Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JD is a terminal degree. Just saying.

So then What is an LLM?

A hustle to extract fools from their money.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you interfering in your adult married son's career and marriage?

THIS.

My in laws are like you. My husband is 35 and old enough to make his own decisions. Your son is too. He's not your baby anymore, stop treating him like one. Ladies like you are why DILs hate their MILs. Back the fuck off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here! to clarify he will very reinburst by his employer as long as he passes the bar so the financial strain is only temporary. I love the frozen meal idea, DIL is very complementary of my cooking so I think this is a good avenue. I also like the grocery giftcard idea, I can just leave that on the kitchen counter and not say anything. It's my culture (and DIL) to play a very involved role and divorce would never be an option for anyone. This is why I want to make things comfortable and release some tension.

Pay for a weekly cleaning woman if at all possible. This would be even better than meals, for me at least.

if my mother in law paid for a cleaning lady for my house, I would punch her in the face.

Then you have some serious issues, PP. Seriously. Take a deep breath and calm down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here! to clarify he will very reinburst by his employer as long as he passes the bar so the financial strain is only temporary. I love the frozen meal idea, DIL is very complementary of my cooking so I think this is a good avenue. I also like the grocery giftcard idea, I can just leave that on the kitchen counter and not say anything. It's my culture (and DIL) to play a very involved role and divorce would never be an option for anyone. This is why I want to make things comfortable and release some tension.

Pay for a weekly cleaning woman if at all possible. This would be even better than meals, for me at least.

if my mother in law paid for a cleaning lady for my house, I would punch her in the face.

I would kiss my MIL's feet. Or, in this situation, might regain enough sanity to not divorce OP's son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here! to clarify he will very reinburst by his employer as long as he passes the bar so the financial strain is only temporary. I love the frozen meal idea, DIL is very complementary of my cooking so I think this is a good avenue. I also like the grocery giftcard idea, I can just leave that on the kitchen counter and not say anything. It's my culture (and DIL) to play a very involved role and divorce would never be an option for anyone. This is why I want to make things comfortable and release some tension.

Pay for a weekly cleaning woman if at all possible. This would be even better than meals, for me at least.

if my mother in law paid for a cleaning lady for my house, I would punch her in the face.

If she OFFERED, I would either politely accept or decline. If she just up and did it? Yeah. Face punch.

You were ashamed of him for not having a law degree, you better place that shame directly on yourself when contrary to all your cultural norms, his wife leaves him.

back off, lady. don't tell your son or DIL how to run their lives. offer to help if you want to and they need it. genuinely help.

So let's see:
* OP encouraged her son to get a JD in an era where if I had a teenage daughter whose boyfriend were in law school (or wanted to go to law school), I'd tell her "YOU'LL NEVER EAT!" (same as was once told by aspiring actors/actresses.)
* I won't join in the chorus of "ZOMG he had a kid at 24!!!one!!!" Guy had a job, a wife, and was perfectly fine to have a kid at that age.
* Son, on the basis of advice from OP (who probably thinks all lawyers make bank because well they did 30 years ago), and on the basis of phantom promises from his job (none of which have ever been put into writing), agrees.
* DIL decided on her own during the middle of law school (and having a harder go of it) to (1) have a second kid and (2) ZOMG this is so hard I must stay home now.
* To be fair, this may have been a decision made by DIL acting petualantly in the hopes of either her husband quitting law school or deciding to let her stay at home. Now if DIL is fine with living in a TH, the Kennedy HS zone, or in Frederick, and can make the sacrifices accordingly, more power to her. But it does seem a huge percentage of the women who unilaterally decide to stay at home seem to want everything they had pre-SAH, but they get to SAH. Or they want so much wining and dining because it's SO HARD that DH has to work two jobs to keep up with all the need for vacations and date nights.
* To be even more fair, DIL may have objected strenuously before her husband went to law school or expressed objections early on in the law school experience when it wouldn't be 50k down the drain to quit, all of which were just ignored. She may have also announced "hey, I'd like a second kid and to stay at home" but was ignored then too. Or, she might've inwardly seethed but not wanted to be seen as "going against her husband's DREAMZ" and so said yes but the moment anything went the least bit wrong, started complaining. I will say young women see especially prone to this sort of behavior and it really doesn't do anyone any favors. Damn wider culture.
* After a few pages of earnest advice, OP declares, "Oh, but we're from a different culture!" and thus invalidates everything said up to that point. We're in America now. Your DIL can run over to the courthouse tomorrow and file for divorce. Honor killings aren't allowed here (to be fair, those are seen even in Pakistan as the sort of thing their version of inbred West Virginia hillbillies do, but are sort of tolerated the way most Whites -- including myself -- tolerate the ignorance coming from inbred West Virginia hillbillies. But never fear, non-Whites tolerate their own dumbasses in much the same way, so it's all even, I guess.) But, said culture is unknown, so we don't know whether to give advice germane to South Asians, South Americans, or South Africans.

I say, let her quit her job and provide a "loan" if they are not able to make ends meet.

Anonymous wrote:I'm struck by the number of posts on DCUM that lay out a weird situation, then, when the posts respond that it's a weird situation, the OP responds that "we're from a different country and that's normal in our culture, so we're not going to change that." If you're from a different culture, I don't think it makes sense for you to seek advice from a generally American-born audience unless you're open to the way that the situation is typically handled within the American culture.

I mean, I get it if your post is "We're not from the U.S., but my DIL is, and I'd like some help in understanding her expectations." But if your response is just going to be "Oh, well, our culture is different, so none of your advice applies to us..." -- then maybe you should post on a message board that is based in your country of origin or specific to your culture and maybe they'd give you some advice or sympathy that you could use.

This comment is not particular to OP, but I feel like 15-25% of all the "family relationships" posts (and also a lot of the general parenting and relationship posts) boil down to this sort of problem.

I remember asking once "why not name your culture?" (in the thoughts that someone from that culture might come up with appropriate ways of dealing with a problem) and was told I was a racist for even asking that.

OP, if your DIL is resistant to your help, like the PP above who would punch you if you hired a cleaning lady for her, see if you can work it out with your son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here! to clarify he will very reinburst by his employer as long as he passes the bar so the financial strain is only temporary. I love the frozen meal idea, DIL is very complementary of my cooking so I think this is a good avenue. I also like the grocery giftcard idea, I can just leave that on the kitchen counter and not say anything. It's my culture (and DIL) to play a very involved role and divorce would never be an option for anyone. This is why I want to make things comfortable and release some tension.

Pay for a weekly cleaning woman if at all possible. This would be even better than meals, for me at least.

if my mother in law paid for a cleaning lady for my house, I would punch her in the face.

Anonymous wrote:JD is a terminal degree. Just saying.

what the he
l is a terminal degree? i have two masters and never heard that term,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm still trying to figure out why someone would have a kid at 24....

Because they want to be young and healthy enough to enjoy their children, don't want to fight nature's clock and don't want to be a 45-50 year old with an infant or have their teenager be responsible for elder care and taking care of their senior citizen parent.

Then don't go back to school. See how easy it is? Make your choices and live with their consequences. And for crying out loud, stop whining and blaming your parents for everything.

So basically, mom and dad need to save face in their community by being able to say that their son has a JD, because their friends' kids have X,y or z fancy degree.

I have a JD, and PPs are right-- unless your DS is at a top 5-10 program (which he is not if there is night school) and is willing to come out as a junior associate and continue to work until at least 10 every night, plus weekends, this will never pay off. His employer will never reimburse if it is not in writing. And I am struggling to think of a job that does not require a JD, but promotes to a JD.

You put your needs and wants above your son ( who presumably comes from an honor your parents culture). And his wife will divorce his a**.

As others have said, BACK OFF