Anonymous
03/22/2018 09:32
Subject: Re:Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Anonymous wrote:Reality check:
your 4 year old is not a toddler but I assume a young child capable of communicating needs, bathroom trained, unlikely to eat Tide Pods etc,
your 13 year old stepdaughter is not incompetent and is, I assume, capable of using a phone, calling 911, etc.
While I would agree that it would be better if DH had let you know the plan first, this is a reasonable thing to do. We have left our kids at home for a couple years with their 13 year old cousin. He has a cell phone and knows what to do in emergencies.
Agree 100%.
What the OP shows is that she doesn't trust her 13 year old and doesn't think that DD is sufficiently attached to DS to properly care for him. OP needs to work on her relationship with her children - yes plural because unless DH sees through her and leaves, DD is her son's sibling and part of OP's family.
Anonymous
03/22/2018 09:28
Subject: Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Wait this is your current husband? You are nuts!
Anonymous
03/22/2018 09:25
Subject: Re:Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
The most telling thing here is that you are referring to a 4 yo as a toddler. I have a 4 yo. He can pretty much take care of himself, sick or not. He can take himself to the bathroom and ask if he needs something. I don’t see why a 13 yo or even a 11 yo could not take care of 4 yo unless there are special needs.
Anonymous
03/22/2018 09:25
Subject: Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Here is the post OP would have made if ex took kids with him:
"My ex dragged my sick toddler(4 year old) around for 3 hours while running errands!"
or,
"My ex fed my sick kid pizza that he ordered, and they watched TV all day long!"
To me, her ex sounds like quite a capable dad, who navigated well with three kids, did the errands, and all was good.
Resentment clouds OP's judgement.
"My ex dragged my sick toddler(4 year old) around for 3 hours while running errands!"
or,
"My ex fed my sick kid pizza that he ordered, and they watched TV all day long!"
To me, her ex sounds like quite a capable dad, who navigated well with three kids, did the errands, and all was good.
Resentment clouds OP's judgement.
Anonymous
03/22/2018 09:24
Subject: Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Overreaction.
Anonymous
03/22/2018 09:17
Subject: Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to those who gave constructive advice. To the others..I posted for a reality check and I guess I'm getting one.
I love my step daughter very much and the fact that she has never baby sat before (yes I know she hasn't we have discussed it), is in a cast, and visits infrequently doesn't change that. I don't think she should have been put in this situation either and I highly doubt she wanted to.
I suppose my thinking is that a minimum, my husband should have discussed this with me as I would have done with him. I still don't think someone in a cast, especially one who is a kid herself, is fully able to care for a sick but highly active child.
Since she just turned 13 last week, and my son just turned 4 the week before, yes I guess I consider them both pretty young.
Stop with the age nonsense. A three year old is not a toddler either. I have a just turned 13 yo boy. Cast or not , ill preschooler or not, you are way out of line.
Anonymous
03/22/2018 09:09
Subject: Re:Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Reality check:
your 4 year old is not a toddler but I assume a young child capable of communicating needs, bathroom trained, unlikely to eat Tide Pods etc,
your 13 year old stepdaughter is not incompetent and is, I assume, capable of using a phone, calling 911, etc.
While I would agree that it would be better if DH had let you know the plan first, this is a reasonable thing to do. We have left our kids at home for a couple years with their 13 year old cousin. He has a cell phone and knows what to do in emergencies.
your 4 year old is not a toddler but I assume a young child capable of communicating needs, bathroom trained, unlikely to eat Tide Pods etc,
your 13 year old stepdaughter is not incompetent and is, I assume, capable of using a phone, calling 911, etc.
While I would agree that it would be better if DH had let you know the plan first, this is a reasonable thing to do. We have left our kids at home for a couple years with their 13 year old cousin. He has a cell phone and knows what to do in emergencies.
Anonymous
03/22/2018 08:15
Subject: Re:Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Another thing to watch is making sure you are not declaring you are furious with his choice in front of, or in earshot of the children. Should you choose to do that, then you are doing far more damage to your family then what you were furious with him about.
Anonymous
03/22/2018 00:50
Subject: Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
are you a helicopter parent?
My parents left my siblings and I alonene as needed and we turned out fine. I know I was home alone with my infant sister at age 11 for sure, 12-13 with my infant cousin.
Everyone is fine, happy, well-adjusted
Think you’re a overreacting
My parents left my siblings and I alonene as needed and we turned out fine. I know I was home alone with my infant sister at age 11 for sure, 12-13 with my infant cousin.
Everyone is fine, happy, well-adjusted
Think you’re a overreacting
Anonymous
03/21/2018 21:18
Subject: Re:Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Have you apologized yet to both your husband and step daughter?
Nothing like telling the man you married you do not trust his judgement, or his daughter.
Nothing like telling the man you married you do not trust his judgement, or his daughter.
Anonymous
03/21/2018 21:06
Subject: Re:Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Oh, my sweet dear OP.
So much is wrong with your post.
Can we just agree to drop this topic and never mention it to DH again?
This is for your own benefit or else your now 4yo might end up babysitting for your DH's kids with his next wife.
Better yet maybe you can apologize and offer him a nice back massage complete with a happy ending to makeup for your earlier unreasonable behavior.
So much is wrong with your post.
Can we just agree to drop this topic and never mention it to DH again?
This is for your own benefit or else your now 4yo might end up babysitting for your DH's kids with his next wife.
Better yet maybe you can apologize and offer him a nice back massage complete with a happy ending to makeup for your earlier unreasonable behavior.
Anonymous
03/21/2018 20:47
Subject: Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
OP you should print this whole thread out and show it to your husband and see if he still wants to be married to you.
Anonymous
03/21/2018 20:38
Subject: Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
I had a toddler with two broken legs, on crutches with not one but two boots, had my second kid while they were still healing so yes, in the delivery room too and so then had a toddler and a newborn with two broken legs.
You deal. Your 13 year old step daughter is probably tougher and smarter than you think. Unless she’s in traction or had surgery on her leg recently, she can babysit if she wants too. My sister is a stepmother and my BIL has an agreement with his first daughter (my step niece I guess) that he will not ask her to babysit for free my sister’s much younger kids. Unless your DHbhas a similar agreement with his older DD, what’s the problem? Check yourself.
You deal. Your 13 year old step daughter is probably tougher and smarter than you think. Unless she’s in traction or had surgery on her leg recently, she can babysit if she wants too. My sister is a stepmother and my BIL has an agreement with his first daughter (my step niece I guess) that he will not ask her to babysit for free my sister’s much younger kids. Unless your DHbhas a similar agreement with his older DD, what’s the problem? Check yourself.
Anonymous
03/21/2018 20:29
Subject: Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
Another vote for you're overreacting. I babysat the neighbors' kids at 12. It's not hard. She is your child's sibling and he's 4 years old, not a helpless newborn.
Anonymous
03/21/2018 20:24
Subject: Re:Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
I can see where a conversation about whether or not teen is ready for babysitting would have been appropriate, but I'm having a hard time understanding why you are "furious" about this, OP.
I'm curious to understand why you say you never would've agreed to having your 13 year old step daughter watch your four year old for a few hours when 13 is an appropriate age to watch a younger sibling, especially a 4 year old. If your child was sick, wouldn't he just be sleeping, resting or watching tv? Would you rather your DH drove him around to pick up other kid and run other errands even though he wasn't feeling well?
I'm curious to understand why you say you never would've agreed to having your 13 year old step daughter watch your four year old for a few hours when 13 is an appropriate age to watch a younger sibling, especially a 4 year old. If your child was sick, wouldn't he just be sleeping, resting or watching tv? Would you rather your DH drove him around to pick up other kid and run other errands even though he wasn't feeling well?