Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally true but that's because the daughter/mother/parents relationship is often closer than son/parents. My dh is close with his family and they are lovely. We try to be fair but everyone recognizes that my mother and parents spend more time with their grandkid because I know them better and trust their parenting more. We really try to be fair but it just is. I have seen the opposite though.

What a Smug selfish point of view. *you* know them better and *you* trust them more. Does your husband’s knowledge of and trust in his parents enter into your little equation at all?

Based on what an ineffective, unobservant, and reactive parent my husband is, I have all the knowledge and trust I need on that side of the family.

No, my parents fly over to my brother's family of 5 two to three times a year, Skype and talk to them all most weekends, and we all meet back home once a summer or Xmas.

Same for us, I am the daughter.

My brothers makes an effort to stay in touch with them and me; I make the same effort, and my parents make the same effort. Everyone behaves like adults.

Yes my SIL is super close to her mom, not mine (who is her MIL) but there is no big different between quality or quality of engagements.
And yes, I am not super close to my MIL. They live far away, and are a quiet family. I take my husbands cues on how much to talk, or what to disclose, or whereto to voice opinions on things or not. He and they are people of few words, so now I am too around them. It was getting exhausting leading all the meal conversations the first couple visits.

Anonymous wrote:In our case, yes. Although I feel partially responsible. DH parents are very formal and into formula feeding, but I BF DD. They were very uncomfortable with this and I didn't like being relegated to the bedroom for half an hour every two hours when she was first born. My family is not formal and I felt comfortable BF whenever, so we saw them a lot more. I don't know why but this set the tone. My mother is much closer to DD even though she lives a flight away.

I will also say that I grew up in a child-centered home and we are raising DD in a child centered way. DH parent's are the center, and expect toddler DD to sit through 2 hour dinners etc and be in the background, so we don't spend as much time with them because it just isn't as pleasant.

And yes, that is also on DH, who does not want to spend time with his parents because it's a giant hassle to be around people who expect life to continue as though a baby isn't there.

So you’re teaching your kids that the world revolves around them? Bad idea.

Mothers and daughters are much closer than mothers and DIL’s. That sets the tone for everything.

In our case, yes. Although I feel partially responsible. DH parents are very formal and into formula feeding, but I BF DD. They were very uncomfortable with this and I didn't like being relegated to the bedroom for half an hour every two hours when she was first born. My family is not formal and I felt comfortable BF whenever, so we saw them a lot more. I don't know why but this set the tone. My mother is much closer to DD even though she lives a flight away.

I will also say that I grew up in a child-centered home and we are raising DD in a child centered way. DH parent's are the center, and expect toddler DD to sit through 2 hour dinners etc and be in the background, so we don't spend as much time with them because it just isn't as pleasant.

And yes, that is also on DH, who does not want to spend time with his parents because it's a giant hassle to be around people who expect life to continue as though a baby isn't there.