Anonymous
Post 12/04/2017 15:44     Subject: Re:This is shade, right?
Anonymous wrote:OP - I am probably as old as your old fogey. I work primarily with men. I once saw a young woman in my office wearing cute but not work appropriate wear. I invited her to coffee and offered her free unsolicited advice that she should dress more professionally to keep all her options open. No idea if there is a dress code and if she was violating the code or not. But I knew based on my many years of experience how she was being (consciously or subconsciously) perceived by some. She might have been offended - I don’t know. But she did come back some months later and ask me to be a mentor. She’s wonderful and is going to run rings around people like me someday. Your old biddy might have been a bitch but it didn’t mean she had nothing to offer.


This happened to me at my first job out of college. I was young, clueless, broke, and wearing my college wardrobe. My boss took me out to lunch and kindly suggested that I check my shirts since some were wayyyyy too... ventilated.

I was so embarrassed. It was awful. I so badly wanted to do well at this, my first job, and I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t noticed how... ventilated... some of my tops were. I wasn’t trying to be super-sexy - I just hadn’t thought about it, being a doofus.

Anyway, it was horrible, and I’m grateful. It’s a mistake I’ve never made since. Thanks to the older women who have the uncomfortable conversations with us young doofuses.

P.S. I work in IT.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 19:58     Subject: Re:This is shade, right?
OP - I am probably as old as your old fogey. I work primarily with men. I once saw a young woman in my office wearing cute but not work appropriate wear. I invited her to coffee and offered her free unsolicited advice that she should dress more professionally to keep all her options open. No idea if there is a dress code and if she was violating the code or not. But I knew based on my many years of experience how she was being (consciously or subconsciously) perceived by some. She might have been offended - I don’t know. But she did come back some months later and ask me to be a mentor. She’s wonderful and is going to run rings around people like me someday. Your old biddy might have been a bitch but it didn’t mean she had nothing to offer.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 19:23     Subject: Re:This is shade, right?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First, ripped jeans are not appropriate professional office attire ever (vs. working in retail selling ripped jeans, in which case go for it).

Second, why are you listening to a podcast on your nano during work hours? Is it work-related?



really have to wonder what position she holds and what agency this is that allows that.


I totally missed the nano reference.
At first I thought OP must be in her early 20s but there's no way 20 year olds are using an ipod nano...

I'm going to guess she's an admin.


I love how people on this board love to hate on the admins. I'm an admin and had to teach several of the associates in my firm how to dress properly.


Personally, I thought she was in IT.
There's no way I would criticize an IT person. I depend on them too much.


But would any IT person worth their salt be using a nano?


Actually the person I know who still uses them works in some office for the Navy that can't have their cell phones with them once they get into a specific part of her office- basically she told me she can't have her phone at her desk, something about having a camera? So she has a super OG nano.

As for having ear buds in- I don't know, my office gets very loud, I do a lot of writing, sometimes I have to have them in or things take forever. I listened to Dirty John in 2 days and cranked out an incredible amount of work because I wasn't hearing the distractions- but its also not a typical office, its part of a mental health center.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 15:48     Subject: This is shade, right?
You could probably dress more professionally and she could probably act more professionally.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 15:20     Subject: This is shade, right?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So lemme ask all you this:

Let's say you and I are both in the elevator coming back from lunch. You recognize me as working in the same office, but we don't know each other. You're still enjoying a few minutes between eating and going back to your desk, where you have a big girl job and aren't working for me or anything.

I turn to you and say, "Why are you wearing that ugly outfit today? Don't you have any pride?"

What is your response? You feel obligated to get into a long and pleasant conversation with me after that? You pretend it didn't happen? What do you do?


Not the same. She was commenting on the appropriateness of your outfit, not whether it was aesthetically pleasing. I see that you think you're *winning* some kind of private war with this woman -- she's uptight, she's a biddy, she's a bitch, you're young, you're *cute,* you're *stylish,* etc. -- but you are startlingly unprofessional in both behavior and dress. It might not get you fired but it will keep you from moving up in your career.


I want to know if this is the same OP who supposedly wore club outfits to her high-powered Biglaw job and got the HR on her side after people told her it was inappropriate.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 15:20     Subject: This is shade, right?
Anonymous wrote:So lemme ask all you this:

Let's say you and I are both in the elevator coming back from lunch. You recognize me as working in the same office, but we don't know each other. You're still enjoying a few minutes between eating and going back to your desk, where you have a big girl job and aren't working for me or anything.

I turn to you and say, "Why are you wearing that ugly outfit today? Don't you have any pride?"

What is your response? You feel obligated to get into a long and pleasant conversation with me after that? You pretend it didn't happen? What do you do?


I say "I'm sorry, I must have misheard you." I'm happy to get into it politely, if need be. But to completely ignore is rude as you know what.

Of course, I have been with my agency long enough, and am high up enough in the managerial chain, that most people know me and wouldn't say something like that. (Also, most people I work with are polite and wouldn't say something like that.)
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 14:54     Subject: Re:This is shade, right?
They say to dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

Where I work, people put effort into their attire, and try to make a good impression. You can be stylish and casual, while still looking good.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 14:30     Subject: Re:This is shade, right?
Is it me or does this poster sound similar to one over the summer who was wearing (really low-cut/short/tight) outfits to work and offended she was getting push-back on it?

Dress codes tend to be the MINIMUM that's required in the office. Personally when I was in office jobs I tried to go above that because I wanted to be taken seriously. No matter how cute your ripped jeans, they are still torn clothing, which may be dress code fine but will give an impression (right or wrong) about how seriously you take yourself and your job. Also it makes you seem very very young. Don't get me wrong, I don't go in for dowdy clothes at all but ripped jeans and fuzzy boots at work don't say, "I'm cute and quirky and fun" they say "I have a teen mindset."
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 14:09     Subject: This is shade, right?


are you a low level web designer with no plans to advance?ok maybe you dressed fine.



were the uggs? then go ahead and quit your job
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 13:38     Subject: This is shade, right?
Anonymous wrote:I suppose I'm old-fashioned, but I don't think "knee holes" are appropriate office wear.


Don't forget the fuzzy boots.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 13:05     Subject: This is shade, right?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So lemme ask all you this:

Let's say you and I are both in the elevator coming back from lunch. You recognize me as working in the same office, but we don't know each other. You're still enjoying a few minutes between eating and going back to your desk, where you have a big girl job and aren't working for me or anything.

I turn to you and say, "Why are you wearing that ugly outfit today? Don't you have any pride?"

What is your response? You feel obligated to get into a long and pleasant conversation with me after that? You pretend it didn't happen? What do you do?


Not the same. She was commenting on the appropriateness of your outfit, not whether it was aesthetically pleasing. I see that you think you're *winning* some kind of private war with this woman -- she's uptight, she's a biddy, she's a bitch, you're young, you're *cute,* you're *stylish,* etc. -- but you are startlingly unprofessional in both behavior and dress. It might not get you fired but it will keep you from moving up in your career.


I am neither young nor especially stylish - I also think it is utterly inappropriate for someone who isn't OP's supervisor or friend to comment on her appearance.


Sure. You've never given a younger associate a tip that that flip-flops are too casual for the office, that ripped jeans are against office policy? You see younger coworkers in violation of the dress code and rather than let them know, you just walk by? How appropriate of you.


I would only do that if I were a person's supervisor - if they were my intern or something like that. Or if they were, like, a summer associate and I knew that they were basically auditioning for a job. If they worked with me, and we were equals? F*ck no - it's not my place.

Moreover, by OP's account, that isn't what happened. This was not some well-meaning older person taking a younger employee under her wing. This was some passive aggressive bullsh*t.

I do not know why I care about this so much. It just bugs me.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 12:54     Subject: This is shade, right?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So lemme ask all you this:

Let's say you and I are both in the elevator coming back from lunch. You recognize me as working in the same office, but we don't know each other. You're still enjoying a few minutes between eating and going back to your desk, where you have a big girl job and aren't working for me or anything.

I turn to you and say, "Why are you wearing that ugly outfit today? Don't you have any pride?"

What is your response? You feel obligated to get into a long and pleasant conversation with me after that? You pretend it didn't happen? What do you do?


Not the same. She was commenting on the appropriateness of your outfit, not whether it was aesthetically pleasing. I see that you think you're *winning* some kind of private war with this woman -- she's uptight, she's a biddy, she's a bitch, you're young, you're *cute,* you're *stylish,* etc. -- but you are startlingly unprofessional in both behavior and dress. It might not get you fired but it will keep you from moving up in your career.


I am neither young nor especially stylish - I also think it is utterly inappropriate for someone who isn't OP's supervisor or friend to comment on her appearance.


Sure. You've never given a younger associate a tip that that flip-flops are too casual for the office, that ripped jeans are against office policy? You see younger coworkers in violation of the dress code and rather than let them know, you just walk by? How appropriate of you.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 12:38     Subject: This is shade, right?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So lemme ask all you this:

Let's say you and I are both in the elevator coming back from lunch. You recognize me as working in the same office, but we don't know each other. You're still enjoying a few minutes between eating and going back to your desk, where you have a big girl job and aren't working for me or anything.

I turn to you and say, "Why are you wearing that ugly outfit today? Don't you have any pride?"

What is your response? You feel obligated to get into a long and pleasant conversation with me after that? You pretend it didn't happen? What do you do?


Not the same. She was commenting on the appropriateness of your outfit, not whether it was aesthetically pleasing. I see that you think you're *winning* some kind of private war with this woman -- she's uptight, she's a biddy, she's a bitch, you're young, you're *cute,* you're *stylish,* etc. -- but you are startlingly unprofessional in both behavior and dress. It might not get you fired but it will keep you from moving up in your career.


I am neither young nor especially stylish - I also think it is utterly inappropriate for someone who isn't OP's supervisor or friend to comment on her appearance.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 12:33     Subject: This is shade, right?
Anonymous wrote:So lemme ask all you this:

Let's say you and I are both in the elevator coming back from lunch. You recognize me as working in the same office, but we don't know each other. You're still enjoying a few minutes between eating and going back to your desk, where you have a big girl job and aren't working for me or anything.

I turn to you and say, "Why are you wearing that ugly outfit today? Don't you have any pride?"

What is your response? You feel obligated to get into a long and pleasant conversation with me after that? You pretend it didn't happen? What do you do?


Not the same. She was commenting on the appropriateness of your outfit, not whether it was aesthetically pleasing. I see that you think you're *winning* some kind of private war with this woman -- she's uptight, she's a biddy, she's a bitch, you're young, you're *cute,* you're *stylish,* etc. -- but you are startlingly unprofessional in both behavior and dress. It might not get you fired but it will keep you from moving up in your career.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2017 12:30     Subject: This is shade, right?
So lemme ask all you this:

Let's say you and I are both in the elevator coming back from lunch. You recognize me as working in the same office, but we don't know each other. You're still enjoying a few minutes between eating and going back to your desk, where you have a big girl job and aren't working for me or anything.

I turn to you and say, "Why are you wearing that ugly outfit today? Don't you have any pride?"

What is your response? You feel obligated to get into a long and pleasant conversation with me after that? You pretend it didn't happen? What do you do?