Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 23:25     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:My mum is no longer living and a big regret for me is not celebrating mothers day for her. My dad never bought gifts for anything (birthdays, Christmas), that was my mum's 'job' so as a result everything except mothers day got celebrated. She had us sign a card for him for father's day and she'd buy gifts, etc. He did nothing. I got older and would get her things. I never really thought about it until now that I'm a mother. She would always say 'we don't matter, you guys matter'... and I do feel the same.

My DH makes it happen. I make it happen for him. I'm sad we didn't celebrate it for my mother more. In schools now these days, it seems the kids all make a project. We didn't do that when I was in school so as kids she never got anything until we got older. She would always eyeroll at mothers day advertising say "treat me well and appreciate me 365 days a year- don't try to make up for being an A-hole in one day" and we did love and appreciate and respect her daily... but she probably said that to make it ok to herself that this day wasn't celebrated, and in saying it, it also reinforced my dad to be a generally good guy, but clueless about actually stopping and thanking her on this day. She would have loved our art/cards. I still shake my head that my dad did nothing and it took getting older, seeing ads on tv for us to realize we should get something, despite what she said.

Every year I happily get art/cards from each child made at school and I have that pang of pain that I don't deserve it; I never did it for my mum.

You should not feel guilty. You didn’t know any better when you were younger. So don’t beat yourself up. your mother knew that you loved her and since she raised you, she was aware that you were unaware that Mother’s Day might be important to her. I know that for my children I have explicitly told them Mother’s Day is important and I want something from the heart. If I did not do that, my kids would not know that I feel Mother’s Day is important. your mother did not explicitly tell you that she felt Mother’s Day was important, in fact she said the opposite. As such, there is no way you would’ve known. Again forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 18:21     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So, its a bad sign that DH did jack shit today... right?

Like, no card, no flowers. I suggested a fun brunch place this morning which he was willing to do, but when DC started fussing in the car on the way he suggested we just go to the next closest breakfast place instead.


Are we living the same life? Instead of this amazing brunch place that's also surprisingly kid friendly, DH just crumpled in the face of typical threenager behavior and took us to the McDonald's drive through. And we ate in the parking lot.


Do you not have a voice or a backbone? You can't just say to your husband "hey, it's Mother's Day, so I really want to go someplace nice, so let's just make it work"? Because if you can't, then it's really your own fault.


eh, it sort of ruins the whole "treating Mom to a nice meal out" if you have to stand your ground and demand that they take you somewhere.


My mother makes hard to get reservations three months out for Mother Day's. My dad is still 'treating her' to the meal. Put some effort into it.





I don't have to pitch a hissy fit to get taken out for Mother's Day. It's just what is done at our house. And believe me, I am not exactly high maintenance.



Same here. Women need to clearly communicate their expectations. My DH always said he appreciated that I never give him the silent treatment or make him guess what I’m feeling. He planned a brunch, got reservations a month ago knowing it would fill up and got me a spa day gift card. He also took kid out for most of the day. I have pretty standard tastes etc but I like and expect to do something and plan it on mother’s day. He is happy and relieved to k ow this in advance. Ladies, stop expecting your husbands to read DCUM to know how you feel.


Agree and the same applies for DHs for Father's Day. Women shouldn't have to guess what their DH's want or spend time planning something they don't.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 17:51     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
My husband drove me and the kids to a far away restaurant for brunch, and then exhibited road rage every 30 seconds the whole way there and back. Finally I told him to please chill out whereupon he hopped out and started walking, leaving me to drive home with a toddler asking where Daddy was. When he got home, we argued, making me late for my exercise class. My 15 year old son didn't get me anything, saying, "You said you didn't want anything." Luckily I got a homemade card and breakfast in bed from some of the other kids. I ended my night with raw cookie dough, an expired xanax, a glass of white wine and went to bed early.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 16:31     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So, its a bad sign that DH did jack shit today... right?

Like, no card, no flowers. I suggested a fun brunch place this morning which he was willing to do, but when DC started fussing in the car on the way he suggested we just go to the next closest breakfast place instead.


Are we living the same life? Instead of this amazing brunch place that's also surprisingly kid friendly, DH just crumpled in the face of typical threenager behavior and took us to the McDonald's drive through. And we ate in the parking lot.


Do you not have a voice or a backbone? You can't just say to your husband "hey, it's Mother's Day, so I really want to go someplace nice, so let's just make it work"? Because if you can't, then it's really your own fault.


eh, it sort of ruins the whole "treating Mom to a nice meal out" if you have to stand your ground and demand that they take you somewhere.


My mother makes hard to get reservations three months out for Mother Day's. My dad is still 'treating her' to the meal. Put some effort into it.





I don't have to pitch a hissy fit to get taken out for Mother's Day. It's just what is done at our house. And believe me, I am not exactly high maintenance.



Same here. Women need to clearly communicate their expectations. My DH always said he appreciated that I never give him the silent treatment or make him guess what I’m feeling. He planned a brunch, got reservations a month ago knowing it would fill up and got me a spa day gift card. He also took kid out for most of the day. I have pretty standard tastes etc but I like and expect to do something and plan it on mother’s day. He is happy and relieved to k ow this in advance. Ladies, stop expecting your husbands to read DCUM to know how you feel.


This. I'll admit that early on in our marriage I used to think that DH should simply know what to do. I soon realized that we were socialized differently and his family does not make big deals out of birthdays, Mother's/Father's Day etc. I started making reservations for dinner and sending him links to things that I might like for Mother's Day. Now that our DD is a little older and she is super tuned in to my likes and dislikes, they make it "their" thing to get up and go out on Mother's Day and she picks out a nice gift, flowers and and a card and I get some alone time. We then normally get together with extended family and enjoy a family potluck dinner or barbecue. It's really a nice day and I'm grateful as I loss my mom and dad when I was a teenager, so family time is very important to me.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 16:29     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:That’s why you never, ever go out on holidays. Restaurants suck and are over crowded.


+ 1000
Always do it on Saturday before instead
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 16:25     Subject: Re:Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:
I'm sick today and my twelve year old DS told me to "stop whining and bitching about it."


Well, it was inappropriate of him and glad you confronted him, but he's didn't learn to talk that way out of thin air. Do you or your spouse talk to each other that way? Do his friends? It's probably worth investigating this further.


In this instance does "DS" stand for Demon Spawn, or possibly Damien's Seed?
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 16:22     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Um no. And what do you when someone disrespects you at work, at the grocery store, on 495...

It’s a teaching moment. Hard parenting. Kid was looking for a reaction and some attention. He’s 12 and hormonal. You discipline without violence setting a boundary for acceptable language. Time for a lengthy talk.

I was a horrible teen and the worst punishment ever was an hour long chat with Dad. Looking back, he was a wonderful father and role model of calm. Not a doormat at all.


Listen, I think you are nuts and a bad mother, and you think I'm nuts and a bad mother, let's just move on. Happy Mother's Day and enjoy what little is left of it!


Ok. I was a NP. I didn’t say anyone was a bad mom. I just don’t believe in corporal punishment. A 12 year old boy told his Mon to quit bitching on Mother’s day. It was disrespectful, foul language, bad character... slapping that kid isn’t going to teach him anything other than violence.


"Sass the wrong person and you'll get your face smacked" is a valuable lesson. It is true in the real world. If he doesn't know this, he'd better learn quick before he gets put in the hospital by some street thug.


Sure soon that 12 year old kid will laugh off your slap and may return it. What are you going to when that happens?


NP here, In the horrible event this occurs, I would like to recommend the use of a bat, or throat punching the shit out of him. Any male over a certain age who raises his hand to a woman, should be treated as the physical threat that he is.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 16:10     Subject: Re:Worst mother's day stories
I'm sick today and my twelve year old DS told me to "stop whining and bitching about it."


Well, it was inappropriate of him and glad you confronted him, but he's didn't learn to talk that way out of thin air. Do you or your spouse talk to each other that way? Do his friends? It's probably worth investigating this further.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 16:05     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Um no. And what do you when someone disrespects you at work, at the grocery store, on 495...

It’s a teaching moment. Hard parenting. Kid was looking for a reaction and some attention. He’s 12 and hormonal. You discipline without violence setting a boundary for acceptable language. Time for a lengthy talk.

I was a horrible teen and the worst punishment ever was an hour long chat with Dad. Looking back, he was a wonderful father and role model of calm. Not a doormat at all.


Listen, I think you are nuts and a bad mother, and you think I'm nuts and a bad mother, let's just move on. Happy Mother's Day and enjoy what little is left of it!


Ok. I was a NP. I didn’t say anyone was a bad mom. I just don’t believe in corporal punishment. A 12 year old boy told his Mon to quit bitching on Mother’s day. It was disrespectful, foul language, bad character... slapping that kid isn’t going to teach him anything other than violence.


"Sass the wrong person and you'll get your face smacked" is a valuable lesson. It is true in the real world. If he doesn't know this, he'd better learn quick before he gets put in the hospital by some street thug.


Sure soon that 12 year old kid will laugh off your slap and may return it. What are you going to when that happens?
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 15:51     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
My mum is no longer living and a big regret for me is not celebrating mothers day for her. My dad never bought gifts for anything (birthdays, Christmas), that was my mum's 'job' so as a result everything except mothers day got celebrated. She had us sign a card for him for father's day and she'd buy gifts, etc. He did nothing. I got older and would get her things. I never really thought about it until now that I'm a mother. She would always say 'we don't matter, you guys matter'... and I do feel the same.

My DH makes it happen. I make it happen for him. I'm sad we didn't celebrate it for my mother more. In schools now these days, it seems the kids all make a project. We didn't do that when I was in school so as kids she never got anything until we got older. She would always eyeroll at mothers day advertising say "treat me well and appreciate me 365 days a year- don't try to make up for being an A-hole in one day" and we did love and appreciate and respect her daily... but she probably said that to make it ok to herself that this day wasn't celebrated, and in saying it, it also reinforced my dad to be a generally good guy, but clueless about actually stopping and thanking her on this day. She would have loved our art/cards. I still shake my head that my dad did nothing and it took getting older, seeing ads on tv for us to realize we should get something, despite what she said.

Every year I happily get art/cards from each child made at school and I have that pang of pain that I don't deserve it; I never did it for my mum.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 12:32     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Well, my mother's day sucked. DH didn't even acknowledge it, didn't even say the words "happy mother's day." And he didn't forget, he knew full well it was mother's day and did nothing. Our 9-year-old son gave me a very sweet card he made at school. DH was sitting right there when DS gave me the card, and said nothing. He made some noise about how he was going to do some cleaning up around the house, which seemed kind of conciliatory, but his cleaning consisted of pulling out the entire contents of three kitchen cabinets and strewing all over the floor, then interrogating me about "why do we have two rolling pins? What does this thing do? Why do we have so much crap?" I couldn't deal with his usual grumpy old man routine, so I went outside and spent the rest of the day gardening. We went out to dinner, but only because I had made a restaurant reservation. He sat there at dinner looking annoyed the whole time. Anyway, happy mother's day, my sisters. *I* appreciate all that you do, and you deserve to have a wonderful day.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 11:50     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Um no. And what do you when someone disrespects you at work, at the grocery store, on 495...

It’s a teaching moment. Hard parenting. Kid was looking for a reaction and some attention. He’s 12 and hormonal. You discipline without violence setting a boundary for acceptable language. Time for a lengthy talk.

I was a horrible teen and the worst punishment ever was an hour long chat with Dad. Looking back, he was a wonderful father and role model of calm. Not a doormat at all.


Listen, I think you are nuts and a bad mother, and you think I'm nuts and a bad mother, let's just move on. Happy Mother's Day and enjoy what little is left of it!


Ok. I was a NP. I didn’t say anyone was a bad mom. I just don’t believe in corporal punishment. A 12 year old boy told his Mon to quit bitching on Mother’s day. It was disrespectful, foul language, bad character... slapping that kid isn’t going to teach him anything other than violence.


"Sass the wrong person and you'll get your face smacked" is a valuable lesson. It is true in the real world. If he doesn't know this, he'd better learn quick before he gets put in the hospital by some street thug.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 10:35     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sick today and my twelve year old DS told me to "stop whining and bitching about it."

A lot of people think it's terrible that he would speak to me like that- but because I'm his mom, I know his ADHD makes him impulsive but not mean.

It hurt my feelings and of course I talked with him about being respectful. He balances out some nastiness with some exceptionally nice behavior- he used my phone to text back and forth with his elderly grandmother quite bit this morning (she loved it) and he paid attention to our needy, affectionate dog.

DH is on work travel- and family lives far away, so no fancy brunches, but that's okay.

Being a parent is kind of hard and complicated sometimes- especially when kids are in some rough patches of tween and teen. I love my DS and I think he's a blessing (even on bad days).


You are so, so, wrong about this. ADHD has nothing to do with a son who would say this to his mother.

--mother of another 12 yr old with ADHD


And you are so, so wrong that your ADHD experience is universal.

In fact ADHD can absolutely be linked to anger, irritability, and outbursts. It sure is in my family. My father, a couple of brothers, and my own son. And yes, his impulsivity + anger, both of which are related to his ADHD, sometimes means he has outbursts saying things that would shock people like you.

Please don't minimize another mother's experience based simply on your own.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/anger-in-adhd-and-temper-reducing-tools-to-help/

https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/add-adhd/adhd-and-anger-what-you-need-to-know

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5409953/


It's irrelevant. Many things are linked to anger, irritability, etc, including many medications and mental disorders. You still don't get a pass for behaving that way. Nobody is shocked by it. But go ahead and give all the men in your life a free pass to treat you poorly. I'm sure you're rearing lovely people....


Who said anything about getting a pass? Please quote the exact phrase where I said my son gets a "pass" for his ADHD-related outbursts (and please define a "pass").

And no, I'm not rearing a lovely person. He's a hot mess and I worry about him non-stop. Thanks for asking, though. You sound lovely yourself. I guess owing to your own mother's fantastic rearing abilities? She obviously instilled a lot of empathy and compassion in you.


eh, we know you can't control your kid. As long as you aren't handing him excuses for being a jerk and as long as you are swiftly and firmly calling him out when he is a jerk....that is all you can do. Sometimes nice parents have kids who can be a-holes. I'm sorry if that's what you're dealing with.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 10:32     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sick today and my twelve year old DS told me to "stop whining and bitching about it."

A lot of people think it's terrible that he would speak to me like that- but because I'm his mom, I know his ADHD makes him impulsive but not mean.

It hurt my feelings and of course I talked with him about being respectful. He balances out some nastiness with some exceptionally nice behavior- he used my phone to text back and forth with his elderly grandmother quite bit this morning (she loved it) and he paid attention to our needy, affectionate dog.

DH is on work travel- and family lives far away, so no fancy brunches, but that's okay.

Being a parent is kind of hard and complicated sometimes- especially when kids are in some rough patches of tween and teen. I love my DS and I think he's a blessing (even on bad days).


You are so, so, wrong about this. ADHD has nothing to do with a son who would say this to his mother.

--mother of another 12 yr old with ADHD


And you are so, so wrong that your ADHD experience is universal.

In fact ADHD can absolutely be linked to anger, irritability, and outbursts. It sure is in my family. My father, a couple of brothers, and my own son. And yes, his impulsivity + anger, both of which are related to his ADHD, sometimes means he has outbursts saying things that would shock people like you.

Please don't minimize another mother's experience based simply on your own.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/anger-in-adhd-and-temper-reducing-tools-to-help/

https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/add-adhd/adhd-and-anger-what-you-need-to-know

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5409953/


It's irrelevant. Many things are linked to anger, irritability, etc, including many medications and mental disorders. You still don't get a pass for behaving that way. Nobody is shocked by it. But go ahead and give all the men in your life a free pass to treat you poorly. I'm sure you're rearing lovely people....


Who said anything about getting a pass? Please quote the exact phrase where I said my son gets a "pass" for his ADHD-related outbursts (and please define a "pass").

And no, I'm not rearing a lovely person. He's a hot mess and I worry about him non-stop. Thanks for asking, though. You sound lovely yourself. I guess owing to your own mother's fantastic rearing abilities? She obviously instilled a lot of empathy and compassion in you.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2018 08:46     Subject: Worst mother's day stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sick today and my twelve year old DS told me to "stop whining and bitching about it."

A lot of people think it's terrible that he would speak to me like that- but because I'm his mom, I know his ADHD makes him impulsive but not mean.

It hurt my feelings and of course I talked with him about being respectful. He balances out some nastiness with some exceptionally nice behavior- he used my phone to text back and forth with his elderly grandmother quite bit this morning (she loved it) and he paid attention to our needy, affectionate dog.

DH is on work travel- and family lives far away, so no fancy brunches, but that's okay.

Being a parent is kind of hard and complicated sometimes- especially when kids are in some rough patches of tween and teen. I love my DS and I think he's a blessing (even on bad days).


You are so, so, wrong about this. ADHD has nothing to do with a son who would say this to his mother.

--mother of another 12 yr old with ADHD


And you are so, so wrong that your ADHD experience is universal.

In fact ADHD can absolutely be linked to anger, irritability, and outbursts. It sure is in my family. My father, a couple of brothers, and my own son. And yes, his impulsivity + anger, both of which are related to his ADHD, sometimes means he has outbursts saying things that would shock people like you.

Please don't minimize another mother's experience based simply on your own.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/anger-in-adhd-and-temper-reducing-tools-to-help/

https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/add-adhd/adhd-and-anger-what-you-need-to-know

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5409953/


It's irrelevant. Many things are linked to anger, irritability, etc, including many medications and mental disorders. You still don't get a pass for behaving that way. Nobody is shocked by it. But go ahead and give all the men in your life a free pass to treat you poorly. I'm sure you're rearing lovely people....