Anonymous wrote:It obviously depends on how much the men make. When I was dating in NYC, I dated mostly finance types who all made well over 500k in their late twenties and early thirties.

None of them cared what their dates did for a living and most of them seemed to assume their wives would stop working after they had babies.

well that's depressing

It obviously depends on how much the men make. When I was dating in NYC, I dated mostly finance types who all made well over 500k in their late twenties and early thirties.

None of them cared what their dates did for a living and most of them seemed to assume their wives would stop working after they had babies.

NP - I didn't care about it when I was in my early 20's when hotness and sex were my only interests. Once I began to think about my future I added intelligence and ambition to hotness and sex so that a woman's job and career became very important. While it narrowed the playing field it's worked out well. While my DH isn't hot, she is beautiful, successful and smart as a whip plus the sex is great. We are soon to have our third child and she is thinking hard about her work/life balance. She has invested a lot in her career and has great potential and I'd love to see her stick with it but her mom genes are very powerful.

My DH was a big supporter of my career and for years I was making a lot of money $300-400k. But the hours and travel were tough with 3 kids and the work wasn't fulfilling. All along my DH said that whatever I wanted to do he would support (work, SAH, whatever) so I took a job with a local non profit where I earned about 15% of what I had been making and I loved it. I was happier which made him happier. When we became empty nesters I decided to go back to school to get a design degree and then I started my own business. So I've had a very crazy career but each step of the way my DH has been all in. It's been great having that support.

Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks I have good looks but what truly attracted him is that we are intellectually equal. He makes 400k+ and I make 140k, I bring benefits and security ( I work for Local government), he brings money but we need to hedge our bets as he works as an independent consultant. He always says that the fact that I have a relatively secure job makes him sleep well at night.

Actually lots of dual income couples we know feel this way. I guess it doesn’t matter at the lower level and 1mil+ crowd but for the in between segment dual earnings are game changers for lifestyle and security.

So he picked you because of your earning power? Did he talk about your job/career on the first date?

My DH thinks I have good looks but what truly attracted him is that we are intellectually equal. He makes 400k+ and I make 140k, I bring benefits and security ( I work for Local government), he brings money but we need to hedge our bets as he works as an independent consultant. He always says that the fact that I have a relatively secure job makes him sleep well at night.

Actually lots of dual income couples we know feel this way. I guess it doesn’t matter at the lower level and 1mil+ crowd but for the in between segment dual earnings are game changers for lifestyle and security.

I have asked my DH this question and he says it doesn't matter BUT in practice he has married 2 smart women with advanced degrees and careers. He dated across the range. So I think he loves an intellectual equal. I also think he would not care at all if I quit my job. I would still be the same person

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend from law school married a woman who had a job but not a career and she made it clear she wanted to quit and have kids. So she did and he complains that she's boring and dumb and he wishes he had cared more about her job beforehand. So yeah, I think some guys do care because they don't want a dumb, unambitious wife who only wants to talk about what's on Bravo. Other men don't care because they're never home anyway.

— signed

Bitter, Ugly, Jealous Woman

Not all women would be boring/dumb/Bravo without job.

Anonymous wrote:My good friend from law school married a woman who had a job but not a career and she made it clear she wanted to quit and have kids. So she did and he complains that she's boring and dumb and he wishes he had cared more about her job beforehand. So yeah, I think some guys do care because they don't want a dumb, unambitious wife who only wants to talk about what's on Bravo. Other men don't care because they're never home anyway.

— signed

Bitter, Ugly, Jealous Woman

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, men prefer to marry someone of similar or slightly less prestigious education background. Intelligence matters.

And, they want a woman with a career when they meet, because otherwise the woman just seems boring.

But, the moment they have children, the man only prefers she keep her job if he feels they need the money. I know not a single (male) big law partner who PREFERS his spouse work. Once her income isn't necessary, many men prefer she contribute to the family by becoming a SAH parent / homemaker.

You’re extrapolating from the preferences of lawyers?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. You women are over thinking things. The only thing men care about is getting laid. Everything else is secondary.

Guy here. I am not impressed one way or another by a woman’s career. Don’t know any guys who are.

You have a limited circle of friends.

My good friend from law school married a woman who had a job but not a career and she made it clear she wanted to quit and have kids. So she did and he complains that she's boring and dumb and he wishes he had cared more about her job beforehand. So yeah, I think some guys do care because they don't want a dumb, unambitious wife who only wants to talk about what's on Bravo. Other men don't care because they're never home anyway.

Anonymous wrote:I care about it when I’m married to her, but not when I’m just trying to sleep with her.

+1.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. You women are over thinking things. The only thing men care about is getting laid. Everything else is secondary.

Clearly not my DH who is very pleased he has a wife who pays the whole mortgage with 1/4 of my paycheck.

I met my DW at her workplace. She was successful. When we found out she was pregnant it wasn’t even a question of her quitting, I asked why she waited so long to quit. Because yeah I wanted a trophy wife, a sophisticated one. My wife is total package, gorgeous, smart, sophisticated, domestic goddess. And she doesn’t have to pay a mortgage with a quarter of her pay check. We were smart and don’t have a mortgage. Getting laid was/is a priority.

Yes. This is what men want: a woman who has a successful career, but will drop it in order to support him and his career. Close second is the “stealth career” where she has a job, but still functions as a sahm.
I don’t know what to tell my little girls.

PP here she wanted to prioritize to being a mom. I supported that decision. Kid benefits, she benefits from having less stress, no resentment from her toward me due to stress. She proved to her self that she could be successful in a corporate environment at a young age, without sleeping her way to
the top. She wanted to be a SAHM, I didn’t tell her she needed to be one. If couple can make it work, I don’t understand what is wrong with being a SAHM that draws so much negativity here.

How is she a weaker woman because that is what she chose to do?

No. I don’t blame her at all or think she is weak. I blame you. Over and over again I see men not take any responsibility for their wives making the “choice” to SAH. When she said that she wanted to quit, did you offer to cut back significantly at work or work part time, move near her parents so she would have help, look for an amazing housekeeper and nanny and help manage them, find a job where you would be home by 5pm every day, or did you just play lip service to this “choice” to SAH?

You’re being disengenuous. It’s socially far less acceptable for a man to be a sahd or sacrifice his career. Men are expected to be breadwinners.

In my experience, men prefer to marry someone of similar or slightly less prestigious education background. Intelligence matters.

And, they want a woman with a career when they meet, because otherwise the woman just seems boring.

But, the moment they have children, the man only prefers she keep her job if he feels they need the money. I know not a single (male) big law partner who PREFERS his spouse work. Once her income isn't necessary, many men prefer she contribute to the family by becoming a SAH parent / homemaker.