Anonymous
Post 03/02/2018 08:16     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 years old and want to get a breast lift. I'm very unhappy with my appearance and feel unattractive, and am having trouble enjoying being intimate with DH because of it. DH is very opposed to the idea of my getting this surgery done. He agrees that there's an issue with sagging, but doesn't think its a big deal. He is also very concerned about something going wrong during the surgery - we have two kids and his view is that it would be selfish to undergo elective surgery for cosmetic reasons when there is a chance (albeit small) of something going wrong. He also thinks it would make more sense to use the money for something the family could all enjoy together, like an international vacation.

Am I being really selfish by wanting to do this? I can't imagine living the next 20 plus years feeling this unattractive, and I don't think I am going to be able to just move past this feeling on my own without having this done.


I had a breast lift, because I lost a massive amount of weight. You do realize that you will have scars, up the middle of each breast, under your breasts & up the sides of each breast? Your breasts may look"perky" but when nude, depending on how you scar and the doctor's ability, scarring could be quite noticeable and not too attractive. You will not only have the expense for the surgery, but you will have to take off from work, you can not lift anything for weeks, and you could have a complication, like a seroma or opening. I would rethink this if you only want a breast lift because of natural, children/age related changes.


So beCause you were overweight it’s ok for you to do it, it because she had kids and might be older is not? Why? A few scars (some of which are usually hidden) are much better than sagging breasts. Also every plastic surgery leaves scars, but people do them anyway which means that the results are an improvement from status quo


NO you fool. And for the record, I was not overweight, I was morbidly obese. I was older AND had kids. But the point I was making, you fool, is that even though I did it because it was actually was a necessity (massive amount of loose skin, not just sagging, I was a 48 I before losing the weight), it is not something to take lightly. The expense is actually a very minor part. And yes, every surgery does leave scars, however, with many surgeries, scars can be hidden easily. A scar going from your nipple down to the breast crease is not easily hidden. The scar for a breast lift may NOT be worth less sagging. The recovery is NOT like a Botox injection!

Why does a fool like you comment, when you have no idea what you are taking about?
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2018 08:14     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 years old and want to get a breast lift. I'm very unhappy with my appearance and feel unattractive, and am having trouble enjoying being intimate with DH because of it. DH is very opposed to the idea of my getting this surgery done. He agrees that there's an issue with sagging, but doesn't think its a big deal. He is also very concerned about something going wrong during the surgery - we have two kids and his view is that it would be selfish to undergo elective surgery for cosmetic reasons when there is a chance (albeit small) of something going wrong. He also thinks it would make more sense to use the money for something the family could all enjoy together, like an international vacation.

Am I being really selfish by wanting to do this? I can't imagine living the next 20 plus years feeling this unattractive, and I don't think I am going to be able to just move past this feeling on my own without having this done.


I had a breast lift, because I lost a massive amount of weight. You do realize that you will have scars, up the middle of each breast, under your breasts & up the sides of each breast? Your breasts may look"perky" but when nude, depending on how you scar and the doctor's ability, scarring could be quite noticeable and not too attractive. You will not only have the expense for the surgery, but you will have to take off from work, you can not lift anything for weeks, and you could have a complication, like a seroma or opening. I would rethink this if you only want a breast lift because of natural, children/age related changes.


So beCause you were overweight it’s ok for you to do it, it because she had kids and might be older is not? Why? A few scars (some of which are usually hidden) are much better than sagging breasts. Also every plastic surgery leaves scars, but people do them anyway which means that the results are an improvement from status quo

It sounds like she regrets the decision and was unaware that the scarring would be as obvious as it is.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2018 08:08     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Would your husband be willing to at least have a consult with a plastic surgeon so that he and you both could get a better idea of what the surgery involves, the anesthesia, the risks and the potential for complications? Ask to see the doctor's before and after pictures, and see if you think the results (given the scarring) would be worth it for you. You don't have to make any decision, and your husband might still be opposed, but at least you would be more educated about the procedure. I don't think you are being selfish at all, and I don't think your husband's concerns are not legitimate. It's a tough position to be in because you are both right but perhaps sitting down with a reputable and trustworthy physician will help you both come to a mutual decision.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2018 07:56     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am 33 and getting Botox and fillers somewhat regularly. When time comes I will be happy to intervene with more invasive procedures. I am lucky to not need boob job, nose job or tummy tuck (maybe after baby number 3???) I feel better (I look really good from what friends and family say), my husband is really happy and proud and my kids are proud to have such a pretty mom. Win-win for everyone!

Also, I come from a family where looking good is important (men and women) so I value it a lot.

What would happen if someone had an accident and was horribly scared for life even with surgery? I think we all want to look good, but a family valuing looking good seems superficial, and a therapy waiting to happen.


I am the PO you are responding to. I don’t think we are superficial, but we definitely donMt need therapy. None in my family ever did (compared to DCUM where every bad day people WASTE money on therapy). Everyone in my family is happy, successful, with great marriages and happy kids. I think a bit self indulgence helps a lot in life. People should try it before resurrecting to therapy. I am lucky, i know, but I would not hesitate improving myself (inside and out)


Looks like some of that self-indulgence money would have been better spent on a decent education.


Ahahah I have a PhD. Envious much?


Nope. No PhD writes like you do. Junior college degree, maybe.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2018 07:37     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 years old and want to get a breast lift. I'm very unhappy with my appearance and feel unattractive, and am having trouble enjoying being intimate with DH because of it. DH is very opposed to the idea of my getting this surgery done. He agrees that there's an issue with sagging, but doesn't think its a big deal. He is also very concerned about something going wrong during the surgery - we have two kids and his view is that it would be selfish to undergo elective surgery for cosmetic reasons when there is a chance (albeit small) of something going wrong. He also thinks it would make more sense to use the money for something the family could all enjoy together, like an international vacation.

Am I being really selfish by wanting to do this? I can't imagine living the next 20 plus years feeling this unattractive, and I don't think I am going to be able to just move past this feeling on my own without having this done.


And that is a breast lift for two of you to enjoy.
Do it )))
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2018 07:31     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, you're not being selfish. If it's truly that important to you, your husband should be supportive. Men don't understand the impact having babies has on women.


+1. Stop sleeping with him. Say you feel totally uninterested because of your body image. I bet he'll give in.

Not a good idea at all
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2018 07:26     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 years old and want to get a breast lift. I'm very unhappy with my appearance and feel unattractive, and am having trouble enjoying being intimate with DH because of it. DH is very opposed to the idea of my getting this surgery done. He agrees that there's an issue with sagging, but doesn't think its a big deal. He is also very concerned about something going wrong during the surgery - we have two kids and his view is that it would be selfish to undergo elective surgery for cosmetic reasons when there is a chance (albeit small) of something going wrong. He also thinks it would make more sense to use the money for something the family could all enjoy together, like an international vacation.

Am I being really selfish by wanting to do this? I can't imagine living the next 20 plus years feeling this unattractive, and I don't think I am going to be able to just move past this feeling on my own without having this done.


I had a breast lift, because I lost a massive amount of weight. You do realize that you will have scars, up the middle of each breast, under your breasts & up the sides of each breast? Your breasts may look"perky" but when nude, depending on how you scar and the doctor's ability, scarring could be quite noticeable and not too attractive. You will not only have the expense for the surgery, but you will have to take off from work, you can not lift anything for weeks, and you could have a complication, like a seroma or opening. I would rethink this if you only want a breast lift because of natural, children/age related changes.


So beCause you were overweight it’s ok for you to do it, it because she had kids and might be older is not? Why? A few scars (some of which are usually hidden) are much better than sagging breasts. Also every plastic surgery leaves scars, but people do them anyway which means that the results are an improvement from status quo
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2018 07:21     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am 33 and getting Botox and fillers somewhat regularly. When time comes I will be happy to intervene with more invasive procedures. I am lucky to not need boob job, nose job or tummy tuck (maybe after baby number 3???) I feel better (I look really good from what friends and family say), my husband is really happy and proud and my kids are proud to have such a pretty mom. Win-win for everyone!

Also, I come from a family where looking good is important (men and women) so I value it a lot.

What would happen if someone had an accident and was horribly scared for life even with surgery? I think we all want to look good, but a family valuing looking good seems superficial, and a therapy waiting to happen.


You act like valuing beauty automatically rules out valuing ANYTHING else.

Oh, *I* am acting like valuing beauty rules out valuing anything else, and not that PP who posted how her family values looking good? Okaaaay.


Yes. That PP didn't say her family values nothing else, and you're acting as if she did.


Th k you! We are all doctors, lawyers and PhDs so we clearly we value other things I think it’s great to feel good about the way you look and very important
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2018 07:08     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 years old and want to get a breast lift. I'm very unhappy with my appearance and feel unattractive, and am having trouble enjoying being intimate with DH because of it. DH is very opposed to the idea of my getting this surgery done. He agrees that there's an issue with sagging, but doesn't think its a big deal. He is also very concerned about something going wrong during the surgery - we have two kids and his view is that it would be selfish to undergo elective surgery for cosmetic reasons when there is a chance (albeit small) of something going wrong. He also thinks it would make more sense to use the money for something the family could all enjoy together, like an international vacation.

Am I being really selfish by wanting to do this? I can't imagine living the next 20 plus years feeling this unattractive, and I don't think I am going to be able to just move past this feeling on my own without having this done.


I had a breast lift, because I lost a massive amount of weight. You do realize that you will have scars, up the middle of each breast, under your breasts & up the sides of each breast? Your breasts may look"perky" but when nude, depending on how you scar and the doctor's ability, scarring could be quite noticeable and not too attractive. You will not only have the expense for the surgery, but you will have to take off from work, you can not lift anything for weeks, and you could have a complication, like a seroma or opening. I would rethink this if you only want a breast lift because of natural, children/age related changes.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2018 23:52     Subject: Re:Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:
You have every right to feel good about yourself


If your husband lusts after you, and if you look pretty good for your age, then not feeling good about your appearance is a little strange. Maybe therapy?


Yes by all means, let's make the husband's opinion of her body our yardstick. It doesn't matter what the woman thinks. She is just there to be looked at.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2018 23:51     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am 33 and getting Botox and fillers somewhat regularly. When time comes I will be happy to intervene with more invasive procedures. I am lucky to not need boob job, nose job or tummy tuck (maybe after baby number 3???) I feel better (I look really good from what friends and family say), my husband is really happy and proud and my kids are proud to have such a pretty mom. Win-win for everyone!

Also, I come from a family where looking good is important (men and women) so I value it a lot.

What would happen if someone had an accident and was horribly scared for life even with surgery? I think we all want to look good, but a family valuing looking good seems superficial, and a therapy waiting to happen.


You act like valuing beauty automatically rules out valuing ANYTHING else.

Oh, *I* am acting like valuing beauty rules out valuing anything else, and not that PP who posted how her family values looking good? Okaaaay.


Yes. That PP didn't say her family values nothing else, and you're acting as if she did.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2018 23:08     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've told my DW that I'll gladly pay for implants if she wants them, but those are mine. If you leave me, they come out. The next guy does not get to enjoy what I paid for. Let him buy his own.


That's psychotic that you view your wife as a piece of property. Let me guess, #MAGA right?


Of course he is joking. If she leaves him do you think he will pay for another surgery to get the implants removed. Why are people so aggressive and nasty ion these boards


NP - my abusive ex husband listed my tummy tuck as a marital asset.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2018 22:39     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:Let's say you went ahead and had the surgery and there were serious complications. Could you deal with your DH blaming you and being unsympathetic and angry for the rest of your life? If yes, then go ahead.


He would be a horrible husband and OP would likely divorce someone that does not care about her and her wellbeing... what a stupid comment
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2018 22:38     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Anonymous wrote:Gosh I really miss my saggy, deflated, downward pointing boobs. These perfectly sized perky squeezable 34C’s are just horrible.
What was I thinking.


Ahahah I am sure your husband wants to divorce you right because he does not find you attractive anymore
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2018 22:37     Subject: Disagreement with DH about breast lift
Let's say you went ahead and had the surgery and there were serious complications. Could you deal with your DH blaming you and being unsympathetic and angry for the rest of your life? If yes, then go ahead.