Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:58     Subject: Re:reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:OP - just put an alarm on his phone for day, 11PM, to remind him to lock the door. If that also is ignored, yes, buy those auto locks.


OP here: I think this is what we will try. Thanks.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:57     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Nope. Just trying to say that I think everyone is a lot more scared by the world than the real risks justify. The relentless and obviously cynical media coverage of this caravan is a somewhat extreme example of the dynamic that contributes to this fear. Crime is at a fairly low ebb historically, but to hear people talk, you'd think the good old days were safer and we live in Troubled Times. Kids are probably safer than ever but people won't let them play unattended for fear that they'll get abducted or molested.

I don't really have a beef with locking doors. It doesn't take a lot of effort, it doesn't hurt anything, and it could possibly help even if the chances of a home invasion or burglary while you're home at night with a dog is really, really low. It sounds like OP was frustrated after the latest incident and has now cooled down and is looking into a technological solution. So that's all good. But I think her underlying fear would be much reduced if the local news didn't stoke fears about crime just because that gets people to buy papers and stay tuned through the ads.


This is OP - and up until I recently switched jobs I worked in media. I'm by and large not prone to scaremongering and I don't overvalue local news reports. I also think that locking your door when you live in a city - or not in a city! - is sort of safety basics 101. I also wear a seat belt, and eat vegetables. I don't keep blackout curtains up at all times to prevent would-be thieves from seeing what's inside our house, because that seems over the top. Hell, we don't even have an alarm (though I'd like to get one). But there are burglaries in our neighborhood - and I fail to see how locking the door at night is some INSANE safety precaution.


Nobody called it "INSANE," and "safety basics 101" is just a variation on "we should do it this way because we've always done it this way."

Eating vegetables is a great analogy though. You should definitely do it. Not eating vegetables carries some level of risk. But if your husband cooks a meal without vegetables, you're probably not going to get too upset about it. Even if he does it multiple times -- even though not eating vegetables is probably riskier than sleeping with your door unlocked with a dog in the house. But, if he just flat out refused to make vegetables for the family, that'd be a serious marital problem.


This is OP. You and my husband would have a lively conversation and I'm sure it would be great fun to play out actual risks of these various scenarios. Honestly, I just want the damn door locked is all. It doesn't seem a big ask. (And yes I'd like him to eat more vegetables as well. He grew up in a home where his parents didn't make him eat well, and didn't even make him wear a seatbelt. So, ya know - here we are. He's a great guy, just has some bad habits.)
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:40     Subject: Re:reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
say*
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:40     Subject: Re:reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
OP - just put an alarm on his phone for day, 11PM, to remind him to lock the door. If that also is ignored, yes, buy those auto locks.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 13:44     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Nope. Just trying to say that I think everyone is a lot more scared by the world than the real risks justify. The relentless and obviously cynical media coverage of this caravan is a somewhat extreme example of the dynamic that contributes to this fear. Crime is at a fairly low ebb historically, but to hear people talk, you'd think the good old days were safer and we live in Troubled Times. Kids are probably safer than ever but people won't let them play unattended for fear that they'll get abducted or molested.

I don't really have a beef with locking doors. It doesn't take a lot of effort, it doesn't hurt anything, and it could possibly help even if the chances of a home invasion or burglary while you're home at night with a dog is really, really low. It sounds like OP was frustrated after the latest incident and has now cooled down and is looking into a technological solution. So that's all good. But I think her underlying fear would be much reduced if the local news didn't stoke fears about crime just because that gets people to buy papers and stay tuned through the ads.


This is OP - and up until I recently switched jobs I worked in media. I'm by and large not prone to scaremongering and I don't overvalue local news reports. I also think that locking your door when you live in a city - or not in a city! - is sort of safety basics 101. I also wear a seat belt, and eat vegetables. I don't keep blackout curtains up at all times to prevent would-be thieves from seeing what's inside our house, because that seems over the top. Hell, we don't even have an alarm (though I'd like to get one). But there are burglaries in our neighborhood - and I fail to see how locking the door at night is some INSANE safety precaution.


Nobody called it "INSANE," and "safety basics 101" is just a variation on "we should do it this way because we've always done it this way."

Eating vegetables is a great analogy though. You should definitely do it. Not eating vegetables carries some level of risk. But if your husband cooks a meal without vegetables, you're probably not going to get too upset about it. Even if he does it multiple times -- even though not eating vegetables is probably riskier than sleeping with your door unlocked with a dog in the house. But, if he just flat out refused to make vegetables for the family, that'd be a serious marital problem.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 13:36     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:There are some types of doorknobs/locks where the default is locked, so they just always lock behind you. Seems like marital harmony would be worth the cost of replacing the doorknob (or even door, depending on what you've got currently). Of course, it might introduce new problems if your husband is forgetful enough that he starts locking himself out.


We replaced our lock with a coded deadbolt that locks automatically. We can se multiple codes to unlock it so the kids have one and parents have another. This means that if the kids tell someone else we can change theirs This has solved the problem of our kids forgetting to lock the door when they leave for school. This change cost less than $100 and seems like it would solve your current problem. If there is technology available then use it. Save the battles for something else.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 13:30     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:Schlage makes a programmable electronic lock. No key required, and it can be programmed to lock itself at certain times.


This is what we do. Our door automatically locks at 4:30 pm (when the kids come home with the nanny who would forget to lock the door), and at 10:30 when everyone was in for the night.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 13:16     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"I always keep the door locked" -- I always keep it locked even when I'm home. And I am a large, strong man.

I never keep the door locked if I"m home. When I go out, I sometimes don't even bother to lock it. I'm a smallish woman.

Seriously, it is just preferences.


This is like bragging that you run alone in the dark with headphones on.

Putting your faith in the benevolence of the universe is not much of a plan. Do you have smoke alarms? Do you buckle your seat belt? Do you avoid going to ATMs at midnight by yourself?


+1 We have a good friend (a very tall, strong man--I really don't think size has anything to do with this issue) who for some reason always leaves his car doors unlocked, even if the cars are parked outside. It's some sort of point of pride for him, I guess to show that he's not neurotic and afraid of being robbed. A few months ago, they came home to find that one their cars was missing. They found it three weeks later in some Big Box parking lot. A guy had been living in it. Hoping that he learned something from this (relatively) painless lesson.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 13:08     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Between anecdata from people who had bad things happen to them once and news programs trying to sell ads by emphasizing crime and mayhem, it's no wonder people feel scared all the time.
"Lock your doors, the Honduran migrant caravan is coming for you!"
"I knew a guy who's brother got robbed by a Honduran once. You really should lock your doors. And get a gun!"


I'm honestly confused by your post. Are you saying that locking your doors at night is equivalent to being a dirtbag Trump supporter?


Nope. Just trying to say that I think everyone is a lot more scared by the world than the real risks justify. The relentless and obviously cynical media coverage of this caravan is a somewhat extreme example of the dynamic that contributes to this fear. Crime is at a fairly low ebb historically, but to hear people talk, you'd think the good old days were safer and we live in Troubled Times. Kids are probably safer than ever but people won't let them play unattended for fear that they'll get abducted or molested.

I don't really have a beef with locking doors. It doesn't take a lot of effort, it doesn't hurt anything, and it could possibly help even if the chances of a home invasion or burglary while you're home at night with a dog is really, really low. It sounds like OP was frustrated after the latest incident and has now cooled down and is looking into a technological solution. So that's all good. But I think her underlying fear would be much reduced if the local news didn't stoke fears about crime just because that gets people to buy papers and stay tuned through the ads.


This is OP - and up until I recently switched jobs I worked in media. I'm by and large not prone to scaremongering and I don't overvalue local news reports. I also think that locking your door when you live in a city - or not in a city! - is sort of safety basics 101. I also wear a seat belt, and eat vegetables. I don't keep blackout curtains up at all times to prevent would-be thieves from seeing what's inside our house, because that seems over the top. Hell, we don't even have an alarm (though I'd like to get one). But there are burglaries in our neighborhood - and I fail to see how locking the door at night is some INSANE safety precaution.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 12:58     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Many systems available at seasonal cost to install Wi-Fi activated licking systems from your smart phone. Here do a little research beyond the end of your nose. Your solution is in front of you.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 12:01     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Between anecdata from people who had bad things happen to them once and news programs trying to sell ads by emphasizing crime and mayhem, it's no wonder people feel scared all the time.
"Lock your doors, the Honduran migrant caravan is coming for you!"
"I knew a guy who's brother got robbed by a Honduran once. You really should lock your doors. And get a gun!"


I'm honestly confused by your post. Are you saying that locking your doors at night is equivalent to being a dirtbag Trump supporter?


Nope. Just trying to say that I think everyone is a lot more scared by the world than the real risks justify. The relentless and obviously cynical media coverage of this caravan is a somewhat extreme example of the dynamic that contributes to this fear. Crime is at a fairly low ebb historically, but to hear people talk, you'd think the good old days were safer and we live in Troubled Times. Kids are probably safer than ever but people won't let them play unattended for fear that they'll get abducted or molested.


If you don't take a simple step to reduce an already low probability of being a victim, then you are stupid and irresponsible.

Also, you have to multiply the low probability by the severity of the potential outcome.

For example, if you leave your car door open and someone steals a few dollars in change, no big deal.

But, if you leave your front door open and you are beaten and raped, then it is a big deal and you'll wish you tried harder to avoid it.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 11:57     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Between anecdata from people who had bad things happen to them once and news programs trying to sell ads by emphasizing crime and mayhem, it's no wonder people feel scared all the time.
"Lock your doors, the Honduran migrant caravan is coming for you!"
"I knew a guy who's brother got robbed by a Honduran once. You really should lock your doors. And get a gun!"


I'm honestly confused by your post. Are you saying that locking your doors at night is equivalent to being a dirtbag Trump supporter?


Nope. Just trying to say that I think everyone is a lot more scared by the world than the real risks justify. The relentless and obviously cynical media coverage of this caravan is a somewhat extreme example of the dynamic that contributes to this fear. Crime is at a fairly low ebb historically, but to hear people talk, you'd think the good old days were safer and we live in Troubled Times. Kids are probably safer than ever but people won't let them play unattended for fear that they'll get abducted or molested.

I don't really have a beef with locking doors. It doesn't take a lot of effort, it doesn't hurt anything, and it could possibly help even if the chances of a home invasion or burglary while you're home at night with a dog is really, really low. It sounds like OP was frustrated after the latest incident and has now cooled down and is looking into a technological solution. So that's all good. But I think her underlying fear would be much reduced if the local news didn't stoke fears about crime just because that gets people to buy papers and stay tuned through the ads.


The thing about risk is it is not distributed equally across all 320 million of us. It varies wildly based on location, down to the neighborhood level. And it's more complicated than inner city vs. suburbs vs. rural. Rather than listen to someone taking statistics out of context from the BJS, the wise thing to do for your own risk assessment is to look at your local crime report and while you're at it, look at the sex offender registry for your neighborhood. Then take appropriate action based on what you think is an acceptable trade off of effort vs. risk. Risk assessment is probability vs. severity for the initial risk. Add in whatever steps you want to take to mitigate that risk then you should be left with a lower residual risk. There is no upside to blithely dismissing a risk with low probability but high severity because you believe the world is all sunshine and unicorn farts.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 11:42     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Between anecdata from people who had bad things happen to them once and news programs trying to sell ads by emphasizing crime and mayhem, it's no wonder people feel scared all the time.
"Lock your doors, the Honduran migrant caravan is coming for you!"
"I knew a guy who's brother got robbed by a Honduran once. You really should lock your doors. And get a gun!"


I'm honestly confused by your post. Are you saying that locking your doors at night is equivalent to being a dirtbag Trump supporter?


Nope. Just trying to say that I think everyone is a lot more scared by the world than the real risks justify. The relentless and obviously cynical media coverage of this caravan is a somewhat extreme example of the dynamic that contributes to this fear. Crime is at a fairly low ebb historically, but to hear people talk, you'd think the good old days were safer and we live in Troubled Times. Kids are probably safer than ever but people won't let them play unattended for fear that they'll get abducted or molested.

I don't really have a beef with locking doors. It doesn't take a lot of effort, it doesn't hurt anything, and it could possibly help even if the chances of a home invasion or burglary while you're home at night with a dog is really, really low. It sounds like OP was frustrated after the latest incident and has now cooled down and is looking into a technological solution. So that's all good. But I think her underlying fear would be much reduced if the local news didn't stoke fears about crime just because that gets people to buy papers and stay tuned through the ads.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 11:29     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"I always keep the door locked" -- I always keep it locked even when I'm home. And I am a large, strong man.

I never keep the door locked if I"m home. When I go out, I sometimes don't even bother to lock it. I'm a smallish woman.

Seriously, it is just preferences.


This is like bragging that you run alone in the dark with headphones on.

Putting your faith in the benevolence of the universe is not much of a plan. Do you have smoke alarms? Do you buckle your seat belt? Do you avoid going to ATMs at midnight by yourself?
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 09:58     Subject: reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night
Anonymous wrote:Between anecdata from people who had bad things happen to them once and news programs trying to sell ads by emphasizing crime and mayhem, it's no wonder people feel scared all the time.
"Lock your doors, the Honduran migrant caravan is coming for you!"
"I knew a guy who's brother got robbed by a Honduran once. You really should lock your doors. And get a gun!"


I'm honestly confused by your post. Are you saying that locking your doors at night is equivalent to being a dirtbag Trump supporter?