Anonymous wrote:There are no winners in my scenario. Ex did not get what she wanted. I have to pay her about 400K over 10 years (which might be a lump sum payment of 300K, that may be an option). I will giver her 150K for a quit claim dead, but I have the house.

My DD has her life torn apart...She was horrified when she realized EX was moving into a 1 br appt with a man, she understood what that means.

The Dog is moping around looking for ex.

The weird thing is I am told that I am now desirable. I do not feel that way. I feel like I was steam rolled.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the H of OP. Went back and since people seem to be curious as to what happened, it has been a most interesting week.

My (now) Ex decided NOT to take the house. Instead she packed up her stuff and moved to be with her lover. We have an agreement in principle, but it needs to be formalized and signed, and it is in my favor.

I buy her out of the house. DD stays with me. I pay her alimony (28% of my gross, or 48K/yr for 10 years. She gets 1/2 the 401K (I could have separated the premarital value and subsequent growth, but it would not be that much). Oh, and she has to pay me child support. (700/mo, so I will pay her 3300 instead of 4K/mo).

The big change was the one condition I put on her living in/getting the house: I did not want her AP to be in the house when DD was present. And, I printed the thread and showed it to my Lawyer. She (my Lawyer) showed it to W's lawyer who then dropped all demands.

We sign the paperwork after thanksgiving.

BTW, DD is horrified by her mother's behavior.

THREE CHEERS FOR H of OP!! You kicked ass!

Because paying someone who cheated on you 28% of your gross income is winning.

No, this sucks, but at least he's done with it. Now he just has to live with watching his money pay for his ex's vacations with man lover.

Because he did what he had to do to safeguard his daughter and get away from a horrible person. Even came out ahead.

A) He got rid of the cheating cow
B) She's no longer getting a fully-paid off 600K house
C) It is now quite clear who is at fault in this divorce btwn the partners and the DD knows what an awful woman her mother is
D) He kept the rights to inheritances
E) Plus custody rights (look who's paying child support)

Personally I wouldn't want to pay her a red cent but that's not legal, so at least he's done with it, cashing in on 10x what he's giving her, and he stills getting his normal paycheck + what's left of the retirement account.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the H of OP. Went back and since people seem to be curious as to what happened, it has been a most interesting week.

My (now) Ex decided NOT to take the house. Instead she packed up her stuff and moved to be with her lover. We have an agreement in principle, but it needs to be formalized and signed, and it is in my favor.

I buy her out of the house. DD stays with me. I pay her alimony (28% of my gross, or 48K/yr for 10 years. She gets 1/2 the 401K (I could have separated the premarital value and subsequent growth, but it would not be that much). Oh, and she has to pay me child support. (700/mo, so I will pay her 3300 instead of 4K/mo).

The big change was the one condition I put on her living in/getting the house: I did not want her AP to be in the house when DD was present. And, I printed the thread and showed it to my Lawyer. She (my Lawyer) showed it to W's lawyer who then dropped all demands.

We sign the paperwork after thanksgiving.

BTW, DD is horrified by her mother's behavior.

Why does she know about it? You guys both sound nutso and perfect for each other. I bet your lawyers love all of the business you're giving them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the H of OP. Went back and since people seem to be curious as to what happened, it has been a most interesting week.

My (now) Ex decided NOT to take the house. Instead she packed up her stuff and moved to be with her lover. We have an agreement in principle, but it needs to be formalized and signed, and it is in my favor.

I buy her out of the house. DD stays with me. I pay her alimony (28% of my gross, or 48K/yr for 10 years. She gets 1/2 the 401K (I could have separated the premarital value and subsequent growth, but it would not be that much). Oh, and she has to pay me child support. (700/mo, so I will pay her 3300 instead of 4K/mo).

The big change was the one condition I put on her living in/getting the house: I did not want her AP to be in the house when DD was present. And, I printed the thread and showed it to my Lawyer. She (my Lawyer) showed it to W's lawyer who then dropped all demands.

We sign the paperwork after thanksgiving.

BTW, DD is horrified by her mother's behavior.

THREE CHEERS FOR H of OP!! You kicked ass!

Because paying someone who cheated on you 28% of your gross income is winning.

No, this sucks, but at least he's done with it. Now he just has to live with watching his money pay for his ex's vacations with man lover.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the H of OP. Went back and since people seem to be curious as to what happened, it has been a most interesting week.

My (now) Ex decided NOT to take the house. Instead she packed up her stuff and moved to be with her lover. We have an agreement in principle, but it needs to be formalized and signed, and it is in my favor.

I buy her out of the house. DD stays with me. I pay her alimony (28% of my gross, or 48K/yr for 10 years. She gets 1/2 the 401K (I could have separated the premarital value and subsequent growth, but it would not be that much). Oh, and she has to pay me child support. (700/mo, so I will pay her 3300 instead of 4K/mo).

The big change was the one condition I put on her living in/getting the house: I did not want her AP to be in the house when DD was present. And, I printed the thread and showed it to my Lawyer. She (my Lawyer) showed it to W's lawyer who then dropped all demands.

We sign the paperwork after thanksgiving.

BTW, DD is horrified by her mother's behavior.

THREE CHEERS FOR H of OP!! You kicked ass!

Anonymous wrote:I am the H of OP. Went back and since people seem to be curious as to what happened, it has been a most interesting week.

My (now) Ex decided NOT to take the house. Instead she packed up her stuff and moved to be with her lover. We have an agreement in principle, but it needs to be formalized and signed, and it is in my favor.

I buy her out of the house. DD stays with me. I pay her alimony (28% of my gross, or 48K/yr for 10 years. She gets 1/2 the 401K (I could have separated the premarital value and subsequent growth, but it would not be that much). Oh, and she has to pay me child support. (700/mo, so I will pay her 3300 instead of 4K/mo).

The big change was the one condition I put on her living in/getting the house: I did not want her AP to be in the house when DD was present. And, I printed the thread and showed it to my Lawyer. She (my Lawyer) showed it to W's lawyer who then dropped all demands.

We sign the paperwork after thanksgiving.

BTW, DD is horrified by her mother's behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the H of OP. Went back and since people seem to be curious as to what happened, it has been a most interesting week.

My (now) Ex decided NOT to take the house. Instead she packed up her stuff and moved to be with her lover. We have an agreement in principle, but it needs to be formalized and signed, and it is in my favor.

I buy her out of the house. DD stays with me. I pay her alimony (28% of my gross, or 48K/yr for 10 years. She gets 1/2 the 401K (I could have separated the premarital value and subsequent growth, but it would not be that much). Oh, and she has to pay me child support. (700/mo, so I will pay her 3300 instead of 4K/mo).

The big change was the one condition I put on her living in/getting the house: I did not want her AP to be in the house when DD was present. And, I printed the thread and showed it to my Lawyer. She (my Lawyer) showed it to W's lawyer who then dropped all demands.

We sign the paperwork after thanksgiving.

BTW, DD is horrified by her mother's behavior.

I thought there is no alimony in VA if there is infidelity by the person who wants alimony? Or is this just something you decided to give her? Seems like a lot for someone who ran out on your marriage.

Anonymous wrote:I am the H of OP. Went back and since people seem to be curious as to what happened, it has been a most interesting week.

My (now) Ex decided NOT to take the house. Instead she packed up her stuff and moved to be with her lover. We have an agreement in principle, but it needs to be formalized and signed, and it is in my favor.

I buy her out of the house. DD stays with me. I pay her alimony (28% of my gross, or 48K/yr for 10 years. She gets 1/2 the 401K (I could have separated the premarital value and subsequent growth, but it would not be that much). Oh, and she has to pay me child support. (700/mo, so I will pay her 3300 instead of 4K/mo).

The big change was the one condition I put on her living in/getting the house: I did not want her AP to be in the house when DD was present. And, I printed the thread and showed it to my Lawyer. She (my Lawyer) showed it to W's lawyer who then dropped all demands.

We sign the paperwork after thanksgiving.

BTW, DD is horrified by her mother's behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe inheritances should be shared. DH and I are a team!! We share,

Spoken like someone who has never inherited anything. My spouse and I are happily marrried, and I share my annual distributions but my trust is protected in the event of dovorce. The idea of him cheating on me then assuming that he has the right to the money that my Mom slaved away to amass and protect makes me sick.

NP here - Don't assume that those who want to share have never inherited anything. I shared my inheritance. I handle all of our finances, and I definitely agree with the sentiment that DH and I are a team and we share.

I think that most married people think they are a team and share. However it's just a fact that a large percentage of marriages fail. No way in hell is anyone who cheated on me taking the money that was entrusted to me.

It's the law. Inheritances which are not commingled are separate property, not marital assets. If you left money for your children, would you want the divorced son or daughter-in-law to get half of everything you worked for? They have their own parents to leave them an inheritance, should they be so fortunate.

Yes, I hope my kids share what I leave them. Their spouse should share too.

Anonymous wrote:I am the H of OP. Went back and since people seem to be curious as to what happened, it has been a most interesting week.

My (now) Ex decided NOT to take the house. Instead she packed up her stuff and moved to be with her lover. We have an agreement in principle, but it needs to be formalized and signed, and it is in my favor.

I buy her out of the house. DD stays with me. I pay her alimony (28% of my gross, or 48K/yr for 10 years. She gets 1/2 the 401K (I could have separated the premarital value and subsequent growth, but it would not be that much). Oh, and she has to pay me child support. (700/mo, so I will pay her 3300 instead of 4K/mo).

The big change was the one condition I put on her living in/getting the house: I did not want her AP to be in the house when DD was present. And, I printed the thread and showed it to my Lawyer. She (my Lawyer) showed it to W's lawyer who then dropped all demands.

We sign the paperwork after thanksgiving.

BTW, DD is horrified by her mother's behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I am the H of OP. Went back and since people seem to be curious as to what happened, it has been a most interesting week.

My (now) Ex decided NOT to take the house. Instead she packed up her stuff and moved to be with her lover. We have an agreement in principle, but it needs to be formalized and signed, and it is in my favor.

I buy her out of the house. DD stays with me. I pay her alimony (28% of my gross, or 48K/yr for 10 years. She gets 1/2 the 401K (I could have separated the premarital value and subsequent growth, but it would not be that much). Oh, and she has to pay me child support. (700/mo, so I will pay her 3300 instead of 4K/mo).

The big change was the one condition I put on her living in/getting the house: I did not want her AP to be in the house when DD was present. And, I printed the thread and showed it to my Lawyer. She (my Lawyer) showed it to W's lawyer who then dropped all demands.

We sign the paperwork after thanksgiving.

BTW, DD is horrified by her mother's behavior.