Haven't you guys ever heard the phrase Bitch Eating Crackers?

It means that when you dislike someone, you start to dislike everything about them.

"Look at that bitch eating crackers like she owns the place."

OP is at BEC level with her husband.

IME this is exactly how long term marriages break down. We all know people who divorced after 20, 30 y ears right? The marriages weren't bad enough to leave in year ten or twelve when the kids were still little. No one cheated, there was no abuse. Nothing dramatic happened that made the marriage collapse. But over time, small things wear on you if they keep happening, especially if there is a lack of mutual respect and effective communication. It's a cumulative effect. Eventually, you get to a place where you're just sick of it and willing to do anything to get away from it.

Plus I still say she is suffering from a midlife crisis. I'm sure that plays into it too. It's *extremely* common for 50 year olds to want to start over again. They're mostly young enough to delude themselves that that's possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it that he thinks you have a great marriage and yet you are secretly planning to leave him?

Are ya’ll still having sex?

Because he’s emotionally clueless. I have told him several times over the years that I don’t think he respects me and that I don’t always like or appreciate the way he speaks to me. He always denies the lack of respect thing, his language improves, but then it always slips again. For instance, he loves to rub it in my face in front of our kids that they shouldn’t ask me for help on their math hw because he got such a higher score on the SATs. That’s genuinely his idea of a joke. I know he doesn’t really mean it spitefully (at least not completely) but I’m sick of overlooking that kind of thing. I’ve had enough.

Yes we’re still having sex bit not as often as we used to. Probably once a week.

Wow, I pray you have better examples than that. My wife and I tease each other all the time and you admit he doesn't mean it spitefully? You sound super resentful and clearly even things like that are scratching at your insides. I also can't help but wonder what HIS side of this whole story would sound like - since we're all assuming he's the horrible person you make him out to be

Dude that’s actually a really disrespectful thing to say and she said she even told him that it hurts her feelings and he still does it.

If you are saying shit like that to your wife on the reg, she might be secretly planning to dump you too.

Dear god, grow a thicker skin!!! First of all, her kids are 18 and 24 I think she said? How much math homework is being done that anyone can help with at this point?? Second of all, you could just as easily respond "that's true, come to me when you need help on [insert your area of expertise], that's where I'm a rock star." What's so hard about any of this?

Don’t most hs seniors take math? I thought that was what she was referring g to...you don’t think that’s terribly rude and mean? To degrade your wife in front of your kids?

to many its just silly TEASING (and it goes both ways), but apparently to some its an evil deplorable act of disrespect.

NP. If I tell someone to stop some behavior, and I really mean it and they know that and yet don’t stop, that’s a serious problem imo. The only sensible thing to do is stop associating with them. Hard to do if you’re married to that person and have little kids.

I can see how years of this might build up a resentment that’s hard to understand based on one or two anecdotes. But if we’re talking 25 years of this continuous disrespect and insults...then it starts to make more sense.

once a victim, always a victim... she has no say or control over her life, got it.

This line from OP "Friend says I should raise the possibility of separation first and ease into it. But honestly I just want to take the leap and feel the free fall. I just want to completely burn it down." is down right scary. OP needs seriously counseling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it that he thinks you have a great marriage and yet you are secretly planning to leave him?

Are ya’ll still having sex?

Because he’s emotionally clueless. I have told him several times over the years that I don’t think he respects me and that I don’t always like or appreciate the way he speaks to me. He always denies the lack of respect thing, his language improves, but then it always slips again. For instance, he loves to rub it in my face in front of our kids that they shouldn’t ask me for help on their math hw because he got such a higher score on the SATs. That’s genuinely his idea of a joke. I know he doesn’t really mean it spitefully (at least not completely) but I’m sick of overlooking that kind of thing. I’ve had enough.

Yes we’re still having sex bit not as often as we used to. Probably once a week.

Wow, I pray you have better examples than that. My wife and I tease each other all the time and you admit he doesn't mean it spitefully? You sound super resentful and clearly even things like that are scratching at your insides. I also can't help but wonder what HIS side of this whole story would sound like - since we're all assuming he's the horrible person you make him out to be

Dude that’s actually a really disrespectful thing to say and she said she even told him that it hurts her feelings and he still does it.

If you are saying shit like that to your wife on the reg, she might be secretly planning to dump you too.

Dear god, grow a thicker skin!!! First of all, her kids are 18 and 24 I think she said? How much math homework is being done that anyone can help with at this point?? Second of all, you could just as easily respond "that's true, come to me when you need help on [insert your area of expertise], that's where I'm a rock star." What's so hard about any of this?

Don’t most hs seniors take math? I thought that was what she was referring g to...you don’t think that’s terribly rude and mean? To degrade your wife in front of your kids?

to many its just silly TEASING (and it goes both ways), but apparently to some its an evil deplorable act of disrespect.

NP. If I tell someone to stop some behavior, and I really mean it and they know that and yet don’t stop, that’s a serious problem imo. The only sensible thing to do is stop associating with them. Hard to do if you’re married to that person and have little kids.

I can see how years of this might build up a resentment that’s hard to understand based on one or two anecdotes. But if we’re talking 25 years of this continuous disrespect and insults...then it starts to make more sense.

wow, so when my wife teases me for being forgetful EVERY day in front of my kids I never realized how horrible she was being, I should dump her and run when my youngest graduates from ES this June.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it that he thinks you have a great marriage and yet you are secretly planning to leave him?

Are ya’ll still having sex?

Because he’s emotionally clueless. I have told him several times over the years that I don’t think he respects me and that I don’t always like or appreciate the way he speaks to me. He always denies the lack of respect thing, his language improves, but then it always slips again. For instance, he loves to rub it in my face in front of our kids that they shouldn’t ask me for help on their math hw because he got such a higher score on the SATs. That’s genuinely his idea of a joke. I know he doesn’t really mean it spitefully (at least not completely) but I’m sick of overlooking that kind of thing. I’ve had enough.

Yes we’re still having sex bit not as often as we used to. Probably once a week.

Wow, I pray you have better examples than that. My wife and I tease each other all the time and you admit he doesn't mean it spitefully? You sound super resentful and clearly even things like that are scratching at your insides. I also can't help but wonder what HIS side of this whole story would sound like - since we're all assuming he's the horrible person you make him out to be

Dude that’s actually a really disrespectful thing to say and she said she even told him that it hurts her feelings and he still does it.

If you are saying shit like that to your wife on the reg, she might be secretly planning to dump you too.

NP. It depends. My husband and I banter like this too and I'm not so sensitive that I sulk, I give it right back - it's usually all in fun.

\

Same here.

The reality is that OP is insecure, has low self-esteem and no ability to improve either herself or her relationships with others. So her husband doesn't really respect her, her kids probably don't either, and instead of doing the hard work of gaining their respect and trust by being a rational, assertive, responsible human being, she thinks it's going to be easier to get out... how wrong she is.

Where are you getting that her kids don’t respect her? Lol. Talk about reading into things and projecting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it that he thinks you have a great marriage and yet you are secretly planning to leave him?

Are ya’ll still having sex?

Because he’s emotionally clueless. I have told him several times over the years that I don’t think he respects me and that I don’t always like or appreciate the way he speaks to me. He always denies the lack of respect thing, his language improves, but then it always slips again. For instance, he loves to rub it in my face in front of our kids that they shouldn’t ask me for help on their math hw because he got such a higher score on the SATs. That’s genuinely his idea of a joke. I know he doesn’t really mean it spitefully (at least not completely) but I’m sick of overlooking that kind of thing. I’ve had enough.

Yes we’re still having sex bit not as often as we used to. Probably once a week.

Wow, I pray you have better examples than that. My wife and I tease each other all the time and you admit he doesn't mean it spitefully? You sound super resentful and clearly even things like that are scratching at your insides. I also can't help but wonder what HIS side of this whole story would sound like - since we're all assuming he's the horrible person you make him out to be

Dude that’s actually a really disrespectful thing to say and she said she even told him that it hurts her feelings and he still does it.

If you are saying shit like that to your wife on the reg, she might be secretly planning to dump you too.

Dear god, grow a thicker skin!!! First of all, her kids are 18 and 24 I think she said? How much math homework is being done that anyone can help with at this point?? Second of all, you could just as easily respond "that's true, come to me when you need help on [insert your area of expertise], that's where I'm a rock star." What's so hard about any of this?

Don’t most hs seniors take math? I thought that was what she was referring g to...you don’t think that’s terribly rude and mean? To degrade your wife in front of your kids?

to many its just silly TEASING (and it goes both ways), but apparently to some its an evil deplorable act of disrespect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it that he thinks you have a great marriage and yet you are secretly planning to leave him?

Are ya’ll still having sex?

Because he’s emotionally clueless. I have told him several times over the years that I don’t think he respects me and that I don’t always like or appreciate the way he speaks to me. He always denies the lack of respect thing, his language improves, but then it always slips again. For instance, he loves to rub it in my face in front of our kids that they shouldn’t ask me for help on their math hw because he got such a higher score on the SATs. That’s genuinely his idea of a joke. I know he doesn’t really mean it spitefully (at least not completely) but I’m sick of overlooking that kind of thing. I’ve had enough.

Yes we’re still having sex bit not as often as we used to. Probably once a week.

Wow, I pray you have better examples than that. My wife and I tease each other all the time and you admit he doesn't mean it spitefully? You sound super resentful and clearly even things like that are scratching at your insides. I also can't help but wonder what HIS side of this whole story would sound like - since we're all assuming he's the horrible person you make him out to be

Dude that’s actually a really disrespectful thing to say and she said she even told him that it hurts her feelings and he still does it.

If you are saying shit like that to your wife on the reg, she might be secretly planning to dump you too.

NP. It depends. My husband and I banter like this too and I'm not so sensitive that I sulk, I give it right back - it's usually all in fun.

She’s told him multiple times that she doesn’t like it. He says he’ll stop then doesn’t.

Fwiw my H does this to me too and I hate it. He calls it “busting balls” and to add insult to injurry, acts like I can’t take a joke when I get upset about it.

No it’s called being insulting and MEAN.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it that he thinks you have a great marriage and yet you are secretly planning to leave him?

Are ya’ll still having sex?

Because he’s emotionally clueless. I have told him several times over the years that I don’t think he respects me and that I don’t always like or appreciate the way he speaks to me. He always denies the lack of respect thing, his language improves, but then it always slips again. For instance, he loves to rub it in my face in front of our kids that they shouldn’t ask me for help on their math hw because he got such a higher score on the SATs. That’s genuinely his idea of a joke. I know he doesn’t really mean it spitefully (at least not completely) but I’m sick of overlooking that kind of thing. I’ve had enough.

Yes we’re still having sex bit not as often as we used to. Probably once a week.

Wow, I pray you have better examples than that. My wife and I tease each other all the time and you admit he doesn't mean it spitefully? You sound super resentful and clearly even things like that are scratching at your insides. I also can't help but wonder what HIS side of this whole story would sound like - since we're all assuming he's the horrible person you make him out to be

Dude that’s actually a really disrespectful thing to say and she said she even told him that it hurts her feelings and he still does it.

If you are saying shit like that to your wife on the reg, she might be secretly planning to dump you too.

Dear god, grow a thicker skin!!! First of all, her kids are 18 and 24 I think she said? How much math homework is being done that anyone can help with at this point?? Second of all, you could just as easily respond "that's true, come to me when you need help on [insert your area of expertise], that's where I'm a rock star." What's so hard about any of this?

Don’t most hs seniors take math? I thought that was what she was referring g to...you don’t think that’s terribly rude and mean? To degrade your wife in front of your kids?

this sounds like the background story to one of those nutty stories where the spouse comes home one day and gets shot by their partner in a murder suicide because they had 20+ years of pent up resentment and anger

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it that he thinks you have a great marriage and yet you are secretly planning to leave him?

Are ya’ll still having sex?

Because he’s emotionally clueless. I have told him several times over the years that I don’t think he respects me and that I don’t always like or appreciate the way he speaks to me. He always denies the lack of respect thing, his language improves, but then it always slips again. For instance, he loves to rub it in my face in front of our kids that they shouldn’t ask me for help on their math hw because he got such a higher score on the SATs. That’s genuinely his idea of a joke. I know he doesn’t really mean it spitefully (at least not completely) but I’m sick of overlooking that kind of thing. I’ve had enough.

Yes we’re still having sex bit not as often as we used to. Probably once a week.

Wow, I pray you have better examples than that. My wife and I tease each other all the time and you admit he doesn't mean it spitefully? You sound super resentful and clearly even things like that are scratching at your insides. I also can't help but wonder what HIS side of this whole story would sound like - since we're all assuming he's the horrible person you make him out to be

Dude that’s actually a really disrespectful thing to say and she said she even told him that it hurts her feelings and he still does it.

If you are saying shit like that to your wife on the reg, she might be secretly planning to dump you too.

NP. It depends. My husband and I banter like this too and I'm not so sensitive that I sulk, I give it right back - it's usually all in fun.

\

Same here.

The reality is that OP is insecure, has low self-esteem and no ability to improve either herself or her relationships with others. So her husband doesn't really respect her, her kids probably don't either, and instead of doing the hard work of gaining their respect and trust by being a rational, assertive, responsible human being, she thinks it's going to be easier to get out... how wrong she is.

Anonymous wrote:I wish we could hear him describe the marriage from his POV.

I’m starting to feel bad for him.

She’s just going to totally dump him on his ass one day out of the blue. After what, 25 ish years?

Damn that’s cold.

+1000. I feel sad (short term) /happy (long term) for him... but just sad for the kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it that he thinks you have a great marriage and yet you are secretly planning to leave him?

Are ya’ll still having sex?

Because he’s emotionally clueless. I have told him several times over the years that I don’t think he respects me and that I don’t always like or appreciate the way he speaks to me. He always denies the lack of respect thing, his language improves, but then it always slips again. For instance, he loves to rub it in my face in front of our kids that they shouldn’t ask me for help on their math hw because he got such a higher score on the SATs. That’s genuinely his idea of a joke. I know he doesn’t really mean it spitefully (at least not completely) but I’m sick of overlooking that kind of thing. I’ve had enough.

Yes we’re still having sex bit not as often as we used to. Probably once a week.

Wow, I pray you have better examples than that. My wife and I tease each other all the time and you admit he doesn't mean it spitefully? You sound super resentful and clearly even things like that are scratching at your insides. I also can't help but wonder what HIS side of this whole story would sound like - since we're all assuming he's the horrible person you make him out to be

Dude that’s actually a really disrespectful thing to say and she said she even told him that it hurts her feelings and he still does it.

If you are saying shit like that to your wife on the reg, she might be secretly planning to dump you too.

Dear god, grow a thicker skin!!! First of all, her kids are 18 and 24 I think she said? How much math homework is being done that anyone can help with at this point?? Second of all, you could just as easily respond "that's true, come to me when you need help on [insert your area of expertise], that's where I'm a rock star." What's so hard about any of this?

Please do walk away and leave him all of the money! He’ll be puzzled for a few months and then will easily find someone younger and hotter who will be THRILLED to be a SAH trophy wife. Best of luck to you!