Anonymous
Post 04/26/2018 14:47     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sooo, you have money that they want and clarity that they need. If SIL wasn't in the picture but they still needed help, would you give them money? If so, then I think you should call a family meeting (without SIL) and say respectfully look, you guys are hinting at desire for financial assistance. I love you dearly and I want you to be comfortable but I truly believe that SIL has a problem and giving her money directly or indirectly is bad for her and bad for us. You obviously feel differently. We have a difference of opinion and none of us are experts. If you are willing to join me in attending meetings for families of addicts or seeing a therapist to help us navigate this situation, I am open to loosening purse strings. Without outside intervention, however, I'm not budging, so please stop asking me.

OP here. I’m not liquidating the shares for anyone except my kids. And without that money, we can’t help anyone except our nuclear family.

OP I think this is a perfectly fine stance as the shares kind of sound like more of a nest age than something you need to pay the bills. I also think it is super gross that your ILs would expect you to support them and your SIL with money that you didn’t even come into during the marriage! Maybe you could just start referring to it as something specifically for your kids. So like when they make comments about the shares you could say something like “oh you don’t mean my kids college money/wedding money/grad school funds/etc do you?” Just to hammer home that it is not something that is up for grabs.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2018 14:45     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sooo, you have money that they want and clarity that they need. If SIL wasn't in the picture but they still needed help, would you give them money? If so, then I think you should call a family meeting (without SIL) and say respectfully look, you guys are hinting at desire for financial assistance. I love you dearly and I want you to be comfortable but I truly believe that SIL has a problem and giving her money directly or indirectly is bad for her and bad for us. You obviously feel differently. We have a difference of opinion and none of us are experts. If you are willing to join me in attending meetings for families of addicts or seeing a therapist to help us navigate this situation, I am open to loosening purse strings. Without outside intervention, however, I'm not budging, so please stop asking me.

OP here. I’m not liquidating the shares for anyone except my kids. And without that money, we can’t help anyone except our nuclear family.


You need to ensure that your husband is on the same page.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2018 14:39     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sooo, you have money that they want and clarity that they need. If SIL wasn't in the picture but they still needed help, would you give them money? If so, then I think you should call a family meeting (without SIL) and say respectfully look, you guys are hinting at desire for financial assistance. I love you dearly and I want you to be comfortable but I truly believe that SIL has a problem and giving her money directly or indirectly is bad for her and bad for us. You obviously feel differently. We have a difference of opinion and none of us are experts. If you are willing to join me in attending meetings for families of addicts or seeing a therapist to help us navigate this situation, I am open to loosening purse strings. Without outside intervention, however, I'm not budging, so please stop asking me.

OP here. I’m not liquidating the shares for anyone except my kids. And without that money, we can’t help anyone except our nuclear family.


I'd tell them that. Sounds like it doesn't actually have anything to do with SIL really. They are trying to get their hands on money you made and have set aside for your kids. Don't complicate things by making it about SIL with them.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2018 14:30     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:Sooo, you have money that they want and clarity that they need. If SIL wasn't in the picture but they still needed help, would you give them money? If so, then I think you should call a family meeting (without SIL) and say respectfully look, you guys are hinting at desire for financial assistance. I love you dearly and I want you to be comfortable but I truly believe that SIL has a problem and giving her money directly or indirectly is bad for her and bad for us. You obviously feel differently. We have a difference of opinion and none of us are experts. If you are willing to join me in attending meetings for families of addicts or seeing a therapist to help us navigate this situation, I am open to loosening purse strings. Without outside intervention, however, I'm not budging, so please stop asking me.

OP here. I’m not liquidating the shares for anyone except my kids. And without that money, we can’t help anyone except our nuclear family.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2018 14:15     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Sooo, you have money that they want and clarity that they need. If SIL wasn't in the picture but they still needed help, would you give them money? If so, then I think you should call a family meeting (without SIL) and say respectfully look, you guys are hinting at desire for financial assistance. I love you dearly and I want you to be comfortable but I truly believe that SIL has a problem and giving her money directly or indirectly is bad for her and bad for us. You obviously feel differently. We have a difference of opinion and none of us are experts. If you are willing to join me in attending meetings for families of addicts or seeing a therapist to help us navigate this situation, I am open to loosening purse strings. Without outside intervention, however, I'm not budging, so please stop asking me.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2018 13:29     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.


The lack of sympathy that you people show towards addicts is disgusting. And I'm not PP and I'm not an addict.


Agree. The overuse of the word "druggie" tells me everything I need to know about the ignorant people posting here.

Yea, addicts are real victims. Addiction just happens to people. It’s not as if you used drugs known to be addictive until you were, gasp, addicted or anything.


+1

All the enablers are triggered that someone used the word "druggie" to describe their precious snowflakes who are addicted. Oh noes. It can't be that they are responsible for their choices at all, oh no. Plus, if you place any responsibility on addicts, well, that might mean that these *parents* might be responsible for why their kids turned out to be druggies and losers, right? Can't have that.


LOL. I posted the "druggie" comment and have no children. It's just reminding me of the 80s and the ignorance back then that still exists today.
Anonymous
Post 04/26/2018 13:27     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.


The lack of sympathy that you people show towards addicts is disgusting. And I'm not PP and I'm not an addict.


Agree. The overuse of the word "druggie" tells me everything I need to know about the ignorant people posting here.

Yea, addicts are real victims. Addiction just happens to people. It’s not as if you used drugs known to be addictive until you were, gasp, addicted or anything.


Yeah, that's really simplifying the issue but maybe that's all you're capable of. Definitely keep judging people with problems, it'll totally make you feel better, or more superior at least.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2018 21:54     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Actually no. I’m a rare bird in that no one in my immediate family has addiction issues with alcohol or drugs. It sounds like you do, and I’m sorry for the pain it’s caused you and your family.

OP here. If this is so, then your unrealistic advice makes sense. Easy to advocate unfailing “compassion” for those who don’t deserve it when you’re not the one being taken advantage of for years.

Among SIL’s greatest hits are stealing from elderly relatives and getting so high at my wedding that a bunch of relatives had to set aside their participation to restrain and take care of her. She also stole her mother’s wedding ring and blamed the house cleaner, who got arrested for it. She is awful.


OP, you're missing the point. No one is saying your SIL isn't awful. However, YOU are the one who is currently struggling with this. So people are suggesting things YOU can do to help yourself. Understanding addiction is not condoning or even sometimes forgiving an addict for what they've done. It's helping you appreciate the situation in a way that makes it easier for YOU to deal with. Once you understand how addicts operate, you and your husband will be better equipped to protect the two of you from your SIL.


DP. Um, plenty of these enablers are saying exactly that. And I see you're back with your condescending, armchair psychoanalytic bull shit even though you don't even have personal experience with it.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2018 21:52     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.


The lack of sympathy that you people show towards addicts is disgusting. And I'm not PP and I'm not an addict.


Agree. The overuse of the word "druggie" tells me everything I need to know about the ignorant people posting here.

Yea, addicts are real victims. Addiction just happens to people. It’s not as if you used drugs known to be addictive until you were, gasp, addicted or anything.


+1

All the enablers are triggered that someone used the word "druggie" to describe their precious snowflakes who are addicted. Oh noes. It can't be that they are responsible for their choices at all, oh no. Plus, if you place any responsibility on addicts, well, that might mean that these *parents* might be responsible for why their kids turned out to be druggies and losers, right? Can't have that.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2018 21:50     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.


The lack of sympathy that you people show towards addicts is disgusting. And I'm not PP and I'm not an addict.


Agree. The overuse of the word "druggie" tells me everything I need to know about the ignorant people posting here.

Yea, addicts are real victims. Addiction just happens to people. It’s not as if you used drugs known to be addictive until you were, gasp, addicted or anything.



People have to be in a lot of pain to take drugs for escape. Nobody does drugs because they are happy, sane people. I am not excusing what they do, but it explains why they do it.


You are absolutely attempting to excuse what they do. And there are tons of drug users (heroin, pot, otherwise) who use it recreationally, just because. The fact that you ignore this tells me you're an idiot and in tremendous denial, probably for personal reasons.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2018 21:45     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have tons of sympathy for victims of the opioid crisis. But, enabling is not helping. Close your wallet and avoid these situations.

OP here - the majority of opioid addicts got the drugs from friends and relatives, not doctors. I am not even sure why they deserve sympathy for self-induced addictions. Reality is hard to deal with and some people choose the easy way out.


Yes, you are very correct OP: opioid addicts by and large get their drugs from friends and relatives. AND there are definite precursors to this that set folks up for addiction. From Scientific American:
“If we want to reduce opioid addiction, we have to target the real risk factors for it: child trauma, mental illness and unemployment. Two thirds of people with opioid addictions have had at least one severely traumatic childhood experience, and the greater your exposure to different types of trauma, the higher the risk becomes. We need to help abused, neglected and otherwise traumatized children before they turn to drugs for self-medicatation when they hit their teens.”

I would invite you to try to set aside some of your anger and judgment. No one wakes up and decides to be an addict. Your husband and his sister grew up in the same household, but each of them had their own experience. I would bet my paycheck that there was trauma of some kind. Each of us can react to trauma in our own, different way.
By no means am I saying that you should be supporting her financially. What I’m saying is that this is more complex than a lapse in character.
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/opioid-addiction-is-a-huge-problem-but-pain-prescriptions-are-not-the-cause/



Oh get over yourself. I'm sure some addicts had traumatic backgrounds but so many are overly-coddled, hedonistic over-grown children. Stop romanticizing these losers.


Neither one of you is right. Most opioid addicts were prescribed medications by licensed MDs and became addicted before they realized what was happening, then were supplied by other relatives until their habit got too large, then began doctor shopping and finally street drugs. The US still uses three X the opioids of any other first world nation. Once addicted there are very few solutions that work.


"Most?" Where is your source, or are you talking out of your rear end?

Not denying there are people who fit this description. They have my sympathy. I'm not sure why you decided to chime in.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2018 21:44     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.


The lack of sympathy that you people show towards addicts is disgusting. And I'm not PP and I'm not an addict.


Agree. The overuse of the word "druggie" tells me everything I need to know about the ignorant people posting here.

Yea, addicts are real victims. Addiction just happens to people. It’s not as if you used drugs known to be addictive until you were, gasp, addicted or anything.



People have to be in a lot of pain to take drugs for escape. Nobody does drugs because they are happy, sane people. I am not excusing what they do, but it explains why they do it.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2018 21:42     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.


The lack of sympathy that you people show towards addicts is disgusting. And I'm not PP and I'm not an addict.


Addicts, particularly those like OP's SIL, are disgusting. Or did you not read the thread? Get lost with your sanctimony.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2018 21:42     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
OP the parents are enablers. It's going to get rough as the parents age and become vulnerable and have prescription pain killers and need more care. It's going to be a sh*t storm.

Your family is not alone, there are millions of families suffering from the addicts they are related to.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2018 21:20     Subject: DH’s sister is an addict
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.


The lack of sympathy that you people show towards addicts is disgusting. And I'm not PP and I'm not an addict.


Agree. The overuse of the word "druggie" tells me everything I need to know about the ignorant people posting here.

Yea, addicts are real victims. Addiction just happens to people. It’s not as if you used drugs known to be addictive until you were, gasp, addicted or anything.