Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's a good dad, as hard as it is to let go of what you've already worked so hard to set for your kids, let go. And let him fail. If he's an asshole, I'd say fight it. But if he's trying to make this work for their sake, and you feel like a 50/50 relationship can work, make it work, for their sake.

What does “is a good dad” mean in court? Does a few minutes of fun kid horseplay after work? [Same thing as "a good mom" - it means "not a convicted criminal or drug addict." ]

What happens to those dads with untreated ADHD? Chronically forget things, don’t listen to anyone (kids trying to talk to him), cannot plan, absentminded and never in the present, cannot keep places clean or maintained, and then he worst: don’t see dangerous situations (kid taken out by surf wave), kid hit by car almost twice, windy doors slamming on kids fingers), etc.
Do they get 50/50? Or holidays with kids themselves? Seems like a real liability.

Do these men have jobs? If they can hold down a job, they can do all the parenting things. If not, how the heck did they end up married and with kids?

Usually their workaholic nature, backwards priorities and zero involvement running the household, kids and life are the reason for the failed marriage.
Court systems are at the end of their run using base case of 50/50, and the more complaints and modifications they get inundated with, as well as social worker cases, the more it will change again.

You must really hate men. Many men are great parents and could be a single dad no issue. Women like to over value themselves. If something happened to me, there is no question my husband could do it all. He may do it differently but it would be fine.

Anonymous wrote:OP I know this is raw right now but be happy your ex WANTS 50/50 and knows what he has to do to make that work. You want your kids to have great relationships with both of you. It's going to be awful not seeing your children 100% of the time, but you'll survive. Be supportive of your ex. The better you two work together the better this ends for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have a good but not perfect marriage but both of us said we would not be happy with only 50% custody. DH then jokingly quipped, “I guess we are stuck with each other then.” I’m sorry for you, OP, but while your husband has never done much of the heavy lifting, I’m sure he loves his kids very much and wants to be with them as much as you do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was just a study on why the big spike and move of divorces to the kids college years and the number one reason was the terrible 50/50 Co-parenting states. Fearing for the kids safety, health and wellbeing resulted in later year divorces not during pk-12 due to lack of faith in one parents ability to parent well.

Many men lose their kids in divorce so it makes sense to stay till college.

Anonymous wrote:There was just a study on why the big spike and move of divorces to the kids college years and the number one reason was the terrible 50/50 Co-parenting states. Fearing for the kids safety, health and wellbeing resulted in later year divorces not during pk-12 due to lack of faith in one parents ability to parent well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's a good dad, as hard as it is to let go of what you've already worked so hard to set for your kids, let go. And let him fail. If he's an asshole, I'd say fight it. But if he's trying to make this work for their sake, and you feel like a 50/50 relationship can work, make it work, for their sake.

What does “is a good dad” mean in court? Does a few minutes of fun kid horseplay after work? [Same thing as "a good mom" - it means "not a convicted criminal or drug addict." ]

What happens to those dads with untreated ADHD? Chronically forget things, don’t listen to anyone (kids trying to talk to him), cannot plan, absentminded and never in the present, cannot keep places clean or maintained, and then he worst: don’t see dangerous situations (kid taken out by surf wave), kid hit by car almost twice, windy doors slamming on kids fingers), etc.
Do they get 50/50? Or holidays with kids themselves? Seems like a real liability.

Do these men have jobs? If they can hold down a job, they can do all the parenting things. If not, how the heck did they end up married and with kids?

Usually their workaholic nature, backwards priorities and zero involvement running the household, kids and life are the reason for the failed marriage.
Court systems are at the end of their run using base case of 50/50, and the more complaints and modifications they get inundated with, as well as social worker cases, the more it will change again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's a good dad, as hard as it is to let go of what you've already worked so hard to set for your kids, let go. And let him fail. If he's an asshole, I'd say fight it. But if he's trying to make this work for their sake, and you feel like a 50/50 relationship can work, make it work, for their sake.

What does “is a good dad” mean in court? Does a few minutes of fun kid horseplay after work? [Same thing as "a good mom" - it means "not a convicted criminal or drug addict." ]

What happens to those dads with untreated ADHD? Chronically forget things, don’t listen to anyone (kids trying to talk to him), cannot plan, absentminded and never in the present, cannot keep places clean or maintained, and then he worst: don’t see dangerous situations (kid taken out by surf wave), kid hit by car almost twice, windy doors slamming on kids fingers), etc.
Do they get 50/50? Or holidays with kids themselves? Seems like a real liability.

Do these men have jobs? If they can hold down a job, they can do all the parenting things. If not, how the heck did they end up married and with kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's a good dad, as hard as it is to let go of what you've already worked so hard to set for your kids, let go. And let him fail. If he's an asshole, I'd say fight it. But if he's trying to make this work for their sake, and you feel like a 50/50 relationship can work, make it work, for their sake.

What does “is a good dad” mean in court? Does a few minutes of fun kid horseplay after work?

What happens to those dads with untreated ADHD? Chronically forget things, don’t listen to anyone (kids trying to talk to him), cannot plan, absentminded and never in the present, cannot keep places clean or maintained, and then he worst: don’t see dangerous situations (kid taken out by surf wave), kid hit by car almost twice, windy doors slamming on kids fingers), etc.
Do they get 50/50? Or holidays with kids themselves? Seems like a real liability.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am in the Midwest, and no one I lnow has 50/50. Dads always bail on this.

This is what I have seen too. Starts out 50/50. Mom never bails our dad. Kids put a lot of pressure on dad to take them to soccer practice, feed them, and help with science projects. Dad puts it all on the nanny, who is already stressed going between two households. Nanny quits. Mom comes up with alternative childcare during her time with the kids. Does not help out dad. Dad bails on 50/50.

I am from Canada where it seems like everyone is doing 50/50. Is it cultural differences?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am in the Midwest, and no one I lnow has 50/50. Dads always bail on this.

This is what I have seen too. Starts out 50/50. Mom never bails our dad. Kids put a lot of pressure on dad to take them to soccer practice, feed them, and help with science projects. Dad puts it all on the nanny, who is already stressed going between two households. Nanny quits. Mom comes up with alternative childcare during her time with the kids. Does not help out dad. Dad bails on 50/50.