Anonymous
02/21/2018 14:03
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Time for an open marriage here, too poor to divorce, deadweight spouse so where do I start?
Anonymous
02/21/2018 14:02
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?
Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.
OMG this is HYSTERICAL. Please, tell us more.
Married man here. Believe her: this one knows what's she is talking about.
Yep. I second that. It's true.
Married woman here. Married men express interest, with varying degrees of directness, at least a couple of times per month. About two months ago I met a man out walking my dog in my neighborhood. He said hello and introduced himself. He was wearing a sweatshirt from my alma mater. I observed I went there, completely without agenda. We chatted briefly. Our lines of work came up. Two days later he emails-- he'd found my work bio on line and wanted to say hello and hoped he runs into me, maybe coffee next time. He had a wedding band and was probably within a block of his home when he first chatted me up.
Married. Men. Do. This.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 13:58
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?
Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.
OMG this is HYSTERICAL. Please, tell us more.
Married man here. Believe her: this one knows what's she is talking about.
Yep. I second that. It's true.
Married woman here. Married men express interest in me on a regular basis. I'd say at least two per month. I dress nicely but not provocatively, I'm in great physical shape, and I tend to smile and make eye contact.
I'd never cheated until about a year ago, when I entered an affair with a married man. Interestingly, since that began I get propositioned about twice as often as before. The fact that I'm a sexual being probably shows in my posture. And to the snarky people on here who will say yeah, they can tell I spread my legs or something, nice try. It's just that men like sexually healthy women and respond to us.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 13:48
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?
Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.
OMG this is HYSTERICAL. Please, tell us more.
Married man here. Believe her: this one knows what's she is talking about.
Yep. I second that. It's true.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 13:35
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?
Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.
OMG this is HYSTERICAL. Please, tell us more.
Married man here. Believe her: this one knows what's she is talking about.
That and a friendly smile.
I can confirm x 100
Sincerely,
Man Who Had A LOT of Fun With Married Women In My Single Days
Anonymous
02/21/2018 13:21
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?
Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.
OMG this is HYSTERICAL. Please, tell us more.
Married man here. Believe her: this one knows what's she is talking about.
That and a friendly smile.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 13:20
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
I don't know how people can say this without stopping to consider that monogamy for people is not biologically normal, not just males. Reading here has shown me that monogamy for women is more difficult. Women get bored with their partners quicker, more turns them off. Novelty turns everybody on, but women especially need it. The sexual gatekeeper in most relationships is the woman ... (not all, stop wetting yourself) ... when men want/need sex they are actually ... (in general!) ... quite happy and satisfied to get regular sex from their partner. Women, on the other hand, can have a willing and able partner and are only aroused by a new lover.
Socially, we are totally programmed to think that women don't want sex, that monogamy is what women want and that men suffer it. But men actually do better with monogamy provided they are getting regular sex.
Also, saying 80% of men cheat is ridiculous. Way too high.
Did you read the second sentence of the comment you replied to? I DID stop to consider that monogamy isn't normal for all people. I specifically said I have only slept with men and therefore have no direct experience with the sexual habits of women to base my opinions on.
You make a good point but it's not a valid response to mine when I did exactly what you're complaining that I didn't do.
No you didn't. You wrote this:
Anonymous wrote:Most men cheat. I'd guess 80% at least. Maybe most people cheat but since I only sleep with men, I can't speak to what women do.
I'm a 40 year old single female and for the last decade I have had way more opportunities to sleep with married men than unmarried men.
Monogamy for males is not biologically normal, it's a judeo-christian construct.
All the women who think their partner would never cheat blah blah are simply naive. Men cheat all the time and most women will never know about it.
You say nothing about monogamy for females. Not sure where the disconnect is. But I'm not reading what you thought you wrote.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 13:13
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?
Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.
OMG this is HYSTERICAL. Please, tell us more.
Married man here. Believe her: this one knows what's she is talking about.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 13:03
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?
Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.
OMG this is HYSTERICAL. Please, tell us more.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 12:58
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?
Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 12:51
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:For many cheaters, it’s not really about sex. The number of people you see, especially on here, who don’t really like their spouses is astonishing. But then they have kids, a mortgage, whatever. So one day they come across someone they actually like - the person they should have held out for if only they had known. So they make stupid decisions, or in some cases it is the least bad option on the table. I have seen people with kids and batsh*t crazy spouses with whom the person doesn’t want to leave their kids alone with, which would happen if they divorce, because it’s really hard to get sole custody, especially for men.
Life just isn’t that absolute, and people make do the best they can. And for some of you who cannot see shades of gray in life also don’t see that maybe that rigidity you have is what your spouse wasn’t able to deal with.
The bottom line is, I'd rather have an affair than punish my kids for my husband's giving up on work, sex, self-care, therapy, ADHD meds, and social interactions.
What divorce would do to my kids:
--lose their house
--lose their neighborhood and possibly school
--at least 3 days/week with the parent who forgets to buy groceries, sleeps past school wake-up, refuses to clean the house
--at least 3 days/week without the parent who listens to their problems, guides them to stay on track with chores and homework, and makes sure they get nutritious food
--living in two crappy apartments
--finally find out the depths to which their dad has sunk, when I'm no longer trying to smooth it over and participate in his BS story that he's a consultant
What my affair does to my spouse:
--while he's got his face in his computer ignoring the rest of us, I am in a hotel for a few hours instead of at tennis, where I used to be
--the person with whom he stopped having sex is no longer pleading him to find a way toward intimacy again
--the person with whom he stopped having sex is no longer cranky every single day about my sexless life
--the person with whom he stopped having sex, whom he unilaterally forced to be a breadwinner, who has been gently covering for him so he doesn't feel quite as ashamed when with friends no longer resents him so much she can barely stand to be in a room with him
--he is at risk, if he wakes up and does anything about his life after years of being supported, loved, asked to please re-commit to therapy
--probably mean that when the kids are out of the house, his stay in the Wife Hotel will come to an end
--hurt him if he finds out
At the end of the day, I can punish my kids for my spouse's unilateral, intractable, long-standing abandonment of his responsibilities (no way); accede to my spouse's unilateral decision that I be denied sex and intimacy for the rest of his life (no way); or discretely find the love and intimacy I actually deserve, as the one person who makes sure my entire family has the life they would have had if my husband wasn't such a selfish person, if he didn't think that he needed to man up and be an adult.
So I chose option C and I don't honestly care whether some people think it would be better to destroy my kids' lives or sacrifice my own for the truly bad actor in this family.
You get an A+ at rationalization pp
Actually, it's brilliant. Puts the RATIONAL in rationalize, if you ask me.
So which would you do-- ruin your kids' lives or go the redt of your own life without sex?
False dichotomy
No, it isn't.
Spouse won't have sex. Kids want two parents and a home and their school district.
Choose.
Kids not getting what they want isn't ruining their lives.
It is a complete false dichotomy. You are the breadwinner PP right? DH is unemployed? And you would be seeking custody. Why on earth would you need to downsize? You're paying for everything already. DH would just have to work to pay for a place. You're already living where you're living on your salary.
But even if that wasn't true it is still not the end of the world. Yes this will be difficult on your kids, but your relationship is broken and this is the cost of a broken relationship. If you cheat and they find out that will eff them up way worse than a relatively low drama divorce now.
And even if you did think that your kids being in this school district or whatever was literally the most important thing in their lives you could always choose option c. Stick it out with DH until they graduate high school then divorce and have a lot of sex which is hardly, 'no sex for the rest of your life.'
Literally everything you write is draped in unnecessary hyperbole and drama. Methinks the cheater doth protest too much.
Lawyer here.
It's true they would lose the house. Unless both divorcing spouses agree otherwise, the court will order the family home sold and the proceeds split. Generally 50/50 equity split unless one spouse owned the house first, in which case they would calculate the increase in equity during the marriage and divide it.
If the home were sold (which the now-ex can make happen), it's not necessarily true that the other spouse could afford a comparable one-- or even afford to buy out the ex's share. This is because although the wife might be able to make the mortgage on her income (and we don't know if they're racking up credit cards), she might not be able to secure that size mortgage on her income-- particularly if they used two incomes to qualify.
The spouse being left has no income. He would probably be able to secure *some* spousal support for a brief period, much as an SAHM would. As the lower-earning spouse once he gets a job, he could request and be granted child support for the portion of the children's upkeep for which he's responsible. This is standard with two working parents one of whom earns less.
Your statement that the wife would go for custody also reflects ignorance. The default is currently joint custody. Not necessarily 50/50, but joint legal and generally joint custodial. The exceptions are very narrow-- an abusive or neglectful parent or one who has an addiction or significant mental health problems (beyond depression).
So the 95% likeliest scenario here is that the house is sold, it's by no means certain that they can get another in the same district depending upon whether rentals exist there, and that at least for a period of time the OP will be contributing toward the ex's upkeep.
Your subjective opinion that kids would rather lose their home and have to go back and forth between two homes or apartments than face the possibility that a spouse is cheating is speculative at best. But your statements about what would happen as a practical matter are dead flat wrong under the law of every state and the District.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 08:59
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:
No, they want to sleep with you because you present yourself as a cheap, easy slut. A piece of meat.
It’s who you are. Embrace it.
Actually they want to sleep with me because I have a vagina. Not much else required when a man wants sex outside of his marriage.
Men who want to cheat can do it without finding the cheap, easy sluts. Your comment sounds like a typical woman scorned who blames the other woman instead of her cheating husband.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 08:55
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:
I don't know how people can say this without stopping to consider that monogamy for people is not biologically normal, not just males. Reading here has shown me that monogamy for women is more difficult. Women get bored with their partners quicker, more turns them off. Novelty turns everybody on, but women especially need it. The sexual gatekeeper in most relationships is the woman ... (not all, stop wetting yourself) ... when men want/need sex they are actually ... (in general!) ... quite happy and satisfied to get regular sex from their partner. Women, on the other hand, can have a willing and able partner and are only aroused by a new lover.
Socially, we are totally programmed to think that women don't want sex, that monogamy is what women want and that men suffer it. But men actually do better with monogamy provided they are getting regular sex.
Also, saying 80% of men cheat is ridiculous. Way too high.
Did you read the second sentence of the comment you replied to? I DID stop to consider that monogamy isn't normal for all people. I specifically said I have only slept with men and therefore have no direct experience with the sexual habits of women to base my opinions on.
You make a good point but it's not a valid response to mine when I did exactly what you're complaining that I didn't do.
Anonymous
02/21/2018 08:48
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:
Hello. Tone it down. No need to project your personal problems on somebody else. PP didn't say she sleeps with married men, and even she does, MYOB.
Thank you! Basic reading comprehension is a lost skill apparently...
Anonymous
02/21/2018 06:39
Subject: The amount of affairs on here
Anonymous wrote:The saddest part is that when cheaters get around children, especially their own (when, say a cheater wife is rewarded for her infidelities with custody of marital children AND child support) and they try to teach morals and ethics to them. It’s angers me to think this happens.
What would you rather they do, not teach kids morals at all? People go their own way but yes, they should at least be taught what right looks like and it doesn't matter if the person teaching them is imperfect. It only skates into hypocritical territory when they add a layer of judgement and shame to the teachings.