Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like most of the men in here are complaining about "once a week" duty sex.

Has it ever occurred to you that that's the amount of sex your wife genuinely wants and that it's not duty sex, it's just a lower libido.

This is what we call bait and switch as it is also likely that the same wife told her BF/DH that she had a high drive when in fact, she said this just keep him on the leash.

DP here. This. It would be one thing if my DW had a lower libido when we were dating, in which case, I should have known better. But when I think about dating and newlywed DW and present day DW (17 years later), and it's like two completely separate people. Yeah, I get it, people change, life happens, kids happen. But don't tell me she just has a lower libido and I married her that way so I should just suck it up, because I know better.

Are you getting laid once a week? Judging by the conversations I've had with a lot of different women over the years, I honestly think that is the best you can hope for. Be grateful it's not once a month or less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't outsource sex in a marriage, you cheat. This is why I do not feel sorry for any spouse in a sexless marriage. Deal with your mess and divorce.

You, like many people of said exact the same thing: sexless marriage = divorce. And I totally agree that any marriage without sex is not a romantic relationship and should end.

Except for the fact the sexless women often don't want to divorce. The only way that works is by outsourcing the sex.

That makes no sense for the man. She gets his resources; he gets nothing, plus he has to deal with the extra aggro of sneaking around. Better to pull the plug.

I disagree. Men do get something from staying married. He gets his kids full time. He gets somebody to care for him (because she does ... as he does her! This isn't a one way street). He gets the stability of a family. He gets his best friend and partner. And he gets sex on the side without the emotional complications.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't outsource sex in a marriage, you cheat. This is why I do not feel sorry for any spouse in a sexless marriage. Deal with your mess and divorce.

You, like many people of said exact the same thing: sexless marriage = divorce. And I totally agree that any marriage without sex is not a romantic relationship and should end.

Except for the fact the sexless women often don't want to divorce. The only way that works is by outsourcing the sex.

Who cares what they want. You are not sharing the benefits of the marriage, so why should someone else accommodate your BS marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't outsource sex in a marriage, you cheat. This is why I do not feel sorry for any spouse in a sexless marriage. Deal with your mess and divorce.

You, like many people of said exact the same thing: sexless marriage = divorce. And I totally agree that any marriage without sex is not a romantic relationship and should end.

Except for the fact the sexless women often don't want to divorce. The only way that works is by outsourcing the sex.

That makes no sense for the man. She gets his resources; he gets nothing, plus he has to deal with the extra aggro of sneaking around. Better to pull the plug.

Anonymous wrote:You don't outsource sex in a marriage, you cheat. This is why I do not feel sorry for any spouse in a sexless marriage. Deal with your mess and divorce.

You, like many people of said exact the same thing: sexless marriage = divorce. And I totally agree that any marriage without sex is not a romantic relationship and should end.

Except for the fact the sexless women often don't want to divorce. The only way that works is by outsourcing the sex.

You don't outsource sex in a marriage, you cheat. This is why I do not feel sorry for any spouse in a sexless marriage. Deal with your mess and divorce.

Our marriage is currently sexless due to some health issues and the stress of unemployment.

It is not open nor is it "finito." We are going strong despite the obstacles. Some men are good men who honor their commitments. Some men care more about their families than themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH, and he still turns me on. However, I have health issues and menopause has made sex very painful....including lots of bleeding. I have seen various doctors and am trying everything I can, but sadly, sex hurts and that is no fun. I do try to satisfy my husband in other ways, but feel very guilty. However, sex isn’t everything in a marriage and if it caused him to cheat, I would divorce him. We are getting older and things change. The changes have been absolutely no picnic for me either. This thread makes me feel horrible as a wife.

1. Expand your definition of "sex": there are 1000+ mutually pleasurable acts do not involve female penetration. Find ways to make it fun for you!
2. Props for satisfying your husband in other ways... keep that up on a weekly+ basis and you have nothing to feel guilty about, and no fear of him cheating.
3. While your health issues are unfortunate, keep in mind that (if he's healthy) your husband's sex drive is strong as ever so you must not fall into the trap of believing that you are "done with sex" because at that point you should just divorce him ASAP, rather than wait for the inevitable discovery of him going elsewhere.

You are always spouting this crap and you are wrong. Truly one of the most vile posters on the DCUM.

Men's sex lives DO often take a dive. They get older too. They gain weight, they lose their jobs, they stop getting erections (even with drugs), they are stressed and need sleep.

Yes, some *tiny* fraction of older men do lose interest. But why are you so up-in-arms about a minority case? What is so vile about me pointing out the vast majority of men remain highly interested in sex?

Because theses poster always insists on "opening the marriage."

Here's the TRUTH:

Older than 50:

31 percent of couples have sex several times a week; 28 percent of couples have sex a couple of times a month; and 8 percent of couples have sex once a month. Sadly — or so we thought — 33 percent of respondents said they rarely or never have sex. But even among couples who report being "extremely happy," an astonishing one-fourth rarely or never get it on.

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-01-2013/seniors-having-sex-older-couples.html

All the stats you just quoted ignore the essential point: older men's interest versus older women's. I assure you those low numbers are due to women rejecting their husband's advances. You are attempting to obfuscate the problem. Even the wording of your PP attempts to do this: you said that "Men's sex lives DO often take a dive is what you said, but that was NOT the question! The question was about men's interest in sex, irrespective that his partner has (selfishly) decided that she is "done with sex" ... and (crazily) expects that he will go along with that plan. It would be unfair of me to suggest the uninterested wife to "just do it" despite her lack of desire, hence the only logical resolution, where BOTH get what they want/need... open marriage. What else do you suggest?

I suggest you never marry. You are unworthy of the institution.

Open marriage is a worthless marriage with worthless people. True marriage has commitment. It is way bigger than sex.

What is your solution then when the wife loses interest? Sticking your head into the sand, pretending he will "just deal" is not a winning strategy. By all means, inform us of a better answer.

Be an adult. Talk it over. Handle it. If you can't come to an agreement, then a divorce.

We really are not so far apart on this topic. Agreed: be an adult. Talk it over. Realize that by the time anybody comes here for advice, there has already been LOTS of talking. It's not like the wife does not know they aren't having sex, or that the husband wants sex, and is unhappy over it. She knows all this, still she just does not "want to". And more talks about sex is not sexy. You can't negotiate sexual desire.

Exactly like you said, that leaves divorce, and I totally agree that a sexless marriage is completely dead/over/finito. But... here's the thing... the sexless wife obviously wants to stay married!!! Otherwise, she would have already "been the adult" and filed for divorce. Yet the sexless wife prefers all the marriage benefits (comfort, finances, custody, healthcare, retirement) over a divorce... she just does not want to do the "sex part" of marriage. She is happy to remain peaceful room mates. For all those same reasons, a husband should ALSO be permitted to stay married, as room mates. This is only possible by him outsourcing the "sex part" to another woman. So opening the marriage is necessary to save the marriage, enabling both spouses can have what they want. Now do you see?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH, and he still turns me on. However, I have health issues and menopause has made sex very painful....including lots of bleeding. I have seen various doctors and am trying everything I can, but sadly, sex hurts and that is no fun. I do try to satisfy my husband in other ways, but feel very guilty. However, sex isn’t everything in a marriage and if it caused him to cheat, I would divorce him. We are getting older and things change. The changes have been absolutely no picnic for me either. This thread makes me feel horrible as a wife.

1. Expand your definition of "sex": there are 1000+ mutually pleasurable acts do not involve female penetration. Find ways to make it fun for you!
2. Props for satisfying your husband in other ways... keep that up on a weekly+ basis and you have nothing to feel guilty about, and no fear of him cheating.
3. While your health issues are unfortunate, keep in mind that (if he's healthy) your husband's sex drive is strong as ever so you must not fall into the trap of believing that you are "done with sex" because at that point you should just divorce him ASAP, rather than wait for the inevitable discovery of him going elsewhere.

You are always spouting this crap and you are wrong. Truly one of the most vile posters on the DCUM.

Men's sex lives DO often take a dive. They get older too. They gain weight, they lose their jobs, they stop getting erections (even with drugs), they are stressed and need sleep.

Yes, some *tiny* fraction of older men do lose interest. But why are you so up-in-arms about a minority case? What is so vile about me pointing out the vast majority of men remain highly interested in sex?

Because theses poster always insists on "opening the marriage."

Here's the TRUTH:

Older than 50:

31 percent of couples have sex several times a week; 28 percent of couples have sex a couple of times a month; and 8 percent of couples have sex once a month. Sadly — or so we thought — 33 percent of respondents said they rarely or never have sex. But even among couples who report being "extremely happy," an astonishing one-fourth rarely or never get it on.

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-01-2013/seniors-having-sex-older-couples.html

All the stats you just quoted ignore the essential point: older men's interest versus older women's. I assure you those low numbers are due to women rejecting their husband's advances. You are attempting to obfuscate the problem. Even the wording of your PP attempts to do this: you said that "Men's sex lives DO often take a dive is what you said, but that was NOT the question! The question was about men's interest in sex, irrespective that his partner has (selfishly) decided that she is "done with sex" ... and (crazily) expects that he will go along with that plan. It would be unfair of me to suggest the uninterested wife to "just do it" despite her lack of desire, hence the only logical resolution, where BOTH get what they want/need... open marriage. What else do you suggest?

I suggest you never marry. You are unworthy of the institution.

Open marriage is a worthless marriage with worthless people. True marriage has commitment. It is way bigger than sex.

What is your solution then when the wife loses interest? Sticking your head into the sand, pretending he will "just deal" is not a winning strategy. By all means, inform us of a better answer.

Be an adult. Talk it over. Handle it. If you can't come to an agreement, then a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH, and he still turns me on. However, I have health issues and menopause has made sex very painful....including lots of bleeding. I have seen various doctors and am trying everything I can, but sadly, sex hurts and that is no fun. I do try to satisfy my husband in other ways, but feel very guilty. However, sex isn’t everything in a marriage and if it caused him to cheat, I would divorce him. We are getting older and things change. The changes have been absolutely no picnic for me either. This thread makes me feel horrible as a wife.

1. Expand your definition of "sex": there are 1000+ mutually pleasurable acts do not involve female penetration. Find ways to make it fun for you!
2. Props for satisfying your husband in other ways... keep that up on a weekly+ basis and you have nothing to feel guilty about, and no fear of him cheating.
3. While your health issues are unfortunate, keep in mind that (if he's healthy) your husband's sex drive is strong as ever so you must not fall into the trap of believing that you are "done with sex" because at that point you should just divorce him ASAP, rather than wait for the inevitable discovery of him going elsewhere.

You are always spouting this crap and you are wrong. Truly one of the most vile posters on the DCUM.

Men's sex lives DO often take a dive. They get older too. They gain weight, they lose their jobs, they stop getting erections (even with drugs), they are stressed and need sleep.

Yes, some *tiny* fraction of older men do lose interest. But why are you so up-in-arms about a minority case? What is so vile about me pointing out the vast majority of men remain highly interested in sex?

Because theses poster always insists on "opening the marriage."

Here's the TRUTH:

Older than 50:

31 percent of couples have sex several times a week; 28 percent of couples have sex a couple of times a month; and 8 percent of couples have sex once a month. Sadly — or so we thought — 33 percent of respondents said they rarely or never have sex. But even among couples who report being "extremely happy," an astonishing one-fourth rarely or never get it on.

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-01-2013/seniors-having-sex-older-couples.html

All the stats you just quoted ignore the essential point: older men's interest versus older women's. I assure you those low numbers are due to women rejecting their husband's advances. You are attempting to obfuscate the problem. Even the wording of your PP attempts to do this: you said that "Men's sex lives DO often take a dive is what you said, but that was NOT the question! The question was about men's interest in sex, irrespective that his partner has (selfishly) decided that she is "done with sex" ... and (crazily) expects that he will go along with that plan. It would be unfair of me to suggest the uninterested wife to "just do it" despite her lack of desire, hence the only logical resolution, where BOTH get what they want/need... open marriage. What else do you suggest?

I suggest you never marry. You are unworthy of the institution.

Open marriage is a worthless marriage with worthless people. True marriage has commitment. It is way bigger than sex.

What is your solution then when the wife loses interest? Sticking your head into the sand, pretending he will "just deal" is not a winning strategy. By all means, inform us of a better answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH, and he still turns me on. However, I have health issues and menopause has made sex very painful....including lots of bleeding. I have seen various doctors and am trying everything I can, but sadly, sex hurts and that is no fun. I do try to satisfy my husband in other ways, but feel very guilty. However, sex isn’t everything in a marriage and if it caused him to cheat, I would divorce him. We are getting older and things change. The changes have been absolutely no picnic for me either. This thread makes me feel horrible as a wife.

1. Expand your definition of "sex": there are 1000+ mutually pleasurable acts do not involve female penetration. Find ways to make it fun for you!
2. Props for satisfying your husband in other ways... keep that up on a weekly+ basis and you have nothing to feel guilty about, and no fear of him cheating.
3. While your health issues are unfortunate, keep in mind that (if he's healthy) your husband's sex drive is strong as ever so you must not fall into the trap of believing that you are "done with sex" because at that point you should just divorce him ASAP, rather than wait for the inevitable discovery of him going elsewhere.

You are always spouting this crap and you are wrong. Truly one of the most vile posters on the DCUM.

Men's sex lives DO often take a dive. They get older too. They gain weight, they lose their jobs, they stop getting erections (even with drugs), they are stressed and need sleep.

Yes, some *tiny* fraction of older men do lose interest. But why are you so up-in-arms about a minority case? What is so vile about me pointing out the vast majority of men remain highly interested in sex?

Because theses poster always insists on "opening the marriage."

Here's the TRUTH:

Older than 50:

31 percent of couples have sex several times a week; 28 percent of couples have sex a couple of times a month; and 8 percent of couples have sex once a month. Sadly — or so we thought — 33 percent of respondents said they rarely or never have sex. But even among couples who report being "extremely happy," an astonishing one-fourth rarely or never get it on.

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-01-2013/seniors-having-sex-older-couples.html

All the stats you just quoted ignore the essential point: older men's interest versus older women's. I assure you those low numbers are due to women rejecting their husband's advances. You are attempting to obfuscate the problem. Even the wording of your PP attempts to do this: you said that "Men's sex lives DO often take a dive is what you said, but that was NOT the question! The question was about men's interest in sex, irrespective that his partner has (selfishly) decided that she is "done with sex" ... and (crazily) expects that he will go along with that plan. It would be unfair of me to suggest the uninterested wife to "just do it" despite her lack of desire, hence the only logical resolution, where BOTH get what they want/need... open marriage. What else do you suggest?

I suggest you never marry. You are unworthy of the institution.

Open marriage is a worthless marriage with worthless people. True marriage has commitment. It is way bigger than sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH, and he still turns me on. However, I have health issues and menopause has made sex very painful....including lots of bleeding. I have seen various doctors and am trying everything I can, but sadly, sex hurts and that is no fun. I do try to satisfy my husband in other ways, but feel very guilty. However, sex isn’t everything in a marriage and if it caused him to cheat, I would divorce him. We are getting older and things change. The changes have been absolutely no picnic for me either. This thread makes me feel horrible as a wife.

1. Expand your definition of "sex": there are 1000+ mutually pleasurable acts do not involve female penetration. Find ways to make it fun for you!
2. Props for satisfying your husband in other ways... keep that up on a weekly+ basis and you have nothing to feel guilty about, and no fear of him cheating.
3. While your health issues are unfortunate, keep in mind that (if he's healthy) your husband's sex drive is strong as ever so you must not fall into the trap of believing that you are "done with sex" because at that point you should just divorce him ASAP, rather than wait for the inevitable discovery of him going elsewhere.

You are always spouting this crap and you are wrong. Truly one of the most vile posters on the DCUM.

Men's sex lives DO often take a dive. They get older too. They gain weight, they lose their jobs, they stop getting erections (even with drugs), they are stressed and need sleep.

Yes, some *tiny* fraction of older men do lose interest. But why are you so up-in-arms about a minority case? What is so vile about me pointing out the vast majority of men remain highly interested in sex?

Because theses poster always insists on "opening the marriage."

Here's the TRUTH:

Older than 50:

31 percent of couples have sex several times a week; 28 percent of couples have sex a couple of times a month; and 8 percent of couples have sex once a month. Sadly — or so we thought — 33 percent of respondents said they rarely or never have sex. But even among couples who report being "extremely happy," an astonishing one-fourth rarely or never get it on.

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-01-2013/seniors-having-sex-older-couples.html

All the stats you just quoted ignore the essential point: older men's interest versus older women's. I assure you those low numbers are due to women rejecting their husband's advances. You are attempting to obfuscate the problem. Even the wording of your PP attempts to do this: you said that "Men's sex lives DO often take a dive is what you said, but that was NOT the question! The question was about men's interest in sex, irrespective that his partner has (selfishly) decided that she is "done with sex" ... and (crazily) expects that he will go along with that plan. It would be unfair of me to suggest the uninterested wife to "just do it" despite her lack of desire, hence the only logical resolution, where BOTH get what they want/need... open marriage. What else do you suggest?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH, and he still turns me on. However, I have health issues and menopause has made sex very painful....including lots of bleeding. I have seen various doctors and am trying everything I can, but sadly, sex hurts and that is no fun. I do try to satisfy my husband in other ways, but feel very guilty. However, sex isn’t everything in a marriage and if it caused him to cheat, I would divorce him. We are getting older and things change. The changes have been absolutely no picnic for me either. This thread makes me feel horrible as a wife.

1. Expand your definition of "sex": there are 1000+ mutually pleasurable acts do not involve female penetration. Find ways to make it fun for you!
2. Props for satisfying your husband in other ways... keep that up on a weekly+ basis and you have nothing to feel guilty about, and no fear of him cheating.
3. While your health issues are unfortunate, keep in mind that (if he's healthy) your husband's sex drive is strong as ever so you must not fall into the trap of believing that you are "done with sex" because at that point you should just divorce him ASAP, rather than wait for the inevitable discovery of him going elsewhere.

You are always spouting this crap and you are wrong. Truly one of the most vile posters on the DCUM.

Men's sex lives DO often take a dive. They get older too. They gain weight, they lose their jobs, they stop getting erections (even with drugs), they are stressed and need sleep.

Yes, some *tiny* fraction of older men do lose interest. But why are you so up-in-arms about a minority case? What is so vile about me pointing out the vast majority of men remain highly interested in sex?

Because theses poster always insists on "opening the marriage."

Here's the TRUTH:

Older than 50:

31 percent of couples have sex several times a week; 28 percent of couples have sex a couple of times a month; and 8 percent of couples have sex once a month. Sadly — or so we thought — 33 percent of respondents said they rarely or never have sex. But even among couples who report being "extremely happy," an astonishing one-fourth rarely or never get it on.
Yes, some *tiny* fraction of older men do lose interest. But why are you so up-in-arms about a minority case? What is so vile about me pointing out the vast majority of men remain highly interested in sex?

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-01-2013/seniors-having-sex-older-couples.html

those figures you highlighted are staggering (and depressing).