Both men suck and let's not pretend the OP is a good person. Totally doing it to show off.
The relationship is totally done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reviving this thread to say that this is exactly what toxic masculinity looks like.

“I’ll stick my head in the sand and pretend I don’t know where money is coming from and then go off on friends who helped us out because I feel weak” BS.

I think OP's fiancé came off even worse. At least Mike has the excuse of being blindsided with a huge hit to his pride, but the fiancé took the opportunity to make it hurt a little more. Who does that? I wouldn't expect expressions of gratitude from people who are desperate enough to need my help. They already feel the loss of dignity, and my ego doesn't need a pat on the head.

Right but it seems like everyone was cool and op was trying to put the topic to rest by saying “enjoy it” to Anna. Mike decided to pipe up and make personal remarks about their possible inability to have kids. At that point it’s no longer about his ego, he is being personal. Mike deserved to get punched in the mouth, a verbal lashing is the least of his worries.

Anonymous wrote:Reviving this thread to say that this is exactly what toxic masculinity looks like.

“I’ll stick my head in the sand and pretend I don’t know where money is coming from and then go off on friends who helped us out because I feel weak” BS.

Excellent work integrating talking points into your post!

Anonymous wrote:Reviving this thread to say that this is exactly what toxic masculinity looks like.

“I’ll stick my head in the sand and pretend I don’t know where money is coming from and then go off on friends who helped us out because I feel weak” BS.

I think OP's fiancé came off even worse. At least Mike has the excuse of being blindsided with a huge hit to his pride, but the fiancé took the opportunity to make it hurt a little more. Who does that? I wouldn't expect expressions of gratitude from people who are desperate enough to need my help. They already feel the loss of dignity, and my ego doesn't need a pat on the head.

The men need to get out of the friendship. Keep it to you and Anna now. You can treat her to things but neither of you should mention it to the men who clearly can't be mature/sensitive enough to understand the emotions involved. Maybe Mike needs to do without for a bit (like not having a car) to give him some push to level up.

Talk to Anna and tell her you understand where her husband was coming from and this will hopefully be a springboard to having them look more at what their potential can be. Tell her you'll always be a listening ear and you have her back. That's all.

Mike is way out of line. He should have directed his ire toward his wife, b/c that's fundamentally where he has legit beef, that she goes behind his back and discusses their financial troubles with you. Anna betrayed his trust and he should be upset, but to take it out on you and your fiance is unforgivable.

If anyone in this foursome bears the most blame it's Anna.

Reviving this thread to say that this is exactly what toxic masculinity looks like.

“I’ll stick my head in the sand and pretend I don’t know where money is coming from and then go off on friends who helped us out because I feel weak” BS.