to control your anger. His issues are a reflection of that. Stop making this about yourself and focus on what's best for your son.

Anonymous wrote:I was told that there will be a record of an unfounded report as well, no?

I used to work with CPS in DC. If the report is not substantiated, the name of the alleged maltreater does not going on the child protection registry. It will stay on record with CPS, such that if another report about the same alleged maltreater or alleged victim comes in, the unsubstantiated report will be part of the history of the current report.

If the report is substantiated or inconclusive, the name of the alleged maltreater will go on the child protection registry. There is a procedure by which the alleged maltreater can appeal that determination called a fair hearing in which they show up, present the reason that they believe the determination was incorrect, and then a decision is made.

CPS has the authority to investigate child abuse claims. That they requested the Police get involved suggests they were trying to pin felony child abuse on you and ultimately terminate your parental rights.

If the police believed you committed a crime they should have obtained an arrest or search warrant before coming to your door to investigate this crime.

The Fourth Amendment gives everyone the right to privacy in their own homes. Police only have the authority invade your privacy with that warrant, or unless you let them into you home "to see that your family is just fine"

Next time don't open the door when you hear the police identify themselves. Ask the police if they have a search warrant or arrest warrant for the child abuse crime they are attempting to pin on you. If they don't have a warrant, then tell them to come back when they do. And tell them you prefer to speak with them when your minor children are not around. Record the entire interaction via audio or video.


Know that what has happened to you happens to many people every day. That is, every day Police erroneously contact the wrong person they are attempting to find. Police sometimes even kill the wrong people, and Police usually have no consequences for these errors as they claim immunity.


Know that many people also get their parental rights terminated too here in the DC MD VA areas. What you think is insignificant slaps or emotional abuse, a Judge may think it's a good reason for you to lose your parenting duties. Search "Social Services" at the VA & MD Links below and read the stories of parents that got their parental rights terminated and had to beg the court of appeals reinstated those rights.
http://www.courts.state.va.us/wpcap.htm
https://mdcourts.gov/opinions/opinions

As a parent you have a right to put your child in counseling or keep them out. If your child has anger issue that you can't control, he and you should be getting help _ whether it's from a Professional or a friend or a family or a book on the topic of anger management for children & Parents.

Everything you want to know about Child Abuse Laws in Washington DC Maryland or Virginia can be found at

https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/state/

So what happens if allegations are deemed unfounded?

I was told that there will be a record of an unfounded report as well, no?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for “coaching” the kid, I told him I begged to differ. What if I called police on him every time he tried to hit me or yelled or cursed? Also, there are serious things happening to kids and authorities need to come and check that it wasn’t the case. Which is why they came, and they woujd have taken him away if the situation was serious.

I am still on the verge about whether to talk to the counselor about CPS. I want her to know that there will be serious repercussions for me, like I won’t be able to work with children. And that it was a lot of stress for both of us.

Children are not just like typical adults. Their bodies are different, their level of vulnerability to abuse is extraordinarily higher, and the legal requirements for reporting suspected abuse are very different.

You are being too literal.
Look, I could abuse him by denying fun or not talking to him or buying clothes he hates. There are so many ways to morally abuse. Yet, losing it and slapping is seen as something much worse. What a joke!

You don't see the difference between denying him fun and hitting him in the head, and you think it's a joke?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for “coaching” the kid, I told him I begged to differ. What if I called police on him every time he tried to hit me or yelled or cursed? Also, there are serious things happening to kids and authorities need to come and check that it wasn’t the case. Which is why they came, and they woujd have taken him away if the situation was serious.

I am still on the verge about whether to talk to the counselor about CPS. I want her to know that there will be serious repercussions for me, like I won’t be able to work with children. And that it was a lot of stress for both of us.

Wait -- are you saying that because there was a report immediately deemed at first investigation to not substantiate abuse, because of that you will never be able to work with children?

Either you are sorely misinformed, or there is history (or details) not shared yet here.

Exactly so.
Once a case is opened with cps, it will be on record with cps. No matter the outcome. It will not come up in general background checks. Yet, if there is a court order to disclose, CPS will do it. Also, it comes up at specific background checks for jobs like teacher or even volunteering with kids without a certified adult present. This is what the cps person has told me, and it is consistent with what I was able to google. I repeat: no matter the outcome of the cps case. Maybe you will be able to persuade your prospective employer that it was nothing, but they will know it happened.
So, buyer beware.

Each state as a registry where if a report is deemed founded the parent's name goes on that registry and can come up in certain background checks. Without saying that OP should have to worry it is helpful to know a couple of things:

If an investigation is "founded" there may or may not be a legal proceeding as well. If there is a legal proceeding (family/juvenile court) winning that proceeding will NOT remove your name from the registry--that is a separate administrative matter. So you would also have to appeal that determination separately to try to get it reversed and your name off that list. If you are also in court and have a PD, in most jurisdictions the PD is not going to be involved in that part at all, it is on you.

Records of the investigation remain with the agency until purged (when child reaches 18 I think they have to have a policy regarding retaining/purging records) but those records would not be disclosed during background checks (could be disclosed in a court proceeding if ordered). The only thing that would ever be disclosed potentially would be an actual founded allegation (which would probably not be specific).

Also jurisdictions vary in procedures for later removal from list (in some there are no procedures, you are on it for life). New York State had to open up a whole lot of admin appeals for people on registry--thousands, we're talking--because people had not been informed of their rights or procedures for this.

None of that is equivalent to someone never being able to work with children. At most, you would have to answer questions, and if it is as totally straightforward and isolated an even as OP presents, that will not be a problem.

I work in a background-sensitive field, and with children at a high degree of certification, and I have colleagues who have had malicious CPS reports filed on them. They were immediately cleared, and at most they have to address the questions that might arise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for “coaching” the kid, I told him I begged to differ. What if I called police on him every time he tried to hit me or yelled or cursed? Also, there are serious things happening to kids and authorities need to come and check that it wasn’t the case. Which is why they came, and they woujd have taken him away if the situation was serious.

I am still on the verge about whether to talk to the counselor about CPS. I want her to know that there will be serious repercussions for me, like I won’t be able to work with children. And that it was a lot of stress for both of us.

Children are not just like typical adults. Their bodies are different, their level of vulnerability to abuse is extraordinarily higher, and the legal requirements for reporting suspected abuse are very different.

You are being too literal.
Look, I could abuse him by denying fun or not talking to him or buying clothes he hates. There are so many ways to morally abuse. Yet, losing it and slapping is seen as something much worse. What a joke!

Hitting your child is demoralizing. STOP IT.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for “coaching” the kid, I told him I begged to differ. What if I called police on him every time he tried to hit me or yelled or cursed? Also, there are serious things happening to kids and authorities need to come and check that it wasn’t the case. Which is why they came, and they woujd have taken him away if the situation was serious.

I am still on the verge about whether to talk to the counselor about CPS. I want her to know that there will be serious repercussions for me, like I won’t be able to work with children. And that it was a lot of stress for both of us.

Wait -- are you saying that because there was a report immediately deemed at first investigation to not substantiate abuse, because of that you will never be able to work with children?

Either you are sorely misinformed, or there is history (or details) not shared yet here.

Exactly so.
Once a case is opened with cps, it will be on record with cps. No matter the outcome. It will not come up in general background checks. Yet, if there is a court order to disclose, CPS will do it. Also, it comes up at specific background checks for jobs like teacher or even volunteering with kids without a certified adult present. This is what the cps person has told me, and it is consistent with what I was able to google. I repeat: no matter the outcome of the cps case. Maybe you will be able to persuade your prospective employer that it was nothing, but they will know it happened.
So, buyer beware.

Each state as a registry where if a report is deemed founded the parent's name goes on that registry and can come up in certain background checks. Without saying that OP should have to worry it is helpful to know a couple of things:

If an investigation is "founded" there may or may not be a legal proceeding as well. If there is a legal proceeding (family/juvenile court) winning that proceeding will NOT remove your name from the registry--that is a separate administrative matter. So you would also have to appeal that determination separately to try to get it reversed and your name off that list. If you are also in court and have a PD, in most jurisdictions the PD is not going to be involved in that part at all, it is on you.

Records of the investigation remain with the agency until purged (when child reaches 18 I think they have to have a policy regarding retaining/purging records) but those records would not be disclosed during background checks (could be disclosed in a court proceeding if ordered). The only thing that would ever be disclosed potentially would be an actual founded allegation (which would probably not be specific).

Also jurisdictions vary in procedures for later removal from list (in some there are no procedures, you are on it for life). New York State had to open up a whole lot of admin appeals for people on registry--thousands, we're talking--because people had not been informed of their rights or procedures for this.