Anonymous wrote:My 17 DD is gorgeous and brilliant and has not really had a boyfriend. I think she intimidates the boys. I look forward to her meeting some more confident boys in college. Also I believe she is not into sex or drugs/drinking which impacts her popularity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread may win out for the biggest dumpster fire on DCUM this year.

1) OP isn't trying to set her DD up with anyone. Nor trying to pressure her to do anything. OP is just expressing that her DD is sad because boys don't like her. I'm sure that a million pages of diaries across the globe (and time) reflect a similar lament from a variety of teens (attractive and not). Her kid is sad; she would like to help. DCUM reaction: what a terrible mother.

2) What bizzaro world have we slipped into that apparently nobody's kids have even considered the concept of dating? I don't think the underlying biological principles have changed in the not quite two decades, since I was in Junior High. I assure you, your 14 year old boy has thought about girls (or boys or gender non-conforming individuals as the appropriate case maybe). And yeah, they probably are more interested in Fortnite or there rec team, because they are probably clueless (and anxious) about what to do if they actually were trying to engage in some relationship activity (asking for a date, first kiss, etc.). Have you forgotten the horrible torture of 14? Quick recap- AAAH, where do my hands go? Wait, why my palms wet? OH GOD OH GOD. Are you talking to me? LIPS. And we're back. Sure, some kids didn't date because of parents or lack of interest. But the vast, vast majority of people had at least some awkward crushes. Maybe that meant that you "dated" or "went out" with somebody, but even then very few of those relationships involved actual dates. Where I lived that I would have required organizing transportation, and most of kids would have rather died (in the parlance of the time) than talk with parents about a crush. Have schools in this area really stopped holding dances for the under high school set?

3) Why all the finger-wagging about liking boys (or girls) prior to being accepted to an elite graduate school program? I know that DCUM is all about ribbon and trophy collecting, but are you really saying that kids need to train so hard for swim team, marching band, choir, model UN, whatever, that they can't hold hands at the movies or sway slightly (on or off the beat according to their musical ability) to a slow song once every three months? Is there no room for anything that doesn't appear on a college transcript or a professional bio? (Ms. Smith is married to Roger, her husband of 14 years. They have 2.5 children and a lovely golden doodle rescue.) I'm not saying that anyone should push for a kid to date, but it seems like nature does a decent job of letting folks know when they're ready for this particular extracurricular activity. And that parents role shouldn't be to shame them because they are too young (or because they want grandchildren), but rather to help keep the raft off the rocks by teaching them about things like consent, safety, etc.

4) To the middle school teacher that feels free to generalize about kids future based upon thier 8th grade love lives- I went on my last first date at 15. Our college and graduate degrees are from schools in different states and that are from places that soothe even DCUM-level class anxiety. Dating earlier doesn't mean that you are bound to become a fry cook, any more than dating late means that you are going to be successful and happy.

Having crushes, worrying no one will like you, writing in your journal about your woes - all normal for 14.

Having your mom also concerned that no one will like you, having your mom focused on your appearance and how boys should like her just because she is pretty, and having a mom who wants her to be with boys at 14 so she feels validated for her looks - not normal. Mom seems to be in the same head space as the 14 year old.

Parents role should be to normalize that stress and encourage daughter to build self confidence for herself - not to get it from boys who will tell her she is pretty. It is absolutely fine to be 14 and to not have a boyfriend. It is fine for boys to not like her in that way. Nothing needs to be fixed about this situation. OP just needs to normalize this for her daughter rather than seeing this as a situation to fix.

Anonymous wrote:To the long pp above.

Kids of 14 may or may not have crushes and/or “date”. When your DD comes to you about this as an issue, the best response at this age is to sympathize sure but to guide her away from focusing on her single status and to build up her self esteem. Do not wallow with her and certainly don’t let her think that there is anything missing in her life.

The kid’s behavior seems totally normal. The Mom’s response seems over the top to me and not conducive in the long run to building a healthy view of herself.

Anonymous wrote:This thread may win out for the biggest dumpster fire on DCUM this year.

1) OP isn't trying to set her DD up with anyone. Nor trying to pressure her to do anything. OP is just expressing that her DD is sad because boys don't like her. I'm sure that a million pages of diaries across the globe (and time) reflect a similar lament from a variety of teens (attractive and not). Her kid is sad; she would like to help. DCUM reaction: what a terrible mother.

2) What bizzaro world have we slipped into that apparently nobody's kids have even considered the concept of dating? I don't think the underlying biological principles have changed in the not quite two decades, since I was in Junior High. I assure you, your 14 year old boy has thought about girls (or boys or gender non-conforming individuals as the appropriate case maybe). And yeah, they probably are more interested in Fortnite or there rec team, because they are probably clueless (and anxious) about what to do if they actually were trying to engage in some relationship activity (asking for a date, first kiss, etc.). Have you forgotten the horrible torture of 14? Quick recap- AAAH, where do my hands go? Wait, why my palms wet? OH GOD OH GOD. Are you talking to me? LIPS. And we're back. Sure, some kids didn't date because of parents or lack of interest. But the vast, vast majority of people had at least some awkward crushes. Maybe that meant that you "dated" or "went out" with somebody, but even then very few of those relationships involved actual dates. Where I lived that I would have required organizing transportation, and most of kids would have rather died (in the parlance of the time) than talk with parents about a crush. Have schools in this area really stopped holding dances for the under high school set?

3) Why all the finger-wagging about liking boys (or girls) prior to being accepted to an elite graduate school program? I know that DCUM is all about ribbon and trophy collecting, but are you really saying that kids need to train so hard for swim team, marching band, choir, model UN, whatever, that they can't hold hands at the movies or sway slightly (on or off the beat according to their musical ability) to a slow song once every three months? Is there no room for anything that doesn't appear on a college transcript or a professional bio? (Ms. Smith is married to Roger, her husband of 14 years. They have 2.5 children and a lovely golden doodle rescue.) I'm not saying that anyone should push for a kid to date, but it seems like nature does a decent job of letting folks know when they're ready for this particular extracurricular activity. And that parents role shouldn't be to shame them because they are too young (or because they want grandchildren), but rather to help keep the raft off the rocks by teaching them about things like consent, safety, etc.

4) To the middle school teacher that feels free to generalize about kids future based upon thier 8th grade love lives- I went on my last first date at 15. Our college and graduate degrees are from schools in different states and that are from places that soothe even DCUM-level class anxiety. Dating earlier doesn't mean that you are bound to become a fry cook, any more than dating late means that you are going to be successful and happy.

Anonymous wrote:This thread may win out for the biggest dumpster fire on DCUM this year.

1) OP isn't trying to set her DD up with anyone. Nor trying to pressure her to do anything. OP is just expressing that her DD is sad because boys don't like her. I'm sure that a million pages of diaries across the globe (and time) reflect a similar lament from a variety of teens (attractive and not). Her kid is sad; she would like to help. DCUM reaction: what a terrible mother.

2) What bizzaro world have we slipped into that apparently nobody's kids have even considered the concept of dating? I don't think the underlying biological principles have changed in the not quite two decades, since I was in Junior High. I assure you, your 14 year old boy has thought about girls (or boys or gender non-conforming individuals as the appropriate case maybe). And yeah, they probably are more interested in Fortnite or there rec team, because they are probably clueless (and anxious) about what to do if they actually were trying to engage in some relationship activity (asking for a date, first kiss, etc.). Have you forgotten the horrible torture of 14? Quick recap- AAAH, where do my hands go? Wait, why my palms wet? OH GOD OH GOD. Are you talking to me? LIPS. And we're back. Sure, some kids didn't date because of parents or lack of interest. But the vast, vast majority of people had at least some awkward crushes. Maybe that meant that you "dated" or "went out" with somebody, but even then very few of those relationships involved actual dates. Where I lived that I would have required organizing transportation, and most of kids would have rather died (in the parlance of the time) than talk with parents about a crush. Have schools in this area really stopped holding dances for the under high school set?

3) Why all the finger-wagging about liking boys (or girls) prior to being accepted to an elite graduate school program? I know that DCUM is all about ribbon and trophy collecting, but are you really saying that kids need to train so hard for swim team, marching band, choir, model UN, whatever, that they can't hold hands at the movies or sway slightly (on or off the beat according to their musical ability) to a slow song once every three months? Is there no room for anything that doesn't appear on a college transcript or a professional bio? (Ms. Smith is married to Roger, her husband of 14 years. They have 2.5 children and a lovely golden doodle rescue.) I'm not saying that anyone should push for a kid to date, but it seems like nature does a decent job of letting folks know when they're ready for this particular extracurricular activity. And that parents role shouldn't be to shame them because they are too young (or because they want grandchildren), but rather to help keep the raft off the rocks by teaching them about things like consent, safety, etc.

4) To the middle school teacher that feels free to generalize about kids future based upon thier 8th grade love lives- I went on my last first date at 15. Our college and graduate degrees are from schools in different states and that are from places that soothe even DCUM-level class anxiety. Dating earlier doesn't mean that you are bound to become a fry cook, any more than dating late means that you are going to be successful and happy.

Anonymous wrote:I was a girl who didn't get a lot of attention until my early 20's. It was painful.
At the same time, 14 year olds really have no business dating. At all. So be glad you don't have to tell her that, no, she cannot go out with so and so. Better for her to wait to date until she's closer to 16. 14 is still a baby. And yes, I have a 14 year old daughter.

Anonymous wrote:This thread may win out for the biggest dumpster fire on DCUM this year.

1) OP isn't trying to set her DD up with anyone. Nor trying to pressure her to do anything. OP is just expressing that her DD is sad because boys don't like her. I'm sure that a million pages of diaries across the globe (and time) reflect a similar lament from a variety of teens (attractive and not). Her kid is sad; she would like to help. DCUM reaction: what a terrible mother.

2) What bizzaro world have we slipped into that apparently nobody's kids have even considered the concept of dating? I don't think the underlying biological principles have changed in the not quite two decades, since I was in Junior High. I assure you, your 14 year old boy has thought about girls (or boys or gender non-conforming individuals as the appropriate case maybe). And yeah, they probably are more interested in Fortnite or there rec team, because they are probably clueless (and anxious) about what to do if they actually were trying to engage in some relationship activity (asking for a date, first kiss, etc.). Have you forgotten the horrible torture of 14? Quick recap- AAAH, where do my hands go? Wait, why my palms wet? OH GOD OH GOD. Are you talking to me? LIPS. And we're back. Sure, some kids didn't date because of parents or lack of interest. But the vast, vast majority of people had at least some awkward crushes. Maybe that meant that you "dated" or "went out" with somebody, but even then very few of those relationships involved actual dates. Where I lived that I would have required organizing transportation, and most of kids would have rather died (in the parlance of the time) than talk with parents about a crush. Have schools in this area really stopped holding dances for the under high school set?

3) Why all the finger-wagging about liking boys (or girls) prior to being accepted to an elite graduate school program? I know that DCUM is all about ribbon and trophy collecting, but are you really saying that kids need to train so hard for swim team, marching band, choir, model UN, whatever, that they can't hold hands at the movies or sway slightly (on or off the beat according to their musical ability) to a slow song once every three months? Is there no room for anything that doesn't appear on a college transcript or a professional bio? (Ms. Smith is married to Roger, her husband of 14 years. They have 2.5 children and a lovely golden doodle rescue.) I'm not saying that anyone should push for a kid to date, but it seems like nature does a decent job of letting folks know when they're ready for this particular extracurricular activity. And that parents role shouldn't be to shame them because they are too young (or because they want grandchildren), but rather to help keep the raft off the rocks by teaching them about things like consent, safety, etc.

4) To the middle school teacher that feels free to generalize about kids future based upon thier 8th grade love lives- I went on my last first date at 15. Our college and graduate degrees are from schools in different states and that are from places that soothe even DCUM-level class anxiety. Dating earlier doesn't mean that you are bound to become a fry cook, any more than dating late means that you are going to be successful and happy.