Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Once again the issue is not choosing a different way to go about things. It's not being up front about that so a family member can decide whether or not they want to forgo the holiday dinner they've been looking forward to all year.

If you're not a fan of Thanksgiving and you're not going to serve the regulars then why on earth are you hosting?

It honestly sounds like you're privately happy about pulling a bait and switch on them to give them a spiel about the untold problematic aspects of Thanksgiving. And if they're generally nice and polite people then that's just a di@k move.

I say that as a very liberal and progressive person. You don't have to ruin people's holidays by springing surprises on them in order to spread awareness.

Keep seeing this. Seriously. Are there really people who are waiting a whole year to eat turkey and mashed potatoes??? If they like the meal so much what prevents people from making these dishes other times, not wait 364 days?? I don't get it. Honestly, I don't get this holiday in general, but the whole "waiting for a whole year" for this meal is beyond me. I always thought it was about spending quality time with the family. But what do I know, I am an immigrant, who has been living here for 17 years, still not get it.

I agree... cook it for yourself another day, it's not even that good!

I just want to vent about "low key holidays". My inlaws have an extremely laid back, low key Christmas. They serve snacks and appetizers and have an open house for everyone to visit from 7-1am. They love it because all their friends come and drink. Their parents and siblings/cousins no longer come because they are with family. I feel like I'm held hostage by their stupid laid back holiday. I want a real meal. I want to be surrounded by family, not their friends. I don't get why they can't have their friends party the weekend before Christmas like everyone else. I want my kids to have fond memories of Christmas Eve and I want it to be about them. Instead we put them to bed before it even starts. Everyone is hung over on Christmas and no food appears all day (hence their low key holiday). We open presents around noon after dh's siblings wake. My kids are hungry and want to open presents. I want to stay home if they aren't making a big deal about Christmas or letting kids open presents at the crack of dawn. I want an over the top amazing holiday. I hate how dh goes along with it every year. I feel like my kids are short changed. Oh yeah and we all sleep on the floor.

Yep I get it. I'm an evil DIL and a doormat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Once again the issue is not choosing a different way to go about things. It's not being up front about that so a family member can decide whether or not they want to forgo the holiday dinner they've been looking forward to all year.

If you're not a fan of Thanksgiving and you're not going to serve the regulars then why on earth are you hosting?

It honestly sounds like you're privately happy about pulling a bait and switch on them to give them a spiel about the untold problematic aspects of Thanksgiving. And if they're generally nice and polite people then that's just a di@k move.

I say that as a very liberal and progressive person. You don't have to ruin people's holidays by springing surprises on them in order to spread awareness.

Keep seeing this. Seriously. Are there really people who are waiting a whole year to eat turkey and mashed potatoes??? If they like the meal so much what prevents people from making these dishes other times, not wait 364 days?? I don't get it. Honestly, I don't get this holiday in general, but the whole "waiting for a whole year" for this meal is beyond me. I always thought it was about spending quality time with the family. But what do I know, I am an immigrant, who has been living here for 17 years, still not get it.

So you don't get it, and that's fine.

That meal is a time capsule and a time-traveling machine. When I smell a turkey roasting, I am instantly transported to Muncie, Indiana, circa 1988, at my now-decesed and very-much-missed grandma's house. When I taste cranberry sauce, I am reminded of the jovial "war of cranberries" that my Mom (a boiled-berries-in-sugar purist) and my aunt (a canned aficianado) waged every year growing up. When I lift the lid off of dressing steaming in the crock pot, I am so proud that I am able to create these memories for my family, who tell me I make the BEST dressing.

Anonymous wrote:
Once again the issue is not choosing a different way to go about things. It's not being up front about that so a family member can decide whether or not they want to forgo the holiday dinner they've been looking forward to all year.

If you're not a fan of Thanksgiving and you're not going to serve the regulars then why on earth are you hosting?

It honestly sounds like you're privately happy about pulling a bait and switch on them to give them a spiel about the untold problematic aspects of Thanksgiving. And if they're generally nice and polite people then that's just a di@k move.

I say that as a very liberal and progressive person. You don't have to ruin people's holidays by springing surprises on them in order to spread awareness.

Keep seeing this. Seriously. Are there really people who are waiting a whole year to eat turkey and mashed potatoes??? If they like the meal so much what prevents people from making these dishes other times, not wait 364 days?? I don't get it. Honestly, I don't get this holiday in general, but the whole "waiting for a whole year" for this meal is beyond me. I always thought it was about spending quality time with the family. But what do I know, I am an immigrant, who has been living here for 17 years, still not get it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have much to complain about, but my ILs don’t seem to like my cooking or the local cuisine. They’ve barely eaten anything and apparently my MIL cried because she didn’t like her meal. Tomorrow should be interesting because everything I’m cooking is inspired by indigenous peoples’ food, so it’s definitely not the standard turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing.

how is this possible people are so weird

Did you read all the PP’s followups? She sounds truly insufferable and dreadful. I am guessing there is more to the story, such as having only food that OP approves of in the whole house, all of which may be semi-inedible for MIL. So MIL is probably starving and worn out from being lectured about how she isoppressing people.

Not true. Any and all food is allowed. I’ve asked them multiple times what food they’ve wanted and nobody says anything. I’m happy to pick up/make whatever they want, but it’s not until after I’m done cooking that my FIL says he hates sweet potatoes, or my MIL cried because she wanted nachos from a sports bar instead of from an actual Mexican place.

It’s not a big deal. I adore my ILs. I just had no idea until this visit that they hate my food.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t have much to complain about, but my ILs don’t seem to like my cooking or the local cuisine. They’ve barely eaten anything and apparently my MIL cried because she didn’t like her meal. Tomorrow should be interesting because everything I’m cooking is inspired by indigenous peoples’ food, so it’s definitely not the standard turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing. [/quote]

I never say that, but team MIL if that's what you're cooking tomorrow. It's fine to have that IN ADDITION TO the traditional turkey dinner, but if there aren't some of the standards, you suck. [/quote]

NP here. I totally disagree. You cook, you get to decide what to serve. The standards are boring anyway.[/quote]

Don't host Thanksgiving if you don't want to host Thanksgiving. Especially if you know that people will be disappointed, as surely OP knows her MIL will be. [/quote]

I really had no idea this would be an issue. I even asked ahead of time for requests and no one gave me any. And it’s not just thanksgiving dinner, everything else I’ve made has been an issue. The restaurants we go to have been an issue.

I don’t think they are intentionally trying to start drama, they’ve been very polite. I feel terrible because my MIL *cried* after dinner tonight. I feel terrible that they are hungry and don’t like my food or the restaurants we recommended. We just have very different tastes. [/quote]

You sound clueless. You didn’t get requests when you asked for special requests because they likely assumed you’d serve the basics. If you didn’t roast a turkey and serve potatoes and stuffing you owed it to your guests to let them know in advance what you would be serving, if it was untraditional. You were a bad host. [/quote]

+1. I notice how OP never came back to report how it went. A room full of disappointed guests is how it went. [/quote]

Nope, just been busy! It went well, no complaints, plenty of compliments, everyone ate a ton. Apparently when I cook weird stuff it’s acceptable, it’s when I try to do standard American food that nobody likes it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight, my supposedly Christian FIL started talking about how he got into a debate with his Jewish friend about the Old Testament, and how he found Jews "arrogant" for considering themselves the chosen people. Due to their arrogance, he could "kinda see where Hitler was coming from". I about strangled him at the dining room table.

If you didn't immediately challenge his words, ask him to leave your home (or leave the premesis of wherever you were yourself), you are complicit to his xenophobic and harmful comment. If you would stay silent through that comment, what WOUDL make you speak up?

I agree, and I did challenge him immediately and told him there was no place in my house for those sentiments. I wasn’t exaggerating that I felt full of rage. He recanted and apologized and said he didn’t mean to sound anti Semitic and that there was no justification for Hitler’s actions. I told him that his words were unacceptable and to really think about what he said. He apologized again this morning. I’m not fully convinced but he told his son he didn’t sleep last night so clearly he felt some remorse. But I don’t forget such things easily and never stay silent in such cases. I’m known as the family spitfire, but I think it’s what all decent people should do.

I'm Jewish and also my family's spitfire (and black sheep). Thank you for speaking up.

NP here. I just want to say that I used to think it was polite and respectful to stay silent when I didn't agree with people, but now I know that decent people need to carry the burden, speak up and challenge unacceptable speech whenever and wherever they hear it. It's not always easy for "nice girls" to do, but it is so important.

I’m the OP of this incident. Speaking on behalf of all natural spitfires, we are glad you joined us! I know it’s not easy, but thanks for doing the right thing. ?

Many years ago I had a GF whose parents were closet racists. One night at dinner her mother referred to AA'a as spear chuckers and I felt like I had entered the Twilight Zone. I dropped my fork, got up and walked out the door and never went back. The fact that my GF tolerated her parents behavior killed that relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight, my supposedly Christian FIL started talking about how he got into a debate with his Jewish friend about the Old Testament, and how he found Jews "arrogant" for considering themselves the chosen people. Due to their arrogance, he could "kinda see where Hitler was coming from". I about strangled him at the dining room table.

If you didn't immediately challenge his words, ask him to leave your home (or leave the premesis of wherever you were yourself), you are complicit to his xenophobic and harmful comment. If you would stay silent through that comment, what WOUDL make you speak up?

I agree, and I did challenge him immediately and told him there was no place in my house for those sentiments. I wasn’t exaggerating that I felt full of rage. He recanted and apologized and said he didn’t mean to sound anti Semitic and that there was no justification for Hitler’s actions. I told him that his words were unacceptable and to really think about what he said. He apologized again this morning. I’m not fully convinced but he told his son he didn’t sleep last night so clearly he felt some remorse. But I don’t forget such things easily and never stay silent in such cases. I’m known as the family spitfire, but I think it’s what all decent people should do.

I'm Jewish and also my family's spitfire (and black sheep). Thank you for speaking up.

NP here. I just want to say that I used to think it was polite and respectful to stay silent when I didn't agree with people, but now I know that decent people need to carry the burden, speak up and challenge unacceptable speech whenever and wherever they hear it. It's not always easy for "nice girls" to do, but it is so important.

I’m the OP of this incident. Speaking on behalf of all natural spitfires, we are glad you joined us! I know it’s not easy, but thanks for doing the right thing. ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight, my supposedly Christian FIL started talking about how he got into a debate with his Jewish friend about the Old Testament, and how he found Jews "arrogant" for considering themselves the chosen people. Due to their arrogance, he could "kinda see where Hitler was coming from". I about strangled him at the dining room table.

If you didn't immediately challenge his words, ask him to leave your home (or leave the premesis of wherever you were yourself), you are complicit to his xenophobic and harmful comment. If you would stay silent through that comment, what WOUDL make you speak up?

I agree, and I did challenge him immediately and told him there was no place in my house for those sentiments. I wasn’t exaggerating that I felt full of rage. He recanted and apologized and said he didn’t mean to sound anti Semitic and that there was no justification for Hitler’s actions. I told him that his words were unacceptable and to really think about what he said. He apologized again this morning. I’m not fully convinced but he told his son he didn’t sleep last night so clearly he felt some remorse. But I don’t forget such things easily and never stay silent in such cases. I’m known as the family spitfire, but I think it’s what all decent people should do.

I'm Jewish and also my family's spitfire (and black sheep). Thank you for speaking up.

It’s the least I can do. I even got upset with my DH for not shutting it down harder alongside me, but he said at first he didn’t want a big drama. Now he realizes that it’s necessary to deal with it as soon as it happens. He had a long talk with his dad after that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me vent about our DIL! Her three YO is overwhelmingly demanding and will scream until she gets her way. Her mother will just speak sweetly to her and give in. DIL will get upset when our son says it time for a time out - penalty box - or when my DH tells the little one to stop. After three days and nights of it I encouraged my son to head home a few hours early. Hopefully the child will grow out of it but if she continues to get her way why would she stop?

That three year old is every bit your son's child, too.

I agree and I told him so at the same time I requested that they head home early. But she's a SAHM and seems to rule the roost. He grew up with a time out/penalty box approach but seems to have a hard time getting her to support it. The really difficult part is that the child behaves the same way when around all of her little cousins and it creates major chaos. Thanksgiving dinner was a real treat! My DH finally asked that she be taken out of the dining room.

Who even cares? Did you not read the report on the impact on climate change that is going to destroy US? This is small potatoes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have much to complain about, but my ILs don’t seem to like my cooking or the local cuisine. They’ve barely eaten anything and apparently my MIL cried because she didn’t like her meal. Tomorrow should be interesting because everything I’m cooking is inspired by indigenous peoples’ food, so it’s definitely not the standard turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing.

how is this possible people are so weird

Did you read all the PP’s followups? She sounds truly insufferable and dreadful. I am guessing there is more to the story, such as having only food that OP approves of in the whole house, all of which may be semi-inedible for MIL. So MIL is probably starving and worn out from being lectured about how she isoppressing people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight, my supposedly Christian FIL started talking about how he got into a debate with his Jewish friend about the Old Testament, and how he found Jews "arrogant" for considering themselves the chosen people. Due to their arrogance, he could "kinda see where Hitler was coming from". I about strangled him at the dining room table.

If you didn't immediately challenge his words, ask him to leave your home (or leave the premesis of wherever you were yourself), you are complicit to his xenophobic and harmful comment. If you would stay silent through that comment, what WOUDL make you speak up?

I agree, and I did challenge him immediately and told him there was no place in my house for those sentiments. I wasn’t exaggerating that I felt full of rage. He recanted and apologized and said he didn’t mean to sound anti Semitic and that there was no justification for Hitler’s actions. I told him that his words were unacceptable and to really think about what he said. He apologized again this morning. I’m not fully convinced but he told his son he didn’t sleep last night so clearly he felt some remorse. But I don’t forget such things easily and never stay silent in such cases. I’m known as the family spitfire, but I think it’s what all decent people should do.

I'm Jewish and also my family's spitfire (and black sheep). Thank you for speaking up.

NP here. I just want to say that I used to think it was polite and respectful to stay silent when I didn't agree with people, but now I know that decent people need to carry the burden, speak up and challenge unacceptable speech whenever and wherever they hear it. It's not always easy for "nice girls" to do, but it is so important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These bitches HOVER in my kitchen as I am trying to finish dinner prep. And yes, I provide plenty and serve apps. You would think they were raised in a barn.

Mine do this too. It drives me crazy!

Mine are seriously like cats. The second they get any sense that I am starting to prepare food, they literally gather around my kitchen island and STAND THERE, watching me like a hawk, as I get the food ready. It is so effing irritating. And I promise, I do put out snacks and make it clear that people are free to help themselves to whatever, whenever. I even put out cocktails/apps IN THE OTHER ROOM to try to lure them away from the kitchen. But no! They stand there chewing crackers and cheese and staring at me as I'm getting dinner together. It is bizarre. Why do some people do this?!

Because they feel bad enjoying themselves while you work. My friends do this to me and I do it to them. It's nice because I can talk to them, and ask them to lend a hand when I need it. Or vice-versa if I'm at their house.

They don't offer to help. They just stand there and eat and drink wine and h-o-v-e-r. It is SO annoying. If it were really about them wanting to offer, they'd offer. If it were really about them wanting to talk to me, they could do so from the living room--open floor plan.

So, they don’t even talk with you? They just stand there and stare at you while you cook? That is weird.

It would make more sense if they were standing and chatting with you. Some people feel awkward sitting while other people are standing. I would love to have an island so other people could stand on the other side and chat with me while I’m preparing food.

It's more like they're chatting *with each other.* They don't really talk to me. It's like the conversation that most people would be having around apps and cocktails in the living room is happening around my kitchen island, in my face, as if they seriously cannot wait one more minute for the main meal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight, my supposedly Christian FIL started talking about how he got into a debate with his Jewish friend about the Old Testament, and how he found Jews "arrogant" for considering themselves the chosen people. Due to their arrogance, he could "kinda see where Hitler was coming from". I about strangled him at the dining room table.

If you didn't immediately challenge his words, ask him to leave your home (or leave the premesis of wherever you were yourself), you are complicit to his xenophobic and harmful comment. If you would stay silent through that comment, what WOUDL make you speak up?

I agree, and I did challenge him immediately and told him there was no place in my house for those sentiments. I wasn’t exaggerating that I felt full of rage. He recanted and apologized and said he didn’t mean to sound anti Semitic and that there was no justification for Hitler’s actions. I told him that his words were unacceptable and to really think about what he said. He apologized again this morning. I’m not fully convinced but he told his son he didn’t sleep last night so clearly he felt some remorse. But I don’t forget such things easily and never stay silent in such cases. I’m known as the family spitfire, but I think it’s what all decent people should do.

I'm glad to hear it, PP. Hope he thinks before he speaks in the future, and just generally thinks more.