Anonymous wrote:
Something like that happened to a friend of mine. But he took the high road--didn't tell the children that his exDW had cut him off from sex for the previous 5 years, among other things. So they all blamed dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Something like that happened to a friend of mine. But he took the high road--didn't tell the children that his exDW had cut him off from sex for the previous 5 years, among other things. So they all blamed dad.

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Anonymous wrote:Ok.... My husband left me and the kids. Walked out the door for his mistress. He told me he regrets it. He doesn't cry himself to sleep every night (I don't think), he made peace (to some degree?) with the fact he pretty much f-ed up his life. We are friends.

Another story from a woman. I wonder what he would tell me if I met him in a bar.

You do realize that the story he tells you at the bar may not be the truth either, right? Most people don't like to admit when they have made a mistake, so they put on a happy front.

My ex told me on numerous occasions that he felt like our divorce was a mistake and that he wanted to get back together-- he cheated and he filed for the divorce. He never got back on his feet after the divorce (we had a 50/50 split so there was no child support) and he died from heart disease exactly two years after we split. He was only 44 at the time of his death.

I thrived after the divorce and would have never gone back to him.

Same thing with my SIL. Her husband stupidly left her at age 50 for another woman. The other woman was broke having gone through bankruptcy and a divorce with her husband. I don't think SIL's husband researched her. Nasty divorce. He wanted the new tart and the home that was paid off. Judge gave her the home since she had the kids, and took less of the retirement. Home really appreciated. He and the new woman almost had to start over. Not a good age to do that. The OW ended up dying of a heart valve problem, and he died 3 years after that. He also tried to get back with SIL, but she refused his calls. Never talked to him after the divorce. He wasn't even invited to the sons wedding.

A lot of people don't factor in health problems, or changes in the job market etc. There's a reason 2nd marriages fail at a greater rate.

Wow, your SIL did a fantastic job alienating the children so that they didn't even invite their own father to the wedding.

lol He was grown fyi. The ex cheater alienated many by his actions.

So kids unlearn the alienation when they turn 18?

Why didn't he win their affection while he was married to their mother?

Having to "win affection" isn't normal. Children typically love both parents unless the child has been alienated. The alienation process starts long before divorce, and can be the cause of divorce.

Or, quite possibly, the kids were traumatized by their father leaving for the OW and trying to take the house they grew up in, so they didn't want anything to do with him. You make it sound like the parent can do whatever and the kids will still love him or her but that's not the case.

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Anonymous wrote:Ok.... My husband left me and the kids. Walked out the door for his mistress. He told me he regrets it. He doesn't cry himself to sleep every night (I don't think), he made peace (to some degree?) with the fact he pretty much f-ed up his life. We are friends.

Another story from a woman. I wonder what he would tell me if I met him in a bar.

You do realize that the story he tells you at the bar may not be the truth either, right? Most people don't like to admit when they have made a mistake, so they put on a happy front.

My ex told me on numerous occasions that he felt like our divorce was a mistake and that he wanted to get back together-- he cheated and he filed for the divorce. He never got back on his feet after the divorce (we had a 50/50 split so there was no child support) and he died from heart disease exactly two years after we split. He was only 44 at the time of his death.

I thrived after the divorce and would have never gone back to him.

Same thing with my SIL. Her husband stupidly left her at age 50 for another woman. The other woman was broke having gone through bankruptcy and a divorce with her husband. I don't think SIL's husband researched her. Nasty divorce. He wanted the new tart and the home that was paid off. Judge gave her the home since she had the kids, and took less of the retirement. Home really appreciated. He and the new woman almost had to start over. Not a good age to do that. The OW ended up dying of a heart valve problem, and he died 3 years after that. He also tried to get back with SIL, but she refused his calls. Never talked to him after the divorce. He wasn't even invited to the sons wedding.

A lot of people don't factor in health problems, or changes in the job market etc. There's a reason 2nd marriages fail at a greater rate.

Wow, your SIL did a fantastic job alienating the children so that they didn't even invite their own father to the wedding.

lol He was grown fyi. The ex cheater alienated many by his actions.

So kids unlearn the alienation when they turn 18?

Why didn't he win their affection while he was married to their mother?

Having to "win affection" isn't normal. Children typically love both parents unless the child has been alienated. The alienation process starts long before divorce, and can be the cause of divorce.

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Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a societal construct, not a romantic one. Its purpose is to accumulate shared assets and raise children. When you exit this contract, you incur costs in the assets and children line items. Again, not sure why you find it so objectionable to see this fact spelled out.

Make sure you point this out to all the women in the world who think they should get all the money and full custody of the children.

The same way men think they get all the retirement just because it's from their employment.

In the end doesn't matter what someone "thinks" because a judge will decide. If it were up to men they wouldn't ever support their kids, why we have judges! To ensure kids are supported.

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Anonymous wrote:Ok.... My husband left me and the kids. Walked out the door for his mistress. He told me he regrets it. He doesn't cry himself to sleep every night (I don't think), he made peace (to some degree?) with the fact he pretty much f-ed up his life. We are friends.

Another story from a woman. I wonder what he would tell me if I met him in a bar.

You do realize that the story he tells you at the bar may not be the truth either, right? Most people don't like to admit when they have made a mistake, so they put on a happy front.

My ex told me on numerous occasions that he felt like our divorce was a mistake and that he wanted to get back together-- he cheated and he filed for the divorce. He never got back on his feet after the divorce (we had a 50/50 split so there was no child support) and he died from heart disease exactly two years after we split. He was only 44 at the time of his death.

I thrived after the divorce and would have never gone back to him.

Same thing with my SIL. Her husband stupidly left her at age 50 for another woman. The other woman was broke having gone through bankruptcy and a divorce with her husband. I don't think SIL's husband researched her. Nasty divorce. He wanted the new tart and the home that was paid off. Judge gave her the home since she had the kids, and took less of the retirement. Home really appreciated. He and the new woman almost had to start over. Not a good age to do that. The OW ended up dying of a heart valve problem, and he died 3 years after that. He also tried to get back with SIL, but she refused his calls. Never talked to him after the divorce. He wasn't even invited to the sons wedding.

A lot of people don't factor in health problems, or changes in the job market etc. There's a reason 2nd marriages fail at a greater rate.

Wow, your SIL did a fantastic job alienating the children so that they didn't even invite their own father to the wedding.

lol He was grown fyi. The ex cheater alienated many by his actions.

So kids unlearn the alienation when they turn 18?

Why didn't he win their affection while he was married to their mother?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading through this thread, it's not the men who are bitter, but the women. The women on DCUM think they are somehow God's gift to men - perfect bodies that can wear yoga pants (that's the white women anyway), have multiple degrees or are partners in law firms and are the best moms on the face of the planet and any many that would divorce such a woman is obviously a loser.

Sorry to break it to you ladies, but if you can't be a loving and respectful wife to your husband, he will leave. No man (or woman for that matter) needs to spend their life with someone who makes them miserable.

Hard to imagine anybody divorcing this gem. Hard to know what’s worse: the blatant racism, misogyny, or the narcissism that leads him to think he doesn’t have any flaws and it’s always the women who are flawed. Submit, ladies, and be “loving and respectful” no matter how abusive/cheating/lazy your DH is.

Totally gross.

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Anonymous wrote:Statistically, men who divorce end up with women identical to or similar to the women they married in the first place. They repeat the same issues over and over because they refuse to do the work to address their own issues or understand why they are drawn to certain women.

Statistically, men who divorce end up with second wives who are on average 8 years younger.

and likely the same or identical in personality to the first wife - which is why most second marriages end in divorce.

No, not in my experience. All my divorced male friends who remarried are with the exact opposite (looks, and personality) from their exes. One of those friends is getting close to his 25th anniversary with wife #2, and one is at his 15th anniversary with wife #2. 100 percent of these friends report relationship #2 is night-and-day better.

Speaking just for myself, it has amazed me how kind my girlfriend is. She is the exact opposite from my ex-wife. My new love never has a tantrum, never gaslights, never does guilt trips, never calls me names, never uses sex as a weapon, never nags, and she makes as much as me and owns her own house and investment property. Plus she is younger and thinner than the ex and has family money.

I think I'm going to write a book about divorced men, their miserable lives with their shrews, and their happily ever after lives after divorce.

I suggest you title your book "How I'm Right and Statistics on Second Marriage Success are Total Lies."

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Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a societal construct, not a romantic one. Its purpose is to accumulate shared assets and raise children. When you exit this contract, you incur costs in the assets and children line items. Again, not sure why you find it so objectionable to see this fact spelled out.

Make sure you point this out to all the women in the world who think they should get all the money and full custody of the children.

The same way men think they get all the retirement just because it's from their employment.

In the end doesn't matter what someone "thinks" because a judge will decide. If it were up to men they wouldn't ever support their kids, why we have judges! To ensure kids are supported.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a societal construct, not a romantic one. Its purpose is to accumulate shared assets and raise children. When you exit this contract, you incur costs in the assets and children line items. Again, not sure why you find it so objectionable to see this fact spelled out.

Make sure you point this out to all the women in the world who think they should get all the money and full custody of the children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a societal construct, not a romantic one. Its purpose is to accumulate shared assets and raise children. When you exit this contract, you incur costs in the assets and children line items. Again, not sure why you find it so objectionable to see this fact spelled out.

Make sure you point this out to all the women in the world who think they should get all the money and full custody of the children.

Anonymous wrote:Statistically, women are much more likely than men to initiate divorces.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/08/150822154900.htm